To anyone set on committing suicide...especially when another person is involved, I'm here to say, that's not the way! In the first place, if you are a Christian...you know that God gave you life and can take your life at His discretion. Not yours. You'll go to hell !
Seek help...it is out there in abundance..you just have to find it. The right niche for you!! Show you love yourself and FIND help!
At the end of my 26 yr marriage, after the divorce dust settled barely and I had moved away rather than watch my ex with his "ladyfriend" as he called her...I left that area completely and moved to the biggest city I'd ever seen or had been in. My family was here is why. Not my kids. Not my in laws. But my family. I lived with a sister until I got a low life government job..I had not worked in years up til then...eventually got an apt...then a second one ...and found life to be too much for me. I had never done so many thing by myself in my entire life. (One son was in the military and one was still in high school. With his dad.)
When things started going downhill on my job...I just felt like the whole situation was hopeless and so was I.
I o.d.'ed on many pills.
I was found before I could die...and I spent 3 mos. having my attitude adjusted. Lost my apt., job etc
When I got out of the hospital, I had renewed hope. Nonetheless, facing the world alone again was very very hard.
I got another low life government job (Affirmative action was alive and well for a select minority) and I got another apt.
I met a man then. I was nutzo for him. I thought he felt the same way but I had no experience 0X with alcoholics and the relationship really was doomed from the get go!! Nonetheless I married him. After he did time for DWIs. Hard time.
We were happy for 5 years. He was a model husband.
He's dedicated to his job. Married to it even. Then the last two years saw heavier drinking on his part. Insecurity is bound to play a heavy part here. My own insecurities rose considerably, I'm tellin ya!!
I still see him weekends. We have a lot of fun...agree on some things, loudly disagree on others. For instance, he's not a Christian..in fact, is an agnostic. Or..when he sees fit, says he's into other beliefs. He loudly denounces God and the Bible, the whole Christian thing, as "fairytales." Well..Santa Claus is a myth/fairytale thing and I believe in him too!!
Sex is his life next to his job. First is alcohol...he must have it.
Last year out of the clear blue sky he announced he was going to find another woman (for sex) but I could stay in the picture. Guess I wasn't exciting to him anymore.
Ugh!!
After that we split (his decide) for 6 or 7 mos.
We got back together (my fault) but only on weekends. Neither of us wants marriage again. The other day I told him our sex life is history!! He took it badly. Oh well.
Don't thinkof suicide. Life has something besides misery for you in the offing. God doesn't bungle stuff. Or people.
No one has all the answers but help is out there..just FIND it!! You're a child of God whether you're a believer or not. God hears you..and whether you like His answers, he does HEAR you.
You can surely hear me...I'm not highly educated..high school was where my pen/paper education ended. Life tho...is the rest of your education. I didn't arrive at age 60 without knowing something.
Have a good life. If it is to be...guess what? It's up to YOU!!
