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michelemybell

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  1. michelemybell
    Your boyfriend should tell her that if she contacts any of you again, that you are contacting the police. And stick with your word. She is harassing you. Your boyfriend should put an end to this.
  2. michelemybell
    I remember when I first started dating my now husband. I would get all upset about him looking/reading Playboy and similar magazines. I was so insecure about myself and our relationship. I still sometimes find issues of Playboy or Maxim, but it doesn't bother me now since we've been together for a long time. If you find that your guy is obsessed with these women or looking at porn and not paying attention to you, then you have cause for concern. Otherwise, all guys look at these things and it has nothing to do with you. Both men and women look at the opposite sex. I'm sure you will look at other guys and perhaps have fantasies...and it doesn't mean a thing unless you act upon them. It's human nature. Trust me, the longer you are in the relationship and the more secure you become, the less this is going to bother you.
  3. michelemybell
    Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there was enough time between his other relationship and the beginning of his with you. He may have said bad things about her--and perhaps they may be true to some extent--but he still had feelings for her and they had quite a lengthy relationship. Having been in this situation before, I would be very wary of a guy (or gal) that talks bad about their ex. It's sometimes a sign that they are still really bothered by them and wont be completely free for a new relationship. I know this hurts and it's going to take some time to get through. If he gets back with her, it may or may not work out...and he may be knocking on your door again. You can wait to see what happens, but a better use of your time is to take care of yourself and your needs, and perhaps meeting someone who is completely open to a new relationship and is not still carrying around baggage.
  4. michelemybell
    Empty, As I started reading your post, I was going to suggest Plan B, and I'm so glad you did! I know I'm going to sound like a parent here, but do you really want to go through this kind of stress everytime you have sex? It should be a relaxing experience; not one filled with angst! The best option is for you both to wait to have sex, because you're risking a lot here. But if you aren't planning on stopping, your girlfriend should be on birth control pills (or another form, like the patch) in addition to you using a properly fitting condoms. Also, you dont have to fully ejaculate for pregnancy to happen. Pre-cum contains sperm too. And while pregnancy during menstruation is unlikely, it can still happen. So, just be better informed and prepared if you plan on having sex again. I know the first time I had sex, I was worried so much that I delayed my period! I highly doubt she is pregnant (Since it is unlikely that you got her prego in the first place and she took Plan B on top of that) but she's going to be a nervous wreck regardless.
  5. michelemybell
    Rabican, I like your post!!!!!!!!!! Aschleigh, I think most of the problems on this board are about people who didn't think more before having sex and the whole host of problems it can cause. Not saying that one should forego sex or that sex is evil. But a little more discretion would save a lot of heartache and trips to the doctor!
  6. michelemybell
    I agree with MBA1 on this one. I think people with age differences that are over 30 are in a different class than those in their teens and 20s. As one might insist they are mature and worldly in their early 20s, they haven't gained life experiences--That only comes with time. How many of us that are 30 and above can say we knew as much then as we know now? Your prime years for growth are between 20 and 30. I hate to say this, but most of the time when an older guy is looking at someone in their early 20s or younger, he wants someone kinda naive and not completely his equal. And maybe those in their 30s and above that are still looking at younger partners may not be ready to let go of their "party" days. I mean, you have to admit that being in your 20s held a lot less responsibilities than your 30s. And it's definitely not fair to rob someone in their 20s of that experience. Myspace is kinda known to be a dating/meeting place for younger people. So, I wouldn't take offense to her comment because you aren't over the hill and you are attractive! I'm back in college for post-graduate work, and there are a lot of younger students in my classes. I get comments all the time around school such as "Are you a teacher?" and "Are you taking these courses for fun?" Sometimes it annoys me, but I realize that maybe they haven't learned much about life yet! They will learn!!
  7. michelemybell
    I'd be careful with dating because you're bringing in another woman into these kid's lives when they've already lost two moms (even if it wasn't your fault). They dont need to go through another lost relationship. I'd put my love life on hold until they are older.
  8. michelemybell
    Of course the choice of keeping the child or not is a personal choice and not one any of us here can make for you. But please please Marina, dont continue to be around this guy. Hopefully this pregnancy and the fact that you're impacting others now with your decisions will be a wake up call. Sadly, you see all too often women continue to hang around loser guys and oftentimes they "wake up" when it's too late. Don't screw up your life. This guy ain't worth it. Please value yourself more than that.
  9. michelemybell
    Marina, I really wish you thought first about having sex with a loser guy who disrespected you. Why oh why did you even continue having sex with him? And where did you get this special brownie? From him? If so, why are you still around him and taking chances around a dangerous loser guy who cheats? This is going to be a tough thing for you. Sure, plenty of women work and make it through as a single mom. But I feel bad for you that as a new graduate, you have to make these decisions. Have you thought about adoption as an option? I would totally respect you if you did that. If you keep the baby, you really need to get your priorities straight and get smart about life. You can't be making stupid decisions and mistakes, especially with stupid guys. I wish you all the best. This is a tough situation to be in.
  10. michelemybell
    Hey everyone, let's try to help RayF here and leave the arguments about what a woman's body looks like after childbearing to another thread!!! RayF, I went through a similar experience and it's going to take a lot of time and soul searching to get to the other side. I think one of the earlier posters hit it right on the nail when he said that if you put so much emphasis on a relationship, you are always going to be sad. I even think if you were with your ex right now, you'd eventually become depressed because she has flaws and can't be the miracle cure. I think you haven't let go of idealizing her. I wish we all had the opportunity to either be with our exes again or be a fly on the wall in their life and find out what we SHOULDN'T be missing!!! It's that dang idealizing we can't let go until of course, we find someone new. And then the cycle starts all over again. LOL I know you've heard this one million times before, but try to hang in there. As another poster said, this is the time to start over and make yourself into something even more fabulous. I have to say that between the time my ex broke it off with me and right now, these years has been the most life changing time in my entire life. I came to the conclusion that this one person is not going to ruin me. And if they are having fun (and who knows if they really are) then we deserve the same happiness.
  11. michelemybell
    I agree with momene. Why not find a guy instead who is balanced with work and his family/social life? Instead of hoping this guy will change and pay more attention to you? Isnt that more desirable? Are you dating in hopes of marriage? Can you imagine being married to this guy who finds it more important to be at work (beyond reasonable hours) than to be with his family? Plenty of women marry this type of guy and end up extremely unhappy.
  12. michelemybell
    Hi havefaith, I think that it is good that you are being overly cautious with birth control. I remember being the same way when I was younger and unmarried! What kind of pill are you on? I'm on the low hormone pill (the name escapes me right now) where you have to take it at the same time every day. Even with this pill, you can be off within a couple hours. . There are other BC pills where you can take it with more flexibility. With daylight savings time, the one hour difference wont affect it. If you travel to a different time zone, you will have to adjust the time you take it. If you feel that it's a problem to take the pill at scheduled times, you should really look into other birth control methods (such as the patch).
  13. michelemybell
    hi snogirl, You really have to be honest with yourself here----Is he really a jerk, or are you insecure in the relationship? Are you micromanaging him or being controlling? Sometimes women (and men!) do this when they put too much emphasis on the guy and the relationship to fulfill what they may be missing in their lives. This may not be the case with you, but it sure was the case with me at one time. I remember when I was dating the man (who is now my husband) and he was late here and there calling. He wasn't a jerk, just a guy who got busy with things and sometimes forgot the time. I would go ballistic on him, because honestly, I was so focused on the relationship and wanted so much attention from him. I would get jealous if he went out with his friends and family. As time went by and I became more secure with myself and the relationship, I wasnt as sensitive to him slipping up every once in awhile. If you dont think your boyfriend is a jerk, I think you should tell him that he should be more considerate with planning things, calling and being there on time. You have to remember to be realistic too---He's going to make mistakes. If he doesn't care and is really insensitive, you shouldn't be with him.
  14. michelemybell
    saloum, I know you still want to figure this out, but you really need to let it go. Stop trying to figure it out. You are just continuing the game. Stop now. For your own sanity. Let him go.
  15. michelemybell
    Hi Marc, My take on this conversation is that she means exactly what she is saying. She likes you a lot, but she wants to explore what is out there. I know this is hard to hear--I've been in your shoes before. The thing is you gotta remember this---Try your hardest not to take it personally. There may have been someone in your past that liked you more than you were willing to give. They could've been the nicest, most beautiful person in the world. But you wanted the freedom to do what you want. It could be out of her own insecurity--There are tons of people like that who constantly need validation from others because honestly, they dont have much self-esteem within themselves to be liked by one person. (The problem is, she'll find out that the pattern will be repeated in the next relationship). As I mentioned in my previous post, she's picking the "bad boy" because of low self esteem. But there is nothing you can do about it. She has to learn this lesson herself. What you need to do now Marc is to take this opportunity to be the best person you can be. Take care of your health, exercise. Try to look and feel your best. Accomplish things at school and/or work. Whatever you do, dont pour your heart out to your ex. The best would be to go into NC mode because it might be very hard for you to talk to her right now (even though I know you want to talk to her). Just stay focused on moving forward because everytime you get weak and slip back, it's a strike against you. Get strong inside for yourself. The added benefit is that she will see this in you and will probably come back around. But you gotta get this confidence back in yourself. You need to see that movie "Swingers" if you haven't already done so. (It took place during the swing dance craze, hence the name). The main character goes through exactly the same situation you are going through. The ending is classic. Michele
  16. michelemybell
    Like the other posters have already said, the only way you can stop him from contacting you is by blocking all contact and not responding when he does get through. Honestly Saloum, because you haven't nipped it in the bud, it seems to all of us that you actually dont want it to stop. You may like the attention and dont want to lose it yourself. If you didn't care, you wouldn't allow it to continue. I dont think you want to face life without this guy, as much as you say you dont want him in your life. It's very hard work and sad to let someone go. And you're avoiding the pain. I feel sorry for you---This is going to be following you around for life, and you're never going to be able to appreciate much of your life until you let go.
  17. michelemybell
    Hi mmaurer, Yep, I agree---I give my guy a lot of credit for taking me back. And I appreciate him more. Because he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I still regret that I forgot that for awhile. Like I said before in a previous post, he made some mistakes too and made an effort to change as well. Yeah, I have a friend who is in the same situation as you--cosigned a car for his bum son. I think you are right--I'm not sure if there's legally anything you can do. If she's really not paying the bill on it, you might want to talk to an attorney to see if there's anything you can do. You would think that the cosigner is the real owner of the car, since it's only reflected on your credit, not hers. I think it would be refreshing for both you and her if you weren't so "nice". Actually more for you. I was kinda like you with my relationship with my loser ex (the "bad boy") and he took advantage of that as well (I cosigned for things too since he had a poor credit rating. Luckily it was for things, like a cell phone, that I could easily cancel!) . He had no respect for me, and I had no respect for myself for doing it (then again, somebody who takes advantage of someone for helping them out actually is the person with no respect!). I learned a huge lesson in that relationship, and it's carried over to other aspects of my life---I dont do favors for people and I'm not as "nice" myself and I'm actually treated better now. It also made me very appreciative when my guy now helps me out. That is great that you have a date---You need to see what else out is out there and that you are desirable, and you will probably find women that are better than your ex. I have a feeling your ex will be regretting her actions really soon! LOL
  18. michelemybell
    I hate to admit this mmaurer, but I was kinda nasty to my guy when I was with the bad guy. Your ex may be acting this way out of guilt, or she's trying to get a rise out of you because you are showing indifference. It's hard to say. The best thing to do is maintain NC and ignore her. I think she is not looking good and depressed because things aren't going good in her new relationship. She's probably absorbed in his life, but realizing he doesn't care about her like she does of him. I swear, if she only knew that hooking up with this kind of guy is not going to give her a sense of purpose and love in her life. She needs to find that within herself, through accomplishments and reaching goals. She's going to find that out soon, but not until after she's hurt. She's going to get her karma. I have a feeling once she does, she's going to be looking to you. As far as the car loan mmaurer, I would seriously see if you can legally take control of the car. You are being way too nice to her about it and she's treating you like a chump. Dont contact her and tell her what you're going to do. Just do it. You have to show her that you aren't Mr Nice Guy that she can count on all the time. It may even be refreshing to see another side of you!
  19. michelemybell
    saloumehdaghighi, You answered your own question. You need to be the strong one and let go. Take this as a hard lesson that when you value something, dont take advantage of it because you will lose it forever. You are afraid to really let your ex go. It's very hard, I know. But you have to in order to live a normal life. I suggest you bite the bullet and say goodbye for good. Yes, many of us have left people we really cared for behind. It stinks, but you have to have respect for your husband. Either that, or get divorced which it doesn't seem you are going to do. Please leave this drama behind and get on with your life and your husband. You and your ex have been very selfish in this and have dragged two other people in this. Have some respect for those people who have chosen to stand by you through all of this. Michele
  20. michelemybell
    Hi southerngirl, I understand your frustration of wanting another baby, but you are already blessed with two heathly sons. And between your youngest son and oldest son, you have your hands full. Can you honestly pay enough attention to the two you have with another newborn around? Honestly, I dont understand the urge of women to want another baby just because they want a girl or a boy. Do you want a girl for ego/selfish purposes, someone for your boys to take care of, someone you think you can bond with better, or that they're fun to dress up? I dont understand. I know some men like that too---two guys I know had two girls with their wives and tried again for a boy. Of course they both got another girl. That's another question I have to ask---What happens if you have another boy? Are you going to try again until you get a girl? I honestly would be happy with one child of any sex.
  21. michelemybell
    No problem mmaurer. I'm glad I can help. Your ex-girlfriend's guy sounds like the guy I hooked up with (the one I dumped the good guy for)! He gave me the same lines--He gave me the sob story about how bad his life is, nobody understands him, how all his exes were mean to him and psycho (and of course, how it was never his fault in any of these disputes). Your exe's motherly istincts have kicked into overdrive and wants to rescue him! In her mind, she's the princess who is going to save him and he's going to indebted to her forever!!! Yeah right. Unfortunately, she's going to learn what all his ex-girlfriends already experienced with him--That he is a bum who is using her and doesn't even want to commit even though he is saying "I love you". Unfortunately the women he got pregnant thought he was wonderful too, and it's sad that they trusted him enough to get pregnant. Life is going to suck big time for her. It's going to be a hard lesson for her when she finds out the truth. It kinda reminds me of Britney Spears with Kevin Federline! LOL That's good that you are going out. Just keep on being the good person you are and know that you will be the lucky one in the end.
  22. michelemybell
    Hi saloumehdaghighi, I think your ex always loved you. Remember, it's very difficult for the person who is dumped, and it can often take years for that person to rationalize it. That is why he can be over you in the sense that he found someone else, but still not completely over you. It's probably difficult for him because you two still talk and it's playing with his head. Should he be getting married if still has feelings for you deep in the back of his mind? Yes and no. Obviously he should be there completely for his wife. But many people get married with remnants of past relationships, and they do so because they want to start a family and actually be with one person and dont want to play games anymore. I'm sure he loves his fiance, but you are that monkey on his back that never seems to go away, and may never go away in his mind until many more years have gone by. The question is, do you still like him deep down inside? Does it bother you that he is getting married?
  23. michelemybell
    That's exactly it mmaurer. She's looking for the thrill. This guy takes her away from responsibilities of everyday life. I got involved with a guy like him (and dumped my boyfriend) when I was depressed and stressed in my life. And I thought the thrill of someone paying attention to me was exciting and was a good distraction. The problem was that the guy I picked, just like your ex-girlfriend, had no responsibilities, no job, was a druggy, had children with multiple women, etc. etc. He was tons of fun to hang out with, but when it came to dealing with real life and real issues (like paying bills, supporting his children, keeping a job, going to school, staying faithful to one person...) he couldn't function. He also wasn't very nice to me, but that's a whole other story. Like the other poster said, she's probably starting to see why this guy's relationships dont work out. I'm speculating here, but I wouldn't be surprised if he has other relationships going on and is playing your ex. In my situation, I did run back to the nice, decent, caring guy that I was with before I met my bum. I was extremely lucky that the man I am with now (who is now my husband) took me back. He is responsible and I appreciate that now! Honestly, I dont know if I'd advise you taking your girlfriend back though (if she comes back to you) until she is mature enough to handle a real relationship. She needs to sort out a lot of issues within herself. You need someone who is completely there for you. You shouldn't be a back-up plan either for your ex. I agree with Poco that you have to look at yourself too for the failure of the relationship. I know in my situation, my boyfriend/now husband worked a lot and didn't pay a whole lot of attention to me. Likewise, I was working and going to school and wasn't there either. We were like passing ships. So, we really changed that and have made our relationship with family and each other priority over our own self-serving interests. Anyways, I hope this helps and I hope everything works out for you. You sound like a decent guy.
  24. michelemybell
    The answer to your question Supremeshiningdiva is yes. It's going to hurt and it will hurt even more when you learn he has a girlfriend. But I've learned that once you confront that fear (instead of avoiding it and pretending it's not going to happen to protect your feelings), you just go through the emotions and then it's over with. Sure, learning about new women in his life is hurting you now, but tomorrow it's not going to hurt so bad and it will hurt even less next week. It's just one of those things you have to confront and get through. Yes, you can tell him it bothers you but it wont do anything to protect you from what you're really fearful from: Him finding a new girlfriend. It's just something you're going to have to learn to deal with. It stinks, I know. Honestly, I think it would be very hard to work with an ex.
  25. michelemybell
    Honestly Marc, if it's any consolation, her relationship with the other guy wont work. She will realize what a loser he is, but she is having her fun right now. I wont be surprised if she comes crawling back to you with her tail between her legs after this guy hurts her. (And by the way, that's really pathetic that that guy has two kids already). I agree with the other poster who said, he is a reflection of where she is at in her in life right now. I hate to say this (and yes, I've been there myself) but her low self-esteem is making her attracted to this bad boy. Unfortunately, she has to learn this lesson herself. You can't rescue her. I know this situation stinks. I've had it done before to me (and probably everyone on this board has experienced a similar situation of being dumped) and it takes a long time to feel better about yourself. But you gotta muster up the strength right now to do everything in your power to have a good life. Don't try to escape your emotions (it doesn't work), but instead try to distract yourself as much as possible. I wish you the best. You will be fine despite the hurt you are feeling now.
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