Dogg

also, and this is to everyone, who have you known that has simply come right out and said "I'm sorry you were right, I was wrong, I made a mistake, I want you back!" I have known noone. People take small steps like starting to talk again, starting to laugh again, they go on small dates, they go for ice cream, they go to the movies. it takes time, this I know. right now she is and never would say that she want me back because she probably doesn't know if she does because she does not know that I am a different person, she does not know that I have changed. In her mind and in her eyes I am still that guy that she was with for three years that she realized that things were just not working anymore. I am no longer that person, I just want the opportunity to show her this and the changes that I have made within myself and I'm sure that she will not be disappointed. how do I get her to give me that chance is my question now?

ok, inrespnse to kellbell first, what I meant by saying "if she ever knew that I had been with soemone else she would never speak to me again" I said meaning that if she knew I had slept with soemone else. No its not that she is jelous of me meeting new people or anything although I'm sure that she rally would be and probably is, what happened is this: two years ago, we went to this party at one of my frineds houses. while we were there I was greeted by this gilr that I had hung out with and was friends with in high school. the girl was very flirty and kinda super seeking attention from me, but I just brushed it off like it was nothing because I had no interest in her at all. anyway, this girl kept it up making statements to my friends and so forth. anyway, I introduced her to my ex (we were together at the time) and the girl was really nasty to her right away and made some very uncool comments to me right in front of my girl that I blew off but my girl took to heart. later on she said some pretty nasty things to my girl and when my sirl told me about them, I didn't believe her and thought that she was just being jelous. the next time that girl came up to talk to me, my girl said something to her and pulled me away. I started yelling at her telling her that she was embarrassing me in front of my friends and long story short we ended up getting in a HUGE fight over it. not just a little fight using harsh words or anything, but a super duper full on fight with fists and slaps and everything. after that we did not speak for a long time but we ended up working it out so to speak and getting back together. she has always from then on asked me not to speak to this girl and it was not a problem bcause I really never did anyway. Now, when my ex checked my myspace she said last week she saw soem comments (like maybe three or four) that that girl had left me over the past few months. I did not respond to any of them because I had no reason or desire to. Anyway, my ex took that as a slap in the face and that I maybe had been lying to her all along about having contact with this person who at one point cauised major major problems in our relationship. also, she had been readinbg my emails about me missing her and wanting to see her and speak to her and had been thinking about calling me then she saw my myspace and thought that I was "playing her" by saying what I was saying while at the same time talking to someone who played a major part in a situation that really put a major strain on our relationship that I do not think that either one of us has fully healed from. that is why I called her back to explain that this was not the case. that is why she had gotten so angry with me and left that message drunk or not. I see where she is coming from, yes it was very wrong of her to do that, and she knows that it was, but I still see how that for her, after reading the things that I had sent her and how heartfelt and meaningful they must have been to read, that she would be disturbed by thinking that i was doign all this while talking to a girl that caused the worst fight that we have ever experienced togehther that still hurts to think about. I know that this may not lead anywhere, but I do hope that it does and that maybe sopmething good can come out of a bad situation like what happened the other night. sometimes every cloud does have a silver lining, I hope with all my heart that this is one of them.

first, she has no idea that I have been with soem one else, if she did she would never ever speak to me again!!!!!!!! this I'm sure of, but I did tell her that I had been goign out a lot and "meeting" people and that none of them compared to her and that is why I began to email her a few times. see, but after all this time, I'm not sure that breaking up was such a mistake. yes it really hurt me and yes I agonized over it and wanted to die. but, part of my moving on and part of my healing was to realize that in a way she was right, there was no way that we could go on like the way things had been going, it wasn't healthy or right. I also did a lot of soul searching and I see now the mistakes that I made and the things that I was doing and how I ws acting that proably added to the frustrations and helped her to make the final decision to end things. I see all that now and I am a different man because of what I have learned.

so you think that there is nothing good that can be taken from this? you see no hope in the fact that she did call, and then call back to talk nicely? you see nothing that can be taken as a "step in the right direction" she did say that she had been thinking about all the things that I had been saying in the email that I wrote her. I know that I must remain calm, and continue to move on, but I mean she did call me.....that has got to mean something right...

thanks to you both coolsome and kellbell, I am trying not to read to much into it, but about the whole drunk dialing thing, I know that people do it all the time, but I am not one of those people, and for three years, neither was the ex. Also, I know that she has been drunk many other times since we broke up also and has never called. I will not contact her, but I am hoping thats he contacts me more than you would know. I do hope that this was a step in the right direction, I will have to wait and see. Oh by the way, I ended things with that other girl, she was immature, had to much baggage from the past, and what I was doing by keeping her around when I knew that I really was not that interested was wrong and unfair. I must say though, I am not at all upset especially after what she did when I did end things, she began hysterically crying saying "how could you do this to us?" yelling at me and telling me that she loved me!!!! after three weeks of hangin out with someone, and just dating them, that was a bit much. I made my decision about ending things with her, last week, way before the contact with my ex, so do not worry about that being a reason. I will not lie though, I had been thinking a lot about my ex a lot lately and having dreams about her and writing her an "anniversary email" that I shred in a previous post, I have relized that no one that I have met thus far even compares to her, they just do not measure up in any way. I am trying again to get her back, but this time I'm doin it the right way, I let her know how I feel yesterday, now it is up to her to take the next step which is simply speaking again. I want o begin again with her. I have a whole new perspective on things now and I know that she will be pleased to see the changes in my attitude. Although I know that you willo all say to do nothing, I will ask anyway, is there anything that I can or should do? no, I'm not losing it again, I actually see a light that I never saw there before, SHE IS THINKING ABOUT ME AND SHE OBVIOUSLY CARES!!!!!! thats small, but its more than I had before...

Hey everyone it has been a few days since I have been on here but I have something to report. my ex called me for the firts time in over two months at 4:30 in the morning on sunday. I was awoken by my friends only to see that I had missed the call. I then listened to the voice mail. I was so scared that somehting bad had happened to her or that she was in trouble because I saw no other reason that she would have called so late out of the blue like that. Anyway, I listened to the voice mail and to my utter dismay, it was her, obviously drunk and VERY ANGRY and UPSET!!!!! the message was full of cursing and yelling saying things like I hate you, don't ever call me or text me again, you are a liar and a cheat, I can't believe you and so on. Anyway, this threw me for more than a loop as I'm sure you can understand. What could I have done to make her feel this way. my mind ws reeling, so I called her back. Anyway, it turn out that she was definitly drunk and she was at one of her girlfriends apartment in the city and they had been looking at "myspace". she had looked at it befroe and had typed in my name and looked through my page. but this time she had done it wasted and she got really angry at me. she was yelling at me saying that I had lied to her abotu some gilr that I went to high school with that over two years ago started soem problms between us that I said that I hadn't talked to in a while and I really hadn't. anyway, she said that she saw that girl talking to me on "myspace" and that I had been playing her and lying to her about ever talking to her, which is not true, that girl had on;ly left me three comments spaced out over the last three months all simply saying hello and nothing more and I have never responded. anyway, she was fuming mad and very upset at me for this and yelling so much that I could not even get a word in edgewise. she said that after all of the nice emails that I had been sending her (her birthday, christmas, our would be anniversary) all more or less saying that I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her that she had started thinking, but then after seeing that I had been "playing her" that she never wanted me to contact her ever again. needless to say she hung up and I could not sleep for the duration of the night. I was torn up. the following day (yesterday) I called her to see what the hell her problme was the night before. I was angry that that I thought that she was in trouble and that I got very nervous for her and all she was doing was yelling at me, I was angry at the hurtful things that she had said to me. most of all, I was angry and very upset that after over two months of her never callign me that when she actually did, that this is what it was about and that it was her being angry over some thing that 1. never happened, 2. had to do woth some thing from over two years ago. I told her all of this on the phone. she sounded embarrassed and she apologized but said that she was with her cousin and could not talk. I asked her to call me later because I thought that we needed to talk about some things. she catually called me later that night. I answered the phone by sayng thankyou for actually calling me back. again, I restated all of the things that i had said before about how angry I was that she had called me like that and also about how wrong it was for her to do that. she apologized and said that she knew that it was wrong. she explained to me why it was that she got so angry and upset and also that it wass stupid for her to call when she was drunk and that she had thought about calling earlier that week, but just didn't and then it all came out because she was looking at my myspace page wasted and it all hit her again. I assured her that even though I still thoguht that it was very wrong and hurtful of her, that I understood why she got upset and I assured her that it was really for no reason because I truly had not been talking to this girl that caused so many problems for us in the past, and that I would never had never and will never "play her" as she said. I could tell that she was kinda trying to play down the fact that she had gotten so angry and for what reason. I told her that I had truly given up on her afer about a month and had begun to move on and that I had been goign out a lot and meeting many new people ( I did not get into specifics) I told her that the reason that I had begun to email her again recently saying all the nice things thta I was saying was becaus that I realized that of all the numerous girls that I had been meeting, none of them even came close to complaring to her and that I started to miss her. I asked her if she missed me at all and she said thta she did sometimes. I told her that I did nopt really want to get into this now and all that. she agreed. I told her that I had realized a lot of things about myself and about our relationship during our time apart and that I truly understood that there was no way that we could have gone on the way that we were going but that at the same time I had also realised more than ever how much she truly means to me and how truly special she was and still is to me. I told her that I would let her go but that it was very nice talking to her and that I was glad that she called, she said that she was happy that she did to but that she was so sorry for the night befor eand that she knew it was wrong. I aksed her before getting off the phone if maybe we could begin speaking again, but that I did not want an answer now, jyst for her to think about it. I told her again how specaisl she was an that it was up to her what happened now but tha I just think that if we did begin to talk again that I knew that she would be pleasantly surprised at what she would find with the chages I have made and with the way that things would be. I know that the whole thing may sound like its not a big deal, and I am trying not to get my hope up at all, but what do you think?????????? is there anything else that I can do???? shoudl I just let her make the next move???????? I miss her now more than ever! at least I know that she is thinking about me and that what I am doing matters to her right......I knmow that she has been looking at my "myspace" at least twice recently and that she apparently has before because she said that her friends told her that I was on there which mean that they had looked at my profile as well and most likely told her about it. Is there anything more that I can do or say to show her that I am for real abotu wanting to start over with her and take things slow and begin to reconnnect. is there anything else I can do to let her knwo that things will be different?????? I dop not wnat to f*ck up any spark or chance that might be there now or that may have been slowly groing within her again.

WE DON"T LOVE THESE HOES, I'M OUT THE DOOR!!!!! - Snoop Dogg

thnx again kellbell! you are truly a sweetheart, who I'm sure also deserves much better than the agony you too are suffering. Why do such gret people get caught up in such bullsh*t all the time? Maybe we should date each other ha ha ha! again I thank you from the bottom of my healing heart (before I would have said broken, but its not anymore, I'm pulling myslef back and becoming the true "DOGG" that I was once!!!!!)

kellbell, there is no doubt in my mind that you fully deserved the "member recognition award," you ahave a very special and caring way of responding and trying to help poeple like me to cope and move past our issues. thankyou. anyway I just have one thing to say in return to what you wrote to me, that bing that I do not think that by writing her an email and then responding to her cold detatched response has pushed her away. If anything I think that she has pushed me away. If she wanted to be chased and wanted to know that i was still going to be holding on to her memory and waiting, she is wrong. I wrote what I wrote the first time to tell her how I feel once and for all. When I responded to what she wrote back, I just wanted to make it clear that I did and do care about her but that I could and would not continue on lie this, letting her dictate my moods and control my thoughts and emotions. I really htought that we had somehting special that would last forever, I guess that I was wrong, but again, I will say that it is her loss and time will be the thing that shows that to her. I am done trying, done pouring my heart out to her. If she ever wants any kind of relationship with me, she will need to try excedingly hard at that for I am worth more than this! happy holidays!

now don't get e wrong, in no way am I mocking you, but the term "finger banged", is probably one of the funniest things/terms that I have ever heard. talk about taking the sensuality out of something by using the wrong term....I prefer if anything just plain "fingering" it doesn't sound so demorilizing. "finger banging" ha ha ha I just have to laugh at that word over and over again. please do not in any way take offense to this, I am in no way laughing at you or your questin, just the terminology!

I have yet to receive a response from the ex after I sent the second email. I am not anticipating one, I am calling it a lost cause. I am going to focus my energy on having fun with family and friends this holiday season, as well as seeing where things with this new girl can go. This is the Ex's loss, seh will not find someone who is as loving and caring and willing to drop everything just to love her and take care of her. She is missing out, I am moving on! Happy Holidays!

dave that last post was in no way directed at you!

read my other posts man, I have been seeing naother girl for over a week now. I got a little mushy and somewhat sentimental due to my "anniversary" that is when I sent her the email to begin with. nothgin more, I am moving on and again, I'll say that doing this has provided me with the much needed closure that I did not have before for whatever reason be it my own dreaming or whetever.

maybe maybe not, I have to be ok with that now. I've done all I can do and nothing at the same time. I hope you can obtain a christmas miricle too bro, I've never had one before so I'm not expecting one now. Good luck and happy holidays to you!

two emails in three days and before that nothing asside from a bday card in about a month! if she is sick of me contacting her, then truly F*CK HER!!! maybe your right, maybe not, but I respoect your opinion. like I said, this is my closure, this is my letting go, this is the end, this is my moving on, I took one last shot at just trying to make her see how I feel about her anbd abot us, and that I love her and cherish her and always will but thats it. nothing more, it is on her now. I have done all that i can do, which in essense is everything and nothing. she wants me gone, gone I will be. this si the D-O-G-G signing off! peace...and I think now she will truly get that!

how am I being a psycho? I didn't think that i was or am. I wrote what I wrote in order to finally let her know that I willno longer be wearing my heart on my sleeve for her anymore, we were together for three years and I deserve better than the email that she sent me, it is that thought and the realizations that she obviously does not share in my feelings that is making it closure for me, and knowing now that it is tme to finally give up on her. I do not see that as pscho, I see that as finally enlightened!

hey man, I truly agree with you on that one! how are you doing by the way. As you may or may not know, I took a few steps backwards in the last couple of days, but I think that in the long run, it will serve to either 1. make her realize that I really will not be there waiting for her, and 2. help me to gain final closure after realizing what a truly heartless b*tch she really is! I still love her to death don't get me wrong, but like I have stated many times befroe, I can't continue to lay my heart on the line and my cards on the table with her and continue to be made to feel unimportant and worthless because she does not share in my feelings. I have been seeing that girl that we had spoke about previously, and she is very nice, beautiful and very fun to be around and she seems to really be devoted to me and really care about me a great deal which as scary as it may be, is also very nice. I think * * * * time that I begin to give a bit more of myself to her and see where it goes from there. If anything, it will help me to regain my sense of self worth! Good luck to you bro, I truly consider you a good friend!

I was just talking to a friend of mine who has just been dumped by his girl and is really hurting. I recommmended this site to him and I began telling him about all of the wonderful people who are always willing to listen and give their dvice and share their experiences. as I wa doign this, I started to realize just how truly special this site and the people that comprise it are. everyone of you out there is a true saint, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

hey man, I feel for you completely. My ex girl of 3yrs broke up with me about 2 months ago saying almost identicle things (literally). if you want to see my story just look for all my posts, this may give you a good idea as to what thoughts and the process that one may go through while trying to do NC and then messing it up, and then pining over the ex and all the way to dating other girls but still feeling guilty about it because you feel like your "cheating" on the ex. I think that you may be able to learn a lot from my story, as it is still ongoing. take a look if you wish and just know that I am hear for you bro!

I don't think thatwhat I responded to her was bitter. again, I just layed it on the line. I want hre to know how I feel and that I just can't do this to myslef anymore, I poured my heart out to her, I wanted her to know how special she is and was to me. I also just wante to make it clear that if this is the way that she wants it to be, that I will respoect that and "let her go" I do not think that this was a bad thing...anyway, whats done is done...

well, I sent it. maybe a good idea, maybe a bad idea, I don't care anymore. I said what i needed and wanted to say and left it open and made it clear that if she wants any sort of relationship in the future it will have to be with effort made by her. I am not bitter at all, just tired, tired of feeling this way and now I think that I can let go. she is missing out on somehting that could have been greaty, one day she will see that. Its inevitable. Atleast thats what I'm telling myself now! Thanks to all, sorry for going against people's advice.

I am STRONGLY considering sending this to her, I just wrote it, and this pretty much lays it all on the line, all that I feel, how I will not be contacting her anymore and how I am moving on....here it is XXXXXX, It took a lot for me to write that to you, that day was very difficult for me as have been so many others and as will be so many more to come, but I meant every word that wrote to you. Its clear to me from your cold, distant response and unwillingness to maintain ANY kind of relationship that you do not feel the same. I did not think that things would ever be like this between us, especially after all that we have been through together for three years, good and bad. I remember us being great friends before we became anything else XXXXXX, and in a way, that hurts the most, knowing that not only did I lose a great "lover", but also a very special friend whom I cherished and appreciated greatly although at times I neglected to show it. It is always nice to hear from you XXXXXX, although it pains me that you are so cold and distant as if we meant nothing to each other. I guess this is the way that you want it to be, and I can no longer continue to lay my feelings on the table only to be rejected and made to feel worthless time and time again. I hope that you have a great christmas and a wonderful new year XXXXXXX, my thoughts are with you always as well as your family. I'm sorry that your father is on strike, that really sucks and tell him that I am thinking of him. Goodbye XXXXXXX, I hope that you find happiness in whatever it is you choose to do in life or with whomever you choose to give yourself to, and I hope whoever that is realizes how lucky he is. If you ever want to talk, I am always here for you. Love always, XXXXX

to be completely honest, after rereading what she wrote all that I can say is that she is nothing more than a heartless b*tch. After three f*ucken years thats all I get, she didn't even sign off with a simple "from XXXXX" Its like I'm not worth her time. F*CK HER!!!!! Anyway, I have not decided whether or not I am goign to respond to her. I'm not sure she deserves it. Afetr all the time and the effort that I put in to constructing a truly heartfelt letter to her, praising her in every way that i know how, seh writes back in a very cold, distant fashion like she did. WHAT THE F*CK!!!!! I ma worth so much more than that!

well, today I checked my email and it turns out that she had written me back yesterday, here it is: XXXXX, I just wanted to say that was a very nice and thoughful letter - it was good to hear from you! I hope all is well and you and your family have a wonderful holiday season! I did get your card and text - i wrote you a text back thanking you and if you didn't get it again Thank you! Yes my dad is on strike. thats it. nothing else. what should I send in a response if anything at all. I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "well I gather from your response that you do not share the same feelings that I do. Its clear that yuou do not want to talk anymore nor do you have any plans of possibly reconcileing anything between us. what pains me the most is that I never anticipated that things would be liek this between us. I miss you everyday as a partner and a friend. Now I must continue to move on like I have been and not continue to dwell on the past and what might have been." I don't know....what do you think?

but I am not expecting any response at all, so in fact anything at all would be a surprise. I ma definitly not expecting anything "good" to come from this, just either a step into the right direction, or a step towards finally letting go for good due to her lack of response and complete coldheartedness when I again laid my cards and feelings for her on the table. I truly feel that my decision to write her that email was a good one for many reasons, but most of all, the fact that if she dopes not respond, I know it is truly and completely over. (sob, sob, sob)