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michelemybell

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  1. michelemybell
    One more thing: Most people at your age dont have dating experience. Those that do, it's pretty much guaranteed that it wont last. I dont think someone at 16 understands himself/herself well enough to bring much to a relationship. I also think that at your age, the more you date the more jaded you will become with the whole process and things like sex at an early age. Wait. Dont be in such a hurry. It will make it so much more special when you do start dating if you dont do too much too soon at such a young age. And dating now does not determine how much success you will have later in life. It does not show desirable you are. I didn't have my first real date until I was 20, and I didn't miss a thing...and it was well worth the wait!!!
  2. michelemybell
    Hi Dr. Smurf, If it's any consolation for you, the situation and the feelings you are going through are NORMAL for your age. Things seem kind of hopeless at 16 when you're stuck with no car, and you feel that their is no certainty in your life. The thing is, what you are going through now is preparing you for adulthood, such as when you feel confused about life and not sure what to do, what do you do to get yourself out of it? (As opposed to wallowing in self pity, taking drugs and drinking, etc. that some people do). When you're bored and lonely, what kind of things do you do to entertain yourself? (This is where you discover hobbies, and reading can become important). Consider yourself lucky too----Imagine going through what you are going through now without the Internet!!!! (A lot of people on this board like myself went through the same thing as you and didn't have computers in their home, and yahoo and myspace wasn't even invented yet! We all survived!!!) I think at 16, you're putting too much pressure on yourself to have everything figured out and that is why you are depressed. It's impossible to know at that age because you haven't experienced much yet (and that is okay at your age!). So, you didn't get the scholarship. You will have plenty of opportunities and your interests and goals will certainly change as you get older. You are also getting your first taste of rejection, which doesn't feel good now, but will prepare you for future rejections and that you can live through it. It's not the end of the world. Hope this helps. Dont be so hard on yourself. Not at your age! In my opinion, you need to have more fun in your life. Relax. Michele
  3. michelemybell
    What an awesome post sukerbut!!! It reminds me of that song "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. Let your story be a lesson to those left heartbroken. That if you hold on for a little bit longer, you'll end up a better person in the end. I have seen so often that the person hurt the most in a relationship, ends up the stronger person. Thank you for sharing your post!
  4. michelemybell
    I'm sorry you are going through this. This situation has happened to a lot of us here and the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to walk away and stop fighting it. I know this is hard, but I truly believe you should let him go. Stop trying to convince him to change his mind. He can't make up his mind, and his ambivalence is taking your heart and emotions on a roller-coaster ride. I would let it go and start of 2006 with a healthy start. I know you care for him, but care for yourself more here. You deserve better. Why waste your time with someone who isn't sure of being with you and only you?? And, I have a feeling once you let him go, he'll be singing a different tune. But this way you'll be calling the shots. You might find out that it is really isn't worth the time to be with someone who won't/can't give you his all.
  5. michelemybell
    Stranded, You said thank you for our advice, but I'm not sure if you read any of it or even want to follow our suggestions. Speaking from experience, all I can say is that by contacting him and pushing him when he specifically has told you not to is just going to drive him away further. Have you noticed that the more you do so, the more irritated he is getting??? Back off. Give him the space he needs. Stop obsessing over his life. Stop finding places for him to live and trying to save him. He's an adult; You can't save him. He's gotta fend for himself. I beg you to get some professional help for this. Stop trying to save him and save yourself.
  6. michelemybell
    None of us here can really say if it will work out or not. He may take you back. He may not want you back. You can take a chance, but it's his call on this one. My question to you is, do you really love him??? If it was easy to get distracted by another guy, then maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship with him. Be really honest with yourself with your feelings about him, because he deserves someone who really wants to be with him for the long haul. If you aren't sure, then hold off and maybe try to be friends with him.
  7. michelemybell
    Did the original poster say that she is seeking information to get revenge or somehow harass her ex is any way? If she is just seeking information out of curiosity sake, in my opinion she is not a stalker and shouldn't be labeled as one. If she is, then we are all guilty of stalking since most people seek information about an ex after a breakup. In my case, my ex and I both asked friends about each other after we broke up. We're we stalking each other?? Since we were not using the information to harm each other or each others new love interests, then I dont think so. Finding out information about another person is not even illegal. The only real damage I see by finding information about another person is that it keeps you stuck and unable to move on. Then again, in my situation it eventually helped me move on. Finding out that the other person has moved on with another love interest can be a wake up call to move on with your own life!!! Also, let's try not to hijack this thread with a debate about what constitutes stalking!!!
  8. michelemybell
    I agree with Annie. I know it may seem cruel that he is avoiding you and not giving you the answers to your questions. However, I think he has done you a great favor. He is sparing you a lifetime of being with someone who is not mature and responsible to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, love is not enough--You need to be looking for someone who is healthy, and this guy isn't it. And you have to let go of the idea that if he loved you, he would change. You can't change him. You dont want to be marrying and having children with a guy who doesn't work and has an addiction to anything. I know plenty of women who thought the same thing as you, and they can tell you how miserable they are now and how it screwed up their lives. I think right now you have to concentrate on letting go. It's hard. I've been through it myself, but it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. You can't be so dependent on someone that you feel like you're going to die without them. That's not love; it's dependency. If you are having a hard time doing that, seek professional help. Are you in school? Are you passionate about anything? Try to work on things and have goals because it will help you move through this difficult time, and away from him and back to yourself.
  9. michelemybell
    Hi bcauseofu, I'm sorry about your breakup. It's gonna hurt for awhile. There's no magical cure for that. But despite the hurt, you have to let it go and concentrate on yourself right now. You need to restrain yourself from spying on him. Distract yourself when you feel tempted. I went through the same thing myself, and did the same thing myself. You just have to do some soul-searching and realize your own self worth. If someone doesnt want to be with you, realize it is his loss! And he sounds very immature to believe his friends like that. A mature guy doesnt do that. The best advice I can give you from experience is to do things that will restore your sense of self worth, such as go back to school or work on some kind of project that will give you a sense of accomplishment even while you are hurting. It will also make you realize that you are more important to yourself than this guy--It will put things into perspective. Take care!
  10. michelemybell
    Hi Gxx, I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish that a relationship could always be like it is during the beginning. But, of course, everything grows and changes. It seems like your boyfriend is having trouble dealing with those changes. And, the honeymoon stage is a great distraction, but once the newness of the relationship ends, some people miss the distraction and are left with dealing with themselves again and the problems of everyday life. This may be what your boyfriend is dealing with. I think the best thing you could do is give him space (like it seems you are) and be patient. Get busy and find distractions so you dont dwell on things with him. He will either decide to weather these difficult times with you , or leave. If he doesn't want to stay in the relationship, then it is more of a reflection on him and his ability to grow and change in a relationship. Dont take it personally. If the holidays are getting you down, realize you're not alone and remember, that people make more of a big deal about these days than what they're really worth. Watch some movies, do a project, draw, etc. Hope I made sense, and I hope you feel better!
  11. michelemybell
    Chris, I hate to tell you this but she's playing you. She teases you when to see if you will show interest, then when you do, she backs off. Sounds like the girl is too imature for a relationship. You can play this game and continue trying to figure her out...or you can find a someone who is NORMAL. I know you like this girl, but there comes a time in everybody's life where you have to say enough is enough with an emotionally irresponsible, non-commital person. You are wasting too much of your precious time and energy on this girl. You are too good for this and you need to move on!
  12. michelemybell
    First, you gotta be strong enough and dump your friends. Why is that so difficult to do? Because you like their company better than taking care of yourself? Is it worth it? Your "friends" dont care about you. They want to bring you down with them. Have a backbone and dump them. I guarantee these "friends" wont be around anymore when you become addicted and lose everything you worked hard for. I know people (ex friends) that have ruined their lives over cocaine and ended up living on the streets. My brother-in-laws sister just filed for divorce from her cocaine-addicted husband, and now their child is left with a broken home. Like you, he was just dabbling in it and never thought it would destroy his life and family. What do you see in the future for yourself? Living as a loser or doing something worthwhile with your life? If you can't say no to peer pressure now at your age, I feel sorry for you because your life is screwed. You need some growing up to do and you need to get a spine.
  13. michelemybell
    My sister has a notorious sweet tooth and eats a lot of chocolate---yet she has no cavities. I hardly eat chocolate or sweets, yet I have tons of fillings in my mouth. The dentist said it didn't matter what we ate---You have to look at the person's hygiene (brushing and flossing), and as I mentioned before, how porous the person's enamel is , their breathing patterns, fluoride use, etc. In itself, eating chocolate will not cause cavities. Eliminating it from your diet does not make you immune to cavities. Eating other foods with sugar will have the same effect.
  14. michelemybell
    A lot of my input comes from dealing with these type of guys! I dated a guy like this myself, and him and his friends acted like this toward women. No respect at all, and they joked about their sex lives and the women they used all the time. You just gotta realize you dont want to be one of those girls, and walk away, no matter how cute he is or how nice he was sometimes. You handled yourself with great constraint; Honestly, if it was me, I would've told him about what I read and that he should go screw himself and walk away for good. That way he will realize his poor behavior just lost him the best thing that ever happened to him.
  15. michelemybell
    Well, if it makes you feel any better: Beatrice Wood, a famous artist who lived to 105, said the secret to her longevity was chocolate. She said she had at least one piece of chocolate every day of her life!!! There are many things that contribute to tooth decay---how porous your teeth are; if you breathe through your mouth instead of your nose, etc. Eating chocolate, in itself, will not cause tooth decay unless you never brush your teeth. Like everything, eat some chocolate in moderation and you'll be okay!
  16. michelemybell
    Yep, I agree---You deserve waaaay better than this guy. Let him play games somewhere else. Respect yourself more than that. He was probably nice during some parts of the relationship, and it's hard to rationalize in your mind what a d*ck this guy is. I would definitely seek outside help if you are having trouble with taking face value when a guy is being abusive (even if it is through words in an email to a friend). He sounds like a misogynist (a guy who disrespects women) while still trying to form relationships with them. He thinks it's funny and it's something he probably learned from his father's (or another man's) behavior to his mother. He gets away with it because a lot of girls dont find this behavior unacceptable anymore like they should (and they continue giving him chances). Honestly, I wouldn't give this guy two more seconds of my time.
  17. michelemybell
    Your parents and the rest of the adults are irresponsible getting drunk like that, especially when there are kids in the house. Unfortunately the burden has been put on you to watch the family. I'd be a little ticked off too. I'm sorry you are being put through this.
  18. michelemybell
    It sounds good for both of you, but be honest: Are you ready to give up flirting/whatever with other girls for now on? Dont be leading her on if you honestly can't because it's not fair to her and you will end up right back at square one. Also, she is going to have trust issues with you and you're going to have to live with it once you get back together. Are you ready to deal with that? Also, is she needy in your opinion, or will she honestly let you hang out with friends, etc. without going bonkers? Just some things to consider before going full speed!
  19. michelemybell
    He is showing his true nature to you. When the going gets tough, he acts like an idiot. RED FLAG! You need a guy you can count on all the time!! Sure, we all get in bad moods but not where we break up with someone and disapear, or be downright mean to them. Can you imagine if you were married to someone who did that? (I know plenty of women who did and they are miserable!) Can you imagine if you had kids together, and he got so stressed he walked out on you BECAUSE HE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE? (I have known guys who've done that). When you are dating, you gotta keep your eyes on these types of behavior because a leopard doesn't change his spots. He may have traits you really like, but you have to look at his overall character and how he behaves NOW. In my book, I would not trust this guy, and I would seek out someone who doesn't put you on an emotional rollercoaster.
  20. michelemybell
    Teacup, you're right on the money. Devoted, the most important lesson you can learn from a breakup is not to rely on someone else for happiness or for a life. A boyfriend/spouse can be tremendous support, but they can't be your everything. I know it's hard right now to understand this, but it's something we've all had to learn the hard way. You will get through this. Just try to be good to yourself.
  21. michelemybell
    It sounds like he's testing the waters with you. It does not guarantee he wants to resume a relationship, but who knows. I know you miss your ex, but is it worth it to be with a guy who (in your own words) did "mean and hurtful things"? I dont think a guy like that is worth it. You may be willing to work on things, but he may not think there is a problem and wont feel the need to change. And who wants a relationship (and a guy) who needs to be fixed? I think you did the right thing to not go to the party. You can take a chance, but you might be setting yourself for more heartache and troubles with this guy.
  22. michelemybell
    Annie, You may not feel like you're being harmed, but you are in ways you can't see. First, you should be concentrating on school and getting a life outside of men. Your mom wants you to make something out of yourself and experience life. She doesn't want you to regret your choices that you made now when you are 30. There is probably a 99 percent chance that this relationship wont last. There is a reason why a 24-year old guy is looking at a girl your age and not someone his own age. Dont feel flattered. You are young and naive and it it makes him feel important. But as you get older and start making your own choices, he will feel differently about you. By that time, you will feel used up and jaded, and it will effect your outlook on men and relationships for the rest of your life. There is a reason why she is your mom---She has experience with these things and with age comes wisdom. When you are your mom's age and you have a daughter or son, you will be saying the same things to your kids because you will know better than them at that age because of your life experiences. Dont be another Kara Borden (the 14-year old girl whose parents were killed by her older boyfriend that she just loved so much). Michele
  23. michelemybell
    monetlisa, the morning after pill is a mega-dose of birth control pills. (I think some people confuse it with RU486, which is the abortion pill).
  24. michelemybell
    Hellogoodbye, If he were the poster, I'd say this: Take the time to get to know someone. You dont get married after knowing someone for four months. And please, please wait before having children! Because a guy who cheats on someone he was with for 5 years and wants to marry the chick he cheated on with (she sounds like a winner too) really cant be trusted and is not a good catch in my book.
  25. michelemybell
    quackie, are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone with this kind of baggage? I know everyone has baggage to some extent, but honestly you can find a guy who doesn't have a 20-year marriage behind him and an ex that is still in his life. Why volunteer for that? (And if you volunteer you can't be compaining about it when you knew who you were dealing with from the get go!). And trust your instincts with his comments. I was in a relationship where I constantly analyzed everything my ex said to me and it started driving me nuts. But the thing is his comments were rude!!! I think you are smart enough to decipher the difference and act accordingly.
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