Jump to content

Dogg

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    379

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Dogg

  1. Dogg
    Its not that I am miserable in teaching, although I am MORE THAN MISERABLE IN MY CURRENT POSITION (which I have already resigned from) its just that I am beginning to feel that I need to get my "life" started and witht he way that the job market is right now, I may be left waiting adn not obtaining another job in the field for next year which would leave me with nothing and I can't have that. I was thinking that over the summer (while I work at a summer camp) that I would explore other opportunities by going to a headhunter and seeing what if anything I may be qualified to do. Maybe I will find something that I enjoy more than teaching????? maybe not but at least I will have tried and will not be left asking myslef what might have been. I just don't know what I'm good at or could be good at and it scares me tho think that if I am not a teacher, then WHAT AM I?????? I have never done anything else, nor have I attempted to. I am so scared of being a failure, so scared of being somethign that I never wanted to be which is NOtHING!!!!!!!!!
  2. Dogg
    The reason that I do not wnt to move out of new yourk is becauseu I really like it here, I love the city and I love where I live! I feel as though I have been stru8ggling with the feeling that IU have made a bvad decision in choosing teaching ever since I actually chose it, I almost feel as though I made the decision to make others happy and never really thought about myself and these feelings came much more to the forefront after I got my masters degree and realized how difficult, and stressful it was and has been to even get a job in the field. I truly think that I need to see what else I may be capeable of and what things I may be good at as well as to simply see what things may make me happy and that I may truly be interested in, none of these things IU have had the chance or the willing mnness to do. Another reason that I can not move away aside from the fact that I just do not want to is that I currently am in no financial position to do so. My current position has proveded me with MUCH more overwhelming stress than it has money so I am pretty much broke and just barelyt holding my head above water.
  3. Dogg
    I have thought about thos ethings that the both of you above have mentioned, but each would more or less take going back to school and no, I do not want to move out of the NEw York Area! Do you really think that it is a bad move to try and see what else I may be capeabvle of doing? I mean I have always been on the track to education and never really explored what my other options may be. I think that I may really want to nknow if I have nay other skills....
  4. Dogg
    hello all, this is the first tiome I think that I am poisting about something other than my ex so here it goes. I have been bullied and beaten down at my current job for this entire year thus far. This fact along witht he whole breakup with my ex thing has undoubtedly made this the worst year of my entire life and has more or less sucked the life right out of me. I am a teacher and always have been, but in the "carreer world" I am just starting as this was my first "full time" position although I have had leave replacements and such. I have just really detested every waking minute of this job and can't wait until its over!!!!! Anyway here is my dilema....I'm not sure if I want to teach anymore! The terrible experineices with my current job have made me detest even the thought of doing this again! I know that there are other postitions that would not be like my current position, but at the same time, I live in NY and the job market is terrible atthe moment so much so that for an elementary position on average there are abotu 600 applicants. I have been considering trying to see what else I may be qualified to do outside the field of education but when I sit and think about it, I realize that I have never been anything else and thereforeeee do not know anything else and that worries me. what if I am not qualified to do anything else!!!! I am at apoint in my life where I cvan not really afford to "start over" due to personal expenses and such and I'm really scared that if I try to go outside the field of educatioin, that I will find that I am not qualified to do anything aside from completely starting over. Also, I feel as though if I give up on education that I am a "quitter" but at the same time, I feel as if I have never ever given myself the opportunity to go outside the field and see if there is maybe something that I may enjoy more and be good at. I suppose that I am at a cross roads and that I am just really afraid of failure becaus it seems that as of lately (this entire year and maybe a bit longer) that that is all that I have done in my own eyes: Failed. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience feeling the same way or any suggetsions as to what I should do??????
  5. Dogg
    I constantly find myself longing for my ex. I don't know why I can't get over her. I sent her a text the other day because I knew that she was the maid of honor in her best frineds wedding and that she had to make a speech, I of course got no response. I have not spoken to her (aside from a few very short emails which more or less she told me that she did not see the point in being friends or anything) in many months (6). Each and every day I miss her terribly and I do not know what to do. I am completely broken and its been so long. I would love to simply have a "good" day but I feel as though I simply can't be happy. I wonder about her, and what she is doing and how she feels although I know that it is pointless. Oh how I miss her so!!!!!
  6. Dogg
    well I got a response from her. As you are probably all thinking already, no, it was not a favorable one. she more or less said that she did not see the point in us being friends. she said that its "not necessary" that I am her ex-boyfriend and that more or less she does not want me in her life anymore. Now, I can't remember exactly her words, but that was the jist of it. I can't say that I am surprised about her response, but it still hurts just the same. I just don't see how things could have come to this, I still love her and care about her, and even if I weren't in love with her I still wouldn't want o throw her away due to all of the good times we had and memories we shared during our relationship of three years as well as before that when we were great friends. I just feel that she is oh so cold towards me and I really don't see the reason for it. Oh well, I guess that this is truly the end and I have no reason to post here anymore. I don't know, maybe now I can truly begin to heal, only time will tell because I'm feeling pretty low right now. I feel as though she is saying that I'm not even worthy of being her friend. I can't believe that it came to this, I never in my wirldest dreams would have ever thjought that this would ever have happened....I'm broken all over again...
  7. Dogg
    I just feel that if I can be so forgotten and so ignored so to speak after three years and I'm not even worth being a myspace friend than am I really worth anything? I've never felt so f*cken worthless before in my life. I just want to crawl under a rock and give up, I've tried so hard to be happy and I've tried so hard to better myself adn its gotten me nowhere but right back to where I've started...misery and anguish. I'm sorry to all of you that continue to read all of my posts and try to give me advice that for one reasonm or another I may or may not take, I just feel liek I have completely lost it all. If the love of my life won't even acknowledge my existence and does not even want me as a friend, than maybe I have just been lying to myself all this time telling myself that I'm worth it and that I deserve better, because maybe, just maybe I don't...
  8. Dogg
    If I was healing, I would but it seems to me that everything that i rty to do to heal just eventually leads me back to my ultimate desire to be with her, even the thing about dating other girls just made me realize that they did not compare to nor did they make me as happy as she did. I have tried, I truly and honestly have but I just can't seem to shake my love and desire to get her back. I really may be lower now than I was when the breakup originally happened because I see that it is truly and honestly over and that she really doesn't love or want me anymore and I feel liek the biggest worthless piece of dogg Sh*T on this planet. I almost feel llike I am falling harder and harder everyday and that there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I miss her sooo much and I can't help but to ask myself what might have been had I done things differently in so many instances. I am just completely concumed with this overwhelming fear that I will forever be asking myself "what might have been" and it scares me to death that this may have just been the one for me and that anything else that I find will just be me settling for something or someone for that matter and I don't want that! I feel as though my days drag on and on forever but the months fly by and I am losing what are supposed to be the best times/years of my life and sinking deeper and deeper into this miserable hole while i watch my friends make moves and do things that they are happy with and get married and have kids and I am completely stagnant and lonely and alone....BROKEN....I really can't do this anymore
  9. Dogg
    I would love to heal myself, believe me I would but it just doesn't seem to work! I have tried other girls, I have tried the gym, I HAVE done numerous things to better myself including taking the time to read things about relationships, talk to people with degrees about how I'm feeling and why I did the things I did when I was with this girl, I am a completely different person now from the man that i was when the relationship ended, but my thoughts and my heart are still with her. Even when I was witht he other girls and it was going well, I still yearned for her as pathetic as that may sound. I realized that all I was trying to do was replace her and she is irreplaceable! I feel like a loser more than you all would ever know, my life is more or less in complete shambles, and its not just because of her either. I yearn to have her to talk to again, to hold again, to listen to again, but you are all right, it seems like she just doesn't want me anymore and hasn't for some time now. for her to reject me on myspace makes me feel lower than dirt and I simply do not understand it, I don't understand why she is acting the way that she is. I miss our friendship just as much as I miss the relationship. we were friends first, really close friends. I just don't know anymore, I feel that nothing that I can do will rid my thoughts of her and help to heal my broken heart. never in my life have I felt this way before about anyone or anything. I would give anything and everything for a second chance to make things right to make things work. I just don't know anymore what to do......you won't be hearing from me for a while for I fear that I am angering people who are trying to help and that is not at all what I want to do...thanbks for all the kind words and the good advice whether I took it or not....
  10. Dogg
    oh sh*t, annie, I didn't think of it that way at all. I just don't get why she hates me or seems to hate me so much and how it is so easy for her to never want to see or speak to me anymore....
  11. Dogg
    Well, I have been doign alot of thinking lately and I decided that I am goign to take a different approach to things because what I have been doign (nothing) has not been working and lately I have been in very minimal email contact with her (very light and not many words at all) Anyway, I am sending her this letter because she sent me a myspace message last night that got me a little messed up, basically saying that she enjoys hearing from me but that she does not want to accept me as a friend because she does not want me to put anything on her page!!! whatever, this is what I just sent to her...in a voicemail by the way which will be the very first time that she has heard my voice in 6 months...no I didn't call, I just sent the voicemail cause I know that she is at work... Hey. I rad your message to me on myspace and I was a bit taken back by it because I think that you completely misunderstand me and my intentions here... I miss you xxxx, not just the relationship ( the good parts anyway) but you as a person! I miss your smile, your laugh, the way that you can light up a room, all that stuff that made me fall in love with you to begin with! I am looking for nothing more than to simply get to know you again, I have not been without you in my life even as a friend for soo long and all I'm looking to do is to reconnnect with you in some way. For you not to even accept me as a friend on stupid myspace really hurts me. who do you think that I am? do you think that I'm that bad? I would never ever want to hurt you or embarrass you again. granted things went south towards the end of our relationship for one reason or another, and I can admit now that it was mostly because of me and things that I did, but I am a changed man, I've worked really hard at making myself better in many ways in hopes that maybe one day, you will accept me back into your life in some way. I guess that it is up to you what you want to do and what you feel is right. Just know xxxxx, that I have never stopped thinking about you and I have never stopped loving you and that whatever happens now, just knowing you has made me a better person, and losing you made me want to be a better man! please take this for what it is and realize that all I am asking is for your friendship, I think that I deserve at least that... hate it or love it its from the heart and I sent it already. Yes I am hurting, yes I want her back. I have left it alone more or less for about 6 months, I feel that it is time to let her know how I feel and that I still really care for her and want her in my life....Maybe this was stupid, maybe not, but I did what IU felt that I needed to do and there is no turning back now...
  12. Dogg
    she is the one that broke up with me on october 30th, 2005 (about 6 months ago). I may have spoken to her once since then and we chatted over email VERY briefly about a month ago just small talk nothing more. I asked her if she wanted to get together for a drink and she said that she would have to "decline for now". It was almost immediately after that when hjer frineds found me on myspace and began messaging me... I don't know if this means anything at all and it probably doesn't, but lord know s that there is still alot in me that loves her with all of my heart and longs to see and speak to her just to see if there is any sort of feelings still there....
  13. Dogg
    I have been off this site for a while because I just needed a break. Now I have an interesting yet somewhat stupid question... For about a 2 weeks or so now, I have been getting messages on myspace from my ex's best friends who I guess had found me on there. Nothing special, just saying hello and wishing me happy easter and what not. I know that this probably means nothing, but I jusat think that it is very strange that they find me, message me and ask me to be thier "friends" (these are two girls mind you). I have responded to each of them but have not said anything about my ex to either one at all. I know that I prpbably shouldn't but I am curious to hear how and what my ex has been up to and I was thinking about asking them....don't jump on my case just yet because I have not done this, its just a thought. Anyway, what should I do about this situation??????? anyone have anythoughts...
  14. Dogg
    does anyone have any suggestions about how to correspond with my ex over email? Like I had posted before, I texted her she texted back, I emailed her she emailed me back twice and I just responded today. How can I keep this up and come off like a person that she might want to see or talk to again? is there anything that i should or shouldn't say? I know that I should not talk about the relationship and I would never do that, it has been to long, I just want another shot and for the first time I might just see a possiblity for that to happen, or at least a chance.....what to do what to do? I'm trying not to get hung up over this because I know that I will probably just set myself up to fail again and be heartbroken all over again, but is there anything that I can do so as to maybe increase my chances of possibly success?
  15. Dogg
    I really just don't know what to do anymore...
  16. Dogg
    I have been doing a lot of thinking, th truth is that I do want her back, I've always wanted her back! everything that I have been doing in the wayside has simply been to distract myself and try to take my mind and heart off of her, maybe that is the reason that the other things (women) that I have been pursuing and those relationships if you want to call it that have failed, because my heart of hearts is just not involved!!!!! Yes, it has been a while, yes I am scared as hell, yes the thought of her moving made me think that I could really lose her forever!!!!!!! I do not know what to do! I can't really do anything for fear of looking like a complete and total desperate moron, but I did leave the ball in her court, how she chooses to react I suppose will tell me how to proceed. I just have to think that at least this time she has been civil. The last time I spoke with her was a disaster but that was her fault (really it was). this time it seems, she is actually willing to "talk" at least over email though it may not be long or have much meaning behind it, it is a step.....I know that I just CAN'T lose her forever like this, and I'm just wanting to see her and talk to her so bad now!!!!!
  17. Dogg
    I did not explain myself there well enough. I just feel lately (the last two years) that whenever I am feeling like good things are happening, like I can finally climb out of this hole that I have been in, something happens or someone happens and I just more or less get kicked right back in. I feel that I am a great person, a wonderful caring friend, and I would and have in the past made an excellent boyfriend and I could again. I just thinkk that I deserve something good to happen to me, I work so hard and I am a good person and I just want to nkow when it will be my turn
  18. Dogg
    Looking for validation...sometimes I think that I am just seeking the approval of those that I care deeply about, lookiing for someone to affirm the belief that I am in fact worth the time and the effort, and possibly even the love that I feel that I deserve. Maybe that is dumb, I guess I just feel lost!
  19. Dogg
    that is precisly what I said that I would do, wait and just continue to love my life the best way that I know how. I did leave the ball in her court, it is up to her if she wants to play with it. there is nothing more that I can do at this point I suppose and I will not think of another reason to call her. I think I'm just looking for validation in some way from someone....although it would be great to get it from her......I'm a basic mess!
  20. Dogg
    hello all, I went to one of my friends bachelor parties the other night and after it all, I just out of nowhere really began thinking about my ex again. This is the ex that started me posting here and going nutty because I was so in love and just so heartbroken over her that it threw my entire world in to complete shambles. Well, anyway, I got home from the party and in a moment of weakness or something like that, I snt her a text message saying that I was thinnking about her and that I just wanted to say hello. I was in no way expecting a response at all because it had been SOOO long since I had had any type of contact with her at all, months to say the least. Well, to my utter surprise she DID respond later that night. Nothing spectacular, just "HEY!!! I'm good and I just got back from my friends shower. How are you?" Now this threw me for quite a loop! I did not respond until the following day in an email to her saying that I got her response but I was sleeping. That I was good (more or less a lie) and that I hoped that all was well with her too! I told her that ironically I had just gotten back from a bachlor party myself and that it kinda sucked (which is true). I told her that if she wanted to respond that it was cool and if not that was cool too. I wished her well and toold her to send my best to her parents. that was it. Low and behold she responded again!!! She said that she was doing fine, nothing out of the ordinary. she said that she was getting all four of her wisdom teeth out on friday and she was scared. she also mentioned that she was beginning to look towards getting out of her house and into an apartment. blah blah blah. she spoke a bit about the shower she had planned and that it went great. I responded by saying that I was glad that the shower went well and that it no doubt had to do with the fact that she had worked so hard to plan it. I asked her about her possibly moving and was it by herself or with someone. I told her that I was in the market for another job and thta I had began to go on interviews, blah blah blah. I asked her about her job and whether she had gotten that promotion from a while back. At the end I clutch pressured and said something that I'm not sure I should have said but I did anyway. I told her that it was really nice to hear fro her and that I was very happy that she was doing well. I said that I would love to catch up with her and see how everything was going because it had been so long whether it be by phone or in person bu that it was all up to her. Again, I wished her well and said goodbye. I feel good that she responded, but terrible at the same time! I really thought that I was over her and I had been doign very well not thinking about her and all that stuff. I had been with other girls and even though none of them worked out, I was trying. Now, I kinda feel that I may have taken a step backwards in a way. Now I am thinking about her again. I'm trying not to think of it in that way, and just be happy that for the first time in soo very long she was civil and nice and didn't seem to be annoyed or angry. If you do not know the story, read my other posts from a while back about the last time she contacted me all wasted and extremely angry for no reason. Anyway, I'm not sure how to proceed with this. I left the ball in her court so I guess that I can really do nothing and I don't think that I will. I will not lie and say that the thought of her possibly wanting to reconnect does not excite and yet scare me at the same time. But, I really just don't know. I know that deep down I still really love her and I always have, I was simply distracting myself from it for a while.....Oh woe is me, what have I done to myself yet again. I huess time will only tell, I must continue to live my life I suppose. Any advice or anything would be appreciated here....
  21. Dogg
    well I have not gotten a response from her from my last email. Oh well I guess. anyway, I was talking to my mother and she suggested that I should maybe attempt to in a few days or so maybe suggest a nice daytime activity because "dates" are at night and "friends" hang out during the day. I know that is not the best rationale, but its my mother remember. anyway she said that maybe actually hangin out and really being "friends" and just doing light, fun activities to show herthat we can simply just have fun together might be a way to make her feel at ease and comfortable again. I don't really know how I feel about that, but I do think that could be fun and I do enjoy her company so much that it would just be nice and light. Any thoughts?
  22. Dogg
    I literally did all of these things with and for the gilr that I HAD been seeing for the last month and a half or so and the other night out of the blue after she initiated a date to this comedy club she hit me with the "I just don't want anything right now" and that she just wants to be friends and this is a girl that was calling me EVERY day after work and texting me during work saying things like "just thinkin about you" and asking me to do things with her and making plans for us and all that and I haven't spoken to her since. IT SUCKS BAD!!!!!! I feel l;ike I did everything right and still lost in the end!
  23. Dogg
    I'm glad you all feel that way. Now, should I wait to see if she makes contact on the friendship tip, or should I initiate something?
  24. Dogg
    I received some really sound advice from someone very important and close to me yesterday afternoon and it helped me to put a lot of things nto perspective, not saying that you all didn't help out too, its just easyier to speak to someone who kows me personally if that makes any sense...I have decided to share it with you all just for the sake of venting and continuing to think about the things that have happened and to continue seeking guidance and advice on the situation: here it is: I'm really glad to see that she responded, at least now she's showing she has some sense! (Okay, sorry, I can't help it if I'm a little biased...) Anyway, it sounds to me like she doesn't want to lose you either, but, the tricky part here is that if you continue to speak to her and hang out with her, you will have to remember that she's saying she doesn't want to continue in the same capacity, which means you will have to back off. My main concern is you- do you think you can talk to her and hang out with her without getting wrapped up? I know you told her you don't want to jump into anything either, but you're gonna have to play it cool. If she says she just wants friendship and you truly don't want to lose her, that's the only way it will work- if that's what she wants, so be it. If you were to continue to take her out on dates and cook for her and lavish her with little thoughtful gifts, etc- your actions would tell her "girlfriend" and she may feel pressure and that she owes you, even though that's not necessarily how you may intend it on a conscious level... but eventually (& honestly), would you feel cheated if you didn't get something out of it? More than likely, that's probably what happened before and she was probably feeling overwhelmed because you were so good to her, I've told you that. At the same time, you need to be true to yourself- would you be able to hang out with her in a bar and watch her talk/ flirt with other guys and not get jealous? I think that if you are able to talk and hang out on a "platonic" level at this point, she might miss all of those little nice things you did for her and there's always a chance she could possibly change her mind again. But keep in mind that it goes for you too, she would need to be able to handle you talking to other girls. She can't have it both ways, it's not fair to you, and most importantly you've got to make sure that you're fair to yourself. I hope this makes sense. I'm still not sure how I feel, but I think that I have said all that I can say to her and I do not want to look needy. She said that she wanst to be friends, so I think that I will just simply see if that is really the truth and let her make contact with me. I just need to lay in the cut and wait it out and see if what she was saying holds true. Maybe she will come around and begin to miss me and the way that I treated her....who even knows anymore!
  25. Dogg
    here is someinteresting information that I have neglected to inform you all of and maybe this will provide somefurther insight into this situation. I was gain just speaking to my dear friend ( a female) and she asked me what this girls home life was like. I replid by stating that her parents had just recently separated (within the last 4 months or so her father moved out on her mother, sister and her). I also infromed my friend that this girl was always talking about not knowing what she wanted when it came to school and what she wants to do in life and that it see,ed to really bother her. she had actually just switched majors in college and stated even on that aweful friday night that this all went down that "I'm not even done with school yet and I just don't know what I want right now." could these all be things that are waying on her mind and making it hard for her to step into or have faith in something new no matter how great and fun it seemed. Also there was a time where she mentioned to me that she has always had a difficult time trusting people for one reason or another (I did not raelly ask why because I did not want to possibly bring up something bad from her past and ruin a good evening). My friend said that these things on top of what she wrote and all that has been going on with her and I thus far may have just made this girl very weary all of a suddent that she was experiencing things that she was 1. not used to, and 2. kinda scared of. Does any of this thinking make sense? I have decided to more or less take the advice that you all have provided and step back a lot and let her com eto me if she so chooses to do so. If she truly sees the worth in this, and really wants something from it even if it is a simple friendship then she will come. RIGHT??????
×
×
  • Create New...