if only

I used one from the 1st week after I knew my period was due they are really strong and pick up things almost straight away.

I used to be the same as you then I met my ex and although I wasnt attracted to him at first after our friendship contiued I fell in love with him - we were together for 5 years in the end. Dont worry it is perfectly normal to feel like you do, when you find someone special you will find what you are looking for and it may also be when you are least expecting it.

Hold on a second, take a deep breath and relax!!! You sound so much like I used to be and I know how hard it is. I used to plan everything, I had to do things in order to achieve and yep I didn't know what I wanted to do either. I went through how your feeling more than once. My friend gave me some great advise she told me to stop thinking so much!! its true your 19 why do you need to know were life is taking you? You have so many years a head of you just go with the flow. I used to plan everything marriage, work, future etc my ex left my 6 month ago and left me completely stuck all I thought of happening had gone and I felt 'lost' I had no choice but to stop thinking and analysing things. I'm not saying your bf will leave im just trying to state that unexpected things happen in this life and there is no point in planning too far a head who knows what life holds? you could win the lottery!!! I think the best thing you can do is take a step back and look at what you are doing.... Its great to keep fit but why juggle it? its suppose to be fun and by rushing it in between things wont make you healthier just more stressed. Just learn to go when you can if you need a day off to sit and eat popcorn in the cinema with mates do it you only live once!! Your course/Job - I didn't know what I wanted to do for years I think only now have I realised what I wanted to do and that is only because I was in the right place at the right time (again I never new this would fall into my lap but it did). If you really feel your course is not worth while then don't carry on but ask yourself why did you start it in the first place? im sure there were reasons then and they may even come back in a few months when you don't have so much pressure on you. Don't do anything until you are 100% sure even if you have a 1% feeling in favour of your course stick to it. Hey at the end of it if you fail (which im sure you wont) & decide its not what you wanted to do least you tried but new it wasn't meant to be and what have you lost? you have gained another experience. Moving in with your BF there is no harm in saving money who knows you may need it for a rainy day and you never know he may propose whilst you are saving then you are in a better situation, but just remember you have your whole life ahead of you don't make the mistake I did and try and do everything now. At this time in your life, you are still in a situation to do things you may not be able to if you live/married to him. Use this time wisely it may never come again. Overall I know it feels hard but trust me when I say why do you need answers? Stop thinking too much and over analysing.... if you new the end of a film before it began it wouldn't be so exciting would it? Good luck

I think he is just being a mate to you and he used his course as an excuse to split. I think by you continuing your contact you are hanging on and hoping you will start dating again. E-mail him back if you want to be just mates but if you want more then don't e-mail him it will only keep you dangling along.

I used to agree, I always used to say to my ex how can people just fall out of love?! We were together for 5 years and I would never have imagined this happening to us I always thought we could work things out and he agreed...thing is he decided to end our relationship 6 months ago not because he didn't love me, enjoy my company etc but to be single with no strings!!! I couldn't believe it but in the end, even though I always said the same as yourself, I realised there was no point in fighting it. If he was unhappy then I didn't want to be the cause of that & I didn't want to work at things as I would have always felt insecure, he had to make his own decisions himself. Getting back to your point yes it would be nice for more couples to work at things than giving up.. but these days I think more people have freedom of speech and would rather speak out than live an unhappy life. Years ago when the man ruled the marriage, one's personal life was private and people felt they had to stay in relationships even when unhappy. Most people in those days believed in god and religiously attended church. Divorce was not/still not recognised in the catholic church which they felt they couldn't go against. I now having gone through a break up realise that we are in much better situations and have lots more options and generally think we are a happier population than those years ago, but it is also just my own thoughts ... I would love to go back in time and ask people about there relationships. And who knows maybe they were really happy and now because we have so many more options we don't know what we are truly looking for?!!

My ex & I share friends which can be quite hard, all I want to do is forget about him but then his name keeps popping up. The way I have dealt with this is to make time for my friends, go over and see them, arrange to meet up for nights out, talk on the telephone etc. I try not to talk about him with this group of friends as I dont feel it is fair for me to put them in akward situations. after all do you know all your friends, friends? I have other friends and they are not offended if I dont invite them along to all my nights out, same as this case I treat my ex as one of there mates that I dont know. if they chose to keep him as a friend then I wont let that interfere with our relationship. You need to accept you cant be part of your ex's life anymore and that too includes birthdays which yes your friends will be invited. I know how you feel I recently had to deal with my mates being out for him. I just choose to keep myself busy and enjoy other friends company. You are not being pushed out of the circle of friends.

I know exactly what you mean the hardest thing I did was starting NC but I tell you now, I am 6 months down the line after a five year relationship and I can gladly say I am happy we broke up. My judgment was clouded by love and now I can see what is right for me and you too, will get to this point. The thing that helped me a lot was reading 'don't call that man' (along with the best friends & family in the world) It helps you identify why you feel you should call him and gives you good strategies on not calling. I didn't even finish the book as I got what I needed from it in the first few chapters. I used it for every time I really felt the urge to call, I would read a bit of the book instead. it identified to me how a call is like an addiction and when you hear there voice you instantly feel better, but after that call has ended you then have to deal with rejection all over again and it can become a vicious cycle, which you need to break. You have done so well to start NC I know it is the hardest thing ever but if you stick to it I promise you will become stronger for it. I think another reason I stuck to it straight away was I didn't want to be one of the people who let the pain drag on for years . I wanted the pain to end as soon as possible and it has. Good luck xxx

You are definetly not too old, you have the rest of your life ahead of you, hopefully 60 years + ahead of you to be with someone. You are only young like I am, enjoy your life and live the moment. I know it may feel like you are never going to meet someone but you will and when you are least expecting it. If you go looking you are more likely to come accross desperate, which is why women probably don't feel attracted to you then. I find independence and happiness in a man to be very attractive like most women do. I love meeting men who are confident about themselves and are generally happy and don't need to be with someone to achieve this. They after all are the ones who have better relationships. You should use this time wisely, when you are in a serious relationship you wont have as much time on your hands you can do things that you possible couldn't if you were in a relationship, travel, date lots of women, education, spend time with friends etc I was in a long term relationship and have only just come out of it. I realise you don't have to be with someone to be happy. I am 23 and have not known anything in my adult life other than being with someone. I appreciate this time I have, eventually when the time is right I know I will meet someone else. The way I look at it is if I meet the 'one' I will never have this time again so I should use it to my advantage and enjoy it. you should too.

but why do you think he went there? I did attempt to try and get in touch as I knew we would meet again soon we have a couple of mutual friends who throw big parties but he just ignored me. When I saw them last time he was going to ignore me until I said hello. I feel like I am the bigger person in this I am not trying to upset him or cause any hard feeling between us but he seems to be doing exactly this. I really dont understnad?

My ex broke with me 5 months ago to be single a week later he was with a new girl now i have done what I can to move on NC etc but it still hurts deep down. The thing I really dont understand is he dumped me then turned really cold towards me. I felt like I had cheated on him and this is why we broke up. but I done nothing, I was just nice to him. I have a local hang out that I go with friends every week same time etc it is 2 mins from my house but also 2 mins from his. He used to go with me occasionally but never hung out there on his own. He doesnt have anyone there who are his friends. Today I go to do my usual thing and guess who is there...yep you guessed it him and his new GF!! Why would he do this? I could understand if he had walked as it is very close but he drove!!! his car was outside. Do I really deserve this? I have done nothing wrong but be nice, when I first saw them together it hurt but I made an effot not just to ignore them but say hi. I have not done anything bad to him we havent even seen each other since march so why this? we even left on good terms. Why couldnt he have gone to the other place that was a further 2 mins away that he always hangs out at?... I have purposly avoided it because of him. Do you think he is trying to hurt me? I really dont understand after 5 years I though he may have had a bit more respect for me

I have spoken to a few people about this as my cousin is one of these people. I really feel that when you come out of a relationship no matter if you are the dumper or dumpee you have both been use to giving and receiving love and you cant just stop...can you? My opinion is when you get into a new relationship too soon after the break, the love you have to give automatically transfers to the new relationship with the added bonus of it being new and exciting. You don't see all the bad bits (love is blind) until in some cases it is too late...this also happens, I feel in rebound relationships, which is why when ending a rebound, can sometimes make the emotions even worse than when ending the previous relationship were the love was true. I on the other hand have used the time from my split to focus the love back onto myself which in return has made me a happier person than my ex, who jumped into a new relationship and has carried the same issues throughout all three of his LT relationship (our's was 5 years and most resent). These people can be happy on the outside but I feel they are insecure and can not be alone because of this. I do not feel they can truly be happy with themselves until they resolve the issues and learn to love themselves, like I am now. But they will never know what true happiness is as they have never experienced it and this is the norm. We are better of without them

Phone her, I love the unplanned dates/nights out.. they are always best as you have no expectations!!! What have you got to lose? if she says no at least you know you tried

Has anyone noticed that 5 years seems to be a break or make point in a relationship? I know there are longer and shorter relationships on here that end, but when I split from my ex, I thought surely he would have know before 5 years that I wasnt the 'one' I really thought if a relationship lasts up to 5 years you would end up getting married and not just let it die. I really thought that my relationship ending was a one off, but im surprised at how many people are in the same boat as I. It kind of scares me to get involved again as I dont want to spend another 5 years with someone who breaks my heart at the end of it. It would be so much easier if they would realise sooner!!!

It took my ex almost a year to say he loved me dont worry it will happen

I totally agree I got with my ex 3 months after he split from his GF they were together for 1.5 years, in the 3 months he also dated 2 other girls without a break. He also got with his previous GF whilst he was in a relationship with someone else he was with for a year. Why did I think things would be different? well because we spent 5 years together ....nope it took him just a week to get with someone else when his reason was, 'I have always been in a relationship I need to be single to find out who I am' he is still with this girl 6 months down the line!!! What a complete looser!! Yes you may be able to tell I am a little bitter from this & I should have guessed this would happen. I do not feel sorry for either of them (she also has just split from her husband) I feel sorry for me. I am still single now yet I was the one who wanted to be in a relationship. But although I feel sorry for myself I know this was right, I am happy with myself that I did not feel the need to rush into another relationship after him. I am independent and a better person and I know when the time is right and I meet someone better I will take no bagage with me.

I would not call the numbers, If I was your GF I would be very annoyed and upset if you phoned a friend of mine when I had told you there was nothing in it. I really think it will back fire on you. After 5 years, you should be able to trust your girlfriend if not then I think you need to work on this area in your relationship. Maybe you should talk to your GF and advise her how you are feeling at the moment and let her know that by keeping numbers on secret codes looks bad. It may be innocent and if she has nothing to hide she will be willing to talk about this with you. You have no proof she is up to anything and by going head first in by calling a 'Friend' and letting them know you have been together for 5 years will only upset her and if anything is wrong push her further away. Trust and respect are so important in a relationship and once broken are hard to rebuild. You probably have nothing to worry about but if it bothers you that much maybe you could try other ways of finding out who this guy is? Through a party and invite him along Go out with her and friends... tongues get wagging after a few drinks etc Hope all goes well

Shinobie Posted: wow a month?Isnt that kind of fast wow.... We knew each other for a year as very good friends before we got together so no not too fast. If he was a stranger then yes but it really depends on the individuals circumstances and feelings.

about a month for all.

I was with me ex for 5 + years in the last year of the relationship I fell pregnant. He did not want it said it was the wrong time for us to have children I did not agree. At first he said he would be there for me, then when he realised the possibility that I would keep it he turned he told me he would give me money but that was it!!! After 5 years, you truly feel you love and know someone but he just turned. I didn't want to force this onto him, I felt it was not my choice to make. All the signs were there for me to keep it in my heart. I didn't feel I could tell my family I thought they would be disappointed not with me but with him they cared so much about him and thought he would do anything for me I didn't want to disillusion them I thought we would end up married. I went to have an abortion but something was telling me I was wrong. I was even suppose to be the first person in there but I ended up being last I remember kept telling myself that if im not next im walking. but he was there by my side holding my hand and I don't know why but I just done it for him. When it came to it I went to the changing rooms and he was not with me (he couldn't), I cried so much when I went into the nurse they asked what was wrong and I lied I said I was scared. but it wasn't that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had no choice. I went through with it and after that day not a word was spoken, he tried to dump me the day after but I pleaded with him not to leave me I should have known he was not who I thought then. we spent a further 9 months together and everything was great I tried to forget what had happened and I thought I was happy then he finished the relationship to be single. I find out a week later he is with someone else 10 years older met a couple of days after the split. How could I be so stupid?! How could I waste so many years with a man that could do this? And what I really don't understand is he could be so nice throughout the relationship until things got tough? Now it is 6 months since we split, I cant help but think the abortion was a big fact in it, I have done well to move on but I cant forget my baby all the feelings I blocked when we were together have come back, I cant talk to my family they don't know and it would hurt them if they knew I couldn't tell them. I cant even talk to him anymore and all I want to do is show him what he has done to me. I feel like I have been punished for killing my child. My sister is now expecting and was at first like me scared to tell our parents but she did and now she has everything and I cant help but think god is punishing me and showing me what I could have had. God has taken my love away from me and is showing me what future I have missed out on and it hurts so much. I'm sooo sorry I know I was wrong, it just hurts so much to realise when you are too late.

you should read men are from Mars women are from Venus My ex used to have quiet streaks like this and it bugged me so much I kept on at him to tell me what was wrong. He always used to say 'nothing' This book states that they like to go off and 'sulk in there caves' So true!! in the end I used to let him deal with it in his own way and just let him know I was there, our comunication got a lot better and instead of having arguments about lack of comunication from him we used to be able to talk about both our problems when needed. just give him space, men need time out whereas women just like to talk it out. Both sexes need to understand this in order to get through rough patches.

I dont think there is truly a 'one' like most of you I think there are more than one. I personnaly think that there becomes a time in you life that you will feel the need to settle down, if at this time you are in a loving, steady, happy relationship it will be that person. Most people want to start familiys and get married but not necessarily at the same time as others. For example - My ex could never see himself getting married until in his late 30's I on the other hand want to get married in my 20's so all though we were in love we did not want the same things. Another example: two 16 year olds, could have the most amazing connection and be very in love but not feel ready to get married too young etc, 5 years down the line realise that connection has gone because they have grown apart and separate. Whereas two 28 year olds could have less of a connection but feel happy and ready to commit at this time in there lives, They are the 'one' for each other and it could either last or the same thing as the 16 year old happens. I think timing and age has more of an influence over our choice of who the 'one' is. After all how many of you have broken with an ex only to say it would have been perfect if we had met at different times in our lives!! I know I have

Short story - Was with ex for 5 + years he dumped me out of the blue. I wanted to be in a relationship he didnt, a week later he was with someone else Im still single 5 months down the line. Now I was doing very well to cope with this I have got in touch with friends carrying on my education etc and I thought I was generally happier. I also suffer from Bulimia which had got really bad since the break up and I was slowly starting to get better. And then today.....My manager tells me my job will be relocating and if I want to move they will give me a pay increase but it will be an extra 2 hours traveling and I will be out of pocket even with the pay increase!! Why oh why just as I pick the pieces up and start to sort my self out does this have to happen?!! im sick of everything why do things keep going wrong for me

Yes very!!! I got pregnant by doing this only once. Dont do it, it is not worth all the emotions, pain, suffering etc that come along with an unwanted pregnancy.

I think women have it harder they have to battle with equal opportunities in the work place even now in the year 2000!! plus there is PMT, period pains, child birth.... then there is make up and hair every day takes about an hour each morning when the men I know roll out of bed and are ready in 20 mins!!! I'm not saying its easy for men a lot of them have the same issues as us image, problems in the workplace etc but I personally think women can get too emotional whereas men can distant them selves from situations a little easier.

I would just like to say thank you to sonjam I needed somone to tell me exactly what you did and you are right i am pestering him and if I do anything I will be interferring. I dont want him to think 'im glad I dumped her' I was at a low this morning when I posted and after reading you message I realised I needed to pull myself together again and I feel a lot happier this afternoon and I am not going to do anything about him. Your story is very sad but im sure one day we will both meet our true sole mate. xx