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michelemybell

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Everything posted by michelemybell

  1. michelemybell
    Why did you let her and her friends humiliate you like that? Why didn't you get up and leave? You gotta have more self-respect for yourself than that!!! And honestly, find yourself better company to hang with. This girl sounds like an insecure creep who needs her ego stroked by leading guys on through the internet. She is a loser, and yes, the "big dude" will dump her. Take her off the pedestal you put her on, and never talk to her again. You dont need to be that desperate for companionship.
  2. michelemybell
    I would stick to your plan. Yes, you risk that she might find someone else...but that's the way life goes. And if she can't wait, then she isn't the right one for you. I've heard horror stories of people living near each other dating and things go wrong--then you are stuck seeing that person everyday...and seeing them date other people.
  3. michelemybell
    Raykay, I wish the side effects of Ortho Tri Cyclen went away for me. I was on it for a year and I had severe migraines, which never went away as time went on. I was convinced my headaches were because of low blood sugar, but then once I stopped taking that pill it went away. My GYN actually pulled me off the pill because one of the two hormones actually is connected to producing strokes in patients, and I was referred to a Neurologist to make sure my headaches weren't signs of an upcoming stroke. I was put on the one-hormone mini-pill and have no headaches at all now. But you are right. The mini-pill is hard to take---You have to take it every day at the same time (or within two hours of that time). I goofed on the first two packs I tried, and had to use condoms for the rest of those months.
  4. michelemybell
    Curbie, You sound very confused. Now you are questioning whether you should get married because somewhere in the Bible it says that you will be put last as husband in her priorities? (And I believe that is a bunch of B.S. The only way she would put you last is if she chose to do so, not because the Bible says that will be the case.) Do you honestly want to get married, or just want a girlfriend? It sounds to me that sex is definitely clouding your judgment now. And Shorty, I was confused with your post. First you say that it is hard to do everything else because you will be tempted to go all the way. Then you tell Curbie that him and his girlfriend should do everything else except sex? My suggestion Curbie is to talk to someone in your church about your confusion. Ask them is sexual relations besides intercourse okay as a Christian. Then, like Shorty suggested, have an honest discussion with your girlfriend what you want to do. Honestly, it sounds like you two have different values right now, and both of you sound confused about your religion and whether it's something you even want to follow, or at least follow according to their rules. If you do decide to continue having sexual relations, then both of you should accept that it is against your religion and that you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
  5. michelemybell
    Okay, dont be so hard on yourself--You're not going to "burn" for having sex. But you might want to reconsider what you do from now on if you are true to your religion. By following a religion, you dont make up rules as you go along, permitting you to do certain actions just because you want to or it's too hard to follow. Why be a Christian if you aren't going to follow or practice what the religion requires? As far as sex, you can go ahead and do it, but I would consider you a hypocrite to your religion. You would be a Christian who doesn't follow Christian priciples. If you dont really know if oral sex is in the same category, please talk to someone at your church and clarify what is meant by premarital sex. As far as not being able to control the urge, there have been others in the church that have faced this same dilemma. You just have to have other outlets--such as sports--that will distract you. I'm not a Christian, but my boyfriend and I waited close to a year before we had sex! Now we are married and I'm glad I waited because we got to know each other outside of just a sexual relationship. I think that is the whole point of waiting until you are married--So sex doesn't cloud your judgment as it is doing to you right now! As far as your girlfriend, she may be feeling guilty or finally wants to be true to her religion and do the morally correct thing. Maybe she is willing to do other sexual things because she is afraid to lose you, or you are pressuring her. I'm sure she is having a struggle within her head that her religion says one thing and she is completely doing the opposite. Maybe you both can meet with someone in your church and discuss these things.
  6. michelemybell
    That is way cool Jenifer--I never heard of NuvaRing before and looked it up. It sounds so much easier than taking the pill every day!! Madylee, it is really up to you and what your body can handle. I was taking one type of birth control pills and it gave me severe migraines. My doctor put me on a mini-pill that contains one hormone (progestin) instead of two hormones that other pills contain. Some pills require you to take them every day at the same time, while others dont require such strict control. Definitely talk to the doctor. There may be new pills out that are more compatible with your system.
  7. michelemybell
    You seem attracted to his aloofness and the "bad boy" qualities he has. The problem is, you will be the one burned in the end. You deserve way better than having to chase this dork of a guy. Why do you feel the need to accept crumbs from this guy? Please work on yourself and your self-esteem away from this guy. Show him and the world you are worth more than that.
  8. michelemybell
    Hi Luciana, You reminded me of some friends of my ex. Both these guys have children with the women they live with, but they absolutely refuse to get married. And both guys in both relationships have cheated. I wonder why women put up with that kind of relationship? I would never want to be a backup plan. I think they like the comfort and convenience of having a companion and a caretaker for them and their children, but want the freedom of bachelorhood. And their girlfriends just put up with up. I wouldnt. Luckily not all guys are like that.
  9. michelemybell
    She really asked you "would you do me?" when she is dating another guy? Sounds like a winner to me. Why do you even bother? It doesnt matter if you two have a history. This is not the type of person I would want in my life anymore. It seems to me you kinda like the drama of this whole thing. Why even engage in behavior like this? It's very childish, and you have it within your power to stop it...but you don't. You are 31 years old. Do you want to have a family? Do you want to have children (with someone mature enough to handle the responsibility of raising children--This woman doesn't sound like it!) If it were me, I would cut off contact completely. You are wasting time in your life playing games with a very insecure and immature "girl".
  10. michelemybell
    I disagree Glenda. Oh Jay, it sounds like this girl likes having you and her boyfriend's attention at the same time. Do you really want to be with someone who is telling you she likes you but is having sex with this other guy (and she tells you this too! Eeew!)? She says she is hurt from her last breakup, that she can't break up with this guy and has to sleep with him? This sounds incredibly immature. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Have some dignity and pride and find someone who wants to be with YOU and YOU ALONE! If she wanted to be with you and only you she would've left the guy. Dont be her backup plan. Walk away!
  11. michelemybell
    Well, I havent experienced being in a lesbian relationship, but I remember what it was like being 17 and not having my family's approval on certain issues in my life. Have you tried sitting down with your parents and telling them your decision on your sexuality? Maybe because they are in the dark is part of the problem. They are going to still probably feel uncomfortable, because to them it is not the normal way to do things. You can't expect them to change their view overnight. But try to be kind and loving and understanding toward their point of view. This doesn't mean that you agree with them; It just means you can have an open dialogue with them about it and make them understand where you are coming from too. If they make life unbearable for you, I would suggest moving out once you turn 18. I know it is sad not having your family's support on something like this. I have a feeling once you claim your independence from them, they'll figure that either they can lose you forever or accept who their daughter is and love you anyways. Good luck!
  12. michelemybell
    If it still bothers you to hear about her dates, etc., then you must maintain NO CONTACT. The problem is, that you left the door open so much during this NO CONTACT period that it's not really helping you. That is why you are frustrated. I dont know the background of why your relationship ended. But, if she dumped you and betrayed you, then it's imperative you go NO CONTACT if she just wants to be friends with you. I've seen so many people hurt (including myself) by maintaining contact with an ex, mainly because the same issues still exist that broke you up in the first place. And to maintain a "friendship" with someone who hurt you and probably doesnt want to be with you exclusively, is heartbreaking. Remember, NO CONTACT is about you. To get your life--and your head--back together so you can think things through rationally.
  13. michelemybell
    I'm thinking even if the husband did find out, it would not be the end of their marriage. It sounds like your girlfriend would be too guilt-ridden to leave. Even if she did leave on the account of him kicking her out (I doubt it---He probably already knows or is living in a house with not a lot of love and affection, and still chooses to stay with her), I think her conscience would bother her. There's a reason why she is staying in this marriage beyond criminal and legal reasons (I'm thinking she's staying more for financial security). Maybe she is unsure in her own mind too. Honestly, I would give her an ultimatum. If she doesn't make a decision to leave him, then leave her. You can't be hanging on and wasting time in your own life waiting for her. I've also heard many times that relationships forming as a result of an affair have a higher failure rate. I think mainly because the "honeymoon stage" will eventually fade and she will be left with her same problems (lack of self-esteem) that she thought she was escaping in the first place. To answer your question, you can always tell him yourself! He's going to find out your with his wife anyhow!
  14. michelemybell
    I've never read the book so I can't really offer an opinion, but... I was walking in the bookstore the other day and did see a new book by the same author called "Be Honest, You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach For the Love You Deserve". Sounds kinda interesting!
  15. michelemybell
    It sounds like you two are unhealthy and dangerous for each other. She sounds immature, and you sound like you can't control your emotions. You both need help and time alone to work on yourselves before engaging with each other or anyone else. When you feel so out-of-control where you choke someone, you have to step back and realize something isn't right here. I would not include her in your healing process at this time--for her safety, as well as your own well-being. You gotta learn how to be independent and not allow anyone to push your buttons so much or make you so anxious that you resort to violence toward them.
  16. michelemybell
    hi there, I think most people here can give advice on this because I think everyone, at least once in their lives, has gone through a devastating breakup like the one you are experiencing. I know, I know, you dont want to hear this--but time will heal your pain. After my breakup I wanted to shoot anyone who said that because I didn't think it would happen, and since I was at the beginning of my pain I had a long way to go. But it is true--Time is your best friend here. There is no way around the initial pain. And I know all to well the pain of thinking that if you REALLY let go, then you are putting the final nail in the coffin...and that is hard to do. My best advice to you (and one I broke over and over and regret it because it delayed my healing) is to maintain NO CONTACT. And absolutely do not beg her to come back, or get into arguments over your breakup with her. It will keep on setting you back to square one. I dont know if you were the dumper or the dumpee. I've always thought it is easier for the dumper to move on (at least until later on when they often start missing you as well). I think once you see her moving on (which is inevitable), then you will be motivated to do the same in your own life. Do things slowly---Try to get out a little bit. Maybe start a small project that you can finish and feel proud of. If you arent already exercising, set small goals and work out a little at a time. I dont think you should try to transform your life all at one time, because you might feel overwhelmed and depressed in case of any setbacks. But try to get out there slowly. I know it feels like walking through mud to do anything right now, but you will feel a little bit better each time you do get out and do something. You will learn how to be independent again, and realize you can do things in your life without her. Hope this helps a little. Take care!
  17. michelemybell
    He was living with the woman and had "no involvement" with the kid? That sounds strange. In any event, that woman was stupid for living with a guy when she had children and wasn't married----I would never live with anyone if I had children, mainly for the fact that they will become emotionally attached and there is a good chance it wont work out. I think that case in Canada is an exception rather than the rule. Most often if the man is not the biological father, he can walk away with no obligation of paying child support. And yes, in many cases women get the raw end of the deal in a shack up situation.You've heard of the term "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free"? A guy will get the benefits of marriage (oftentimes a cook, a person who will clean up after him, and a sex partner) without having to commit. Women usually hang on in hopes of marriage. I've heard of so many cases where a woman living with a guy will waste years waiting for the guy, and oftentimes it doesn't lead to marriage. Women just need to become smarter and say adios if they guy isn't interested in marriage if that's what she wants.
  18. michelemybell
    DN, I see your point, but that can happen to even if you are not married. In some states, you are considered "married" after seven years of cohabitating--even if you dont take vows or sign a marriage contract. You still have to pay child support even if you arent married. I guess the alternative is "shacking up" and producing children out of wedlock. What are the benefits of that? I guess that does benefit the guy, but the woman gets the raw end of the deal there.
  19. michelemybell
    Great post Luciana! Like I said Cecelius, talk to married men (especially those without children) and ask them why they choose to get married other than childrearing and raising a family. If all the benefits are the same with being in relationship vs. getting married, then why not get married??? It's all the same according to you, right? The answer is simple: The only reason not to get married is to have the option of still looking around and leaving easily. You arent bound by marriage vows. You aren't making a lifelong commitment to one person. Instead of "FOREVER", you can live in "MAYBE" land. I'm not blaming men for being scared---Women are just as scared and I notice a big trend of women sleeping around and not committing just as men do.
  20. michelemybell
    manr, I think that what you are going through is normal---It is hard to get over the sexual aspect of a relationship with someone you love(d)--especially if it was really really good. Most people will go straight to a rebound, just to prove that sex can be good with another person as well. This can be difficult though, because you might still be preoccupied with thoughts of the ex and might compare. I dont really recommend it as a solution, but it has worked for many. A better cure: Exercise and playing sports can really distract you when you are overwhelmed with these kinds of feelings. I know, it doesnt sound as fun---but it works. If it's any comfort, time will ultimately cure these feelings you have.
  21. michelemybell
    Cecelius, you must not be married. You need to speak with married men who dont have children and ask them the benefits of being married besides raising a family. I'm sure many will say that they didn't want to continuously wake up to another face every morning, they wanted stability in their lives and a constant companion. They want a home. A friend who (hopefully) will always be there. Someone to take care of you. Someone to support you emotionally when you are low---because your mommy and daddy wont always be there to do it. And it does make absolute financial sense to marry, especially when your wife makes a decent income herself---especially if you live in the state I live in (California)!
  22. michelemybell
    I think some guys are like this because they have the "grass is greener" mentality. They are afraid that if they get married, they will never have the opportunity to be "in love" again and they forever will have to be with one person. I also know guys that have the "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" mentality. There are so many women that will live with a guy, cook and clean for him, even have children...and they still wait. And I think the guy figures marriage isnt necessary, and he still has that sense of freedom of not being tied down. I agree with you Hope75----Women just have to become smart in their lives and move on from a guy like this. The good news is that there are plenty of good decent and nice REAL MEN who would like to get married and be with one person for the rest of their lives
  23. michelemybell
    I believe there are some tests on the market that are early detectors (before your next period). You wouldnt be feeling anything yet if you were pregnant. The pains in your stomach are most likely nerves because you think you are pregnant!!! Try to stay calm. You are most likely not pregnant. There is always a chance of getting pregnant, but the chance might be extremely low. You may have been at a point in your cycle where the chance of pregnancy is low or none. There are other factors (like sperm actually reaching the egg) that cut down the chance as well. If you are ever in this situation again, go the next day over to a pharmacist and request the morning after pill. It is a high dose birth control that creates a hostile environment (more mucus) so that a fertilized egg cant attach to your uterus. You can look up pharmacists in your area on the net that will supply the morning after pill. (The morning after pill is different than the RU-486 abortion pill, which you can only get from a GYN).
  24. michelemybell
    All the advice here is great. You will gain weight as you get older. I am 5 foot 8, and when I was in high school, I weighed 105 pounds. Everyone thought I had an eating disorder. I didn't (quite the opposite!)--I just couldn't gain weight because I had a super-fast metabolism. As I got older, the metabolism slowed down and I gained weight----and now I can lose some! I think the most important thing to do is just try to eat healthy. It's easy to pick up bad eating habits when you dont need to worry about gaining weight. The problem is things could be happening internally that are bad---A lot of super skinny people have high cholesterol. As the other posters said, make sure to keep active and exercise--even when you dont need to. Even if you dont need to lose weight, exercise will make you feel great.
  25. michelemybell
    A big happy birthday hug to you! I know today might be hard for you, but try to enjoy it as best you can. Try to avoid her calls and maintain no contact. Dont explain why to her. That's just trying to get a reaction from her somehow. Most of us here have gone through the same thing and it was really tough. None of us have more willpower (well, maybe some do, but I sure didn't) to get through this. It's just from experience we know that the best route is no contact. It's the only way she'll realize your worth. Otherwise she'll continue to take you for granted and you'll feel worse. You can't change someone's feelings by being there all the time. In fact, it could make it worse. No contact is the only thing we can give you here. If you keep on going back, then there's nothing we can say or do here that will make you feel better.
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