ChrisA

Hey Guys, I just wanted to touch base with you all regarding my current situation and maybe share a little bit of whats taken place with me over the last few months to hopefully show you that there is hope. Not hope in the sense that most of you new people to these forums might have, but instead, hope that it all gets better. Maybe not in our initial desires, but, one way or another, lifes pieces seem to fall into place, things get better, and we all heal. Guys, chances are, only a very small fraction of us have, or ever had a chance to get our ex's back. We all try, and i think that in a way, its necessary to exhaust all possibilities in order to move on. We all, or will reach our breaking points where we just throw in the towel. I've recently done it and I feel great. She's been contacting me here and there on MSN, but, i've simply walked away. This isn't intended to be any form of a downer, nor should it be considered a deterent. By all means, If you love your ex, go for it, go for it hard, and try everything possible. But, understand this, no matter what the outcome, life will go on, things do get better, and your best and probably only chance is to stop caring so much about spilled milk. I can promise you this much, once you let go and move on, stop the hope, resist temptations to analyze, and just numb yourself to it all, you'll feel great....only you can decide which light you wish to stand in. Take care all and hope your holidays are safe & Fun Chris

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Well guys, I really appreciate the input but it seems that things have taken a real nosedive. I think i've really destroyed any chance i might have had. Here's how it all went down. On monday she sent me a IM, we made some small chit chat and then she layed it on me. Basically told me that we were just hanging out as friends, nothing more. Regardless, we got together that night, we were watching a movie in the living room, then I asked if she wanted to watch it in my room (more cozzy), whe agreed. We were cuddled up together, enjoying the movie when I kinda started to rub her shoulders. She asked for a massage and I agreed. After a bit she lifted her shirt, then took it off. After a little more, the bra came off...I was confused and after the massage i made the mistake of kissing her. It went great for about 5 mins and seemed like I might be back in the saddle, then she stopped it. She said this couldn't happen, that she didn't see us getting back together, that she wanted me to move on, ect. So, now what folks? This happened monday night, she left right after we talked. Today i got home and she sent me a 'hey' on msn....I think its time to give up?

Hi Nadine. Let me be the first to say that i'm by no means a spokesman for NC. In fact, I feel that in certain situations it can, and probably does, do more damage than good. Especially when lack of effort on the dumpee's part played a significant part in the breakup. However, your situation does not sound like that. With that being said, i'd advise you to not send that letter. Write it if you like, perhaps it will give you some form of closure. But don't send it. The reason i say this is because if you're depressed, you should focus on fixing that first. Secondly, after two months, I would be very surprised if a heartfelt letter would be well received. If anything, small steps would be needed at this point. Just my two cents.

Anyone? We're supposed to get together tomorrow...how should I play it?

Regretful, I think enough time has passed that you can safely ask this girl if she would like to get together to talk. Let her know that you've got something that you feel is important to tell her, if she declines this due to this new chaps feelings, then...do you really want her? I can safely say this, by her hooking up with a new guy, she's basically said that she's not going to come back to you on her own accord, she's moving on dude. So, from my perspective, you've got two choices; a) Do nothing, which I can promise you won't get her back. b) Take the bull by the horns and tell her that you need to tell her something important that she should hear. I know some people will disagree and others may suggest strict NC, however, I'm not a firm believer that NC works in all situations, especially one where the lack of attention/commitment is involved. In my opinion, your lack of action thus far may have simply reaffirmed her initial fears that you're incapable of sharing your feelings. Just my two cents. I encourage those who disagree to say so as I would hate to give someone advice that will cause more harm than good based on my past dealings.

Coolsome, Thank you kindly for the advice. Its greatly appreciated. Thus far, its been I who has been putting in all effort to get together with her. Perhaps too much. I feel that in order to get any results, maybe i should pull back a bit and allow her the opportunity to put forth a bit of effort, that is, of course, if she does. The problem I see with me not putting in the effort is that she might feel that I should be doing putting in the effort as she felt that I wasn't giving her the needed attention before. See my point? Given the situation, is this my only game plan? Basically slowly work my way back in? I hope you all can see my concenrs with becoming the 'friend'...Any other input would be great. Many thanks in advance.

Please guys, Any advice would be great. My biggest concern is whether or not i'm going down the right path? She's mentioned wanting to be friends before our two weeks of NC and has stated that she didn't want a relationship, also before those two weeks of NC. Am I being oblivious to the obvious and just using my hope to try and convince myself that the time we're spending together is good for us? I suppose I'm very worried about being put into that dreaded 'friend mode'. Don't get me wrong, if its a means to an end, so be it. However, I'm very worried that once i'm there, i'll never escape its clutches. Are these valid concerns, or, should i simply try and look at the positive aspects such as spending time together, working my way back into her life, etc.

Well, not too sure what to make of things. We got together last night to watch a movie here at my place. We watched the movie, had my arm around her for much of it, though she did seem ok with it, I really can't be sure. I asked her if she wanted to do something together this coming monday and she agreed. She's heading out of town from Thurs-Sun. Things felt much different compared to the last time we had gotten together though...much more distant...I messaged her on msn tonight and, again, it felt more distant, as though she wasn't too interested in talking at all... I feel very confused and unsure of what to do...PLEASE lend me some advice.

Thanks Coolsome! I agree that I played it right. But, I'm honestly more concerned with the bigger picture. Like i said, I'm in this with the mindset that i'll eventually get her back. I feel my chances aren't terrible, however, one never truly knows what the other is thinking. She had said before our near two weeks of NC that she didn't want a relationship, before then she had said she wanted to be friends. I'm just kind of lost. I know if i talk to her about my feelings, it won't go well. I figure my only chance is to spend time with her, let her see that i've changed and just keep my fingers crossed. I really feel that her spending the night with me last week was a good sign, also that she's agreeing to get together wiht me again.... What do you guys think?

Yes, I would have to agree with TiredMan, this will play on both of your minds. Perhaps, for him, this was his way of reaching out to you and you might have just indirectly told him through your actions that feelings still exist for him. Granted, i assume he was the dumper, so, in retrospect, perhaps it was simply no strings attatched in his mind. In my situation, despite wanting to have sex with my ex, I doubt if i would let things get to that level, primarily because i do still love her dearly and hope to work things out over the long haul. This, for me, is out of respect for both of us. I hope you're a stronger person than I, for i'm sure it would play on my mind.

Well, tonight was game day but while at work I received a call from her. It went much like this; Her: Hi Chris, How are you? Me: Good, thanks. You? Her: Good but i've got some bad news, I came to visit my aunt in (out of town) for diner, but because i haven't seen them in awhile, they've asked me to spend the night. Can we reschedual? Me: Sure, but do you even want too? Her: Yes. Me: Ok, what are you doing tomorrow? Her: Nothing. Me: Do you wanna get together tomorrow, same time? Her. Yes. I'm really sorry. Me: That's ok, I understand. Her: Ok, see you tomorrow. Me: Ok, have fun, night. Her: Night, bye. Family is a big thing to her and I knew that i didn't have much of a choice but be understanding. Besides, sometimes life happens. When I told one of my buddies at work, one of the first things he asked was, did she want to reschedual, to which i said yes. He figures that's probably a decent sign. Do you guys agree, and do you feel that I'm taking the right approach? Is this the best way to try and get her back?

Hey guys, Wow. I truly am in doubt of how good of shape i'm in. I mean, on paper it sounds good. But, I keep realizing that she's said friends many times, also hasn't put in any real effort into spending time with me, or even talking to me. IE coming on msn and not saying even hello...I will, however, admit that at this point, its me that should be trying, i mean, i did after all screw things up. But, I just wish i knew if i had a chance or not.... Michelemybell, there is no question in my mind that I'm more than ready to be with this girl, and this girl only. I realize how things will probably, trust issues, etc. However, I've asked myself many times if she's worth it and, well, i'm here and i'm still trying. I love this girl so much and I really lost a great thing by being stupid...I just pray its not all lost. We're going out again on monday, i'll again try and keep it light. But, I'm very worried to be stuck in friend mode forever. I mean, no doubt that's where I am. But, this is my only way, correct?

Ok, I'll try and keep this short and sweet. My Ex and I dated for close to a year, she left me because of trust issues. Basically, she kept catching me talking to girls on the net, flirting way too excessively, etc. She moved out (though we technically never lived together), said she couldn't trust me, but still loved me. For two months i tried to get her back with begging, pleading, the normal wrong stuff. None of which worked. In fact, She's agreed it worked against me. Anyways, I had finally had enough and in an email stated that if i had no chance that I needed us to cut all ties and go our separate ways. This is what took place. For nearly two weeks we had zero contact. Then, i decided one night to IM her and asked if she wanted to get together. We did and she ended up spending the night here. It was late and we had fallen asleep on the couch together, then decided to sleep in my room. No sex, Kissing, but a lot of cuddling and we talked till about 5am. We didn't talk about 'us' persay, I tried to keep it light. We spoke last night and when i said that I had a really good time the other night, she responded with "yeah it was nice hanging out with you, I had a good time also". We're again getting together on Monday. Now, shes said a few times that she wanted to be friends, that she's not seeing anyone, etc. Basically, i'm lost..I want this girl more than anything, but, am I going about it the right way? Please, any advice would be incredible.

Well Dogg, I'm not a solid person on strict NC. I think it depends on the dynamics of the relationship, why it went sour, and how you feel right now. An example of this is you neglecting her...if this was the case, i'd say send a .txt. See my jist? I think i'd suggest holding off on returning the .txt, however I'm not sure what I would do myself.