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  1. if only
    I use to get this when I was younger mine was a type of ezemea (not sure how to spell) mine was to do with hormonal changes so I was recommended primrose oil tablets which seemed to do the trick. Now if I become stressed i get it again and each time within a week of taking these tablets it clears up. Your local chemist should stock or herbal shop
  2. if only
    My ex of five years cheated on me in the first 6 months of our relationship and I forgave him, but it haunted me for the rest of the relationship. I was able to trust him after but it took a good year and a half to get to the point were I felt comfortable with him going out without me and trusting him. Even at the end of the relatonship I always had my doubts of what really happened and still do to this day. If you can handle it and believe she is truly sorry then go for it, my ex never done anything similar to me again as he saw how hurt I was. It will take a lot of working at, but if you think it can work you will retrust. Good luck!!
  3. if only
    DBL said: Enough about me and my morals, I see it differently, no doubt that some guys are ignorant, but so are most women. Take a look at yourelf, you slept with your x knowing he is in a relationship. At the time I was only aware of him going on a couple of dates with some girl it was after that I was told by another friend he was in a relationship for three months with her!! It is a different situation to just sleeping with some guy who had a GF! I had a lot of feelings for him we were together 5 years!!! he finished with me which was very painful and at the time I saw it as a way of getting back together. I would have still been with him knowing about the GF as I was in a bad situation at the time. I think it is unfair of you to judge me as being ignorant by this when you too should no the pain I was going through at the time.
  4. if only
    why do you feel the need to do this to your GF though? If you care for someone more than yourself why would you care about street cred?
  5. if only
    Thank you for your comments I know it is dangerous to generalise and I also know it is not all men that do this and women can be just as bad too but the longer I am single the more I see. I have tried really hard not to put all guys into one pot but when am I going to see the nice guys again?? My ex who I thought was amazing broke up with me to be single a week later he was with another women!! and still is. I never dreamt he could or would do that to me. But I thought hey it happens.. I know nice guys but I was so wrong!!! I thought this kind of thing happened when you are younger like 18-21 not people who are approaching there 30's I thought they understood the importance of trust but it just seems to me they are getting worse!!
  6. if only
    I have been single now for 7 months and oh my god what an eye opener!!! I was with someone for 5 years and trusted him 100%... I was so naive I will never trust a man like that again!!! In the last 7 months I have had several occasions were men with Girlfriends lie... 1) I met a guy and we started dating for a while but I thought something was a bit strange and then when he was on hol with who I thought was the lads!!! ended up being his long term girlfriend of 3 years!!! he told me on several occasions he was single!!! 2) My Ex hooked up with me one night (I know... shouldn't have happened) when he had been with his new girl for a few months!! 3) My friend found out her BF has been cheating on her for 9 months with a girl she used to work with!! 4) A guy friend I have known for years ended up having a one night stand with one of my friends when he has a Long Distance relationship and tells me he loves her!!! 5) My cousins husband is having a baby with another woman!!! 6) I met another guy who told me he didn't have a GF but then when asking me out he told me he did but we could still hook up!!! 7) And many more including my ex's friends trying it on with me!!!! What the hell is going on here??? why do men feel the need to do this???? I know women do it too but I feel relationships are more important to women in the long run whereas blokes just seem to need to sow there oats all the time!!! It makes me so mad and so doubtful about my future how can I trust someone when things like this keep happening!!
  7. if only

    Last hurdle

    if only replied to if only's topic in Dating Advice

    glad you like it a friend of mine said it to me when I first split with my ex and how true!!! No I don't feel guilty about being with other people, that's what I mean when I say I think im over him, I don't talk/think or even want to be with him anymore and I am genuinely happier without him. I am happy we split up I am having a really good time just cant put my finger on the problem!!! I keep thinking when I meet the right person I will change but some of these guys are really great sometimes I regret not answering but not till a few weeks later and at the end of the day I know if I don't enjoy the dates it will just end up meaning I have made more friends. I even said to one guy I don't want to go on a date with him as it was too soon after the ex but he said he would take me out for a drink just as a friend and expect no more sounded good but nope just couldn't do it!!! I think im strange
  8. if only
    ok, my ex who I was with for 5 + years, split up over 7 months ago. I feel I am totally over him now. I may not be which is why I have wrote this as I need some advise..... I have met several nice men over the past few months and on the night I spend time with them I really enjoy there company and think I should meet up with them. I give them my number. The big problem is the next day when I wake up I change my mind and don't reply to there text/phone calls (I know not fair but I don't know what else to do in order to not string them on) there was one guy who I did reply to but he was someone I have known on and off for a few years - things didn't work out he had a GF that I didn't know about!!! I think it may be because: A) I am scared of what to expect, my ex was a close friend before we started dating and we were very young when we got together so I haven't really experienced dates with people I don't know, he was also my first real boyfriend although there was other guys through school or B) I am not over my ex which is why I don't want to date these people yet. I don't think I am a shy person ( in fact I am very bubbly have lots of friends and never struggle to talk. I do lots of networking at work too) I have loads of male friends who I find I can talk to easily so don't think this is the problem either. I do however worry if I go on these dates that people wont like me or it will be uncomfortable. is this shyness or Is there something wrong with me?
  9. if only
    Isn't it strange how you get this sick sense you will bump into your ex!!! I have done it several times I think when you have been with someone for such a long period of time you are connected in a way which is why you sense these things - maybe we all do have physic powers ha ha I the same as you have those feelings come flooding back but trust me it gets easier to get over them the longer you are without them and the feelings slowly disappear for good. Best thing to do is keep yourself busy I found that the only way I could fully get over the ex was to write a letter to him ( I didn't send it) instead I wrote a letter back to me from him imagining what he would say things like I loved you but we are not meant to be, we are better separated, move on etc it really did help to make me feel like I had closed that chapter of my life I know it sound silly but it worked for me maybe it will for you too? good luck
  10. if only
    I know you want her back you need time to heal.. those wounds are still open mine are nearly closed. It takes time to heal, and if you try NC for a few months you will protect yourself from hurting more. In the mean time you can get back to what she fell in love with in the first place and enjoy spending time with yourself. You will get better it just takes time.
  11. if only
    I think its fine to be talking a lot but you should arrange the date sooner rather than later. I have read a few comments on here about cyber relationships and when talking over phone/internet its great but in real life after a period of these conversations the meeting in person lets you down as you lose that spark of finding out the interesting things about each other in person. I know it is not completely the same but similar in a way and the long conversations each day will do the same as a cyber relationship. Good luck
  12. if only
    I'm so sorry Mr Lonely I know like too many of us on here what you are going through right now. I too had an ex who was telling me he loved me right until the end we even went on holiday together and he was telling me he couldn't imagine ever being without me 2 weeks later out of the blue its over for him to be single. I guess when I look back on it now even though I felt it was perfect at the time all these emotions he was saying to me was because he was confused he couldn't deal with the fact he may be without me so he shared these thoughts with me but not the thoughts of wanting to be single. In the end the other thought ruled the end. The best thing someone said to me is he may have been have been saying these things to you and at the time meant it but he is not coming back - 7 months today and nope he is not back but I am a lot happier without him. He also turned so cold and gave different reasons to his mates from what he said to me, we have not spoken since and he is now with someone else. I read a book 'Don't call that man' I know it is meant for women but I feel it should be used for both sexes it has exercises in it that helped me move on quickly and realise why I was so attached to him and the relationship. It was also an aid for me to read when I wanted to call him and I didn't even get to the end it was that great. I know its tough and you want her back but always look forward never back. There are issues there which wont resolve within a couple of weeks and if you went back to being together you would end up insecure. Do things for you, if you meet someone else it could be forever you may never be single again so make the most of things as they are now. I know its hard but it does get better!!! Good luck
  13. if only

    Me

    if only posted a topic in Personal Growth

    I have been through a lot in the past few months my whole world shattered when the ex split with me I am now the person I was, happy with who I am!! I have loads of friends, built bridges with the people I lost and when I go out I have a brilliant time no matter what situation I am put in. I try to be as nice as possible, I put people before me, give to charity, give blood, don't hold grudges etc I believe what goes around comes around but this isn't the only reason I do these things I enjoy them too. Problem is just lately I have been thinking to myself am I too overpowering? I am not loud and rude but I like to enjoy myself and make jokes enjoy dancing etc... I am constantly trying to make people happy, I am always the gorgeous girls friend who enjoys a giggle and never the gorgeous girl!!! The problem I am experiencing is the guys I meet out aren't as interested in me as I would like them to be they think I'm cute and a nice person but are intimidated by me having so many friends and enjoying so many things. I don't want to change but I feel this is also one of the reasons the ex split up with me, what can I do? Should I really calm down and maybe grow up?! Or should I just wait and one day I will find the man who is suited to me because of who I am? I thought I did find that man, we were together for years but he was always jealous of my friends and didn't like the partying side of me. What if this happens again and I end up being a singleton for the rest of my life?????
  14. if only
    Cecelius said: Then I would watch your g/f VERY carefully as it relates to talking to other men. She's made it clear, as many women do, that she will always have a "Dude in the Box" ready in case she decides you're not completing her anymore. I would just like to add that both sexes do this not just women. my ex of 5.5 yrs left me to be single and within a week was seeing someone twice his age!! I think it is unfair to generalise that women do this when it is quite clear from the forums both male & female do this
  15. if only
    If I were you I would not go with option 3 it may end up making things worse not better. Its your GF who created this situation then she really needs to deal with it. Because of this I would recommend option 2 he may be hanging onto something and need her to tell him that it is definetly over. After all it was only 2 weeks im surprised he hasn't got the message already. Option one would be a good choice to but you may still have the hassle if you see him out - I don't know how likely this is?! I know how upset you must be about what happened and now that this man is chasing your gf it makes it harder but you were once in his situation so by telling him to p off isn't really fair it should come from her - he didn't actually do anything wrong even though it may feel like he did.
  16. if only
    I agree with what you are saying but she contacted you first which put you in control and it helped you realise that you were over her. When you separate you are being rejected and no one like this especially when you are in love. I feel by her calling you it showed she also felt the same as you for some time, making you feel not so rejected and I would agree I would feel good even better too if I were in your shoes when nc was broken. But in this case he wants to call her which straight away proves he is not over her. I think someone has mentioned something about a 3 month mark and how you feel the need to contact them after a high of feeling free and single....I also went through it now I am like you I dont even care to speak to them I will say hi if I see him but wont make the effort to contact him it just isnt worth it. When you are fully over someone you will not want to contact them and like you if they contact you, it only proves what you already know.
  17. if only
    personally I would just leave things the way they are....what are you going to gain by sending this e-mail? it might end up being even more rejection. By continuing with NC you will become stronger and feel better about yourself. by sending an e-mail you are still holding onto something deep down you are hoping she will realise what she is missing but you really have to realise it is over. Until you accept this you will continue to Grieve the loss of the relationship and not move on fully. Do you really want to be one of those very sad stories that still haven't come to terms with it 5 years down the line? I know that I wanted the hurting to go as soon as possible. Your not alone though in the way you are feeling, I too went through this stage, thinking should I just contact the ex (I also made up several reasons for myself to get in touch with him) but in the end I didn't, I though if I were in his shoes I would contact me if I wanted to as it was his decision and if not I would want to be left alone. I know its hard but it does get easier, by contacting them it just makes you return to point one again and you will be putting yourself on the line only to be hurt all over again.. it really isn't worth it. Someone said to me 'life is too short... learn from other peoples experiences' - how true is this? there are plenty of stories on this board that all end up in rejection I hope this helps and just concentrate on the more positive things in life you will make it!!!
  18. if only
    Well if he left his wife to be with you I wouldnt trust him either If they do it once they can do it again
  19. if only
    The Dumper - In most cases they will have been thinking about the decision for weeks/months or even years with the added benefit of having you at there side when they feel sad about it. When a decision is made I believe it is because they finally feel it is the right thing to do and have grown strong enough to break free. The Dumpee - You may have not know anything was wrong in which case you will find the decision very hard to deal with. It was not your choice and you was happy, (rejection is always nasty especially when you love that someone) All those months he/she was thinking about the end you were still in love without a clue. they had time to except what was going to happen whereas you didn't and you don't have them to hold you when you feel sad about it. I am 6 months down the line and I am so pleased he broke up with me (trust me I wasn't at first), I cant say im fully over him, I tend to think about it from time to time but I am at the point he was at when we broke up. I feel like I want him in my past and do not need to spend time with him or even know what he is doing. I am truly happy on my own and look to the future, I don't even want him as a friend that would be too hard. I believe this is how he felt when we split, he would have liked me in his life but in order for him to fully move on he knew it wasn't right to stay in contact. im sure he missed me like I have him but if he kept phoning me or e-mailing me whilst im feeling the way I do now, I would ask him to stop too as I really don't want him in my life anymore.
  20. if only
    I dont think anyone can help you make sense of your situation Death is a fact of life that we dont understand and it hurts us all. A close friend of mine recently lost her brother and something she said to me made me think about things in a different perspective and may help you put your mind to rest. Her brother died when he was 16 and had never experienced many things in life like your friend but she said if god was to ask her if she wanted a brother for 16 years or not one at all she would definetly want him here for 16 years every time. I think maybe instead of looking for answers and wishing he was still here you should enjoy the memories you have and be glad he was in your life. After all im sure he wouldnt want you to be sad? I know it takes time to heal and he will always be in your thoughts but Im sure your friend is in a happy place and is looking over you. Only time can help you hela and my thoughts are with you xx
  21. if only
    im so sorry you have to go through this I don't know what I would do in your situation I was with my ex for 5 years and that was hard enough having a clean split but 13 years and keeping you dangling on just isn't fair. I have to say from the sounds of things you shouldn't agree with her terms if she is or was in love with you then she would not ask you to do this. How are you going to feel when the night before she meets up with you she was with another man? it will tear you apart and continue to do so until you break up or get back together and who is to say that even if you get back together which I doubt (I say this as she will not try to work things out with councilling) you will ever be able to trust her again? I know at the moment the only way it seems possible to stay together is doing it her way but honestly ask yourself would it ever work if you was advising a friend im sure you would tell them what I am you? Looking from an outside point of view... she wants to keep you dangling on just in case she cant find something better. I really wouldn't stand for it. I would recommend you start NC straight away it will make it easier for you, it may also make her realise that you aren't going to just hang around for her. I'm so sorry I know how you feel but I promise things do get better
  22. if only
    Maybe you could just mention it in passing like 'I saw your husband the other day in xxx' that way she will probably ask you who with if she is suspicious or if she already knew he was out with a friend she may just say oh yeah he had a meeting with whoever she was. I think if you keep quiet and something ends up coming out she would be upset at you for not telling her, but you have to be very careful as if you blow this meeting out of proportion you could end up ruining her marriage for an innocent meeting. I think by mentioning it in passing is just being friendly, I often talk to my friends and mention I saw there partners out without them.
  23. if only
    nah don't do it. I'm in same situation as you. with ex for 5 years separated now for 6 months his choice he has new gf. My birthday in Aug he didn't send me any message his was a couple of weeks ago I didn't send any message... difference with my story is I don't want to contact him and have had nc for over 5 months. I feel over him which is why there is no need to phone or any point. You still need lots of NC and when you get to the point were you don't want to contact her you will be over her enough to move on. In know its hard and you cant believe she is doing this to you, but the only way to feel better in yourself is forget her, enjoy being single and what ever you do maintain NC it works or has for me anyways!!! Good luck!!
  24. if only
    I actually have to disagree - sorry I am the same as you and knew that I would bump into my ex even though I wish I wouldn't, it was inevitable. I instead off ignoring it have faced my fears and feel 10 x better about the situation. I didn't want to ignore him as I felt it would only add to his reasons of why he didn't want to be with me and also make an uncomfortable environment in situations like yours. I have not made an effort with him and would not class him as a friend, just an associate to say hi to. I have seen him three times out with his new GF and have made the effort to Wave or say hello how are you? the conversation lasts no more than a min but I am polite and each time just smile and look happy (which I am now). I think this shows that I am the bigger person and have been able to handle the break up. If I was in his shoes I would be thinking hey doesn't it bother her anymore? It also makes me feel great each time this happens, as it makes me feel I am almost over him and I can actually be happy rather than pretending. Each time this happens I have realised by facing it I have been able to almost get rid of that hurt feeling you get. I'm not saying when you see him run over and hug him, just when your eyes meet say hi, keep it short and sweet and don't forget to smile. with regards to dress and how to act...you have to do this for you now. oh and I know you will be saying it doesn't bother you anymore and you will dress for yourself... but I on many occasions would dress in a sexy outfit to try and get his attention and tell my friends it was for me, now I realise that I shouldn't care what he thinks and dress how I usually would if I went to something like this. Hey who knows you may even meet someone new and exciting. Good luck
  25. if only
    I think if you are that worried and it is only a couple of days after the event the morning after pill is called for. I think you can take it up until 42 hours after? im not a medical advisor so the best thing to do is ring a family planning centre, if you are in the UK we have Brook centres who can help organise this and are very friendly.
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