Linlo

I see what you're saying. I'm in two minds about this though. I mean... I can understand how people can get depressed. Very depressed. And how if their life might seem (to them) "bad" enough they can be depressed for a very long time. BUT when it gets to the point of attempted suicide I honestly don't think that person's brain can be functioning properly. It makes me sad but also a little bit angry, when I think of all the kids in the third world who are constantly surrounded by death and disease and every day is a struggle for survival, and somehow THEY keep going. They keep going! And then I compare that image to some comfortably well-off person in the Western world who has a house, a computer, more than enough food, their health, and... ok so maybe they had a rough month. And they're slitting their wrists. ... And I think there must be something terribly, terribly wrong here. I dunno. I just think that must be the point at which reasoning and judgment fly out of the window. ...btw, I am not in any way suggesting these people shouldn't be helped. They should. I am saying that in that moment of sttempted suicide, they probably are not particularly "sane" or they wouldn't be doing it.

You say she has never had a sex drive? Maybe she is asexual, rather than specifically not attracted to you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her - some people just don't experience sexual feelings. You say she does love you so maybe she does, and is just unwilling/incapable of expressing it in a sexual way. But... I wouldn't expect any miracles. If that's the way she is, then that's the way she is Maybe she's saying that it will change in the hope that it will. Maybe this is something she needs to face up to herself. (I'm an asexual and it isn't an easy thing to accept that I'll probably never really want sex with somebody.) I think you need to figure out what's important to you. Whether you'd be okay with a life of possibly very little sexual activity, and whether you value her companionship over anything that might be missing, or whether it just wouldn't work in the long run. By the way, obviously I don't know her and can't judge either way, but I don't think it's fair for her to be labelled as a "cold fish" here. If this really is just the way she is, then it's not her fault.

Well, I'm one of those people who used to be an atheist and then started believing in God. You don't have to be scared of changing your mind. Just make sure, whatever you start believing, it is truly what you believe. When I made the transition from atheist to theist... it began with a prayer, really. A prayer out of curiosity. Because at that time I stopped thinking, "There CAN'T be a God" and began thinking, "Well, could there be?" I had a lot of very intelligent friends who believed in God and it bugged me that they could accept this idea and I really couldn't. I don't feel ashamed of making the choice. I don't feel ashamed of all the years I spent fighting against it. It was all part of a growth process. =) I don't think it is ever going to be possible to say that God exists or doesn't exist with absolute certainty. The very nature of a God is such that our minds can't really comprehend. We can try, but no such physical proof exists and in the end it's down to the mind of each individual. In the end I think it's down to subjective evidence... weighing up things in your own mind and decided whether you can or cannot accept something. Hmmmm. A lot of people don't believe in God (especially the Christian God) because they feel there are too many things that don't seem "nice"; things that they are uncomfortable with. I used to be in that position. I used to say, "Well such-and-such seems unfair" and "I really don't like such-and-such idea". But the way I see it now... if something is true then the truth doesn't change to fit your whims. And if you think something isn't true, you have to ask yourself, is this a decision based on dislike of the ideas presented, or is it that you really feel like it can't be true? I'm not 100% comfortable with everything my religion teaches but deep down I have this sort of "knowledge" that there is a God, and it is the God of my religion, and so I have to accept that even though the truth may not always be exactly what I want it to be, it may indeed still be truth... And yes, it could in fact be false but then at that point I have to turn to my own experiences and ask myself, "Is my subjective personal evidence enough for me?" And if I'm living my life in a way that makes sense to me then it's not a problem for me. OK so that was a bit of a ramble but I hope I made a little bit of sense. Hum.

Sometimes true friends are almost impossible to find. @_@ I'm not sure true friends are easier to find in high school. I met some great people in secondary school and I honestly thought they would be my best friends forever but they were still changing, and as soon as they hit the late-teen life of alcohol and boys, they drifted away a bit. As soon as I really needed them... suddenly where were they? Now at uni it's even harder, because in a new environment people put on facades a lot of the time and it's difficult to really get to know people. I'm kind of lacking true friendship in my life at the moment. I think that in order to find these sorts of friendships, you have to be willing to give an awful lot. You have to sow a lot of good seeds, and really reach out to people with all the warmth in your heart. And then, gradually, they will begin to respond in the same way. I think that's sort of how people work. You get what you give. If you ever manage to find a true friend, hold on tight and don't ever let them go! Somebody like that is too valuable to lose.

Thanks for the responses tiger_lilies - I agree that our seemingly "blind faith" can be a little disturbing from an outside perspective. After all, not that long ago I was on the outside myself. So I understand how he would feel maybe slightly anxious about me believing. But the thing is, I never tried to talk to him about Christianity or convert him in the slightest because I knew how he felt. The problems started right from when I was only looking, searching for answers - I was exploring the Christian view and talking to a few of my Christian friends and he had a problem with it even then. I guess everything just went downhill from there. Ah well. Yeah I could understand more if I'd been preaching at him or something. But I never even remotely did. tanned_production, it is indeed touchy. I suppose it's part of why people of the same religion often end up in relationships together because contrasts in faith = contrasts in worldviews = contrasts in methods of dealing with life = possible problems in relationships. Ah well. I will probably wait a bit longer until everything has cooled off. Then maybe I'll send him a text or something. And if he doesn't reply... then I guess I'll take it as "I still don't want to talk to you" and I'll leave him alone until he's ready.

Sigh sigh. One of my best friends decided he didn't want anything to do with me anymore about a month ago, when I became a Christian. He is a very strong atheist, and dislikes Christianity, but I still really don't understand why he can't just accept that this is who I am and respect the decision I have made. I guess I never will understand now, since he doesn't want to see me or talk to me at all! I feel really betrayed. It's hard not to harbour any bad feelings because he has hurt me so much, but I know that it's very important for me to get past this without any resentment or negative feelings towards him. I love him dearly. And I suppose I'm not really angry at him specifically - it's more that I've sort of lost my faith in the meaning of love. Soooo many times he used to tell me how much I meant to him and he demonstrated it on many occasions. And now I'm left wondering... what the heck did any of it really mean? It just seems so fake. It's like, love is only important when it's convenient. Gah. I've been trying not to let it get to me and haven't really talked to anybody about it, except my mum briefly, because it's a bit of a touchy subject I guess. What bugs me most is that I miss him. I used to tell him everything - we were really close. And now I can't talk to him because he doesn't want to hear from me, and I respect his wishes so I'm not going to intrude. Though I really do hope that someday he decides to let me in again. I'm worried about him. I know he was going through a rough patch and shutting out one of his best friends doesn't seem like the most sensible option. But oh well, who am I to judge. Guh. Just frustrating. I don't know why I'm posting about it here. Just wondering if anybody's ever been through anything similiar, maybe, or has any thoughts on it. Yeah...

Hi everyone. I've just started uni, haven't had a date or a boyfriend for over a year and feel sort of at a loss here. I am in a class with a lot of very nice boys. There are only two other girls so you'd think the competition would be in my favour... ;-) But anyway. Right from the first day, I have of course been doing a little talent spotting. The cutest guy in the class is already taken. So I'm not going to intrude there. The second cutest guy, who has an extremely attractive personality, is also taken (grrr!) so that's a no-no, but he's one of my best friends so it's cool, I still get to hang out with him as a friend (which in a way is more of an honour). Then a few of days ago I noticed this other guy... somehow I never really noticed him before. But for some reason he just seems to stand out to me. He's got that sort of dark, mysterious, slightly rugged look. And a beautiful speaking voice (with a lovely Scottish accent!) Personality-wise he seems like a really cool person and I'd love to hang out with him and get to know him better, but the thing is, I don't really know how to do this. He's not in my immediate friendship group. I'd feel a bit strange going over and talking to him in class, or just sitting nearer him, because as I said we're not really friends - just acquaintances - and I'm not sure what I'd say anyway! Grr... I just really want to get to know him. I mean, I don't even know if he has a girlfriend. I think he lives off campus which is annoying because he never comes to the student pub in the evening. If I ever saw him there, it would be much easier for me to approach him for a chat. But alas... I never see him outside of lecture hours. ...I need a strategy ^^;;

Thanks for all the responses - you've all been very helpful =) So I guess I'll just continue as I am and just ... not worry... yes. ^_^

Hi. I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll give it a go... I find myself constantly unattracted to people. I mean, I'll always be looking for friendships and stuff but I never seem to want anybody as anything more than that!! I know that I am capable of giving and receiving affection because I used to have a boyfriend. Well, two. But the first doesn't really count since I wasn't aware we were dating... XD But even so, I've been suspecting recently that my one real relationship (which only lasted a couple of months and wasn't too successful...) only really happened because I was so desperate to have somebody, so that I could feel more normal - because I always used to feel there was something terribly wrong with me for not fancying guys at school. I just didn't really see what the fuss was all about. I still don't. And now I'm 19!!! AAARGH. Does anyone relate to what I'm saying at all...? My best friend tells me I probably just have a really low sex drive But still, I'd expect to find somebody I feel really attracted to emotionally, right? I just never want to take anything past friendship. I can't explain why, but the thought of going further than that with anybody I get to know just seems so so weird. Nyeh. Silly wacky brain *pokes it*. It's annoying these days, because I really wish I could be with somebody. I'd love to have that security. But when I look around me, I don't see one person I'd like to be with. But oh well... I guess it's not really that a big deal, and I'm hoping that one day I'll meet somebody amazing who will sweep me off my feet and then I can say, "Hey, I can fall in love after all!" I hope.. ^^;

Hmm well that's not ideal, no. But better than many lifestyles I could think of. But the beauty of being a human being with a body and a brain that both function is that you can then work on changing things so that you don't want to die on a frequent basis. 'Cause obviously it's better to live a life you feel proud of rather than wishing you didn't exist. ^.^ It's definitely better to try. Marty is right, there is help everywhere. There are many people who would be more than willing to help you in any way they can, starting with getting that more positive mentality.

Thank you for all your advice. Hmm... maybe you're right in that he would rather we were more than friends. As much as I confirm that I only love him as a friend, he always seems to be trying ti convince me how we'd be great together ^^; I will try to be firm with him. It's difficult to know how to approach him with these things, though, because he gets all quiet and upset when I try to talk about them. I don't want to risk starting a fight. But I will try. ^^ I think it's probably a good thing I'm going to university in three weeks, because then there'll be a reason why he can't call me every day. I guess he'll just have to learn to not need me so much. I hope he can. I don't want him to feel lonely though, he hasn't have the easiest of lives. But it's not as if I'm his only friend, he has plenty of others! Anyway, thank you for your replies, I really appreciate your help.

*nodnod* I agree with PAdreamer. There's always a solution. To every problem. I think the first thing you need to do is stop convincing yourself that you're losing and that there's no hope. Everybody has the ability to think positively. You're very young. You have limitless possibilities ahead of you - honestly, you can make of life what you want to. Happiness doesn't come in a plate. Often, you have to put some energy into claiming it! If you give up and resign yourself to being depressed and unhappy, then that's a real shame, because there is always somebody worse off than you. ALWAYS. And as long as you're still alive you can change the things that you really don't like. Secondly if you're really considering suicide, and you're prepared to do that without having sought any help or counselling....... then I'm sorry to say you need to try much harder. I think that's cowardly. If everybody else who's ever survived through tough times can fight, then there's honestly no reason why you can't. Won't is a different story. But can't.... that one just isn't true. I don't know really what advice to give you, but I know that suicide is definitely not the right path to go down. Definitely not. It's the saddest and yet the most stupid action of desperation I can think of. Please, please seek some help... ^_^; Good luck.

There is quite a lot to read but this is quite serious I think, and I'm really at the edge of my sanity trying to find a solution here Any suggestions on this dilemma would be so so welcome. --- OK, I have this guy friend who I'm pretty close with. We're just friends. But still very close. He phones every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times - I don't mind, because generally he's fun to talk to and I don't feel nervous because I know he knows where he stands, and he knows our relationship is just frienship. However, about 1 in every 10 conversations ends in a huge fight, usually with me in tears -_- And the thing is, these arguments seem to originate mostly from his insecurities. Insecurities that seem to be ever present! *le sigh* He jokes all the time, and at first glance he seems very outgoing and confident but really I've come to suspect that he's much more insecure than he initially seems. These days he'll constantly go on about how I'll forget all about him when I go to university and make new friends and I won't make the effort to keep in touch. After about a week of this, I told him it bothers me that he could think that about me, but then he covered it all up claiming it was just a joke. You see, often he jokes without making it obvious he's joking, sometimes about very insensitive things that offend me and this often causes problems between us too. Perhaps it was partially a joke on the surface, but that fact that he keeps on about it suggests to me that he really IS worried about me casting him aside. And no matter how much I try to convince him that I love him to bits and that I'm not the kind of person who just abandons their friends, he still doesn't seem to believe me. It drives me insane... To be honest it offends me a little that he views me as somebody so shallow, when I have never, ever given him cause to think that. And, a month or so ago, we had this ongoing argument. It all started when he complained that I didn't say "I love you," without prompting, at the end of every conversation. Bear in mind we are JUST FRIENDS. He told me it upset him that I didn't say it - to me this was quite ridiculous! I have a few other very very close friends and we only say things like that when there is real cause to. Heck, even my boyfriend didn't get upset when I didn't say it after every single conversation!!! It made me very uncomfortable being ASKED to say this by somebody who wasn't even my boyfriend. I felt like he wanted more from me than I was willing to give, and wasn't willing to accept and appreciate everything I do willingly give in our friendship. Which is a lot. I'm not the most emotionally open person in the world, and sometimes I feel uncomfortable throwing those words "I love you" around without real cause. To me it seems those words should be impulsive, and spontaneous, and in the moment, and if I say them I want to be saying them because I really want to communicate something special to somebody. I did explain my discomfort to him, and he just said that he always needs me to confirm that I care about him because otherwise he doesn't think I do. Now, am I being stupid or is this really weird?! How can somebody be this insecure...? Well, the argument died down after a while. I gave up protesting, for the sake of the friendship, and resolved to obey his request and say the words after every conversation. =\ But the issue remains unresolved. Today, we had another fight. This time it was really stupid. I'd recently made some recordings of myself playing piano and singing some compositions I'd written, and he asked me a couple of nights ago if I'd arrange this particular song for him, for piano and voice, and record it for him. I said yes, because I thought it would work well and I also like this song very much. The following day, I was very busy recording some vocal harmonies for a friend of mine. I told him about it and he started complaining and saying, "So you'll do a song for this guy but you haven't done anything about my song yet?" I was taken aback. I suspected he was joking at first, so I sort of laughed and asked, "What?" but then he continued, "How come you'll record his thing and not mine? When are you going to do my song?" And I got a bit defensive over this, and protested that it had only been 2 days since he'd asked me, and I had other things to do first, and, "It's not like the song is that important that I have to do it straight away." Then he was silent for a few seconds. Oh dear. He didn't like that... I tried to clarify and lighten the mood, saying, "You know. It's not like a life/death situation here, hmm?" Then he said that he thought I was being hurtful. I was mystified, and slightly pissed off, and maybe I was in the wrong but the whole thing seems weird to me. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that because I commented about the song not being that important, I didn't care about him and he was insignificant to me. I was annoyed but apologized and corrected him, but he still insisted that I said it because I don't care, and that he hadn't completely misinterpreted - he basically told me that I was a tactless, insensitive person who cares more about being right than my friendship with him. Honestly, this made me more than a little frustrated and upset. He was twisting all my words, completely failing to see what I was actually saying! He also told me the comment he'd made about me doing the other song before his had been a joke... *sigh* I adore him, and most of the time we get along great but I am really getting fed up with his constant need for reassurance when he never allows himself to believe that I care about him. Even now when I make the effort to say "I love you" no matter how uncomfortable it makes me =\ And sometimes he replies "no you don't" when I do say it. I just don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this. Is there anything I can do? Anything I can say to help him to see that he's got nothing to be insecure about? I've tried everything I can possibly think of, and the problem isn't improving at all. I hate feeling I have to tiptoe around him. I hate feeling like he sees me as a worse person than I am when I try so hard to be a good friend to him, and I feel hurt that he leads himself to see me in a negative light just because he's so insecure. Please please help! If you can suggest anything I'd be sooooo grateful... >_

Hmmm. I used to have that same problem. I think Meagan could be right - low self-esteem can make it pretty hard. Some kind of confidence block that makes you a bit self-conscious, maybe? That thing that makes you conscious that you're having difficulties searching for things to say... Do you ever feel like you're coming accross as boring, even though with your closer friends you know you were capable of talking about stuff? Sorry if I'm way off track, I'm just going by my own experiences, so um, humour me ^.~ Conversation can be tricky if it's with people you don't really know too well - the first thing to do is look for common ground. Once you've found that, it's easy. ...Just sometimes it's really elusive O.o And sometimes it's a good thing to be in a situation where you don't have to do all the talking. Or if there's something you're actually doing, to take the focus away from direct conversation a bit. Like, er, I don't know, a game or pool or something. Just an example. Then that'll actually give you something to talk about, and eventually whatever mental barriers are there will relax and conversation should get easier. Sorry if that was a load of rubbish. Feel free to ignore!!

If you ask me, there is no "too late" I guess I was lucky that kissing was never a big deal to me. I never kissed until I was 18. Just didn't find anybody before then I could even contemplate putting my lips on... *shudder* You shouldn't feel like you have to do something just because everybody else is, or just to be cool, or because it's the "thing to do" or whatever. If you find somebody you wanna kiss, then kiss them. If you don't, then don't feel you have to do it just in order to prove something. Obviously this is only one person's opinion. And maybe kissing isn't a big deal... and believe me the first kiss is likely not all it's cracked up to be. But it's still a kind of landmark, in a way, and I'm glad mine was with somebody I actually wanted to kiss, rather than some half-hearted attempt to assert a "cool" self image.