Flora

I don't even think about him often and I rarely talk to his ex. There are incidents but they are few and far between. I think it is important to know the truth about something like this...about him cheating. I think it will help to move on from all of it. I've come a long way. You have no idea. DN you need to learn to be a bit more compassionate by the way. Your advice has a tone. Almost...hm... Dr. Phil-ish? I appreciate your advice.

Hey there hi there wow, it's been a lonnnnnnnng time since i've posted anything on these boards. well, I've had some ups and downs over the past few months. Generally I've been OK. I have reached the point of not caring about much of anything. Well, obviouisly I do care to some degree otherwise i wouldn't be posting here. I don't really feel like getting into everything that's happened since I moved here, but I feel like I should recap just for the sake of those who don't remember me or are new here. Basically it goes like this...moved away w.bf. bf turns into a total jerk (ie fighting constantly) bf moves out. I hook up with huge crush from work. doesn't work out. find out ex bf cheated on me the summer before we moved here. crush has new girl on his arm. ex bf is now GETTING MARRIED to some girl who is seven years younger than me and has known for approx. 7 months. I pretty much have no life outside of school and work. I'm not going to whine about it. I know I could join a club, or some crap like that, but I just don't wanna. Nope. So I took a really cute pic of my cats. They originally belonged to the ex, but he left them with me when we broke up. I decided on a whim to send him a pic of the cats...so I emailed it to him. Since they had been has cats for a couple years before we met I thought he might be interested in seeing how they were going. I didn't write anything, it was jsut the pic. I should also mention that I still loathe this man. I mean it doesnt really bug me as much ,but I think he is a piece of crap. Anyway, he responds...asks how im doing. I wasn't going to write him back, but a couple of weeks passed and I decided I needed to find out if he did in fact cheat on me. Even though I truly believe the person who told me he did wouldn't lie. I write this email and I tell him i think he is crazy for getting married, because over the course of the last 10 years he has consistently had a gf--he gives himself no time in between break ups and I think he's got a lot of issues he carries with him into these relationships. I tried to go about it in the friendliest way possible. Not to mention this girl is 19 and c'mon...I mean in this day in age getting married that young for reasons other then pregnancy is just ridiculous...that's how I feel anyway...and I know this guy. Lo and behold his fiance writes back! She bascially tells me that she uses his email because she doesnt have an account set up. Umm, yeah right....already I can see this relationshp is off to a great start. Mainly because his biggest issue was trust...and here we have his new fiance (did i mention only 7 months) already checking up on his emails. I know in fact that she does have an email address because there was a time I thought about warning her naive a** about what a leech he is so I looked her up on the student directory. His mother of all people told me her name. Alas, my better judgement got the best of me. She tells me I need to move on. He doesnt even read my emails. Well, actually my dear he responded to the picture I sent. She tells me that she is a mature 19 y/o who gradutated from high school early and is now entering into Nursing School. Oh, well that's great...but I don't care really. All I wanted to know was what he had to say about cheating on me. I think I have a right to know especially since this guy accussed me constantly of cheating on him ie. being a flirt..etc..etc...so much so he made my life a living hell. She tells me she cannot explain "their love". She studies hard and works hard to pay "our bills" ...keep up the hard work because if history repeats itself (and apparently it does and has) you'll be carrying the bulk of that load. Spare me the details honey I don't want to throw up all over myself. Sooooo...she says she'll leave the message in his inbox in case he wants to read it, but she doubts it. ooOk...sure you will. The funny thing is I sent a very similar email to his ex before me, because she had tried to contact him in much the same manor. Irony!! Even funnier...now his ex gf and I are friends...she has shared stories that make my head spin...She said she had hoped he would change for me, because she always liked me. Well, he didn't. Basically I just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm trying to get motivated to do something with my life, but I spend the vast majority of my time sitting in front of this computer. I don't go out, I don't party, I don't even really have any good friends to call on. Funny thing is, I kinda stopped caring. I don't know what that means exactly. Any comments are appreciated...maybe sending that email wasn't a good idea?

wow...i havent been on here in months. Can't say that things have gotten much better or worse. Some of you might remember me and my situation. Well, my ex and I broke up after 2.5 years...it was ugly...i crushed on a guy at work...we eventually hooked up. Wow that was a long drawn out story...nothing happened there. It was fun...I was just soo freaked out. I've never had that big a crush on someone and actually hooked up with them. I think I've completely scared him off. I still see him round, but now it's real casual and I'm pretty sure he's dating this chick. I found out recently that my ex that I was with for 2.5 years is engaged to a girl who is 19 he is 24. They have been together for like 5 months. I don't get it...he really must be crazy. I seriously think the guy needs therapy. He has never NOT had a girlfriend. I'm still single. Some days I'm cool with it, some days I wish I had someone to cuddle up next to. The fact that my ex is getting married doesnt bug me much at all. The fact that he is jumping into something so soon with someone so young only proves my point. The guy aint the brightest crayon in the box, but who knows maybe THIS TIME it will be different. Just like his ex of 5 years before me thought when we hooked up. She and I are good friends now. It's really crazy. So...I guess I'm not looking for advice really. I'm doing OK. I'm really focusing on school. Somedays I feel like the world is out to get me other days I feel like the world is one big adventure. I can't complain...i think about all those poor people down south and I realize how good I've got it. I guess I'd take some words of encouragement if anyone's got any. I'd like to fall in love again...I'd like to open myself up to that energy...I need to let go of a lot of self doubt and self hatred. Somedays I think I'm crap. I dunno...I'm just livin'

26---Starting my senior year at my University. I felt akward at first, but there are a lot a lot a lot of students my age and older!!

he's been hanging all over a girl who is 19. NINETEEN!! He's my age. I think that's a bit young, but I can see his logic, coming from a rockstar fantasy perspective and also "the scene" which is totally lame and makes me want to throw up all over the place. Whatever...I'm better than that. Some guys can't handle strong WOMEN and prefer little girls.

Yeah it's pretty lame all around. I think I'm going to drop out of that little social circle for a while. Start taking better care of myself...just try and get back on track. School is starting up in a week and I need to get my head on straight and my priorites in check. I know it sounds like i'm throwing myself a little pity party...I know I have...I've become a bit hardened and I think that's a good thing. What's more is that I think I deserve good things--I'm a good person...maybe even better then them because I would never hurt anyone the way they hurt me. Maybe that sounds self-riteous...but I can breath easier knowing I am a good person. That's gotta count for something.

the last time I felt this hurt I went downward spiral...last night I saw things I wish I hadn't. Heknew I was there---he flaunted it in front of me. Why do I care? I wish I didn't. This will suck for awhile.

I have ZERO feelings for the guy is with for 3 years. i loathe him. He owes me oodles of money. I feel bad for this new girl he is with...she'll end up just like the rest of his ex-gf's...hating him. I actually communicate with his ex before me. She is still dealing with the repurcussions of their relationship. She can't get her credit back on track and he owes her dad 1000 dollars. When I first met her she told me she had wanted to warn be about him (she apparently liked me and hoped I would be the one to change him) but she felt like it wasn't her place. Probably right, I probably wouldn't have believed her then, but eventually I would have seen the truth and maybe woud have gotten out a lot sooner then I did instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm surrounded by memories of both of these dudes. The ex of 3 years--well I have his cats...he and i attend the same school have a hand full of mutual friends. The guy I recently dated...he hangs out at a lot of the same places I do. I'm really glad that I did hook up with him, even though it didn't work out. I had a MAJOR crush on him...and if I hadn't followed through on it I would have always wondered "what if?" --at least now I know. I still feel in my heart that this guy liked me a whole lot but was freaked out because I wanted more...i did and i didn't---i said I didn't want a boyfriend but I handled everuthing as if he was my boyfriend...weird...I was battling myself I guess. Whatever--I think he is more confused then he lets on. YOu're right it doesnt matter though. I'm trying to live my life the best way I know how. I keep waiting for things to look up.

I'm sure I've posted about this a ton of times before, but I can't seem to shake it. My ex of nearly 3 years and I broke up last February. I am really glad that we aren't together anymore, but everytime I think about him and all the BS that went on I get so angry. I also found out a few months ago that he had intended on cheating when he went on vacation with his brother last summer. I think about how much I missed him that week he was gone, and he had those intentions in his mind the whole time. He already has a new gf. Before he met me he had gotten out of a 4 year relationship--before her he was with a girl for nearly 2 years. He just jumps into one relationship after another...he's like a parasite. This is someone who never had a driver's license the entire time we were together (DUI) until I finally pushed him to jump through all the State's hoops and then handed him the money to get it back. I took care of all the bills when we lived together (as he hadn't even leanred how to write a check--he's 24 by the way). Before we moved away to go to college (which wouldn't haev been been possible if not for the help of my father) he pretty much had me on a leash. Jealousy was just a way of life in our home. I thought it meant he loved me--later I realized his own insecurities. The fighting and arguing breaking stuff tears..aregh...it just got too much...we called it quits. I can't forgive him no matter how much I try. It plagues me every day ...the bitterness the resentment. He comes up in conversation all the time..I feel like he took my life away from me. I think back to the person I was before I met him and I cry. I was happy--I was me. Now I feel depleted of energy and life...I feel old...unavailable emotionally...I used to smile more. I have tried dating other people. One guy in particular really had me going. After 2 months he broke it off. We were becoming too much like bf and gf. Great...fine. Now I see him out and about hitting on every skirt that walks by. It really pisses me off. So he wants to play...great. One of these girls I've seen him with seems to like him a lot. She's only 19. I worry that he's going to break her heart. I don't even know her...but I can forsee it happening. He's a musician and a damn sexy one at that...so he can get a lot of girls I guess. I just don't know what makes people think they have a right to toy with other people's emotions--for their personal benefit. It just seems wrong and I don't know how people can just do crap like that and continue to live with themselves. I am just so full of anger and bitterness...I want to feel good again...just for a day... I just don't like to treat people bad--it makes me feel awful about myself--we all do it unintentionally at times--I'm always apologizing for myself. When people treat others bad with intention it just makes me want to give up on EVERYONE. What can I do to let this all go away...

I guess I agree with you RayKay...but on the otherhand I too am a bit emotionally unavailable. I just got out of a messy break up about 6 months ago and I haven't been able to forgive him or myself. I dated one guy that I had an insane crush on. I had hoped that maybe it would manifest into something wonderful, but inevitably he ended up just walking away from it. I was a conquest to him...mission accomplished. I've seen this guy geting super friendly with two girls over the past week alone. I realize that this is a clear sign that this guy was no good, but as I said the crush was overwhelming and I had to give it a shot. I don't want to get hurt...I can't deal with the pain of rejection right now...I let it happen once already, far too soon after the breakup with my Long term relationship. I am really just wanting to make solid friendships with people. I would be open to dating someone...if and when they knock my socks off..but man oh man that would take a lot at this point.

Time and time again I make "friends" with guys only to find out that they are interested in more, and thought I was too. I guess I have no idea how to be upfront and let them know that I am only interested in being a friend. For instance...this guy I met is really fun to hang out with. I had mentioned how I wanted to find a new job and I thought I might try and get a job where he works. He said he would put in a good word for me and then suggested that we go there and eat and he would introduce me to his boss. Sounded like a good idea to me--I had been wanting to eat there for a while. So...we went and it started to feel like a date. He paid n'stuf...and I was like...no no don't do that. So we went out for drinks after that and talked...then another time we hung out and went for milkshakes jsut talking bout stuff. Last night I gave him a ride home from a friends house. I didn't want to leave yet, but he had rode there with me and my other friend and I didn't think it was fair to make him walk home. When we got there--things got tense and he tried to kiss me. At that point I had to make it clear my intentions and I could tell he was embarrassed and hurt. He has lots of girl "friends" I figured I could jsut be one of those girl "friends" . I feel horrible about it-- Should I have assumed that going to eat where he works was a date. Sh ould I have assumed that just talking over milkshakes was a date? He told me he thought they were. Ugh...

the other night I went out with a friend to a bar to see some bands play. It was sort of a big event and i almost didn't go, but I knew it was not to be missed. I have been feeling a little self conscious lately as I feel like I've put on a few pounds since this guy I ws really into and I stopped seeing each other. I wasa bit anti social and didnt really talk to anyone when I first got there. Anyway, the guy I used to date was there and he is in one of the bands that was playing. The reason he said he didn't want to pursue anything with me is because he didn't want a gf...he just got out of a ltr...and although I was hurt, i guess I sort of felt like I wasn't ready either. I didnt intend on staying long or drinking that much. After a little time I noticed that this girl was hanging around him..."hmm" I thought... Doesn't matter anyway. I drank some more...was beginning to feel a little more "comfortable". He eventually saw me, said hello and then said he didn't know I had been there the whole time--I had been there for like 2 hours already, place was pretty crowded. I kept noticing this girl around him and they were talking and laughing. AFter he saw me, anytime I was relatively close by he kind of withdrew from whatever conversation they were having...I noticed his whole energy change. I drank some more...then later on after I was feeling really buzzed I started back towards the bathroom and she was holding his hand walking in front of him...our eyes met as we were about to pass and immediately dropped her hand--really fast. I started to feel really crappy about it at this point...drank some more. So the night got progressively more muddled as I got more drunk...and next thing I know i'm waking up on this guys (not the guy i dated)couch who had a party after teh show. I found out later in the day that they found me passed out in the back yard outside of this house and they carried me in. I am humiliated and hurt and confused. A couple of my friends are like...don't worry everyone has those nights. I guess they are right, but I wonder what I said to people...I made a fool out of myself. I know that I kept drinking so I wouldn't hav to think about what was going on with the guy in question and this girl--it helped to a point I guess. I also wonder why he was so careful not to let me see them holding hands or flirting. I wonder if he was worried about hurting my feelings, or because he doesn't want me to think that anything serious is going on there. Not that that means he likes me...I mean if a guy likes a new girl why would he hide it ...especially since we are over.

uh...yeah...my thoughts exactly. Personally I'm at a point where i am meeting very kind stable..."good" guys. Thing is--im not attracted to ANY of them. I feel I would be cheating the both of us if I tried to make something out of nothing...I could love them for who they are, but...just can't go that extra mile...ya know? I wish I could because they would treat me so wonderfully...hmm.

it's more like conquer...but anyway... yeah i don't even go there when I talk to him anymore...i think he thinks i'm in love with him. Which I'm not...but I do still have a huge crush on him. I told him when he told me he didnt want a girlfriend that he'd be sorry someday...I don't know what to do exactly. If I started dating someone else he might get jealous, but there's just nobody I'm interested in dating or putting through that....so I really have no clue.

I sort of lured this guy in a few months ago. I flirted...he flirted..it was all very mysterious and very very drawn out, but inevitably came to fruition--just as I had hoped/but never dreamed would actually happen. The only problem is I kind of lost it after that...got too attached...said too much too soon about how I was feeling...just blew it. Mystery was gone. So he left after only 2 months and it hurt a little at first, but I'm cool with everything and we're still friends. I still see him out and about all the time and I feel like i'm back at square one with him. We chat occasionlaly but I get nervous and end up cutting the conversation short. I don't show my nerves, I play it cool for the most part. Do you think if I began flirting again...like before...eye contact...being elusive...etc etc..I might actually be able to lure him in again. I'm not sure what I want...I just don't think he gave it enough time to get to know me...I'm sure I scared him off. I definitely think this guy likes the thrill of the chase. If I could do it all again differently I would...can anyone relate...does this sound realistic?