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michelemybell

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Everything posted by michelemybell

  1. michelemybell
    I gotta add my two cents here to xmrth. She said: "Another big reason other than the length we've been together is that I want the responsibility because I feel like I'm "done" with everything else and have felt this way for many years now." At 20 years old, you havent experienced life. You havent done really anything in life except get through your teenage years. You havent grown. Your boyfriend wants to work toward a career and work on his goals and not have the responsiblity RIGHT NOW of a wife and possibly children. GOOD FOR HIM. What are your goals xmrth? You need to develop yourself first, take responsibility for yourself---Your boyfriend wants to do that and probably feels the burden of being responsible for you. I'm sure you are mature, but you will grow tremendously during your twenties. Just ask anyone here in their 30s if they are different than they were at 20. Go to college, start a business, or do something else brilliant with yourself. Then talk marriage.
  2. michelemybell
    No, there is no easy way around those feelings after a breakup. I think the only thing we can say here to make you feel better is that you are doing the right thing. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will one day understand that you are doing the right thing (just like when you left the other abusive relationship).
  3. michelemybell
    He has three children and a wife. Don't get between that. Dont keep in contact with him, no matter what kind of connection you felt and if he keeps in contact. In the long run, you will respect yourself more.
  4. michelemybell
    Well, it seems like you're on your own with this one kiddo because your parents aren't budging. Instead of hitting them up for money, do all you can to get school loans and scholarship money (which is easier to get than you think). Look into a part-time job. A last resort is a low-interest credit card. I think the correct term for what your parents are doing with your brother is called "enabling". Basically, they aren't helping him at all by being compassionate about his situation. In turn, he is not motivated to change. He will not learn a thing and it will get harder to change as time goes by. It will affect his relationship with his girlfriend. But you know what? You can't do anything about it. All you can do is thank your lucky stars that you are not your brother. Take care of yourself now. That's the best you can do. Also, I think once you start taking care of yourself you wil be setting a great example to your brother who might learn a thing or two from you.
  5. michelemybell
    These sound more like normal pimples, which will pop up (no pun intended) in that region throughout your lifetime. As another poster mentioned, shaving down there can create cysts or pimples. Sometimes the wrong kind of underwear (too tight, non-breathable) can create a problem. However, the only way to be sure it is not an STD is to go to a GYN, which you should be going to annually now that you are sexually active. Tell your mom you want to go. She does not have to be in the room with you during your appointment, so you can talk to the GYN about it in private. In any event, I hope this is a good reminder how important it is to use protection during every contact. It just takes one time (even with the cleanest and cutest boy) to pick up something that will affect you for the rest of your life.
  6. michelemybell
    You are the responsible one in the family, and your parents--and your brother--know it. You will be the one who wins out in the end. Your brother isn't learning anything about responsibility by living off your parents, and he will regret it later on. Unfortunately, you can't change your parents--They're going to do what they're going to do. Honestly, you will have more pride in yourself if you do things (like pay for your schooling) yourself. It's a new and overwhelming thing with the baby--Your family will come around. Just hang in there. Time will make the difference.
  7. michelemybell
    Darkblue, my response wasn't meant to be sexist or gay. I read a previous poster's response, and thought I misinterpreted Smurf's question in my original posts in this thread. He is not asking what losing one's virginity is, but rather what is the meaning behind losing one's virginity. Hence the confusion with my answer. The anal sex response was not directed toward Smurf--It was a general statement about whether or not it is considered losing one's virginity by having sex in that manner!
  8. michelemybell
    We all just assumed the poster was--The pic looks like a female, and most guys dont ask that question!! To answer the original poster's question---losing one's virginity is having sexual intercourse. I guess it can be debated whether anal sex is in that category?!
  9. michelemybell
    Thanks JNA--Not sure if I changed the opinion of young males here, but I tried!!
  10. michelemybell
    Also Traz, you said it all when you said that you dont think sex is a big deal. That's what happens when you just do it, without a real commitment---It becomes nothing much, not anything with meaning!!
  11. michelemybell
    Oops--That picture on the post looks like a girl!! Same advice applies to a guy---unwanted pregnancies, venereal disease can result. I know a guy who got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 15 and he was 17. It ruined his life. Is our original poster serious about a long-term commitment to a girl at his age? Doubt it. Does he realize how much he can hurt the girl he will do it with, just because he wants to finally do it? For both male and female, I would advise both to wait until they are in a adult committed relationship.
  12. michelemybell
    Smurf, I would highly advise waiting to have sex. Once you start having sex, you open yourself up to a whole slew of problems---venereal disease and unplanned pregnancy, for starters. Also, you have no idea that the guy is in it for the long haul (at your age, probably not) and then you'll have to deal with the emotional issues of feeling used. It is not worth it. Not when you're 15!! Concentrate on school, get involved with activities and hobbies. You dont need the emotional baggage that having sex too young will bring. Also, all the girls that were having sex at your age back when I was in high school ended up not in a good place and regretted it completely. It's not cool, no matter how much you think it is. Speaking from experience, Michele
  13. michelemybell
    Good advice Annie! Angel, it's sooo easy to idealize someone you met online as "perfect"--because you honestly dont know anything about him--only the things he presented to you (which I'm sure were absolutely perfect!). I know this is a toughie and your heart is going to be hurting, but definitely do what Annie said--keep busy with your life and get out there. You will always remember this guy, but you will get over it and meet someone wonderful.
  14. michelemybell
    I survived, but damaged and with a skewed look at relationships. I was very emotionally scarred and took that into make bad decisions with past relationships. You have no idea what a parent's decision can do to a child unless you lived in their shoes. I disagree with you----Parents have an absolute responsibility to put their children first.
  15. michelemybell
    Well, I guess it comes down to your own personal beliefs, what we have all individually experienced, and even the person you are dealing with (if they are emotionally strong to handle the news). Honesty about an affair served some here, but in my parent's situation it didn't.
  16. michelemybell
    I did. I like her advice--I hate her politics, but she has a lot of good things to say on marriage and family. Anyways, let's not change the subject here. I remember when my dad told my mother he was having an affair. She almost tried to kill herself by slashing both her wrists. She ended up having a nervous breakdown and ending up in a hospital...which drained all the finances in the family because we had no health insurance. Honestly, I wish my father kept the info to himself and just changed his behavior. He ended up making her (and my sister and I) take on the guilt and the hassle of HIS AFFAIR. It took her years and years and years to recover. My sister and I, who up to that point were happy and outgoing teenagers, had to go into therapy to be able to handle the hurt with something HE DID. We carried his burden. So, did it solve anything for him to tell my mom? No. It made him feel him better, us worse.
  17. michelemybell
    I agree--Great post phreckles. SadnConfused, I think she already has plenty of guilt to deal with and is not happy with the situation. She came to this site to get advice, not to be cut down. Nobody here said this was a great thing and nobody advised her to continue this. And it seems like she wants to change and be there for her husband. Making the person even more guilty keeps them stuck in a wasteland of depression and immobility. I believe in learning from your mistakes and moving on. I have read that most women cheat because of lack of attention and affection. While she should have dealt with the problem directly with her husband instead of having an affair, I'm sure there are many things her husband needs to work on here as well. It seems BOTH of them have extremely busy schedules and need to find time for each other. So let's not put the blame squarely on her for this happening. I'm sure there are plenty of factors involved with this.
  18. michelemybell
    Reilly, that is a very good question. I would think so too. But I have seen spouses absolutely destroyed when another spouse spills the beans to basically "ease their own conscience". Sometimes the spouse goes crazy thinking of their man or woman with someone else, or feels absolutely devalued. It's worse when there are children involved. Honesty is always good--but in these cases it can be tricky. I think a better approach would be to show through your actions that you have changed and absolutely stop seeing the other person.
  19. michelemybell
    I dont know if you listen to Dr. Laura on the radio, but her advice to cheating spouses is to NOT tell your spouse. It only places the hurt, guilt and burden on them and relieves YOU of the stress and burden, which it shouldn't. Why hurt your husband even more? And it seems like he already knows something is up--and chooses to be with you anyhow. If you decide to stay with your husband, I think he would be more impressed by your actions, rather than telling him you have the hots and want (or were) doing some other guy.
  20. michelemybell
    You may always live with the guilt, but you can start doing the right thing now. The present and the future is all that counts now. You should only feel guilty now if you CONTINUE your affair. As far as getting over the other guy, that's a toughy. The only advice I can give you is to remember that your life probably wouldn't have been different with the other man (And you really haven't seen his truly awful qualities that only his wife sees). I'm curious if you are missing out on things in your own life and substituting relationships to cure your frustration or boredom with yourself? Do you like your job? Are you in school? Do you have cool hobbies? Do you travel? Are you making a difference in this world?
  21. michelemybell
    You hit it right on the nail, Shysoul. If anything, a woman might start out liking bad guys...but it gets old fast. And if she doesn't learn her lesson, she'll end up used up and feeling old really pretty quick. I only had one experience that I dated a bad guy (the one I posted about previously in this thread). Last I heard he was on his upteenth relationship, has multiple children, takes drugs, unemployed and still lives with his mommy. He may be bad and get the babes (actually he gets women who have been around the block many times!), but no one respects him. My sister ended up marrying a bad boy gone good. He told me about his experiences and said that ultimately he was very lonely when he was like that and very insecure. And he got cheated on quite often. So yeah, the bad boys might be getting the chicks, but dont envy them. It's a pretty shallow life.
  22. michelemybell
    Who knows why people act the way they do. They may have just been nice to you because you knew him---but they could've been jealous of you the whole time. Or maybe they do like you, but have things going on in their own lives or feel they dont know you that well. Dont take it personally!!! It's hard to make true friends, but you want to look for quality, not quantity. As you mentioned, you had questions whether you could be friends with them. Stay clear of people that you question their morals, values or ethics, and don't bend just because you want friends. It doesn't work and you'll end up questioning yourself in the end. And remember you are not alone---A lot of people, including myself, have the same problem making friends. Just get out there and meet people doing "healthy" activities (volunteer, sports, etc). If it doesn't work out, dont beat yourself up over it. There is a book I highly recommend. It's called "Intimate Connections" by David Burns. The main premise of the book is that people will stay away from you if they sense you are needy for their friendship. If you develop interests and like yourself first, people will be more attracted to you and want to be friends with you. The lessons in the book are wonderful, but difficult because it first makes you practice doing things by yourself---and learn how to enjoy your own company.
  23. michelemybell
    Shysoul, I like your way of thinking! I loved what you said: "People need to shift their views, the nice guys are the ones with confidence who win out. The jerks are the whimpy, pathetic losers who suffer far more then most realize." As someone who dated and liked bad boys, but married a great GOOD guy, I concur with you. Just to add another thing to the discussion: Speaking from experience, the time I dated/liked the bad boys, I had little to no self-esteem and didn't feel that great about myself. I really didn't have much going for me except the way I look. I met my now husband when I had my life together. And I think it reflected in my choice of guys depending on how I felt about myself at the time. When I was healthier, I made healthier choices. I wholeheartedly believe in the saying "Water seeks its own level". So, good guys should stay that way--You'll get more QUALITY women. The jerk guys dont. Trust me on this!
  24. michelemybell
    I think you are right Chai--Who knows really what his intentions are. I think my mind is so use to what most people have experienced with this...especially if the dumper resumes contact with the dumpee with no real intention of getting back together. Maybe his intentions were genuine and to really say sorry. Only time will tell. I dont know the history of this (who broke up with who and for what reason, has he tried contact before, etc), so I should've taken that into account before I responded. I guess Confused will only know his true intentions if she actually talks to him again.
  25. michelemybell
    Looks like he's back in your life to play another round of mind games. It sounds like he's testing the waters to see if you are still interested...then once you take the bait, it'll be back to the same ol' stuff. It's really hard to be friends with someone you had a relationship with, and even harder if you still have an ounce of feelings for that person. If you are not ready to forgive and forget all the issues, and can't just be friends with him, then don't resume communication with him.
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