if only

When I was younger I always wanted to belong in a good group of friends and to always have one best friend that was there for me. I was always searching and because of this never found that best friend. When I met my ex I finally belonged, we done everything together. When we ended i was most worried about being alone and not having someone there for me. Now I have excepted this and realise that is what was making it so hard I have a huge group of friends and dont feel alone.

found out my ex was seeing someone at the end of our 5 yr relationship, they are now together. Now the problem is I was doing so well to get over it I am now three months down the line have a really good life and can see that I am better off without him. BUT when we broke up he promised there was no one else 'he wouldn't do that to me' he also said he wanted to be single. Well in the last couple of weeks, I keep bumping into friends of ours/his (I haven't changed were I am going I think they have) they keep dripping small amounts of info out to me. I don't know what is true or not but I know it is bringing me down in a big way, I have asked them not to tell me but when you have had a few drinks you cant help it. I have lost all respect for him and although I don't feel upset about him being with her (I have seen them together and was even polite enough to go over and ask how they both are) I have a lot of unanswered questions which keep going round in my head. I would like to give him a call not to lecture or discuss us, but just to ask him to tell his friends to leave me alone and confirm what is true. Is this a bad idea? I have argued both sides with myself. If I see him, how do I know its the truth but on the other hand he has nothing to gain by lying anymore. I really want to just forget but I cant, I know it is none of my business what he does anymore. I would just like to know why it ended to give me full closure. Any advise is greatly appreciated!!!

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago after a five year relationship. Even at the end the relationship it seemed fine and we left each other on good terms (as good as it could be). We have had NC for 3 months which made it a lot easier. Well I thought my ex was a nice guy someone very special to me. I now find out at the end of our relationship he met someone else and even though he didn't do anything whilst we were together, they have now been in a relationship for 3 months!! He broke up with me to be single and promised there was no one else his words were...'it would be easier if there was someone else but I promise there isn't Why lie? I don't understand now after doing so well in getting back to being me, I find myself with all these un answered questions AAARGGGHHH!! Now next thing that has ruined my faith in men, in the mean time I met this really great guy, and last night I find out he has a GF!!! again why lie, I asked him and he said he wasn't with anyone, he actually lives with her!!! Oh and one more thing (im sure there are plenty more)...my best friend found out 2 weeks ago, her BF has been cheating on her since feb! I am a nice person why do I deserve this? maybe I am too nice!!

My boyfriend split with me after 5 years his main reason being he wanted to be single. Well just last week I found out he has another GF (it took him 2 months). I was upset, how can someone after 5 years just get over it that quickly? I know she is not special to him like I was, she is not jumping into a relationship that I had with him, it will never be the same to what we had. They may fall in love in the future but they are not in love now. (I think sometimes we hurt so much because we imagine this person in the same relationship that we had, the one we want back so much). I take comfort in thinking that he is only with this other girl because he cant cope with the pain he feels right now. she is a replacement for me. I feel sorry for him because he needs someone in his life, he cant get through it on his own. Overall I am the stronger person and so are you, I/you have not rushed into a new relationship we are coping and will be a better people in the end. I am using this time to grow as a person and treating the break up as an experience. You can not change what they are doing you just have to accept it, I know it is hard but I feel better about it now. I don't think about it as much and when I do, I don't feel ill or angry anymore. I can not change what he does, he is no longer mine. I know its hard not to think about it, but I hope it gives you comfort knowing they are not replacing you or the relationship you had, they never could, they are just trying to get through a break up in the only way they know how.

Since finding out my ex is now with someone else I have got thinking at how stupid I have been in the past and at how naive women actually are (including me). I met up with him the other night and we ended up mucking around but he said to me he wouldn't make love as he has had unprotected sex with this girl he is dating and wouldn't want to do that to me. thing is thinking about it now, he already has done that to me. When we first got together 5 years ago (I was only 17 and stupid and he seemed like a really nice bloke). We didn't rush into anything but when we made love for the first time he gave me some crap that the condom had split I had had a drink and I am on the pill so thought nothing of it until the next day when I realised it hadn't split. He just didn't like wearing them!!! we talked about it and he admitted he lied but was embarrassed as he couldn't put them on. I believed him!!! As we had already had unprotected sex we carried on throughout our relationship. A couple of weeks later I found out he had recently slept with a friends friend (before we were together) and the same excuse was given. I was young and stupid, I talked to him but didn't really think about it properly!! Now he has said to me about it again and I am older (& hopefully wiser) I realise every person he has been with he has not used any protection!! this means that for the 5 years we were together I was at risk at getting something from him. He went away with some friend 6 months into the relationship, someone told me he had slept with some girl whilst he was away, we had big discussions and he promised on his mums life that he didn't do anything with her, she was lying. (His mum had breast cancer just before this and it wasn't an easy promise) I believed him even though I picked up something from him. He said his friend who he shared the apartment with had something and it must have been from sharing a toilet with him. Why oh why did I believe him?!! I feel sooo stupid now, I know this all happened in the beginning of the relationship but what if he has passed something onto me that could be more serious? I want him to understand how bad what he is doing really is, should I call him and tell him my thoughts? I don't think he has really thought about it properly - I know I haven't. I am going to get checked out but I want to scare him to make him get checked to, its not fair that he carries on like this after all it only takes one time! Please think about your health before rushing into things I was so stupid!!!

my ex broke up with me just under 3 months ago his reasons being he needed to be single and figure out who he was (he promised it was nothing to do with me and wasn't because he wanted other women just the fact that he has been in and out of relationships since he was 15 he is now 25) I told him I believed that within 2 months he would be seeing someone else as he couldn't be single he said that wouldn't happen. I accepted this and I although I didn't like it I have tried to move on and use my time as being single to do things for me. Well guess what happened!! I haven't heard from him or seen him in the time we have been apart but I saw a friend of his who told me he is now seeing a new girl and has been for the last month. What a surprise!!!! It has really hurt me I know he is not with me but after a five year relationship I had hoped he would prove me wrong and our relationship had been worth something to him. I don't feel sick thinking about him being with the other girl which makes me think I am well on the road to recovery but im just so mad right now!! All the reasons he gave for breaking up were lies. I really believe there are 2 types of people in this world the ones who seek the special someone and are truly happy with themselves and the others who can not bear to not be in a relationship and rush into something without getting over there last. Making them unhappy and resulting in issues being transferred from relationship to relationship. Eventually them marrying who ever they are with at the time they feel they need to settle down.

I actually have to say from reading that e-mail it sounds like she wants you to move on. Have you contacted her recently? as it sounds like she is trying say goodbye one final time.

Did you get on really well with his mum before breaking up? My ex's nan contacted me a few weeks after we broke up - again his choice. His Nan & I got on really well and she wanted to make sure I was ok, and let me know that I wasnt being pushed out by the family and they really missed me. It was really nice to know that I wasnt just forgotten and they cared for me too. I know I wont see them again but it was like being part of another family, we were together for 5 years. I think it really depends on the relationship you had with her to if you should phone her back. I found it helped to know they cared as I had been rejected by him but not them. Sometimes its like losing a whole family when you break up and she may just want to say goodbye.

I have never been with a man who isn't circumcised before do I need to do anything different during foreplay and intercourse with a man who has a forskin?

If I was in your boyfriends situation I would probably think the same. Think about it from his point of view...... If you had been out on a night out with a friend and then sent a text to your BF but he didn't reply, later you pull up outside his house and see him with a girl from the past!! im sure you would have your doubts even if you do trust him, I know would. I believe you are being totally truthful. but when you think about the facts without the full truth it does look a bit suspicious even if you are totally innocent. If I was you in future I would avoid talking to male friends in the middle of the night and stick to more sociable hours it definetly looks less suspicious. I would give it until this evening so he has time to calm down and ask to meet up with him, don't do it over the phone as it is easy to mis-interpret the conversation. Then explain as much as possible but also listen to what he has to say and tell him you understand it looked bad but it wasn't. If its meant to be and he loves you he will believe you.

I have to disagree with: What guys tell when they're truly drunk are their real feelings. My ex would phone me up or come over to mine when ever he had been out on a night with his friends, he would tell me how truly amazing I was and that he loved me etc. In fact two weeks prior to our break up he was telling me how he could never imagine being without me he knew we were meant to be together forever and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. after that he announces that I am not the one for him and we haven't spoke since that was three months ago. You are more confident when you are drunk and feelings can be exaggerated I would talk to him when he is sober that is when he will show his true feelings. Good luck

I along with a lot of people on this site have recently gone through a break up which was not my choice. Although I now know it is for the best I still have days were I feel alone and depressed. Today being one of those days I thought to myself how can I get out of this downwards spiral? I decided to do something nice for another person and donated money to one of my favourite charities!! I now feel great You don't have to do anything major just try talking to a person who looks in need or smiling at someone who looks insecure, just try it I promise it works!! Just think if there is one thing that can come out of how you are feeling is making someone else feel happy, then wouldn't everyone in the world end up being happy?

Hi I really feel for you I have been through a similar situation with my ex (we were together for 5 wonderful years) When we broke up it was quite friendly and we were both going to try and stay friends but as soon as he walked out of my house that day he became a complete pig. I think they turn so nasty because of guilt and they feel if they push you away it will be easier for you and them to move on. I think it is also the only way they can deal with the way they are feeling. Its always a really hard thing to do to end a relationship even if it is for the right reasons.

I think in my case (at first) it was because I truly loved him and didn't want to lose him. I thought we had something very special and it was worth fighting for. Now 3 months down the line...I think the main reason was I was scared of being alone and thought I would never find the happiness I experienced again with anyone. I know differently though, I am a better person, I am more confident, enjoy my own company and have more ambition than just settling down at such a young age. I truly believe I will find someone else when the time is right, after all things happen for reasons!!

Even though it was nothing serious between you and this guy, it is still a feeling of being rejected and that never feels very nice. If he isn't returning your calls then he isn't worth crying over. Trust me I have previously gone through the same thing, I was getting all emotional because I was continuously waiting for a call and then just as I would give up he would call...think its something men have to do to play hard to get I don't understand so I decided enough was enough I cant be bothered playing games so I stopped phoning. Funny enough now it is the other way and he is doing the phoning and I feel more in control. I realised I don't want anything to happen with a guy who is going to muck me around that early on. Don't go looking for love it will find you when you least expect it!!!

Guys what do you think when a girl is very drunk but you was the one buying the drinks?

I definetly want another relationship because no matter how bad im feeling now when you are loved by someone you feel a 100 times better!! thats what i miss the most having someone to hold and care for me.

Just a bit of advise to anyone who is thinking about phoning, texting there ex please don't.... I have been split up with me ex now for over 2 months with NC and I thought I was almost over him, I had started dating other people and really was enjoying my single life. I thought my ex had something of mine that I really needed (trust me it wasn't an excuse to call him I didn't want to) I left it to last minute hoping I would find it but in the end had to call....it was a really awkward conversation like we were nothing more than associates which I guess we are now. But I feel like im back to square one!! I am constantly thinking about him and I realise how much I miss him, I want to phone and talk etc and cant bear to be without him!!! everything reminds me of him and I hate it!! I got so far and now im back to square one I feel so sad.

I have been responding to the text messages it isnt only a one way conversation, but it just seems to me they have stopped he was texting me about 3 times a day or more but I havent heard from him now for a few days. I would ask him but the messages are so mixed... now I dont want to because I dont want to get hurt. Shall I just forget about him?

I know things can seem hard at times like this but you must work through your feeling without death as that solves nothing only grief for your loved ones behind. I would suggest you speak to someone like a doctor, teacher or parent, i know it always seems like the worse thing to do and you think it will make things worse but I promise it wont. I myself was bullied at school but i seeked help from my family within a couple of weeks the bulling had stopped and i was able to make new friends again. I promise you things can only get better. Try thinking of the posistive things in your life im sure there is plenty!!

I met this guy a couple of weeks ago in a club he took my number and we talked about going out for a drink ....thing is he text me instead of calling and since then has been texting me everyday since. He has never asked me out though. The messages are more than just being friends. Thing is the last couple of days he hasnt been sending me messages. Have I read the signals wrong? and he was just being friendly or has he got fed up waiting for me to ask him and he had no intention of asking me? Seems a bit strange 0X

When and how long should you wait before asking someone on a date? and should you have contact in between?

I have heard this song and although this is from a male perspective it is exactly the same for me when my ex & I split up so go on girls download it too!!!

Thank you...your right I am a bit jumpy, I think im nervous about the whole dating thing again as it has been such a long time since I had to do it. I guess if he wasnt intrested he wouldnt have called? and not so soon afterwards anyway? I know I have to put myself out on the line again but is it a good idea when I know he is a bit of a player? + do you have any other dating tips?

I met up with this guy the other night who I have known through a friend for years but only to say hi to, i recently broke up with my BF and feel completely over him but I am unsure what to do.. Thing is nothing actually happened when we were out other than he told my mates how much he liked me and didnt want to make a fool of him self and in the end he took my number. He called the next day, we had a nice chat, he said he enjoyed the night before and I agreed, the conversation was all positive but he didnt actually ask me out. Is he intrested? he seemed to be the other night and when we spoke on the phone. other problem is I have been told he is a player and im not sure if I want to get hurt at the moment, im not intrested in anything serious, but i do like him and know we would have a good time together. Do you think I should ask him out or would this be a bad idea?