Dogg

well, my "date" did not happen last night. we spoke and just decided that it more or less was not a good day for either of us. I was truly and honestly not at all disappointed but actually a bit releived as ridiculous as that sounds. the thought of going on a date was really making me feel quite uneasy and nervousa like I was doing somehting wrong! I think that it may be the fact that tomorrow is my ex's birthday and that I am still wondering and soul searching about what if anything I should do about it? I think that I am going to send a card today, or maybe just a quick text tomorrow, or do nothing....I don't even know anymore, all I do know is that I still think about her and care about her immensly and do not want her to think that I am a huge a** hole for not remembering her birthday, I know alot of you will say that that does not matter and that I should not care about what she thinks, but I do. anyway, I spoe to this other girl last night and said that we would do something today, but as of this moment (it is 7:45 am) I'm just not feeling up to it at all, I don't know why because I do really want to meet this girl in person because she does sound so nice and cool when we talk and stuff but I just don't know...I feel like an idot right now, maybe I'm just scared....

I'm so sorry nataliejulie, I really am, I know that must be extremely painful for you to hear. I have been in NC for a while now as well and I think all the time about what my ex is up to and whether or not she is seeing anyone, but then I think of how it would feel to really know, especially if the answer was "yes" and I know that it would just hurt way too much...I'm sorry for you, I truly am

god, I feel like I am sneaking around on my girlfriend!!!!! I feel so shady about going on a date with this girl today like I'm cheating or something even though I do not have a girlfriend and I'm not cheating. I guess it just feels really strange to be doing something /taking out a girl other than her. is this normal? why is this soooo difficult to do?

I would never talk about my ex, in fact I don't even want her to know I have an ex the likes of which I actually do. I do not even talk to my friends or family baout my ex, only all of you so do not worry the thought of that would never cross my mind. I can see how you said that it feels like cheating on your ex nataliejulie, I feel like just talking to someone else is like this terrible thing and I actually feel really bad about it, but screw it, she broke up with me right...at the same time, it just makes me wonder, what she may be doing now???????

hey, I have been talking to this girl on the computer for like a week now, and we had made plans to meet up today to go out for drinks and what not. I am interested in seeing what she is really like in person and stuff, but I'm not gonna lie, I have been out of the "game" for so long that I do not really know what to do or how to "play" this situation. I am nervous and I feel a little guilty at the same time. I feel guilty because I am not over my ex at all (I know that is stupid) and I am nervous because I just do not know how to act on this "date" or what kind of htings to say or do. If anyone has any good suggestions, I am all ears. FRom the pictures that this girl has sent to me, she is really good looking and sounds really nice and cool!! I am definitly interested...I'm just really scared to be honest!!!! help!

hard as all hell!!!!! I think that I have done a reaonably good job of letting go, I mean of course I still think about her all the time, and wonder about things, but I KNOW that I can not contact her, 1. because I have nothing to say that I have not said already, 2. becaus I do still have enough pride in myslef that I do not ever want t o be considered a chu8mp weak loser by her! 3. because I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me!!!! If she wants me back, she will have to do some work, I hope that she eventually does, but if not, its her loss because she does not know what we could and would have had!

even though I do feel guilty and a little uneasy about going out on my "date" tomorrow, I am still definiltly gonna go. for one thing, I'm not even really taking it as a date, jst a chnace to meet somone that I may find to be interesting and worth continuing "talking" to, and also, I mean come on, she is HOT, what self respecting guy would give up the chance to see someone that is just genuinly good looking to see how things go, and three even though I may feel guilty, I do not have a girlfriend, I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get these guilty feelings like I would be upsetting her. One because she came right out and said that she did not want to be with me, and also, she knows how I feel and has not even attempted to contact me, so if she gets mad screw her right...anyway, she probably will not find out, its also no big deal, and I probably would not tell her if we did speak anyway, and we haven't so I don't know why I am even writing this. GOD I must sound like a complete lunatic!!! wait, I'm gonna read this over...Oh man I DO sound like a lunatic!!!! Is there a breakup stage thats called, "inventing situations that never happened and may never happen to devise plans that may never be implemented simply because your still madly in love with a girl who broke your heart and hasn't even called you in a month stage" because I think that is the stage that I just reached!!!!! ha ha ha at least I can still laugh at myslef right???? Jesus, I neeed a drink and its only 10:40 in the morning!!!!!J/K I'm at wor right now and my students are all taking a test so I have nothing else to do but stir up these CRAZY things in my head and make myself crazy and entertain you all by sounding like a complete and total psychopathic LOSER!!!! anyway, more to come as these ridiculous thoughts come in t o my head...

I feel really guilty about my little "date" tomorrow with the girl that I have been talking to on myspace. just thinking about it makes me cringe. don't get me wrong I am excite dtoo, this girl seems really cool and she is HOT from looking at her pics, but still...I just want my ex back, I miss her so much...

its been a little more than two weeks since I have had any sort of contact with my ex at all. the last time as you may or may not know was after she had contacted me on thanksgiving just to wish me a happy thanksgiving, then I wrote her back some texts about how I was feeling and how I wanted her back and misses her (not smart I know). since then, I have had total NC. Actually asside from what I just wrote, it sbeen pretty much NC the entire time since the breakup, again aside from a couple of textx by me in the very beginning, then two weeks after the initial breakup, a call by me again asking her how she was feeling and having her say that she just does not want to be with me anymore. anyway, I have beeen doing alright. I mean I think about her all the time obviously, I wonder what she is doing, how she is doing etc. but I have not contacted her at all. what still bothers me alot, is that she has not attempted to contact me either! what does this mean? we wer trogether for three years and then all of a sudden I get nothing! this makes me feel really bad!!! why has she not even tried to contact me? I am starting to become scared that NC is making this easier on her. easier for her to forget everything! her birthday is coming up (the 20th) to be exact and I am really stuck on what to do, everyone on this forum has been completely against doing anything for her in terms of a simple card or something, but i just have this feeling maybe its only because I'm not thinking clearly, that if I do not do SOMETHING, that that in her eyes will be the final straw, and she will forever wright me off. I do not know what to do. this coming days will be very difficult for me, our anniversary is the 20th, then xmas, new years and all that!!!!! I have been talking to a few girls on myspace and meetning some new people in real life too. I even have a kindd of date thing tomorrow, but I just do not feel right about it being that I still am very much in love with my ex!!! I am just simply losing faith in things. I feel like she is the type of person who will not call or contact me because she is embarrased and feels bad, and is scared to do so and does not want to hurt her own sense of pride by contacting so that is why she is not doing it. I feel like I am just pushing her away more and more and losing more and more time with her and chances by continuing NC. I do not want this to happen. I do not want uys to grow farther apart!!!!! I just do not know what to do!!!! I'm really scared!

you really need to share some of the things that you did from that ebook!!!!!!! I would love to know what to do to get my ex back! I am doing NC right now and it sucks!

here I am, just when I think that I am doing better, my subconscioous takes over! last night i had a dream about my ex. It was a great dream, but when I woke up of course I feel like crap again and just start thinking about things. god I wish that she would just show me some kind of sign that she is even thinking about me!

good call man, and even if she never does see my profile, at least I'll have some new contacts and possibly connectins with some hotties right...I guess at this point I have nothing to lose really...god I can't wait to get out of here and check the mesages on myspace just to see what thay say...

I just checked my email and I saw that I had gotten some messages on myspace from some of the girls that I had sent messages too last night. I can't check them now, cause the site is blocked at my job so I'll have to wait until I get home. question: should I even begin talking to girls when I'm nowhere near over my ex? If the answer is yes, how do you initiate good contacts using myspace or any other way for that matter? I go out to the bars a lot with frineds, but its just so hard to meet girls there, any suggestions?

I hooked up my myspace page last night and sent some messages to some cute girls...I can't get on it at work which is where I am now so I have no idea if I got any responses yet, but I'm not really sure that I even care whether I do or not, at least it took my mind off of her for a little while. Anyway, the more tand more that I think of it, the more distressed I feel about the fact that after three years, three years of love and devotion and utter admiration and adoration for one another that she broke up with me and asside from one text on thanksgiving from her and a couple from me the days after, we NEVER speak anymore, no texts, no calls, no emails, no nothing! It really makes me feel bad about myself like I meant nothing to her and that I am so easy to get over and to leave that she is totally fine never speaking to me again. the more and more that I think of it, I feel completely worthless,am I? Again, how in the world is this so damn easy for her? Here I am wanting nothing more than to hear her voice and talk to her and after three f*cken years she has yet to once pick up the phone and call... I read everyones post about them doing NC and ignoring their ex's textx, emails, and calls. I was with my ex for three years and when we broke up, there was no bad blood, no fight, no nothing, and yet she has not even tried to contact me, not accept the thanksgiving text...WHY?????????

again, all well and good but she does not have a myspace account

hey, not a bad idea at all, only one problem, I AM MYSPACE RETARDED!!!! I can't seem to be able to do anything on that stupid site. how do you see other people and meet them through myspace, as of right now, I only have three friends on there and they are guys, noone has sent me any messages or anything. I could really use some help woth that because I hear that myspace is all the craze now and I would like to get involved...anyway I do not think that she even knows that I have a myspace page, I never did when we were together...but I will take down the picture of her, I totally forgot that i t was even there until I signed on today and looked at it

well, I don't have much to say in the way of progress today, I have not really been sleeping that well. I find myself constantly thinking about my ex and what she is doing, how she is doing, whether or not she is thinking about me? I know that all of these are questionsthat I am not going to get answers to because I am not going to contact her, but I still think about them. I wonder a lot if she misses me. I have although all of this being said have been doing better, I mean that I think of her less than I have previously if that makes any sense. I have been spending a lot of time with friends and going out on the weekends and occasionally during the week and stuff. i just wish that there was a way to get inside her head and see whats going on in there. Its very hard to think that NC although it is helping me, will make her miss me when I have seen no evidence of that asside from a simple text on thanksgiving which I do not even know means anything at all in those regards. How can you make someone realize what they have lost and the new person that you have become if you do not have any contact with them? how will they know? oh another thing that I was thinking is this, I have a picture of her on my myspace page with a caption saying: "My xxxxxx, or at least was and I hope that one day will be again" I am not necessarily worried about her eeing that because she is FAR from computer savy in any regards and does not have a myspace page anyway, but what if some of her friends happen to stumble accross it, does it give off the wrong impression? should I take it down from my page? thats all I have for now...peace

I would consider my situation as zero contact, a text on thanksgiving is not really contact in my book. I wish that I knew what she was thinking about and what she was doing but I try not to think about that. I do want her back badly, but I'm trying my best to let go and just chill and do NC and hope that she comes around, but I don't know if she will. this is by far the longest period of time that we have ever not talked in over three years and its really hard. I really miss her. I really have nothing new to say so I'll quit while I'm ahead

well, my night out with friends turned into a night in with friends, we got together and played some poker and just talked and had some beers. things were goign well, until one of my buddies girlfrineds came by. long story short, turns out that she was one of my ex's best friends when they were in high school. she wanted to know a lot of things about my ex and our relationship but I just said respectfully that I did not want to talk about it. she then said that isn't it weird that they were such good friends back in the day and that they had not even seen each other since the other day when she saw my ex in the mall with her mother. now this is not a big deal or anything, it just got me thinking about my ex again and how much I miss her. I just do not understand how we could be so close for three years and then break up over nothing per say (no big fight or anger towards each other) then all of a sudden absolutley no contact at all, like she has no desire to even talk to me. we have only actually spoken verbally 2 times since the breakup which today was exactly one month ago. we have texted a few times but that was mostly me being an idiot. the only time that she tried to contact me was on thanksgiving when she texted me. I don't get it, how could you love someone like that for so long and then just simply never tal;k to them again, I feel like I deserve so much bettre than that and so does she. Mostly it makes me think about our relationship and how it meant so much to me and how it apparently means so little to her. its heartbreaking. why does she not even want to talk to me? peace out for now...

i'm sitting home right now and I just started thinking about things...i decided that i would call a friend and see if he wanted to accompany me for a few drinks. So, I am heading out to the bar for a few cold ones and maybe a chance to LOOK at some young women although on a tuesday its not that likely. Anyway, it kinda feels good not to be sitting around doing nothing...peace

thanks for the support, I really thought that some people would see ths as a very selfish thing to do, but you guys are great, and I love ya for it. I think that part of my problem that I have been having lately is the thinking that this is all my fault and that it is me that did somehting wrong to cause her to become the way that she was towards the end of our relationship, and then to end it so abruptly. I mean I'm sure that I did some things, but thinking back, I gave her all that I had, it would be impossible for anyone to love her as much as I did and do for that matter. I know that I did all that I could do for her or at least I really tried to. I need to stop being so hard on myself, you are all right, but the fact is that for me, that is much easier said than done. I have been that way my whole life, I am more than a perfectionist when it comes to myself and there are times when that pushes me to do better, and there are times when it forces me to beat myself up. I need to realize that it is not what i did that made her leave, it was something in her. I need to realize that she is the one that is missing out on me, not the other way around (again, easier said than done) I need to step back and see that I do have a lot of good things that are going for me right now. I have a good job that I reasonably like, I have a nice car, I have friends, I am good looking, this is her loss not mine. Why do I want to be with some one that does not want to be with me? That is the one questin that I can not answer, and that is where I begin to slide backwards down in to the depths of depression and saddness. Why does she not want to be with me? what is it about me that she no longer sees worthy of loving anymore? these are the questins that will continue to plague my being until I can somehow get them to go away...peace out for now....

after posting here about my pathetic existence for the past month or so, I have decided that I would start my own thread that I will post in daily if not more than that so that you all may witness my trials and tribulations but mainly I am doing this because I have found that posting my feelings here is extremely theraputic and that the advice given by all is more than the slap in the face that I need sometimes to remind me of the absolute fool that I have been and am at times thinking of being. So, with that said feel free to respond with any advice, comments, attitudes, or rants you may have, I'm all ears (or eyes for that matter). Here we go...wait, I really do not have anything to say today or at least yet...read my other posts for background into my situation especially my latest thread called "feeling weak today" or somehting like that... thanks for listening, its appreciated more than you could ever know...

what I do not get here and in reading other people's posts who are in NC, is this: we are all here to get our ex's back right? I understand how NC works and that it is meant to heal yourself and everything like that. what I do not get is how after all this time doing NC and then finally getting the results you want, meaning that the ex makes contact with you once or even several times and you still do not pick up, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY MAY WANT? WHAT IF THEY WANT YOU BACK AND ARE TRYING TO WORK IT OUT? HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU IGNORE THIER CALLS? doesn't it seem liek you are just setting yourself up for another form of depression and regret when you realize that your not answering their attempts at contact eventually pushed them away. this is not directed at anyone specific, just a general question/statement for everyone

hey ocd, at least you know that in one way or another she IS thinking about you, and apparently she IS thinking about you quite often. Man, I would give anything for that, a simple phone call, text or something that I COULD ignore. I got a message from her on thankisgiving, didn't respond, then like a complete LOSER broke down two days later or so and more or less poured my heart out to her in 2 or 3 gay text messages like a tool. Just be careful man, I know there are times when ignoring her attempts to contact you feels good, but just liek you said above about having a "weak" moment kind of day, you find yourself doign what I did and making yourself look vulnerable and again, liek a complete tool box. DON"T BE LIKE ME!!!!!!!

so not even a text message huh? wow, that is going to be hard. I get what all of you are saying, I'm just not sure whether I can live with myself knowing that i purposely ignored someone whom I love so dearly birthday and that I did it knowingly. I feel like ignoring her birthday is like a cheap ploy to get a reaction out of her, somehting that I know it shouldn't be, but thats how it would be for me. On the other hand, I do not want her to think that I am a jerk like I have said many times before, on a third hand, I do not want to ruin her birthday by placing her in a bad mood on it so that she then thinks that I am a jerk because I won't let her be....I am really confused and need to do some serious soul searching for this one...