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michelemybell

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Everything posted by michelemybell

  1. michelemybell
    I disagree with Cecelius. I dont believe in the "one strike youre out" rule--Not when children are involved. If your single or with no children, then definitely leave. But now you have to leave your ego out of this. If she is still out screwing around, that is one thing. If she is physically abusive that is grounds to leave as well. If an affair happened once, it is not enough ground to destroy a family over. I think the kids will be scarred more knowing that their parents threw in the towel without much effort to remedy the situation. Passion ebbs and flows in any relationship--Its how you endure during these times and work through it that is important. They will learn a greater lesson if you dont just up and leave when you feel like it or when the going gets tough. They will be scarred much more when they dont see their dad around. Trust me, I know!`
  2. michelemybell
    Is your wife still seeing the other guy? Are you both still living together? EVERY couple goes through a point in their relationship where they feel the love is gone or definitely not the same as it once was. Simply walking out is not the answer. The same thing will happen in another relationship guaranteed. Are you both seeking counseling together? I think you two need to work a little bit harder on this. Did she ever tell you why she had the affair? As far as the children go, you do not give up fathering your children once you get a divorce. You make sure you are part of their life--You dont go running away just to appease her. But before getting a divorce, please try again to work on this. Most marriages can survive an affair--even one with an emotional attachment. Maybe you are a really nice and decent man, but maybe she was not getting the attention she needed from you. My friend once had an affair on her husband--They were going to get a divorce. Well, she found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side, and her husband started coming home early from work and spending more quality time with her. Before he was too busy with himself and she felt ignored. Just doing that made her change her behavior toward him as well and they stayed together. Of course she has a lot of things she needs to change...but start somewhere, start with yourself just to see what will happen.
  3. michelemybell
    If you already apologized, leave her alone. And show through your ACTIONS that you have changed. Get help and make yourself a better person. All the begging and clinging shows her you havent changed at all--Of course she doesn't want that. You can only show her you've changed by leaving her alone, getting help for your problems and taking positive healthy action in your own life. I know it hurts when someone you love finds another person. But you will feel that much worse if you just sit around and do nothing but pine for that person.
  4. michelemybell
    Not sure what you are asking in your post. Did he break up with you? For what reason? Did he say he can't trust YOU and that you dont carry yourself with respect in public? If so, is it true? Please elaborate with your post.
  5. michelemybell
    This is scary stuff! I dated a guy once like this. I was in the best shape of my life, and he would tell me how beautiful I was...but then he would point out where he thought my future stretch marks were going to be! Then he didn't like my clothes, then eventually it was my hair, and so on. I became ultra-paranoid because I didn't want to lose his approval. I became insecure about things on my body that I had no problem with before. I think people like your boyfriend do this because they aren't secure with themselves. People who are secure and really have things going for themselves aren't so focused on other people's "flaws". I agree with the other poster--You could be perfect, and he will find something wrong. So, it's really up to you. Do you want to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? Probably more important is the fact that he told you that he can't picture himself with one person. Take these words seriously. You are both young, and he doesnt sound like a guy who is ready to take the plunge, hence the mixed messages. If it were me, I would leave the guy as hard as it may be. He's got a lot of issues and sounds confused and he's taking you along for the ride. You dont need that.
  6. michelemybell
    You asked if it was possible for a first year college student to do badly one year and recover and get into med school? You betcha!!!! I know many students who did just that. But it's going to take a lot of hard work on your part in the next few years. The question is, are you ready for the challenge? Getting high grades is next to impossible if you got a lot of other things going on in your life. You got to be focused. I'm a veterinary student (which believe it or not is more competitive in terms of admissions than med school because there are hardly any schools that offer it), and everytime a new semester starts I have to make sure that my personal life takes a backseat. I'm curious--what classes did you get bad grades in? If you were taking general ed I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you were taking lower division prep courses in science and/or math, I would be concerned more in terms that it might be tough in the next level of classes if you didn't quite understand the material this year. If so, I would spend the rest of the summer reviewing the material in those classes. Do you have the option of repeating the classes? If so, do it and get good grades in them. If it makes you feel any better, I was a poor poor student when I first started college, and managed to turn my grades around. Just make the commitment to it and prove those counselors wrong!!
  7. michelemybell
    Wildchild, I didn't mean to sound too harsh with you, but I do think you deserve better. I was in the same situation as you with a guy I considered my soulmate and someone who was wonderful in every other way too...but I found myself always trying to rationalize his bad behavior. Basically he was non-verbally telling me that I should just "deal with" whatever he did--whether it be looking at porn, cheating, flirting with other women, etc. etc. And he eventually left me for someone he lied to me about. Not saying that the same thing will happen to you...but if you just let things "slide", it could escalate into other behavior and you could be the one left behind. You can put your foot down on his behavior and give him ultimatums, but I have found it's really hard to change someone's behavior in the long run. I have found that you can be on the perfect wavelength with another person with everything else, but sometimes just getting along isn't enough--You have to be on the same page with your goals, ideas, values, etc. I wish you the best of luck with this situation!
  8. michelemybell
    Someguy, I'm curious--If the shoe was on the other foot--Just say SHE was the one who was looking at porn (and with looking at porn, not just the occasional looking---I mean the downloading of pics of naked guys and videos, and guys emailing her, etc.) would you suggest to her boyfriend to stick around? Would you tell him to check out the pics too and share her interest? Would you want a girlfriend that does this and LIES ABOUT IT??? Would you want a girlfriend like this who lacks intimacy and interest with you, but doesn't have a problem checking out naked men and getting off with them??? I seriously doubt it. She brang up herself a lot of the issues that I spoke of. You can't just look at this one-dimensional as you are suggesting.
  9. michelemybell
    You got a couple problems here: 1) He is disregarding that this is bothering you. A good mate does not do things that make his girlfriend uncomfortable. 2) His lack of intimacy with YOU is a huge problem. You also said he shows little affection in and out of the bedroom. Oftentimes, people will look at porn because it is a way to avoid getting close to someone--It seems he is comfortable with impersonal relationships, but when it comes to real life, he can't handle it. 3) He lies to you. Who knows what else he lies about. I dont agree with the other poster. You dont have to get involved with his involvement with porn (and it seems like you already tried too. I dont think he wants you involved anyhow!). A better thing to do is to really be honest and ask yourself if you want to be with someone who continues to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, and one who doesn't show much affection to you? Do you want to be with someone who you have to be suspicious of and cant trust? Do you want a lifetime of this? (I sure wouldn't!) This isn't really about the sex. This brings up a lot of issues about his character.
  10. michelemybell
    Hi mikki, Three months is a very short time to date, and the rest of your relationship has been long distance, so honestly it's a gamble here. I still think you need to wait and see until this guy can prove that he is true to his word. Remember again, he went against his word before. Be careful. My advice is the same---Get to know him and DATE HIM before you make any lifelong plans with the guy.
  11. michelemybell
    Hi Mikki, Did you two actually date as boyfriend and girlfriend? From your post, it sounds like you two never actually dated--just went from being friends to sleeping with each other. While his words sound like everything you'd want to hear, I think he is speaking out of emotion and the "heat of the moment". You can't base having a life-long relationship on this because he will just as quickly say he is "confused". Remember, he left you hanging at another time. I wouldn't put too much trust and faith into his words. If you still plan to move back, please only date him--absolutely do not move in with this guy. Date him and find out who he is and if he is serious before you leap into making any lifelong plans. Just my two cents! Michele
  12. michelemybell
    Bravo to you Kaime. I think most of us would've acted exactly like you did. Remember, it was HIM who did the bad thing. Don't let your mind...or let your friends---make you feel like it is your fault. There is a term called "gaslighting", where a person like your boyfriend does the bad things, but somehow makes you believe it was your fault and you are the one going crazy. Don't let this happen to you!!! We have all done things in our relationships where we dont act completely right. However, mature people work on these things together...or mutually break up. He thought cheating was the answer. This isn't how a mature responsible person acts. He took the low road. Imagine if we all just took any opportunity to sleep with someone just because "it fell into (our) lap". There is such thing as self-control. We all have to learn it. He doesn't have it. All I can say is, count your lucky stars you found this out now. He is not a quality person. There are many (better) guys out there that won't cheat on you, no matter what "falls in (their) lap"! Tell your friends that you are better than that. You dont need to grovel toward a man that disrespected you. HE should be the one begging you to come back. In the meantime, keep yourself busy. Continue to make yourself the most wonderful, special person that you are. And fill your life up with quality people. Absolutely NC with this guy. I have a feeling he will come sniffing around anyhow...and I sincerely hope you are at the point in your life where you can tell him to f*** off!!! (That is really what the NC plan is for!!)
  13. michelemybell
    You are right Colleen--Drug addicts dont change because you want them to. Despite how much you love your boyfriend Colleen, I urge you to leave him as well. You need to start thinking about yourself here and your future. You can be a friend still, but it is useless to have a relationship with a druggie.
  14. michelemybell
    Hi Destructo, You sound very confused (obviously--You wouldn't be here telling us about your plight if you weren't). You like this woman, but then you dont want a relationship...or maybe you do?? I would tread carefully. A lot of women look at sex a lot differently than men, and as much as one says they are okay as "friends with benefits", feelings always seem to get involved. Sometimes good friendships are ruined because two people get intimately involved, and one can't figure out if they really want to be more than friends. Honestly, there's not much advice that one can give you. Make up your mind now whether or not you want to pursue this as more of a friendship, and act accordingly. If she can't make up her mind either, then just be friendly...and please, no more getting intimate with her!!!!
  15. michelemybell
    The other posters are right on. I just wanted to add that it sounds like this woman has a lot of issues regarding relationships. What happened to the father(s) of her four children? She is seeing you for three months, but then starts seeing an old boyfriend, who is married and got a divorce for her? I can already see how that relationship will end up. She will end up being confused about her feelings with him (or he will dump her), and will probably start contacting you again. This isn't your fault--She is flakey. She just doesn't sound stable at all when it comes to relationships, and HER feelings are of top priority to her. I feel sorry for her children. They bond with you and then she goes off with the other guy, creating confusion once again in her children's lives. It's truly pathetic. I know you are upset and hurt. But honestly, this woman has a lot of problems and you need to be with a healthy and stable woman. Not someone who is ruled by her ever-changing emotions and feelings. If or when she does contact you again, please be of healthy mind to tell her NO and advise her to get some serious help, at least for her children's sake.
  16. michelemybell
    Maltesers, You will experience this many times over in your life. And you will get over it each time. And you will find somebody too that will be there for you. It's part of the cycle of life--You're born, you have a crush, and another crush, and another crush, and yet another one, you find someone who likes you back, you get married, (maybe have another crush---just kidding), and eventually you die. And please, please dont compare yourself to the other girl. I'm sure you have qualities she only wished she had. And every couple, no matter how good looking they are, have problems. I agree with the other poster. Get busy and make your life spectacular. Just remember that a guy, no matter how wonderful you think he is, can't make your life for you. We all have the fantasy that if we were with a certain guy that we like, our lives would be perfect. In reality, that isn't the case. Your crush has flaws too and wouldn't make your life good. You can only do that for yourself.
  17. michelemybell
    I still doubt you are pregnant. Your pregnancy tests don't show it, and there's only a few days in your cycle that you can really become pregnant anyhow. If you know the first day of your last period, you can actually count the days where you most likely would become pregnant. There's web sites that can give you the exact days. Even though I've heard of cases where women got pregnant in the manner you mentioned, it's actually very difficult and highly unlikely. Hope everything works out for the best for you. I still think your period delay is because of nerves. Same thing happened to me when I first had sex---I was afraid I was pregnant and that is the one time my period was late!!!
  18. michelemybell
    Hi lauriecat, I'm thinking that your late period is due to stress. Your symptoms sound like you're about to get your period. If you are using the pregnancy test correctly, then they tend to be pretty accurate (of course there could be exceptions). The only way to calm your fears right now is to go see your daughter or go to a Planned Parenthood-type of place and have them test you for free. But I have a feeling you will be getting your period soon... If it turns out you are not pregnant and you plan on continuing to have sex, you should definitely inquire about the morning-after pill. It is a pill that is a high dose birth control pill and you take it the morning after (or within 72-hours) of sex when you think your primary birth control has failed. It prevents pregnancy, and it is not to be confused with the RU-486 abortion pill, which a woman takes after she is pregnant.
  19. michelemybell
    I think what Derek meant is that do you have a purpose such as helping homeless children, finding a cure to a disease, or making this world a better place by (?). A purpose in life can be to be a great father. How do you help others? Why are you here on this earth?
  20. michelemybell
    Coma, my suggestion to you is to stop shacking up with your girlfriend. You two are trying to act like a married couple, but aren't--and that is why you are confused. You will learn that once you are really married and both working toward a common goal that a woman isn't only there for you for "occasional sex and (having) a cute girl around".
  21. michelemybell
    You can't blame society. Lazy males need to turn off the tv, and get their own lazy butts into school. Just like the rest of us did.
  22. michelemybell
    Your post was exhausting to read (not that it wasn't a good read!). Aren't you exhausted in real life with this cat-and-mouse chase? All this analyzing and pondering and wondering what she is going to do and what you are going to do next?? I'm not cutting you down; I did it myself with someone I thought I loved. And it wasted my time because the person didn't know what he wanted and wasn't sure if I was the one he wanted in his life. He had commitment-phobe issues too, but it wasn't my job in life to fix it and I just accepted the reality of situation. It isn't yours either with this girl. It's sad, because I know how much you want this to work. But the best thing you can do for yourself is to let it go. Put your time and attention back into your own life.
  23. michelemybell
    Cattalk, You will come to find out as you go through life that love is not enough. Two people must have common goals, values, morals, etc. for a successful relationship. Common education goals and work ethics fall into that category. You two sound like you are on different pages, and I dont see this relationship lasting. As long as you stay with him, you will continue to be upset because he doesn't have the same value system as you. I'm curious---How does he get by in life with no money? Does he live at home still? Who gives him money? I hope it's not you supporting him!!! Personally, I would never want to be with someone who couldn't take care of himself--and that includes financially. When looking for a mate, you need to find someone who can take care of himself/herself in life, not a dependent individual. Rain, Hugs..., It's not hard to find a guy that is interested in school and supporting himself. There are plenty of decent, hardworking guys out there. But, you are correct--it seems that there are many guys now who feel they can get away with not doing much---and WOMEN ALLOW IT. They gravitate toward these guys, and leave the decent ones behind. Then they complain and whine why their guy doesnt have ambition... Michele
  24. michelemybell
    I know you are hurting right now, but you need to walk away from this relationship. It doesn't matter who did what or if you push his buttons or he pushes yours. The key to a successful relationship is one where two people can freely discuss what they are going through and work on it together of if they can't, they mutually break up. All you're getting from this guy is threats, abuse, name-calling, and hang-ups. You can't have a successful relationship with this kind of person who can't communicate like an adult. I'm sure if you talked to his ex, she would say she went through the same thing with him. And the more she begged him to come back, the more he dissed her. (And she will go through it again if they got back together). Saying sorry for when the other person is treating you unkindly is a huge red flag. Never, ever do that. (I did that in a relationship, and I'm still pissed to this day that I took the blame!!) An even bigger red flag is the fact that he verbally and physically abused you. I know it hurts to walk away from this because he probably treated you like a queen in the beginning. But your self-respect (and well-being and sanity) is the most important now. Walk away. Many of us have from the same exact situation and can tell you as much as it hurt to walk away, it is much better to have your self-esteem and self-respect. Don't ever, ever, EVER let someone treat you like this. The more you stick around this type of person, the crazier you will feel...and you'll get stuck doing crazy behavior. Dont get stuck in this pattern. RUN! Take care of yourself, Michele
  25. michelemybell
    Stressed, you seem to be ignoring the good advice of the other posters and just doing what you want. I dont think one person here thinks this situation is a good idea, but you dont seem to be listening AT ALL. I'm wondering what kind of life you have outside of this relationship? It seems the drama of the relationship, which appears to be consuming a lot of your time and thoughts, gets you excited. Oh well, it's your wasted life. How sad!
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