SadHatter

Hi guys, My ex-girlfriend and I broke up a year ago and we’ve only seen each other twice since (once when we ended up in bed together after she broke up with one of her new bf’s (and then ended up back with him two days later)!) and the second time when we were out clubbing, bumped into each other and ended up having a huge row. Since then, she’s had four different relationships in a year, none of which have worked out. I generally don’t text her or contact her in any way, and she usually doesn’t. Then, out of the blue, usually at most after about a month/five weeks, she’ll text me just asking how am I or a silly question such as, “was it xmas 2005 or 2006 we broke up” as she did last week! This has been ongoing for over a year. About three weeks before Xmas, she text me and was really nasty, I think she was drunk. I decided then that I wouldn’t speak to her again. However, on Xmas Day, she text me saying merry Xmas and being the season of good will I forgave her (not that she apologised for the nasty things she’d said). Anyway, she text me last week just general chitchat and last night I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I worried and that I may be getting myself in too deep again and could end up falling for her. I ended up texting her and asking her if she would like to meet up to which she text back, “no just f**k off and leave me alone”. Confused, I asked why she was saying that and she replied, “f**k off”. At that point I replied and said how rude that was and she should learn some manners and she didn’t reply again. She’s such a horrible girl, why am I still letting her affect me? And why does she do this? She seems to be nice to everyone else and HORRIBLE to me and I don’t know why because I am a nice person and never nasty to anyone. Always been there for her and she treats me like this. Give it a month, she’ll text again, as nice as pie. I’m starting to wonder whether she honestly is schizophrenic. I need some advice guys. Is she like this because she is using me or does she like me and won’t admit it or what? I had a gf for a while and she seemed to be really jealous…well she even told me she was…but since she’s just acted like this… It bugs me so much that she treats me like this…I’ve no idea why or why I put up with it, so stupid! I don’t know if she hates me or likes me or loves me or what, she must be the most confusing person in the world to work out.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all that feedback from everyone and it means a lot. I intend now to totally ignore this girl and continue being happy with my lovely girlfriend. Everything you said was spot-on and I think it is a case of thinking, "Why is she horrible to me and why does she do this?" but...like you say...who cares. She has MAJOR issues and doesn't like herself so how can she like anyone else? And you're totally right about not being able to be on her own. When I saw her and we were chatting before she went into one, I asked her why she had a new bf and she said she didn't love him but she'd be bored on her own!

Hi guys, Just looking for some advice really…or just to be told what I need to be told (I already know the right answer but maybe just need to hear it!). I dated a girl for a year and we had a very volatile relationship…she knew exactly how to push my buttons and we argued a lot. Nobody else has ever wound me up so much and she seemed to be able to do it at a canter. I was never physical (she was on occasions) but would often lose my patience with her and usually quite rightly so. We broke up at Xmas (I ended it) after one row too many. I did love her and I guess maybe I always felt a slight bit of excitement there but it wasn't healthy for me. Just two days after the break up, I was glad it was over – but I then heard that she had a new bf (after just two days!) and I was really upset. Tried ringing her, even asked her to get back with me (jealousy maybe?) and she refused, was very nasty to me, told me in no uncertain terms to leave her alone and that was that. Within a month or so, she had moved in with him and his mum (!). I didn't hear from her at all then until about April time (so some four months), during which time I'd met someone new. She had found out about this and text me saying she was very jealous. A few phone calls ensued before she stopped after I told her that I was happy and had moved on. However, I've never really stopped thinking about her, even though I am so happy with my current gf and have the nicest, most caring gf I've ever had (I'm 24). Not sure why. Out of the blue, she rang me about a month ago, saying her bf had cheated on her (in tears) and that she didn't know what to do. Maybe I should have told her where to go, but I am not like that, and ended up talking to her for a good hour or so, just giving her advice and acting as a shoulder to cry on (in a friend way, nothing more). She text me a couple of days after that saying she was going to give it another go with her bf again and then I didn't hear from her again until the weekend just gone. I was in a club with my friend and she came over with another two girls and said hello. I was polite and felt slightly awkward as it was the first time I had seen her for some 9 months. She told me she had broken up with her bf and now had (another!) new bf. We chatted for a while and she was friendly enough and it felt nice in a way that we'd seemed to move on from all the problems we had in the relationship. I did feel a bit guilty for talking to her when I have a gf, but on the other hand, I didn't do anything wrong so maybe I have nothing to feel guilty about. Anyway, after about 5 minutes of conversation, one of her friends (who is a lesbian) decides to tell me that she's "done stuff" with my ex-gf. I said, "You what?" and I was shocked as my ex-gf isn't a lesbian (as far as I know!) and my ex-gf laughed and said, "you weren't supposed to tell him that!" I ignored it and we carried on chatting civilly for another 10/15 minutes and I accidentally kept calling her friend the wrong name (I was pretty drunk). After about3 times of me doing this, her friend (the lesbian one) stood up and said, "I'm sorry, but you're a f-ing p**ck"! I was shocked, especially as I had been nice enough to even buy the girl a drink! She then continued to abuse me and told me, "I could tell you so many things that would make you gutted but I won't because I don't want to get people into trouble." I assume she means my ex-gf cheated on me regularly or something. Who knows. Anyway, all the time my ex-gf was laughing, as if to approve what her friend was doing and I said "Thanks for laughing at me" and she replied, "You're welcome" in an arrogant, sarcastic way. By this point, I snapped and told them both where to go (although in a slightly harsher way!). They then left the club. I text my ex-gf yesterday to apologise and stated that I regretted what I said to her and her friend but I only did it in self defence and her friend had started it and I am not going to take the entire blame. My ex replied and told me, "Just f**k off and leave me alone"…So I did That's it…but what I don't understand is I have a wonderful gf who is beautiful, adores me, so loves me and I do care about her so much. Anyone else wouldn't give this a second thought but I can't get it out of my head. Why is it bothering me so much and what was/is my ex playing at?

Thanks. But if I really love my girlfriend, why have I done this?? That isn't love, a previous girlfriend did this to me and I thereforeeee believe she did NOT love me. I do feel like I love my gf, but doing what I did isn't love is it?! Do you think I've been manipulated/played by my ex? I still, stupidly, feel kind of responsible for my ex in a way. I love my gf, but also care about my ex - we were together a year and she obviously has problems. She actually isn't a bad person, but she seems to press the self destruct button. I don't know, it isn't my problem any more yet I always for some reason feel partly like I should help her, even though she's treated me awfully in the past and my friends/family hate her with a passion!

By the way...do you think she does have real, serious mental issues??!??! I don't understand why she does this!! She doesn't think its dirty/slutty/weird and thinks I am weird when I say it isn't normal and you don't just sleep with everyone and anyone!! She then says I do love my ex-bf and I said.....it seems it!! And she said this is my way of dealing with things. Hmmmm

Most certainly did use protection!!!

Thanks. I don't think my gf will find out - if it ever comes out, I would just deny it. She knows what my ex is like, I would say she is just saying it to split us up cos she is mental! I think she'd believe me! I've been SUCH an idiot. And my ex is DIRTY. EWWWWWWWWW

fffffffffff

Oh man, guys you have got me feeling bad that I replied now. She replied saying, "That's good advice, maybe I will take it this time, although probably not as I am stubborn!" I replied, "OK. Well, good luck. Take care" I did that before reading your messages though!

*********UPDATE*********** Thanks for all of your replies guys, much, much appreciated. She has sent me a text tonight saying, "After one day my ex is already screwing with my head and we aren't even togther. Delete this like I know you do with your ex-gf's texts but I don't share their motives. This is my way of apology for being so ignorant and naive to what you said. My ex has proved you right. Sorry" I was a bit surprised and replied with, "Sorry to hear things aren't working out for you. If I were you I would concentrate on your uni exams. Good luck" So, did I say the right thing/act the right way? Thanks for the advice everyone

Thanks pal, she just said to me... maybe i do love you, maybe thats why it hurt so much to talk to you earlier n why i feel like total crap today and... iv slept all day.. since i gt bk from urs i gt into bed n havent moved til now and... i decided this last night.. n i will admit my ex did play a part in it but i was thinking it myself anyway and that her ex was over the moon when he found out that we'd broken up! I am sure he was! How naive is she?!

ggggggggggggggggggggggg

Glad everyone liked the story anyway, at least I cheered a few of you up! What's funny is, for about a week or so, I was curious...why is she ringing me etc. Now I just think who the hell cares, what a completely stupid, immature, waste of space little girl!

Ron - the reason some people go through all that is because they are extremely insecure - they HAVE to hear that someone wants them. It's their problem - it's her's - not mine - I am not the insesure one and in the future when I am happy and settled with someone new, she'll be playing these pointless games with some other sucker

Exactly, I agree, playing games is pointless. There's nothing wrong with playing hard to get for a bit, but when you get to the point where your ex-gf has been playing nothing but games for three months, you just can't be bothered anymore... I proved my point I think - and the good thing is, at last, I've completely and utterly realised she is an absolute idiot