Dogg

I see your point, but at the same time I in no way want to burn bridges by making her think that I am that thoughtless and heartless that I could not even send a simple card. I know my ex, and she would take it like that I think. I still don't know thought. I need to do soem serious thinking about this one...

I just read through my first post on this thread...I do that sometimes just to get my bearings straight again and my head in the right place. I am worrying myself to death now thinking that maybe without even realizing it, I went to far with those texts. after rereading them, they did not sound so "sweet" and "caring" as I thought that they did when I wrote them to her. Oh man am I an idiot. I can completely see how writing those things can be seen by the other person as manipulative and as if I am trying to "guilt" her in to doing or feeling some way. WOW, maybe I will do nothing for her birthday. After reading what I wrote earlier and knowing how those texts COULD have been taken, I feel terrible that I have been putting her through this, making her feel this way, making her feel this way about what I am doing and saying. It is the exact oppoosite of anything that I could have wanted to say and I can only imagine the many ways that she could be taking it (there is a one in a million shot that she took them the way that I meant them) Oh man!!!!!! Definitly back to NC for me, without question. I now have no clue as to what to do for her birthday...if anything...I just don't know.....I really hope that I did not mess up too bad here....

I was planning on sending the card next week, like I have said before, she only lives like five miles away so mail would not take long. After reading the things that people say, I'm just not sure what is the right thing to do. I think that I have been misunderstood in what I have been saying in this thread. I am not disappointd nor do I feel like crap because of her lack of response, I feel like crap because I broke NC, I feel like I let myself down, I never expected her to respond in anyway. Thisd is the reason that I think that there is nothing wrong woth sending a card, because I truly do not expect a response, the only thing that I am afraid of is whether or not SHE will think that I am and if she will think that I am pressuring her or "guilting" her into a response. this is not what I am doing, nor is it what I want her to think. Believe me, I am much more disappointed in myself that I actaullu sent the messages than in what I actually said in them. What I said came from the heart, the fact that I actually sent them and broke NC came from me having my head in my A**!!!!!!!! Although, thinking about what I just said above about not wanting her to feel like she is being guilted or forced to respond out of guilt, makes me wonder if that is how she is feeling about the messages that i sent. I hope not, but whats done is done, there is no going back now. If I f*ked it up, I already did it so that part is over and done with. Again, all I can do is go back to NC and hope for the best...

are you saying that I should do nothing. I don't get it, you are the one that said that I should send a simple card (funny one) saying happy birthday and my name and nothing else...I'm confused

I think that I should send a simple card saying nothing more than happy birthday. I just see it as the right thing to do after spending three years with a person. I also think that I should not in any way be expecting a response, which I don't. I think that she will be with her friends and family and will be going out and having fun on her birthday (or whatever day she chooses to celebrate it) good for her, in reality that is all I truly want for her, is that she be happy. Granted, I want more than anything that she be happy with me, but I do just want her to be happy. That is what I think, I think the rose Idea was pushing it...that I know. I do not however see the harm to her or to myself in sending a simple card like I have said and like has been said to me by those on this forum. That is what I think now, who knows how things will change as time progresses...I'll let you know

Dave, I know that you are not a therapist, I ask advice from you because I have come to admire you and your strength and your situation as well as the advice you have given to others. In many ways I wish that one day I could be in your situation, you more or less have your ex back, and it is the thought and desire that one day I may attain the same thing that you have even in finding my own self worth again that makes me ask you for advice. I respect you and I appreciate your help. So, that being said, what do you think about my situation and also the birthday question?

its amazing to me how badly I feel about myself right now simply bcause of all the time I spend pouring my heart out to you all, reading your advice and doing semi well only to crash and burn like a drunken pilot. I really feel like I let myself and all of you down and I hate and feel really bad asking for more advice because I can only imagine how it must be for you all who are forced to keep telling my retarded A** the same things over and over again. Its like every time I think that I am doing well, I crash and burn in a blazing heap of crap due only to personal weakness. I'm sorry to all of you who I feel that I have let down, believe me, the more that I think of it the worse I feel about what I did. again, I'm sorry

hockeyboy, that is a question that I wish to god that I had an answer for. she was not able to give me a certain thing either when I asked a while back. I truly do not know what was missing. I mean I guess I culd tell for a little while that she seemed withdrawn at times, but at the same time, other times she would be all over me saying how much she loved me and all that crap. The END was extremely confusing and hard for me because I truly did not see it coming.

Dave, I know that what I did by sending her those couple of messages was retarted to say the least. I feel bad for even doing it. I knew that you would be disappointed in me, I am disappointed in myself. do you still think that I should send her a simple card for her birthday, like you advised before? I appreciate the duct tape comment, it kinda puts things in perspective yet again as to how much of a complete douch bag I am! I hope I'm alowwed to say douch bag because it fits me perfectly right now. I do not know why I sent the messages, and I knownow that my rationalizing my reasons by saying that it made me feel better were ridiculous because sitting here writing this I know that I feel worse. I hope to god that I did not F*ck up terrible bad in her eyes for I do not want to push her away....GOD I SUCK AT LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Hockeyboy, My ex and I were together for a little more than three years. She broke up with me on september 29th at my house when I got out of the shower because we were supposed to go out for a few drinks. we did not talk for the rest of the weekend until I called her and to make a long story short, she said that she felt that something was missing and needed a break. After that we did not speak at all (nothing, no text, no email nothing) for two weeks until I broke NC and sent her an email just saying hi. after that we talked the next day and she more or less said that she just did not want to be with me anymore, she could not get over things from the past, and that again, she felt that something was missing (ouch, my heart). and then we did not talk again until she sent me a mesage on thanksgiving day simply saying "I hope that you have a happy thanksgiving" we have not "spoken" in what to me feels like a long time. probably about two weeks but aside from that one phone conversation, its been one day short of one month since we talked the day that she broke up with me. just to answer your questions. I have no choice than to return to NC now and hope that she decides in some way that I am worth it, worth talking to, worth being with and loving...I hope she does

I see that noone thinks that it is just simply the right thing to do to send a card for her birthday. Even Superdave said to do that, maybe not the rose, but the card he said "somehting funny (the actual card) and just put your name, nothing else.) I feel that it is just the right thing to do for some reason, even if it is true that she dumped me and broke my heart, I yould feel terrible if I just ignored her birthday. I'm not sure if I agree with the advice not to because "it will get her head spinning." Although it sounds like what I want (the her head to spin part) its not going tyo be in the right way. she may think that I'm being a jerk, or that I just don't care anymore, or that I'm being selfish. I do not want to get her head spinning because she is MAD...I think that is the way that she would take it too. technically we were not together on my birthday (september 16th) and she still got me presents and came over and what not, I feel that the leats that I could do is to send her a card, I think that it will get her spinning in the way that i want if I simply send her a card saying not much more than happy birthday and my name than anything else especially if I do nothing cuse I think that will make her very very angry butthats just my opinion, I don't know, you all may be right. I'll be hap[py to listen to anyones opinion and at last take it into consideration about his topic...I really don't know what to do here...Superdave, your advice would be appreciated too....

I was weak I guess you could say and feeling pretty down. After my ex made contact with me just to say "I hope that you have a happy thanksgiving" I did not know what to do. I posted about it and to make a long story short, did not decide to respond till the next day. I responded with a very simple answer. we texted back and forth for a little while and I ended it by saying that "I had a really nice thanksgivingalthough it just felt like there was something missing, I'll leave it at that." The next day, I woke up feeling really down and out, not because of anything in particular, but more just because its really hard not having her around during the holidays. I know that I shouldn't have and I regret doing it but I sent her a text saying that something like "it really sucks that after three years this is how things turned out and that I don't think that it should be like this with us not ever even talking or anything, did I and our relationoship mean that little to you?" A little while later she responded with by saying that she "wishes that I would not think of it that way becaseu of couse it means something to me. we just both could not go on the way that things were going and you know that." I responded by saying that "It just feels like there is always something missing and that I have this big hol;e in my heart without her." then before she could respond, I told her in another message that "I'm sorry to bother you, and I'll leave you alone, I wish that you would let me show you how things could be different. I miss you and I think of you always" and that was it. I did not get a response nor did I want one at that point. For some reason, I just felt that I needed to let her know how I was feeling even if it was not long or in person, or whether it was a smart idea or not. I will return to NC again and hope for the best, hope that she sees things in a different light, hope that she comes back. I know that contacting her and saying what I said was probably stupid and I know that I went against everyones advice, but in a way after I did it, I felt like a bit of a load was lifetd from my shoulders. I do not know how I feel now, maybe it will sink in later as to what I have really done, I'm not sure. All I do know is that the holidays are hard and not being with her during them is harder. I was all around family and friends all weekend but she was always on my mind. The thought that keeps me going is the fact that SHE contacted me on thanksgiving which must mean that she was at least thinking of me, right...anyway, I hope that things turn around in my situation. I will not contact her anymore, I can't, I have said all I can say, she must come to me or at least show me that she is interested in trying things. Nothing that I can say will bring her back, only actions and right now I am not being presented with the opportunity to show her anything so my only option is NC. Her birthday is coming up on December 8th and I am simply going to send her a card like superdave had suggested, maybe a red rose along with it but no mushy dialogue inside at all. What do you think? I'll take any advice I can get.

well, I got a response from her. we texted back and forth like three times about thanksgiving and what we did, nothing more than a line or two. I ended it by saying texting "yes thanksgiving was nice but something was missing, I'll leave it at that. I guess I should get used to feeling like something is missing. have a nice rest of the weekend, goodbye." she responded with a simple "you too" and that was it. I kinda wish that I did not respond at all, but whats done is done. Now back to NC. I do not get why the hell she texted me anyway. It kinda makes me mad that she can't just call like a normal person, I mean come on we were together for three years!!!! I am going back to NC now. If she wants to talk or anything she will have to try a lot harder than just a simple text message cause that is bullsh*t. I really now wish that I did not respond and I don't even know why. I hope that Superdave is right when he said that by doing NC she will eventually become interested and wonder what I am doing and begin to contact more often, but we shall see...

well, I decided this afternoon to respond. I woke up and I thought about it and decided that it was the right thing to do. I sent her back a text at around 12:30 saying "my thanksgiving was nice, thanks. hope yours was too." thats it. I am not expecting to hear back from her, although of course it would be nice. Oh well, one holiday down, a bunch more to go....

I'm just feeling like ignoring the message is wrong, I mean it is the holidays. You all really think that not responding is the way to go huh? Well, ok I guess I will not respond, its been 5 hours since I got the text anyway, maybe this no response will keep her guessing, I just hope that it doesn't make her think that I don't care or that I am being a jerk about things.

I know that it doesn't mean anything more than what the message said, I just want to know whether or not a reply saying something like "thanks, u too" is warrented. I do NOT want her to think that I am being a jerk...

My ex contacted me today for the first time since the breakup. I have been in NC for a while (a little more than three weeks asside from one phone call) but today she sent me a text message saying: "I hope that you have a happy thanksgiving" I know that this is probably not a big deal to all of you, but it is to me even though it shouldn't be. I do not know whether or not to respond to her text. I do not want her to think that I don't care or that I am being a jerk and simply ignoring her. basically i do not want to turn her off from contacting again. what should I do?

I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING, its just that sometimes someone says something pretend that she is DEAD and thats just not a cool thing to say to or about anyone regardless how it is meant. In no way am I disrespecting or discounting or disagreeing with anyones advice, I have been and will continue with NC like I said for myself, not for her, but that again does not mean that I do not want her and love her. And another thing is that in reality, no, I am really not a mess, sometimes I just get to thinking about things and then I post my concerns/questions on here, THAT IS WHAT THIS FORUM IS FOR ISN"T IT. so whomever told me that if I do not want to listen to or take the advice being given and said screw you becaus I have been and nooone will ever truly know how I appreciate you all for being here to listen to my BS whinning about her because without you I truly do not think that I would have made it even this far. Sorry if that is harsh, but I'm tired of people on this forum talking down to others about whatever situation and saying just disrespectful things, we are obviously all here for the same type of reasons so lets act like it and be "nice" and "real" to each other but at the same time, have some respect for another persons situation and feelings, everyone has the right to handle things a little differently...thanks to those of you who offer advice from the heart, you have no idea what you all mean to me, regardless of whether I want to hear it or not!

SHE IS NOT DEAD, and that is an awful thing to say. I know that I will not contact her, like I said, I can't and have nothing to say, but that does not mean that I can not hold in my heart the hope that she will contact me one day and that she will want to recconcile things between us. I am taking the advice of the one and only superdave71, whom I have really come to respect. I will continue with NC, that is the truth and that is what I will continue to do. Hope fully what Dave says will come true. thanks for the advice I guess everyone, but I know what I must do...

I'm getting a little bit worried that I have been in NC for a while now, three weeks not counting one ro two VERY short calls. My ex has not tried to contact me at all. I'm reading about everyone else that is in NC and how they are not answering their ex, and not responding to messages and all that meanwhile my ex has not attempted to contact me at all. Why? is this a very bad sign, or am I just looking in to things too much. To be honest, I would love to see/hear from/ speak to her, but I don't have anything to say. I know that I do not want to push her away any, and I do want her to know what it is like to live without me compleetly and hope that she misses me and all that stuff and hope that we can get back together, but why has she made ZERO attempts to contact me. we were together for over three years and now we went from all that to ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. I can only assume that it is easy for her and dos not bother her at all and its putting my hopes of getting her back in a really bad place...I don't know what to think

I'm starting to get a bit worried from reading all of these posts about people being in NC and ignoring their ex's attempts to contact them. My ex broke up with me a little more than three weeks ago, and aside from one phone conversation in which she told me that it is pretty much over for good and definitly at least for now, I have not tried to contact her at all, BUT, what is worrying me is that she has not tried to contact me either...is this a very bad sign? I do not know what to think...its probably no good though...

in my opinion and apparently a lot of other people's too, I really do not have any other choice if I want to at least keep my hope of ever getting her back alive right. I know that I do not want to push her away at all so I will remains in NC I suppose and maintain my hope for the best.

My ex and I have been broken up for three weeks now (her decision). I did strict NC for the first two weeks. broke down and contacted her this past wednesday, only to have her tellm e in short that she just does not want to be with me anymore, and that although she is unnable to predict the future, sher does not see us ever getting back together, ever. We did not have a fight or anything like that so for her to be positive about the situation really hurt me, but i took it like a man, said that I loved her would always be there for her and that I hope one day that we could be together again. I went right back into NC. She has not once initiated contact with me since the breakup asside from her one call to apologize (see other posts...all of them for the full story) i am starting to get worried that she never ever will. has this similar situation happened to anyone who's ex said similar things about "never" and such and then actually DID contact? I am going to have a really difficult time soon due to all the holidays her birthday our "would be" anniversary and all that stuff. I am also beginning to get the feeling that she may already have made plans to go upstate with her friends for New years...is that a bad sign? I really need some feedback on these questions. I do love her and I want nothing more than for her to be happy, I just always thought that it would be with me and in reality, that is obviously what I want. I still hold on to this hope that she will and does miss me and that she will see what she is missing in me and in us...but I feel pretty low right now...I will continue NC like superdave said, but is there still a shot?

hey dave, good to see you around today, I've been waiting for you. did you see my questions that I wrote above? I'm asking you because I trust your opinion and I really need advice on how to go about this...thnx

thanks for the advice Lonelyfish, I do appreciate it. Where is Dave?