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  1. if only
    The same thing happened to me I started NC after a week of breaking up we were together for 5 years, I gave it three weeks and thought by now if he is going to have realised it wasn't what he wanted then he would have done by now. I sent him a picture of us at a very happy time with on the back 'things could be the same'.... I had no response, I was thinking the worse would happen and he would tell me to leave him alone but he didn't even reply, which in a way was better for me as I didn't get rejection but just knew his choice was final. From this point I excepted it was over and for the last three months I have been learning about me and I can now honestly say I am over him. I agree in those three weeks I was clinging to a reconciliation and NC did kind of make me feel the relationship was great. But it also helped me to move on and feel stronger. At the beginning if he hadn't responded to my photo I probably would have attempted to call him go round etc and like you said get back to square one, this way I kept my dignity. I swear by NC. I think it just takes different times to realise it is truly over, I was lucky my attempt was within the first month so for the past 3 I have been bettering myself, You have only just got to the point I was at but I promise you one thing it only gets better I am so much happier now in myself than I ever was. You will have your good and bad days but one day you will look back and be a stronger person for it After all we can only learn from our experiences Good luck & chin up
  2. if only
    I always find a brisk walk or Jog around my estate is a great way to tone up and lose weight but just make sure you dont go alone or in the dark. Other things you can do at home to tone up are: Sit Ups Push Ups Lifting Bean cans - Like weights Get an aerobic video Hope this helps
  3. if only
    First of all it take two people to get pregnant and there are so many options of ways to not get pregnant i.e. the pill, condoms etc how could he have done it on purpose? At the end of the day if you had unprotected sex with him you still had the choice to take the morning after pill. Now I do really feel for you, I have been through the same thing myself and although I tell myself I would not have an abortion again if it came and the time was not right I would consider it. You really need to talk to your friends and family about this, it is not something you should go through in your own...I made that mistake only to see how much support and advise they gave when a close relative of mine went through the same thing. It is both your baby but at the end of the day if you only feel he will add to your pressure maybe you should confine in a friend first and decide if you want it or not, if you decide to keep it then you must tell him. I know it is a difficult and emotional time but things will work out for the best what ever happens.
  4. if only
    When I split with my ex the though of eating also made me feel sick and I eat very little. Its called Love sickness. Problem is your not eating at all, which will eventually mean you will do serious damage to yourself and cause major problems either now or later on in your life. Do you feel that you aren't eating so that you become ill? I know when my ex finished with me I had a virus which made me be sick about every 10 mins, the thought of ending up in hospital was on my mind as I thought it would bring him back. I stopped drinking water as I thought I could dehydrate myself which would be enough to get me into hospital. Lucky enough for me I stopped being so silly before it was too late. In times of grief you can do the stupidest things possible. But trust me making yourself ill will not bring him back because he wants to and if he does come back it will only be out of guilt. Do you really want that? If you cant eat big meals try eating small snacks, healthier snacks are best as you wont feel guilty about eating the wrong food but don't forget you are allowed to be sad and sometime a girls best friend is a bar of chocolate!!! If that still doesn't help how about milkshakes full of vitamins like those health shakes? that way your body feels you are drinking and not actually eating but you are still getting vitamins & minerals. Soup can also be a good one to try. I promise in time things will ease for you.. I have been broken up with my ex for over 4 months now I never thought I could be this happy but I am happier then when we were together. Use this time to better yourself not make yourself ill.
  5. if only
    How much do your mates influence your choice in a girlfriend? And also if they really dont like her would you dump her because of this?
  6. if only
    Hi I have been split with my ex for over 4 months now we were together for 5 years, I have met nice men but just cant seem to get to the stage were I want to go out on dates with them I just ignore the call the next day or stay mates with them. Maybe its because no one has lit my fire yet?! Not sure how long it will take for me to get to the point where I want to date...maybe its like that saying when you fall off you must get back on or you never will?
  7. if only
    I dont think of myself as old, in fact sometimes I think im still only 18!!! My ex started dating a woman 10 years older than himself a week after we broke up!! He always commented on his friend being with an older woman as he felt she was too old for him and couldnt see the attraction...so I didnt see this coming. I have spoken to a few friends and apparently isnt anything special in the personality area and is also very jealous of him (these are the types of mates who tell the truth) I have also seen her and she isnt drop dead gourgeous either. So im not sure why they are together, especialy after his reasons of ending a 5 year relationship with me was to be single. I thought it may be a fantasy he felt he couldnt tell me about as a few men said they would like to date older women. Just thought I would get more unbiased opinions from you guys It doesnt really matter I feel im over him im just interested now.
  8. if only
    I came of the pill after 4 years of being on it - this can sometimes mean it takes a while to get your fertility back to normal. We done the same as you once a week after my period - Guess what I got pregnant!!! My friend had unprotected sex the first time she got with her BF guess what - she got pregnant!!! Can you see a pattern forming? It is always possible- i would suggest you imediatly go to the doctors for the morning after pill and be careful next time, an unwanted pregnancy is an awful situation to go through.
  9. if only
    Is it a mans fantasy to be with an older woman?
  10. if only
    Well my situation isn't the same but I met this guy who I thought I really liked, then I found out he had a GF. He made it clear to me it is isn't working but he doesn't know what to do. I have backed off as I don't want to be the 'other woman' but I still speak to him now and then (we were friends before although I hadn't seen him for a few years) A friend said the same thing to me, why would I want to be with someone when he does this in the first place to his current GF? Simple answer is, you cant help the way you feel, like you cant just stop loving your GF for doing that to you. You always feel that it would be different if they were with you. I have made the choice not to stir things up in my favour, but I know others would and im sorry you have had to go through the pain you are feeling now.
  11. if only
    I heard a poor, but quite funny chat up line recently and thought it might be a nice bit of fun, for a friday afternoon to hear the worse lines ever.... The one I heard was ' Out of 10 I would give you one!' Can anyone do better?
  12. if only
    Well I have been split from my ex for over 4 months now and they only contact I have had with him is what I initiated at the beginning. NC is about giving you time and space to recover from your loss and grow as a person, it makes it easier to not talk to them. It also shows them that you are not going to hang around whilst they decide if they are coming back or not. Someone said to me... Set them free and if they come back then it was true. Thats what I done he didnt come back and I have realised for myself that it is the right thing to have done, it just takes time to heal
  13. if only
    Hi I had an abnormal result too, don't worry about it, it sounds worse than what it is. In fact when I received my abnormal result, my mum, cousin and 2 friends also got abnormal results and had to go through the same thing as I. The normal thing they do is test you every six months and in most cases they return to normal on there own. The reason they are known as pre cancerous is if left untreated there is a possibility they could turn into cancer but it can take years to do that and like I said most cases turn back to normal by themselves. In my case I had 2 abnormal then one normal and then again an abnormal, after three abnormal's I think its the norm to send you for further treatment. My nurse/GP asked me to go for a biopsy where they can use laser or some kind of loop treatment with a further smear test to take a biopsy and test it further. When I went back for the results the specialist advised me that they should turn back to normal by themselves and treatment was not necessary but I decided I would rather just get treated, he seemed to prefer me to leave it but I didn't want to which is your choice to make. They use the same treatment as before when taking a biopsy, but just take away all the bad cells. I think the worse thing about it was my legs in the air (which is quite undignified), there was no pain it was just uncomfortable. I was awake it took a few mins, it is quite similar to a smear but you get period pains after. Now I have to go back every 6 months for about 2 years I think (cant remember exactly) and as long as they remain all clear it returns to normal testing times. I am not a medical practitioner this is only from my own experience so if in doubt the best thing to do is call your local surgery, there is also quite a bit of useful info on the net. I found it easier to phone and speak to our local nurse as it isn't as embarrassing as talking over the phone. Good luck xx
  14. if only
    My ex & I were together for 5 years, after a year into our relationship we talked about moving in and he agreed when he finished Uni we would. 2 years into the relationship we were both working and I decided to talk to him about saving money etc he decided it wasn't the right time for us to move in. I asked him why not and after arguments and long discussions we agreed it was not the right time. His reason for not wanting to move in was ...when we moved in together it would be for good and he did not want to ruin that as he wanted to live with friends first. I accepted this and I thought it was quite sensible but it hurt me deep down. Every time another year went by and might I add he was still living at home, he would ask me if I was waiting for him? I would reply no but deep down I was and it hurt that he didn't make the effort to move out. So we could eventually move in. He would become quite depressed and talk about breaking up as he didn't want me to wait for him and thought it was unfair that I was waiting I ensured him I wasn't and we went on. Now the problem was in the mean time my friends were moving in with there friends BF etc I put my life on hold because I thought it would happen. Well this year we broke up, we never lived together he broke up with me because I was not the one. I now still live at home and in order to move out I will have to rent with people I dont know. If there is one lesson I have learned from this is do what is best for you no matter how much you love and believe someone you must do what is right for you. If you meant so much to him, why did he cheat on you? and if his reasons are still the same then he should have no problem now. I believe my ex didn't want to move in with me because I wasn't the one but he was too scared to let go. And was happy with our relationship the way it was.
  15. if only
    It was both of us really we just didnt talk, we split and I guess I thought if it was meant to be he would have come back on his own without me pleading etc I think it was more his choice than mine as if he had phoned I probably would have phoned him, although both of us are very stubborn.
  16. if only
    My ex of over 4 months (with NC) has all my old photos, at first I didn't think I wanted them. But thinking about it now he used to take his digital camera to all our parties with my friends so there are many photos im missing. The thing that made me realise I really wanted them is, for my birthday my friends put together a small photo album of a selection of photos from current parties (I had been moaning saying I didn't have any) this was really lovely but made me realise how important it was to get these back. (they have loads of fancy dress parties with different themes so they aren't the same every photo) Now the problem is, he has a new GF and it was my birthday recently and he didn't send a card so I know he isn't bothered if he ever hears from me again. I don't want to ask friends to ask him - seems a bit childish now and we will see each other again (at these parties) so I don't want it to be really uncomfortable between us, although I know im not over him. Do you think I should... 1) ask him to meet up for a drink break the NC and catch up, ask as a friend to do this for me 2) wait a few more months - next party will probably be October 3) Send a light e-mail to him asking if he would do this for me. 4) Ask a friend to ask him
  17. if only
    I really don't think a 'test dump' is the way to go. It will only make your partner feel more insecure. The best thing to do is show how you are feeling by talking to him. I know he may not listen but if you explain that you cant go on like this, then you may be able to both understand each other more. I'm sure he has some issues he wants to talk to you about but doesn't know how to. As for staying at a friends house you could look at it in two ways 1) he should trust you and take your word for nothing happened. 2) If it was you in his situation would you 100% feel happy with him staying at another man's house? I trusted my ex 99% but I didn't trust other people. When he went on holiday with his mates a year into our relationship he took a girl back to his apartment nothing happened but they had a drink, he new her through some friends. This really tested my trust with him and took a few months for me to forget about it, we had plenty of arguments in relation to it but even to this day I don't understand why there was the need to take her back? You could say the same about your situation, im sure there are taxi's, hotels etc. If you have an insecure partner, maybe you should work on helping to make him trust you as much as he can and by showing how much you care about him. When you are both secure in the relationship things like staying at friends houses wont matter anymore. In the end my ex and I were very trusting and respected each others wishes but it wasn't all plain sailing as they say. Hope this helps.
  18. if only
    Trust me so far I have done so well not to be bitter, I started NC straight away so I didnt go through the begging and pleading part which I am proud of. I even saw them together and I was nice enought to go over and say hi but just over the past couple of weeks these bad feelings keep coming back I need a way to get through it. Any ideas? R u over your ex yet?
  19. if only
    I used to do the same with my ex in the beginning of our relationship, when I wanted him to show he truly loved me I would dump him to see how far he would go. Problem is it wasnt until a few years ago when he done the same to me I realised it really hurts to be on that end and if you love someone why would you want to put them through that? He didnt have to prove himself to me by showing he wanted me it was me who had to learn to trust what he was saying to me which was the problem. (He told me he loved me) At the beginning of this e-mail I called him my ex which he now is (4 months ago he broke it off to be single we were together for 5 years) ....maybe me using these so called 'tests' caused part of our break up?
  20. if only
    I would go with Monday evening. I hate it when a guy is too keen and phones the next day it puts me right off, but I also hate when they leave it too long as you lose interest. Tonight is a perfect time to call as you are still fresh in her mind, but she has been wondering if you will call. good luck
  21. if only
    I was with my ex for over 5 years I truly loved him and thought he felt the same, but in the end it was not enough for him to make it last. As they say the grass is always greener on the other side. Problem is I just cant seem to get over him. The first two months were fine I enjoyed growing as a person seeing old friends and just being me, then I found out he met someone else a week after we split!!! (his reason for breaking was he wanted to be single as he had always been in a relationship since he was 15. I excepted this) I don't feel upset about him being with someone else as I know it is none of my business and I cant change anything. I think the real problem is the break was so unexpected (just a couple of days before he was telling friends and family how much he loved me and couldn't imagine ever being without me) I excepted his reasons for being single but now I have no reason for the break. I feel life is really unfair why should he be happy with someone new when he wanted to be single and yet I am on my own when I didn't want to be single and still suffering?! I was doing so well and I have heard a few people mention the 4 month relapse which is what I feel I am going though now. I just want to forget him. I have so much stuff in my head from what he used to tell me that could really hurt him if I was to talk to the wrong people about it and if I wanted to I could split him and his new GF up as we had a bit of a 'thing' happen after I found out about her and again he was far too honest about her. I am trying so hard not to become bitter and twisted, im not a nasty person I promise and I wouldn't want to purposely hurt him but I just don't get how he can be happy and I cant?!! life is not fair at all. Does anyone else get these relapses and how long does it take to truly get over someone?
  22. if only
    my ex broke up with me over three months ago we were together for 5 years. I have accepted we are not together and I have got to a point were I can actually say I do not want him back. He is also seeing someone else and I have seen them together, it doesn't hurt me. Problem is, it is coming up to my birthday and throughout my adult life he always organised surprises for me and I always got very excited!!! I have never felt like this. im dreading the day, even though my friends have been brilliant and organised a big night out it just isn't the same. The other thing that is bringing me down is I have loads of holiday left at work but I just don't want to take it, we always spent our hol together and would go away. None of my friends can afford a holiday so if I take time off I will just be at home which is not appealing!!! Its not him I miss it is having someone to share things with and to spend time with. As much as my friends are there for me they have lives and cant just drop things for me like he used to. Oh and im going away for a long weekend with some of our friends, he was suppose to come with me before the break up and everything is still in his name. The friends are all in couples and we always done everything together. Now I have to face it alone or take a friend with me, I'm just not looking forward to spending the weekend with couples as that is what I miss so much. I'm sure I will be fine in the next couple of weeks, this is the last little hurdles that are left that we would usually do together I suppose that is why I feel so bad. Just wish I could do something to make me feel better xxx
  23. if only
    I think dating is thought of in the wrong way by too many people. I think dating is about going out and meeting new people and having fun, if in the process you meet someone who you are intrested in then possible future romances are likely and you are lucky. As someone who has just got out of a long term relationship, I would love to go on a few dates with people who are in the same boat as me but too many people only date when they want more. I am scared to date people as I do not want to lead them on, I dont want to be in a relationship for a while and so I have chose not to date until I am ready to meet someone else. Its a shame a lot of people are not more open about dating.
  24. if only
    The same thing happened to me, my ex broke up with me after a 5 year relationship his reason was to be single as he had always been in a relationship. I have some brilliant friends that helped me through it all and I tried my hardest to let him go, my friend told me if you set him free and he comes back then it was true, I gave him space and tried to move on. 3 months of NC and I find out he had a new GF. As I am stronger it did not hurt so much, I really feel for you now. I even saw them out together and went over and said hello to both of them, I realise that it was not him I missed anymore but the relationship we had. Well I go about the way I was, getting on with things and find out he actually went on his first date with her the day we split!!! what a looser! why lie even at the end? within a week he was with her. I wanted explanations as now I do not know why we broke up. His reason was he wanted to be single was not true. I came on this board and asked for advise the best advise I got from Saren was: Hmm... I had a lot of questions once, and one day someone asked me, "Does it really matter at this point?" I guess what he was meaning to say is that you may never get the answer if they don't give it, and you may still feel you need closure. If you get no answers, create your own closure by just walking on and breaking those ties. Not necessarily forever, if you wish, but until you get your headspace back. This is so true, but I had already contacted him and what he said didn't make any difference. At the end of the day any reason they give you will never be good enough as you are not the one giving the reasons. I know it hurts but I promise it gets better.
  25. if only
    There are several stages of breaking up that compare to grieving. Anger is one of them and can come and go throughout the break up. I have been through the same emotions as you and your ex are going through and it is only now I realise that we broke up because we had to (we were together for 5 years). I was angry then I even got to the point were I hated him, but I have now fully excepted it is over. I am not angry anymore I have treated it as an experience and am glad we were together. You will have your ups and downs but trust me it gets better and easier!!!
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