ufoureah

Ofcourse I got scared and screwed things up again.. push pull.. she comes my way I run.. I go her way she runs.. we are so not ready to be friends. The truth is I want her back some days, others I don't.. What is wrong with me?

my dear this is a breakthru if you ask me.. she stopped taking her 30 mg Paxil.. If you go to link removed you can see people go carzy on the stuff. leave their families and loose everything. When I was in it I was planning on taking care of her. you leave you are on your own. I have major codependence issues. this is a breakthru for me too. I wanted to take care of her despite myself and I was so sad that I wasn't allowed. Now after taking care of me and going to Coda and Alanon for the first time in my life.. I have never dealt with any alchoholism and PTSD sex abuse stuff ever. It runs rampant in our world.. Very creepy. I am, able to move on. I really needed to make peace with it. Even last week I thought being friends would make things better. She is on a downward spiral and what is so sad is she is sinking deeper and I am going to have to be careful not to get her too upset. She really wants to meet up and do things and I and my therapist do not think it's a good idea. Iam really in a good spot. Meeting friends, eating again, doing stuff. Birthday is next week. Bought myself a $1500 bike and am going out kayaking and camping and meeting healthy active people and doing well financially. Good riddance really. I am so sorry about the things I did wrong. I am sure she will be super confused as to why i am not available ever. I was pushing for this friendship thing and now Iam really going to put her over the edge.I found out she was yelling last week because I told her I wanted to bring her stuff to her because I wanted to make my house "Mary free" (not her name). So now she is telling me all she is doing and if I want to get together next weekend..I don't think I should do it... She wants to go on a hike.. I don't think we should do it.. Time needs to pass. I really don't want her back.. I want to not see her. she says she has a tough time seeing me too. What do you think?

oh now that Iam backing off I get a message. I still love you. I will never jell at you again. I am very confused about my relationship with you. I want to spend some quality time with you and get to know each other in a healthy way... I mean come on now.. Now after 6 weeks of abandonement and running away and being crazy and sleeping with others. I am not doing it.. I need to be with someone who can communicate. Like you said, the dust needs to settle and in time maybe we can meet later for a diet coke or something. I am moving on. I am doing some NC now. staying busy meeting others, working on my growth and issues. I cannot handle abandonement, even if it is for self preservation., The fear of her doing it again just freaks me out. Was it love or lust.. I think it was the latter.

Well she was screaming on the phone about how she is angry blah blah blah and that I wanted to give stuff back. and one miute I want to be friends and the next she does not know where Iam at.. So I let her vent on the voicemail and called her back. We for the first time talked decently. I asked her if she thought it was a walk in the park for me.. she sau=ys she has been very angry and now she has legal issues that will stay with her forever and if she was not in that space she would not have been drinking blah blah blah.. Ofcourse I was crying my eyes out. she did admit she is sleeping around because she can .. but she still misses me and she has a hard time seeing me and she finally said that she still loves me. I told her I was erratic because i was in shock about her not wanting to ever see me again when she moved out.. well she explained it. she was pissed. She needed to do stuff for her and that is what she did. We hung up and she did say I love you pup. knew she still loves me. Iam really working on me because I know I huirt her terribly by being controlling. she says she didn't htink people could change and there is just too much water under the bridge. She asked me what i was planning for my birthday next week. And after we hung up she texts me..thanks for the chat, Iam sorry for your pain, Hang in there. we can get to know each other, it will all be ok.. catch you later. She is going out of town to Washington and iam sure she will meet her new F-- buddy which is fine with me. Friends only at this point she needs to get her control back I guess. I made so many mistakes.. I am humbled by this experience. I never want to go thru this ever again. I told her Iam trying to learn about boundaries and that where Iam from i just never learned that stuff and that I needed her help. she said she would help me. D...

Oh baby.. I am so moving on.. she is running from herself and if she even dares to come around... I swear.. I am furious and that is good. she treated me like I was the anti christ and as iam typing this the phone rings.. it's her.. I will not answer her calls or e-mails.. That is it!!!! She is probably feeling like crap. That she treated me so badly. I really don't deserve that at all. let her stew in her own fat.. I am so done. I need her out of my life. the bad thing is I am so physically attracted to her I need to get the image of a perfect body and incredible S-- out of my mind. That sucks the most D...

I agree. she had originally asked me to bring by some things she had forgotten at my house when we were going to meet tonight for her meeting. Since we are not anymore I figured I have to pass by her office, so I emeiled her this AM and told her that that is what I was planning to do. So I phoned this PM, she was perterbed.. looked great.. like a million bucks. G'D Iam so attracted to her (physically) she scanned me up and down, She said you caught me off guard, looked at my new $1500 bike on top of my car and stomped off/ Not 5 minutes later I get a text message. Thank you you caught me off guard, You don't look healthy. Yes I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and I am not fat. Is she kidding? Is she thinking Iam having a walk in the park, having her walk out on me like that and just moving on with hers. And I am just supposed to go on with my life.. well it's not been easy. Iam exercising like crazy and going going going like a manic crazy person. I have to do it. Iam eating now and hopefully when she is out of my life completely I can balance myself out. I really had great intentions to be there for her and go thru what I had to. Those days are over. ty codependence is kicking me in the * * *. I am not responding to her phonecalls, e-mails, texts.. I am finally in a spot where NC can officially start. To my healing. I dont ever want her back, but I wish she contacts me in the future and tries to get me to try again. I just wish it.. It sounds evil right now but Let her try.. I just cannot wait to tell her ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I feel better when I don't see her. I am meeting new friends and now have my new bike. Next week is my birthday week. I don't even want to hear from her. I am not going to be anyone's pity case. she has mad her bed. Lie in it!!! I am so mad!!! I can guarantee you that she will have the audacity to try to come back to me. It will not happen Sorry I am so angry.. I am not drinking or doing anything unsafe or anything like that.. I will be ok.. just need to eat properly, Iam getting a bit thin looking with big black circles under my eyes D...

Ok she cancelled today.. no big deal. I was supposed to meet her tomorrow for a meeting for her DUI diversion program. she says no one should be subjected to that horrible stuff. disfigured people come in and talk to these drunk drivers. Today is her dad's 9 year anniversary of his death and her dog, the love of her life is sick. Iam being supportive. asking if she needs help. she doesn't, I leave it alone. She will call me next week to possibly do something. Whatever.. I'll go if Iam available. I'll plan my week full so I don't have to go. The poor woman is so overwhelmed, she is going to crack. I am powerless. I am getting my therapy for co dependence. I just want to jump out and run over and go safe her.. I am not.. Iam taking a step back It's part of my recovery.. Iam an addict too I guess. Bad day.. But it feels good that I can actually do this. She is trying to get her control back, not on Antidepressants and alone. and drinking and having sex with several. It is a blessing in disguise she is out of my life.. what a mess!!! What do you think? D...

That sounds like a good idea.. Thank you. I feel so terribly guilty for having done everything wrong. You know people usually don't come with operators instructions, but she did. she was exactly the way the book described and she did exactly what the book said she would do. Amazing. I feel terribly guilty. I know I can't change that and she says she is willing to let it go. I figured we can be acqauintances, we enjoy each other's company.

So do I not meet her then.. I don't think she wants anything more than a friendship with me. I don't either. I don't think I can handle all the issues that come with the sex abuse stuff. She wants to be alone, so she says. D... So what do I do now.. Iam so confused.

My EX GF is an incest survivor. she was molested by her maternal grandfather for 14 years (from age2) I knew about this and at the time last year when we started dating she gave me a book to read which I really did not. We were in love and I think I must have done everything wrong.. I am from South America and don't understand boundaries very well and was tough on her etc etc. Anyway she could not cope started drinking behing my back, got a dui and stopped taking her Paxil cold turkey. She left me so quickly claiming I was controlling... I thought she had diabetes, she eats lots of candy and had no clue that she was drinking behind my back. Anyway.. we have been separated I have sought help. Iam learning about boundaries and control issues and PTSD and I have given her space. She is coming around.. we were best buddies and most things in common. I really want to be her friend and show her that I have changed and I have a better understanding of how to deal with her issues. I have distroyed her self esteem by saying the wrong things and her being afraid to say anything, just ran away. I love her still. She was so sweet to ask me either out for lunch or to go to this meeting with her in 2 days. I have left her alone and am letting her come out and seek me out. She is actually saying how she feels and I am so proud of her I am going in without expectations, but I am still a bit nervous that I don't make any mistakes that will push her right back into her shell. My goal is to be able to go do the Summer things we had originally planned on doing again like camping and hiking and I just bought a great bike, and she is an avid biker. I miss my friend. Please help me.. do you have any vital things you can help me transition into a friendship with my ex. Things I really need to pay attention to when we get together. I really want her to feel safe again with me, so that we can go do some of the things we used to enjoy without the drama. I am learning to keep my mouth shut.. I have ADHD and always want to fix things it's horrible. Iam on Ritalin.. Thanks in advance. D...

Oh i have lost 20 lbs in 4 weeks. We talked again on Friday. she is already interested in someone else. I didn't realize the implications her PTSD had on the way she coped or not coped with people and control. I thought she was tough and didn't realize she had issues with boundaries. I bulldozed her. I am from South America and do not understand the concept, but Iam learning. She wants us to try and be friends and she wants to get her control back. Iam leaving the ball in her court. She asked me Friday if I were willing to go with her next Wednesday to a class she is taking for her DUI diversion progra, I figured I can prove to her that I can be friends and not be such a bull in a china shop. She is really intimidated by me. I don't think I could sleep with her again, since she has crossed that line with someone else. But I think I should go, sit next to her. keep my trap shut. And leave when it's done. No expectations and no touching or pretending like we are still together. I want her to feel comfortable with me so that another time she can invite me for something alittle more intimate, like working out at the gym or a hike or dinner later wayyyy down the line. I will not mention a word about her new interest or our last relationship. What do you think? I really miss my friend I used to go camping with and hike and kayak and now that I bought a $1500 bike she will be able to join me when I go riding. Much later. I just want to mke her feel safe around me. What do you think? No secret agenda. D...

sorry.. I was introduced to a facade.. Nothing about who she presented she was is true.. I was betrayed. Kind of like a narcissist preying on new victims. It was a living hell, looking back and then she just pulled the rug right from under me.. boom. yes I feel betrayed and absolutely taken. And now she is doing to someone else. The job and the looks are what get her to these people. what is inside is one scared, 2 year old without boudaries, with anxiety and depression alcoholism and sex addiction. how sad.. She molded into what she thought I wanted and the truth is she is nothing like that, a big FACADE... Nothing she ever said was true...and what pisses me off is that I fell for it.. How can I ever trust anyone ever again. This woman is the posterchild of what a terrific partner is supposed to be like and it was nothing like that.. and she is the excecutive director of a state agency with 50 employees here in our state. And her friends are all the same. You should see how they write in code to each other on the state e-mail system.. about how to meet and where for their interludes of nasty things they are going to do to each other. It is a network of thugs. These people are the ones spending our millions of taxdollars. 2 dui's in less than 4 years and NO ONE knows.. I fell for this scum.. Yes it makes it easy to walk away now.. But I am furious at myself for falling for the image that was nothing but a lie. Sorry my $100 Yes Iam getting help.. this is my anger stage D...

It's just how I feel. I wasn't really molested ..just feel that way

I know I am better off, I just feel betrayed, lied to, molested, hurt, cheated,, and I miss my bud. And the intimacy.. Iam glad I didn't find this stuff out 15 years later. D...

She acts like she is normal, and she is a high state official with 50 employees. How can they function and do a job right and at home she is a 4 year old child. She is so angry at me and blames me for everything. The sick thing is,, I miss the 1 st person she presented to mke. She started with great enthusiasm. I still read the wonderful cards she made me and hear all the words of love she told me. still remember the most wonderful times we had and the most incredible intimacy we shared. How the heck do I get over that. I cannot imagine her doing the same to someone else. it was a facde and I feel so sad that I had to live that. What did I do that was so bad? is what I ask myself? I was so concerned about her getting sick, whenj I smelled what I thought were ketones. She told me none of her partnbers cared so Imade sure to. I am a very caring person. I did call her names when she acted out drunk and as a 3 year old. I just didn't understand. I became a motherfigure in a relationship with someone who was 5 years older than me and all I have for a role model is my own controlling mother, so I simulated her. So many mistakes, so many regrets. I miss my friend.. she wants nothing to do with me.. How sad, I used to be her everything. I am giving her space. Let her find herself, go thru her diversion program, find someone new and move on. There is nothing I can do.. I have tried. She is done and can just move on without blinking an eye. I was the best I could possibly be as far as caring, supporting, being there..loving. she wants free love and no connection. she told me she wanted what I had to offer. She lied!!! Like most alcoholics do. wow. I still facilate between OMG what happened to Iam so sad to Iam so angry, to I miss you baby.. Please help me maintain NC. I have erased her out of my addressbook on the computer and off my phone and Ima staying busy. We used toi play the piano togethr, she is my rolemodel and every night i practice. I cry my eyeballs out between every note, but I do it. we used to sing every night and I am learning so she used to help me read the notes. Will she ever remember the fun times we used to have? I hope so. Sorry Iam rambling.. Iam having some anxiety. D...