Jump to content

if only

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    136

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by if only

  1. if only
    Thats what im worried about that would mean another 2 years of this I know each day will get easier and it has but I cant deal with him loving another person. I also know I could split them up very easily if I wanted to as some stuff went on with us when they had been together for a couple of months. I know she is a very jealous person. (it was a one of occasion) It is very tempting to ruin it for him but that would make me feel like I was just as bad as him. He wont even reply to anything I send to him anymore he just ignores it. I have only tried contacting him 2 times in the past 4 months nice quick e-mails like how are you? but he just ignores it. I feel like I have cheated on him and he dumped me because of it and is ignoring me now. But nothing like this happened, he split with me we weren't arguing didn't have fights and I could even go as far to say it was quite a friendly break up I started NC straight away after we had exchanged our stuff, I didn't do any begging or crazy stuff I just thought if it is meant to be it will and I guess it wasn't. How when someone says they are so in love with you (and even after the break he told me he loved me loads he just wanted to be single) can they just ignore you? I know we will bump into each other shortly we have mutual friends so I really cant understand why he would want to just ignore me. I keep thinking about sending him an e-mail asking to meet up as I want to clear the air or even just my thoughts on the subject but I just don't think this will help with my recovery.
  2. if only
    just realised we have been split for 5 months today I thought I was dealing with it and handeling it well but then I realised that he now must have been with his new GF for nearly 5 months (we were together for 5yrs and it took him a week to meet someone new) which means he must be falling in love with her. I can deal with them being together as I thought he was using her to get over me but the thought he must be falling in love with her so soon after our break hurts like hell. I cant deal with that just yet im hurting soooo much right now and almost feel just as bad as when we first split. I really thought I was over him too i'm scared im going to be one of those people who it takes years to get over there loss and I dont want to be like that life is soooo unfair!!!
  3. if only
    Thanks this is great but I live in the UK
  4. if only
    I have been suffering with this since I cant remember probably about 10 years. I know im stupid, hurting myself etc and its not like I haven't tried to stop, I just can't. I don't do it every day just when I binge, sometimes I can go a week without doing it but it still comes back. I told my ex when we were together and it helped, he encouraged me to see the doctor and I have admitted to him I have a problem but he didn't really understand and just said why do you do it? and tried to prescribe me antidepressants but I truthfully don't think it is down to depression in my case now it is more of a habit. I know im not over weight or under weight but when I was younger I was slightly bigger and it is stuck in my head because of a few childish remarks that I can never be slim. Well the doctor said he would write to a specialist and I agreed at this time I had the support of my now ex BF. Well I never heard anything from him. I phoned and spoke to him a month later and he said someone would be in touch but they never did. In the end I went back a year later and he asked how I was doing and I just didn't want to talk about it anymore and said yes I was fine I had stopped. Well at the beginning of this year I decided enough was enough and I did stop for 3 months I used a few techniques that were on the internet and with the support of my ex I was fine I was soooo happy. Then boom my ex dumps me out of the blue and I have ended up back to square one and this time it is uncontrollable I binge every day and I don't know why sometimes I am really happy when I do it and I think it is just boredom. I don't want to go back to the doctors and I don't feel I trust anyone else enough to understand what I am doing. I wont tell my family as I know they would blame them selves and I don't want that. But what can I do? Has anyone else on this site suffer from this & who can help me get through it without medical help?
  5. if only
    I used to be exactly the same as you when I was 15 I was so quiet around boys and then one day something just clicked and I thought to myself do I really care what they think? if they like me they will like me for who I am if not they are not worth my time. I tried it with a few strangers when I was on a train to my grand parents and you know what I met some great people!!! and they were just the same as me, so easy to talk to. When I come back I slowly started talking more with groups of friends (both male & female) I then started dating and having fun with boys like I would with my girl friends. I am now 23 and have loads of friends both male & female and I never find problems with my words. When I tell them I used to be shy they cant even imagine it!! You just have to remember they are facing the same as you and with time it becomes easier. Just try slowly talking a bit more and you will be pleasantly surprised don't forget to smile !!! eventually it will become second nature. Good luck
  6. if only
    JT - why did you split from your GF? and whilst you were with the new girl did you still think about her/regret the end? see this is what I dont get he actually split from me to be single!! then he finds someone else... I hope it does bite him in the bum!!! I understand what you mean I was very tempted to be with someone new when we first broke up but I suppose I hung on for a while waiting to see if he would come back. It would have been easier as they fulfill the time that you would spent thinking of them. When I realised he wasnt coming back it had been about a month and I didnt feel the need to have someone in my life so I havent rushed things. Still it hurts to think he has forgotten me and is now in love with her.
  7. if only
    Do you know the only thing that bothers me about this is I did feel pity for him and I didnt hate him i thought I had got past this stage, hate just makes me feel so angry and sad as i am usually such a happy person. I had got past the hate thing and then for some reason when I realised we had been split for 4 months it meant they must have been together for nearly 4 months which means he must be falling in love with her this is what hurts the most. I truthfully dont want him back but I cant cope with him loving someone else just yet I dont think it is fair, he after all wanted to be single & I didnt now I'm single and he isn't!!! I have met new men but they just aren't what im looking for and i dont want to rush into anything else as I know in the long run I will be stronger by getting through this on my own. I really just want to shout at him and tell him how I feel!!! it is soooo tempting!!!
  8. if only
    I need to write this as otherwise I am going to end up e-mailing my ex to tell him how much I am hating him at the moment!!!!!!! My ex dumped me 4 months ago. We were together for over 5 years!!!! I was doing really well to get over him and just this last week I have started to have dreams about him again which is making me feel quite down I suppose the real problem is he broke up with me to be single and I found out a couple of months ago he started dating someone a week after the split!!! at first it didn't bother me, she is 10 years older and a few mutual friends have met her and said she is ok, but quite boring. I have also seen her and im not being the jealous ex or anything but she isn't really stunning looking either!!! A friend of ours told me he didn't mean it to happen it just did. Problem I think I have now is it is coming up to 4 months that they would have been together and I can handle the fact they are dating, sleeping together etc (I don't want him back, I honestly couldn't go back with him when he has put me through hell & back only to date someone a week after our split) but what I cant handle is the fact he may be falling in love with her so soon after splitting with me. I really hate him for doing this to me. he meant the world to me and he used to tell me he loved me soo much all the time!!! it was a complete shock splitting up, to me, his family & friends!!! He even told me he had only been planning it for a week (since we got back from our holiday) I think it must have been at the back of head for a while - he had this commitment problem that came up every time we were together for another year, but when he was drunk he blurted it all out and finished it!!! Gutless pig!!! I know it is none of my business and I could deal with the fact he was with her as I thought of it as... she wasn't replacing me just helping him get over me, but now I feel it has to be more!!! I really hate him, he didn't even send my a birthday card after us being together for so long!!! I feel like I have done something wrong even though it ended on a nice note saying one day we can be friends but I just feel so much bitterness between us. I think most of it is in my head as I haven't seen/spoke to him for over 2 months and even then it was me who went up to him & his new GF and said hi how are you!! - not that I cared!!!! just didn't want him to think 'I'm really glad I broke up with her' I reallllllly hate him and I realllly want to tell him but I know it wont do anything. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him
  9. if only
    How about... 1.) Have a picinic in your garden/park/bedroom - use your mum's food supply I did 2.) Bowling 3.) Bike ride 4.) Go for a drive down to the beach 5.) Window Shopping & lunch 6.) a local bar for coke that cant be more than a couple of pounds 7.) Play board games at home 8.) Go for a drive and end up somewhere new explore together 9.) Cinema 10.) Craft shows/bands etc
  10. if only
    I'm sorry to hear this I know how hard it is. My ex done the same thing every year in our 5 year relationship he came to a point where he needed a break/space whatever they call it then a few days later would come crawling back. Problem is I think he was the same as me (very much in love) and it was too hard to stay separated which is why he kept coming back, but deep down he knew it wasnt meant to be. It came to a point in our relationship where people were getting married settleing down and then it was the final make or break time I guess he knew it was now or never and this time it ended up being never as he didnt want us to be. I think the issues your BF has is the same as my ex and without a considerable amount of time spent on a break they will continue to remain. I think you should use this time to be you, get in touch with friends and begin NC straight away. Medical school can be very stressfull my friend has been so if he is getting stressed now he will only get worse. I'm sorry but things will get easier I promise. Im sooo much happier now than when I was with him ...worrying if tomorrow we will break up or not.
  11. if only
    When you stop hearing about him - and she begins to lie (I really doubt she will do this though) A friend of mine said to me and a mate of mine, do you trust your friend with a boyfriend? (the girl in question was a bit tarty if you know what I mean). I said I wouldnt trust her, my other friend said 'I would trust my boyfriend with anyone' Point of this is - my ex split with me 4 month's ago, she is living with her LT bf and they are very happy together. Trust is such an important thing
  12. if only
    I am one of those very cheerful girls I go out and always make sure I am happy smiling, laughing etc I have loads of friends & fun!!! I look on the bright side of life But I am not always so cheerful inside, if you look at my posts you can see, it isnt always that easy. Problem with being always that cheerful person, people forget that you may need them too. All my friends come to me for advise and I help them out greatly but when I split with my long term ex I didnt feel I could cry in front of them- dont get me wrong they were there for me but I chose to go about as nothing was wrong and they all think I handled it wonderfully - on the other hand my pillow doesnt I love being happy, and to be honest I generally am but I would never think of getting rid of friends unless they manipulated/hurt/nasty to me. I have several friends who I try to influence with my cheerfulness and help them through there day as I know how hard it can be. If they didnt have me im sure they would be fine but I feel that I cheer them up when they are blue. This also makes me a better person and a much happier one
  13. if only
    If you act Jealous and dont support you fiance over this you may end up pushing her away. I have quite a few male friends that I talk to, I have a co-worker who I talk to everyday and we have been out to lunch together and drinks on works do, gatherings etc I treat him exactly the same as my girl mates and I have no other feelings to him other than friends. The fact he is talking to your fiance about your wedding and you have both been invited to there house warming also suggests that he only has friendly feelings towards her. I know it's hard sometimes, but he has only just got married too so he is probably really loved up, if there was something to hide you wouldn't know about him and your fiance wouldnt be honest with you. Chill out enjoy meeting new people and good luck with your wedding!!!
  14. if only
    Has anyone noticed that over the last couple of months the posts have died down about couples breaking up? When I joined back at the beginning of the year there was loads of posts and so many people going through the same as I, Looks to me as though a lot of people have this need at the beginning of the year for change?! I know every year my ex had feelings of doubt at the beginning of the year, but usually it was over a job, moving, money etc think this year it was the relationship that needed changing Anyone agree?
  15. if only
    I think you are over reacting. I know it is a shock for you but you can trust your family they have done well to bring you up over the past 20 years and they are still there for you now. It wasn't a nice way to find out but you did, they cant change that now. I had a similar situation a few years ago where I was looking for my passport and came accross my parents marriage certificate only to see my mum had been previously married. I was shocked and worried as my mum & dad had never told us about this plus, my brother was born out of wed lock. I had thoughts he may be a half brother. I love my parents and didn't want to tell them anything as I really didn't want to upset them, I held onto that info for another of couple of years but it was always at the back of my mind. So one day I just blurted it out, at first they were shocked and denied it - probably the same as your parents. Then a few days later my mum sat me down and explained she was married previously when she was younger and her husband beat her up she lost a child to him after he pushed her down the stairs. My brother was my full brother and the reason they never told us was it was too hurtful. My mum said she was very scared at that time in her life and didn't want to remember it and had blocked it out. She also said it really upset my dad to think what that other man had done to her. We don't talk about it now there is no need, You really have to think how they must be feeling right now. Do you tell your parents everything? especially when it may hurt them? You are probably digging up a help of a lot of horrible emotions that they have been able to forget for the past 20 years. I think the only people in this that should feel anything wrong is your half sisters if they don't know. And if they were involved the likely hood is they do know.
  16. if only
    I think you should just move in together if it is meant to be it will last. He is 28 so he is old enough to know what he wants. Dont think so much into it, thats what I did & I lost him!! Good luck
  17. if only
    This is going to sound really harsh and so im saying sorry up front. 1) I really don't think she loves you anymore not intimately anyway, maybe as a friend, if she did love you she would be with you. 2) She is playing games with your head..one minute she wants you in her future, next she doesn't know if you have a future together?! what's that all about!! 3) She is stringing you along in case something better doesn't happen, sounds to me she is a bit insecure and needs someone to give her the extra boost her current BF isn't. 4) its been a year and a half and she hasn't realised she wants you back, face it she wont ever want you back, you are still in her life as a friend and she has a new BF who you think is just her type. She has it made. The list is endless, im sorry I know its hard but I really think you need to break all ties with this girl, it hasn't done you any good to stay friends you still aren't over her. How can you begin to even like this new girl when your heart belongs to someone else? If it had been a year and you hadn't talked then maybe you would have feelings for this new girl?
  18. if only
    Think you should read my post: Venting!!!!!!!!!!!! I just posted it now. I know how you feel!!!
  19. if only
    I see alot of people on here who have been dumped but hardly anyone who did the dumping. If you were the dumper please answer these questions.... 1) Im intrested in how long you were together? 2) Why you ended it? 3) Did you regret ending the relationship? 4) Did you get back together? I still dont understand the reasons my ex gave me for ending it and to be honest I dont really need to know anymore, but I am still intrigued to how he felt at the time.
  20. if only
    Why dont you take her of your list? Then you cant see her. and if you block her she cant see you...
  21. if only
    my ex of five years went on holiday with me two weeks prior to the split and told my sister how he could never be without me I was everything to him etc 2 weeks later he waited until I was out enjoying myself and decided it was time to go home, he dumped me whilst we were drunk!! Too gutless to do it when he was sober!!! then came around the next day after saying he didnt mean it and then when he got there said he did. His reason was to be single although he still very much loved me!!! what aload of... Beep!! He met someone else within a week of the split and has been with them ever since approx 5 months now!! so much 4 single life!! Not really an ex story but ...I also met a guy a couple of months ago who I have been dating he was even texting me from his holiday he told me he went on with the lads!! I bumbed into a friend who told me he had a GF and thats who he was on holiday with!!!
  22. if only
    Well when I got together with my ex he had recently separated from his current GF of a year and a half (we got together about 3 months after). There were times at the beginning I know he still had feelings for her but it didn't matter to me, I didn't plan on it becoming serious. I guess I was a rebound at first, our relationship lasted for 5 years so hopefully in the end I wasn't but no it didn't last. The way I look at it now is he never worked through his issues with his previous GF and brought them to our relationship. He lost all his friends through being with her. Throughout the 5 years he grew a good group of friends through me but this was a really big issue to him and he always felt he had no real friends. This was what I feel ended our relationship. But hey, guess what within a week of our split he was dating someone else another rebound...I think it is his way of getting over his previous loss but then becomes too serious with them and carry's on with the same issues!! (its people like this who end up marrying because the time is right not because they are truly in love). At the end of the day if they were with you and they run into another relationship straight away doesn't it make you think are they really worth it? I thought my ex was amazing and was the one, now I just feel sorry for him and realise I was disillusioned as he was my first love. I have no issues and I know that when I finally meet the 'one' I will be happy.
  23. if only
    I'm so sorry you have experienced so many bad times in your life but things can only get better. You have a loving husband who wants to be with you, you obviously trust him enough to talk about your issues and that is great, I think that is a big step to helping yourself. I think maybe you should seek medical help from a doctor/counsellor I know it can be hard but trust me it will help. I became very depressed at the beginning of this year I cried all the time (PMT does not help) felt I was useless and even felt life was not worth going on, then something clicked...I started thinking about all the bad things in the world for example September the 11th, the poor children of Russia etc. When I looked at my life and how many great things I had (make a list I bet you are surprised) I felt bad for feeling depressed. I have now tried using the time I would have spent on being depressed to do good things for people. I give blood, I donate money to charities, I have organised several charity days at work and even just smiling and talking to someone who looks sad, can be a great way of helping others. I believe what goes around comes around and I am truly happier being a better person. My friend sent this e-mail it still makes me smile I hope you do too... You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
  24. if only
    My ex dumped me after 5 years and within a week he was dating someone else. This has been the case for all his past relationships and i knew it would be no different to ours. When we split I guaranteed him that within 2 months he would find someone else he said he didnt want anyone else and if he wanted a relationship we would stay together. We split in his own words for him to be single and learn who he is as he had never experienced this before and was not ready to settle down which is what would happen if we stayed together. I met up with him a couple of months later when I first found out, obviously i was upset and he said he didnt mean it to happen it just did. He truly broke up with me to be single. Still to this day I do not understand why we broke up and it does not matter to me anymore. But I really feel that he cant be on his own (his history proves it) and he is/was using the girl to deal with his emotions. I also believe he would have come back if he didnt meet her.
  25. if only
    Its only natural to have feelings of guilt the first time you go out and flirt with new girls, it feels like you are cheating on them but you are not and like you said it is only early days yet! Those feelings will go. Dont rush into new relationships there are plenty more fish in the sea as they say. Use the time to find out who you are again. Dating will come natuarally when you feel the time is right I have only just got to that place again 4 months down the line. It will be tough but you will get there
×
×
  • Create New...