Dogg

Its not that I am miserable in teaching, although I am MORE THAN MISERABLE IN MY CURRENT POSITION (which I have already resigned from) its just that I am beginning to feel that I need to get my "life" started and witht he way that the job market is right now, I may be left waiting adn not obtaining another job in the field for next year which would leave me with nothing and I can't have that. I was thinking that over the summer (while I work at a summer camp) that I would explore other opportunities by going to a headhunter and seeing what if anything I may be qualified to do. Maybe I will find something that I enjoy more than teaching????? maybe not but at least I will have tried and will not be left asking myslef what might have been. I just don't know what I'm good at or could be good at and it scares me tho think that if I am not a teacher, then WHAT AM I?????? I have never done anything else, nor have I attempted to. I am so scared of being a failure, so scared of being somethign that I never wanted to be which is NOtHING!!!!!!!!!

The reason that I do not wnt to move out of new yourk is becauseu I really like it here, I love the city and I love where I live! I feel as though I have been stru8ggling with the feeling that IU have made a bvad decision in choosing teaching ever since I actually chose it, I almost feel as though I made the decision to make others happy and never really thought about myself and these feelings came much more to the forefront after I got my masters degree and realized how difficult, and stressful it was and has been to even get a job in the field. I truly think that I need to see what else I may be capeable of and what things I may be good at as well as to simply see what things may make me happy and that I may truly be interested in, none of these things IU have had the chance or the willing mnness to do. Another reason that I can not move away aside from the fact that I just do not want to is that I currently am in no financial position to do so. My current position has proveded me with MUCH more overwhelming stress than it has money so I am pretty much broke and just barelyt holding my head above water.

I have thought about thos ethings that the both of you above have mentioned, but each would more or less take going back to school and no, I do not want to move out of the NEw York Area! Do you really think that it is a bad move to try and see what else I may be capeabvle of doing? I mean I have always been on the track to education and never really explored what my other options may be. I think that I may really want to nknow if I have nay other skills....

hello all, this is the first tiome I think that I am poisting about something other than my ex so here it goes. I have been bullied and beaten down at my current job for this entire year thus far. This fact along witht he whole breakup with my ex thing has undoubtedly made this the worst year of my entire life and has more or less sucked the life right out of me. I am a teacher and always have been, but in the "carreer world" I am just starting as this was my first "full time" position although I have had leave replacements and such. I have just really detested every waking minute of this job and can't wait until its over!!!!! Anyway here is my dilema....I'm not sure if I want to teach anymore! The terrible experineices with my current job have made me detest even the thought of doing this again! I know that there are other postitions that would not be like my current position, but at the same time, I live in NY and the job market is terrible atthe moment so much so that for an elementary position on average there are abotu 600 applicants. I have been considering trying to see what else I may be qualified to do outside the field of education but when I sit and think about it, I realize that I have never been anything else and thereforeeee do not know anything else and that worries me. what if I am not qualified to do anything else!!!! I am at apoint in my life where I cvan not really afford to "start over" due to personal expenses and such and I'm really scared that if I try to go outside the field of educatioin, that I will find that I am not qualified to do anything aside from completely starting over. Also, I feel as though if I give up on education that I am a "quitter" but at the same time, I feel as if I have never ever given myself the opportunity to go outside the field and see if there is maybe something that I may enjoy more and be good at. I suppose that I am at a cross roads and that I am just really afraid of failure becaus it seems that as of lately (this entire year and maybe a bit longer) that that is all that I have done in my own eyes: Failed. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience feeling the same way or any suggetsions as to what I should do??????

I constantly find myself longing for my ex. I don't know why I can't get over her. I sent her a text the other day because I knew that she was the maid of honor in her best frineds wedding and that she had to make a speech, I of course got no response. I have not spoken to her (aside from a few very short emails which more or less she told me that she did not see the point in being friends or anything) in many months (6). Each and every day I miss her terribly and I do not know what to do. I am completely broken and its been so long. I would love to simply have a "good" day but I feel as though I simply can't be happy. I wonder about her, and what she is doing and how she feels although I know that it is pointless. Oh how I miss her so!!!!!

well I got a response from her. As you are probably all thinking already, no, it was not a favorable one. she more or less said that she did not see the point in us being friends. she said that its "not necessary" that I am her ex-boyfriend and that more or less she does not want me in her life anymore. Now, I can't remember exactly her words, but that was the jist of it. I can't say that I am surprised about her response, but it still hurts just the same. I just don't see how things could have come to this, I still love her and care about her, and even if I weren't in love with her I still wouldn't want o throw her away due to all of the good times we had and memories we shared during our relationship of three years as well as before that when we were great friends. I just feel that she is oh so cold towards me and I really don't see the reason for it. Oh well, I guess that this is truly the end and I have no reason to post here anymore. I don't know, maybe now I can truly begin to heal, only time will tell because I'm feeling pretty low right now. I feel as though she is saying that I'm not even worthy of being her friend. I can't believe that it came to this, I never in my wirldest dreams would have ever thjought that this would ever have happened....I'm broken all over again...

I just feel that if I can be so forgotten and so ignored so to speak after three years and I'm not even worth being a myspace friend than am I really worth anything? I've never felt so f*cken worthless before in my life. I just want to crawl under a rock and give up, I've tried so hard to be happy and I've tried so hard to better myself adn its gotten me nowhere but right back to where I've started...misery and anguish. I'm sorry to all of you that continue to read all of my posts and try to give me advice that for one reasonm or another I may or may not take, I just feel liek I have completely lost it all. If the love of my life won't even acknowledge my existence and does not even want me as a friend, than maybe I have just been lying to myself all this time telling myself that I'm worth it and that I deserve better, because maybe, just maybe I don't...

If I was healing, I would but it seems to me that everything that i rty to do to heal just eventually leads me back to my ultimate desire to be with her, even the thing about dating other girls just made me realize that they did not compare to nor did they make me as happy as she did. I have tried, I truly and honestly have but I just can't seem to shake my love and desire to get her back. I really may be lower now than I was when the breakup originally happened because I see that it is truly and honestly over and that she really doesn't love or want me anymore and I feel liek the biggest worthless piece of dogg Sh*T on this planet. I almost feel llike I am falling harder and harder everyday and that there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I miss her sooo much and I can't help but to ask myself what might have been had I done things differently in so many instances. I am just completely concumed with this overwhelming fear that I will forever be asking myself "what might have been" and it scares me to death that this may have just been the one for me and that anything else that I find will just be me settling for something or someone for that matter and I don't want that! I feel as though my days drag on and on forever but the months fly by and I am losing what are supposed to be the best times/years of my life and sinking deeper and deeper into this miserable hole while i watch my friends make moves and do things that they are happy with and get married and have kids and I am completely stagnant and lonely and alone....BROKEN....I really can't do this anymore

I would love to heal myself, believe me I would but it just doesn't seem to work! I have tried other girls, I have tried the gym, I HAVE done numerous things to better myself including taking the time to read things about relationships, talk to people with degrees about how I'm feeling and why I did the things I did when I was with this girl, I am a completely different person now from the man that i was when the relationship ended, but my thoughts and my heart are still with her. Even when I was witht he other girls and it was going well, I still yearned for her as pathetic as that may sound. I realized that all I was trying to do was replace her and she is irreplaceable! I feel like a loser more than you all would ever know, my life is more or less in complete shambles, and its not just because of her either. I yearn to have her to talk to again, to hold again, to listen to again, but you are all right, it seems like she just doesn't want me anymore and hasn't for some time now. for her to reject me on myspace makes me feel lower than dirt and I simply do not understand it, I don't understand why she is acting the way that she is. I miss our friendship just as much as I miss the relationship. we were friends first, really close friends. I just don't know anymore, I feel that nothing that I can do will rid my thoughts of her and help to heal my broken heart. never in my life have I felt this way before about anyone or anything. I would give anything and everything for a second chance to make things right to make things work. I just don't know anymore what to do......you won't be hearing from me for a while for I fear that I am angering people who are trying to help and that is not at all what I want to do...thanbks for all the kind words and the good advice whether I took it or not....

oh sh*t, annie, I didn't think of it that way at all. I just don't get why she hates me or seems to hate me so much and how it is so easy for her to never want to see or speak to me anymore....

Well, I have been doign alot of thinking lately and I decided that I am goign to take a different approach to things because what I have been doign (nothing) has not been working and lately I have been in very minimal email contact with her (very light and not many words at all) Anyway, I am sending her this letter because she sent me a myspace message last night that got me a little messed up, basically saying that she enjoys hearing from me but that she does not want to accept me as a friend because she does not want me to put anything on her page!!! whatever, this is what I just sent to her...in a voicemail by the way which will be the very first time that she has heard my voice in 6 months...no I didn't call, I just sent the voicemail cause I know that she is at work... Hey. I rad your message to me on myspace and I was a bit taken back by it because I think that you completely misunderstand me and my intentions here... I miss you xxxx, not just the relationship ( the good parts anyway) but you as a person! I miss your smile, your laugh, the way that you can light up a room, all that stuff that made me fall in love with you to begin with! I am looking for nothing more than to simply get to know you again, I have not been without you in my life even as a friend for soo long and all I'm looking to do is to reconnnect with you in some way. For you not to even accept me as a friend on stupid myspace really hurts me. who do you think that I am? do you think that I'm that bad? I would never ever want to hurt you or embarrass you again. granted things went south towards the end of our relationship for one reason or another, and I can admit now that it was mostly because of me and things that I did, but I am a changed man, I've worked really hard at making myself better in many ways in hopes that maybe one day, you will accept me back into your life in some way. I guess that it is up to you what you want to do and what you feel is right. Just know xxxxx, that I have never stopped thinking about you and I have never stopped loving you and that whatever happens now, just knowing you has made me a better person, and losing you made me want to be a better man! please take this for what it is and realize that all I am asking is for your friendship, I think that I deserve at least that... hate it or love it its from the heart and I sent it already. Yes I am hurting, yes I want her back. I have left it alone more or less for about 6 months, I feel that it is time to let her know how I feel and that I still really care for her and want her in my life....Maybe this was stupid, maybe not, but I did what IU felt that I needed to do and there is no turning back now...

she is the one that broke up with me on october 30th, 2005 (about 6 months ago). I may have spoken to her once since then and we chatted over email VERY briefly about a month ago just small talk nothing more. I asked her if she wanted to get together for a drink and she said that she would have to "decline for now". It was almost immediately after that when hjer frineds found me on myspace and began messaging me... I don't know if this means anything at all and it probably doesn't, but lord know s that there is still alot in me that loves her with all of my heart and longs to see and speak to her just to see if there is any sort of feelings still there....

I have been off this site for a while because I just needed a break. Now I have an interesting yet somewhat stupid question... For about a 2 weeks or so now, I have been getting messages on myspace from my ex's best friends who I guess had found me on there. Nothing special, just saying hello and wishing me happy easter and what not. I know that this probably means nothing, but I jusat think that it is very strange that they find me, message me and ask me to be thier "friends" (these are two girls mind you). I have responded to each of them but have not said anything about my ex to either one at all. I know that I prpbably shouldn't but I am curious to hear how and what my ex has been up to and I was thinking about asking them....don't jump on my case just yet because I have not done this, its just a thought. Anyway, what should I do about this situation??????? anyone have anythoughts...

does anyone have any suggestions about how to correspond with my ex over email? Like I had posted before, I texted her she texted back, I emailed her she emailed me back twice and I just responded today. How can I keep this up and come off like a person that she might want to see or talk to again? is there anything that i should or shouldn't say? I know that I should not talk about the relationship and I would never do that, it has been to long, I just want another shot and for the first time I might just see a possiblity for that to happen, or at least a chance.....what to do what to do? I'm trying not to get hung up over this because I know that I will probably just set myself up to fail again and be heartbroken all over again, but is there anything that I can do so as to maybe increase my chances of possibly success?

I really just don't know what to do anymore...