Dogg

I appreciate the advice that ya'll are throwing my way, in a huge way, I guess that writing all of my thoughts and feelings down to all of you is some sort of strange therapy. I try as hard as I can to not think of her and to not analyze stupid things like her mothers letter to me but its nearly impossible. I feel almost like I am cheating myself if I try to go out and do things while convincing myself that I'm not still madly in love with her because lord knows that i am. I truly have no desire to be with anyone else at this time. I force myself to go out and to do things but is it really healing or moving on for that matter when its forced? I don't know...Asside from the NC rule, is there anything else that I could do that would maybe increase my chances of getting her back? Anything at all? Anything? I constantly wonder what she is up to and what she is thinking and whether or not she is actually trying to "figure" things out like she and her mother said or if she was simply just saying that to try and ease my pain...I don't know...Sometimes I feel all of these hopes and dreams are relevent and that they are worth keeping and then other times I just don't know. Should I keep up with the NC no matter what because I have looked at some other sites and advice colomns that say not to stay away completely but to shoot her a quick email sometime just to say whats up but I do not want to do that if it will hurt my chances of getting her back. I guess I am at a complete stand still. Does anyone have any advice on this issue? Is there anyone out there who has gotten back with their ex that has anything good to say about things? WHAT DO I DO???????? WHAT IS SHE THINKING RIGHT NOW AND IS SHE "REALLY" trying to "FIGURE THINGS OUT?"

Thanks for all of your support and advice. Here is another quick question that I have or two or three I'm not sure yet... One of the things that she finds to be EXTREMELY important and has always spoke about meaning a lot to her are holidays. Now I find myself in a major predicament here, November is obviously thanksgiving which is one of theose holidays that I had spent with her and her family for the past few years. Then we have A whole lot of things happening in December, first, her birthday is on the 8th, then, what would have been our three year anniversary is the 20th, then christmas which I have spent with her then new years eve. What do I do about al of this stuff? how do I handle NC in these situations, do I continue with NC in full force, do I write a quick note, make a quick call, WHAT? I am hoping that I will not need to worry about this much longer and that everything will work out, but I don't want to make her ANGRY with me because I don't call her on the holidays or whatever. Also, is there anything that I can do to make her remember the good times that we had together because they were numerous. Anything that will remind her of the reasons that we got together in the first place? Aything at all or any way that I can get feedback about what she is thinking. Maybe talk to her father or mother I don't know... How long does NC go for before I should just give up completely. Her mother said (when we first broke up about a week or so ago) that she just needs time to figure things out in her own mind, and that her problem with not letting things go is something that she realizes and that has always been a problem and has always caused stress upon relationships whether they be family or romantic ones. Her mother also said that she (my ex-girl) knows that she has to actually you know what I'll just copy what her mother said from the email and put it in so here it is... My name, As far as you trying, you are right, you have really tried to make things work. At this point, I can really say it is not you. If this is going to work, my daughter has to really sit down and put the past behind her. She thinks too much and can't get over things,but this is way that she has always been with everything, even with us. This can really put a toll on a relationahip. She has to change, in order to make your lives happier and she realizes this. This relationship should be happy and stress free. Too many little things get each of you on the defensive. This shouldn't be. Your backs are always up and this isn't the way a relationship should be. All she wants to do is take a step back, really think things out instead of waiting for another year to go by. This is supposed to be for the better, either way. You 2 cannot go on like this. There it was, the last bit of contact that I had aside from when I spoke to her father about my old car...thats it, I took it as a good letter, but I htink that I may have forced myself to believe it was good...any other interpretations...

I never cheated on her if thats what you meant. I would never ever do that to anyone because I knwo how it feels. All that I thik that she is holding on to from the past is the fact that we have had some major fights before, Over nothing in particular, which is why they are just so damn stupid. we are and have always been so very thick headed about things that almost anything had the potential to turn in to an argument. I feel like for a ahile now, we had bith been at each others throats or would just get instantly defensive when there was no reason too. What I do not get though, is how NC will make anything better, won't it just lead to groing farther apart? I will keep up with the NC rule only cause I really have nothing to say to her anyway right now. ADVICE PLEASE>>>

I have been in a relationship for a little over three years. To make a long story short, it had been very rocky for at least the last year during which we had some MAJOR fights, a three month break-up, some more fights a few small break ups before finally amounting to our last breakup a little over a week ago that came "out of the blue" menaing that there was no fight or argument that led up to it. She came over to my house and we were planning on going out, when I got out of the shower, she hit me with "I just don't think that this is going to work, I feel like there is something missing!!!!" this hit me like a ton of bricks because I was not expecting it at all. I love her and I want her in my life more than anything. The time that we had brokn up for over three months, I worked sooo hard to get her back, I did everything possible to change myself and the things about me that were causeing her to question our love for each other. I literally did everything under the sun for us to get back together. It worked, but I just don't feel like it was really the same, I felt that she was never really able to get over things from the past and move on and be happy and she has admitted this as well. The last few times that she had broken up with me, she would say the same things, then we would not speak for a few days or maybe just one day and then she would always be the one calling me asking if I wanted to do something or come over or whatever. Of course, I did. Anyway, this time like I said she broke up with me again out of the blue stating the same reasons. She said that she needs time to figure things out (whatever that means) she wants to see if she can actually continue in this relationship with me. She said that the way that things were going were not good and that she was unhappy because there are still times when she thinks about the past. I told her that I loved her and that if she needed time that I would have no choice other than to give her that time...that was a little more than a week ago and I have not had ANY contact with her since. Its killing me not to talk to her and be with her but I have tried to keep myself busy hoping that she will call. I did howvere speak to her father only because he and I had a very good relationship and are interested in many of the same things, I called him up to report to him that I had sold my car and he began asking ME what twas going on with is daughter and myself and why he had not seen me around in a while. Apparently he had no idea that she had broken up with me. I did not go into great detail about what happened, justthat she had broken up with me and that she said that she needed time to "figure" things out and that I hoped that things would all work out for us in the end. That was it. He didn't say much in return and I did not expect him too. Anyway, I miss her to death and Love her with all my heart but I feel as though this time apart so that she can "figure things out" will only serve to put more distance between us that will eventually lead to the true and utter demise of the relationship for good. I do not think that I can have that for I would marry this girl in a second if I had the chance she is my everyhting and I enjoy her so much. I know that she loves me, and I know that I love her, I just do not know what to do. I realize that things had not been going perfectly between us for a while, but I truly feel that is because she refuses to let her guard down and even more so refuses to let go of the past bull crap and move foreward. What should I do, I want to talk to her, I want to contact her, but I do not want to risk losing her or puching her away. What do I do? I love her with all my heart and I do see a great future together with her, or at least, thats what I want...help