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Ellie2006

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Everything posted by Ellie2006

  1. Ellie2006
    Hey S, Do NOT blame yourself ... And more importantly do NOT hate yourself! You've shown great strength in demonstrating the importance of loving yourself! Don't second-guess yourself ... Please let us know how we can help. We're here for you!
  2. Ellie2006
    Hey T, Hope you're having a better day today ... DJ74 gave you great advice: I think exercise is a great way to get out of the house, keep our minds occupied (and off our exes), and getting better sleep at night. Re-reading your post, I hope you can re-claim your hobby one day: I did this too ... just gave up on doing certain things that I used to in the past bc it served as a painful reminder ... but I think they're also a good and positive way to make new memories as well ... maybe not now but perhaps at a later point, you could take up your hobby again? Take care and hope you have a great weekend. And sorry I forgot to say this before but: WELCOME to ENA!
  3. Ellie2006
    Hey there Strawberry, Welcome to Enotalone! I am so sorry that you're hurting right now and hope you feel better soon ... I understand what you mean: I too broke up w/ my ex NOT bc I did not love him but bc it was the "right" thing to do for *me* ... And like you, I was completely serious about my intention to break up but still, of course, it did sting a little that he did not say "absolutely not! I will do whatever it takes to stay together!" But S, remind yourself of this: if he could have been the kind of guy who would have done everything in his power to save the relationship, would you have broken up with him in the first place? I am sure you had compelling and valid reason to break up with him after loving him for five years. It's hard, I know, but if you ever feel the doubt, just remind yourself of these reasons and that you have to love yourself FIRST! S, we're here for you if you need us. Please take care of yourself, okay? Hang in there ... Sending best wishes your way, E 1:
  4. Ellie2006
    ITG, I wanted to chime in and say, I know it was a difficult decision but perhaps it was the right one for you ... Yes, we're here for you if you need us! Take care and hope you and your lovely family have a great time at the party!
  5. Ellie2006
    Hey Wayner, I am sorry to hear that you're having a bad day today I agree w/ RayKay, Friscodj, and others that you taking weed may not necessarily have been the reason for your gf breaking up with you; it was simply the reason SHE gave you to justify the breakup. Admittedly, everyone's position on weed is different but even so, I too am finding it a bit hard to believe that this was THE reason for your break-up. (This is neither here nor there, I suppose, but my ex blurted, one day, that he had tried it once or twice, and to be honest, I was flabbergasted that he felt the need to come clean w/ me about this matter as it happened in the past. I appreciated the fact that he told me but I was not sure why he thought I would care. I am mentioning this merely to point out that I guess for some people it could be a dealbreaker but EVEN SO, I am not quite certain this was the case for you guys.) For now, I would let go of the weed issue; I understand that you want her back and also the need to set the record straight about the weed so that she can let go of the misunderstanding and give you another chance. But like others have said, I suspect this was just a catalyst that confirmed certain things about you that she was troubled about prior to your mentioning it. I agree with you: if this is her finals week and if you really must break NC, I would wait until they are over bc you may not get a real conversation out of her at this point ... (W, I also wanted to add that even though it may be difficult, please don't forget to take care of yourself ... eat, sleep, hang out w/ offline friends, etc etc ... ) Hang in there ...
  6. Ellie2006
    Hi T, I am so sorry you're hurting right now But T, just because she was not kind to you, this does *NOT* mean you have to be unkind to yourself too! Easier said than done, I know, but please please please make sure you take care of yourself by getting some rest, eating well, exercising, and meeting off-line friends and family, who can be a great support system during your healing process. I am glad you're already talking to someone about this but please know that we're here for you too! Hang in there! Sending best wishes your way ... E 1:
  7. Ellie2006
    Hi there. Sorry you're hurting right now. If I may ask, if you went on LC, what are some of the reasons you would be contacting her for? Well, I only ask bc sometimes information that our exes share w/ us may inadvertently hurt us. I think this is why NC is so advocated by many people. From what I have read in these forums, I believe people who have children together take the LC route -- so they keep their conversations limited to discussions about their children and do not talk about much else going on in their individual lives. But ultimately, each person is different and you should go with what you are comfortable with. Oops, I see this post perhaps does not answer your question? Sorry. Maybe others w/ more insight can offer better advice... Best wishes to you ...
  8. Ellie2006
    I agree w. Weeblie. This is wrong of your mother to eavesdrop on your phone call and an invasion of your privacy. If she has questions about what's going on in your life, she should ASK you directly. But then again, I am not a mom either. Hmm.. how about talking to her about this issue? Maybe it's not out of curiosity that she does this but she feels like there's a justifiable reason for her actions? Would you consider saying to your mom (in an unconfrontational way) that you are aware of the fact that she has been listening in on some of your conversations. While you do not like the fact that she has been checking up on you like this, you do appreciate her love and concern for your well-being. And maybe you guys can talk more about what's going on in your lives so that she does not feel like she has to listen to your phone calls to get a clue as to what's going on in your life? Just my two cents worth ... Good luck!
  9. Ellie2006
    I love reading Blender's posts too! Thanks B!
  10. Ellie2006
    Hey Mike, I agree w. Friscodj. You made two honest attempts to reach out to her (although the second one was kind of a good-bye letter, was it not?? ). Based on her terse response to your heartfelt letters, IMO, she has already emotionally distanced herself from this relationship, like FDJ says. I am sorry if I am being too blunt here but if she is saying she's too busy to read or respond to emails, what makes you think she's going to agree to investing time she's already said she does NOT have to put more effort into making a relationship work? Consequently, I think you should just let her be ... Just my two cents worth ... Take care 1:
  11. Ellie2006
    Hi there, I've heard of it; Xenical is *supposed* to flush out all the "fat" in your system. It was like the latest craze here ... last year. Then everyone STOPPED taking them bc of all the reports of negative side-effects as all diet pills have. I am sorry to sound preachy but like everyone said, not only are diet pills extremely dangerous (you don't know what long-term damage these pills might do to your health) but most, like posters above pointed out, are *NOT* effective at all! Bottom line: diet Pills probably will NOT help you lose weight long term but definitely WILL mess up your health! I do understand the lure of these pills but please do reconsider!
  12. Ellie2006
    Hey cc2006, Glad that I was able to help some! Coincidentally, I also did a google search and stumbled accross this wonderful forum! Well, feel better and see you around ENA!
  13. Ellie2006
    Hey Darkling, This may sound a bit ... hoakey but here goes: a scream (even one that's stifled and/or one that's internalized) is never silent ... And I do think it's rather uplifting that's there's a river running through your heart, though it may be one of rage right now. After all, a river implies movement, does it not? I hope the anger will subside and the river of your heart will flow with love again ... Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful week!
  14. Ellie2006
    I agree w/ LB. But in my case, I truthfully owned up to him that I WAS weak and respectfully asked him to help me heal by respecting my wishes to cut off all contact bc that was the only way for me to move on. I may be delusional but I think my asking him for help in maintaining NC was a good thing bc he knew I wasn't trying to hurt him but was only trying to heal myself. We still cared for each other and I am very grateful to him for his help.
  15. Ellie2006
    Hey cc2006, Hope you're having a better day today ... Listen, I hear ya about *trying* to move on so that we're not devastated to learn that our exes have moved on as well ... I felt exactly the same way right after me and my ex broke up and this is why I told him i could NOT be friends w/ him at that juncture. To me, a friend is not only someone who's there for you during the hard times, but also someone who can be happy with you during the good times. I knew I could be there for him during the hard times, but I wasn't sure how I would handle hearing about the good things that would inevitably happen in his life (i.e. him meeting someone new). Sorry that I got off on the tangent but my point is this: you cannot risk your own happiness and emotional stability to make someone else happy, which is, IMO, what happened in your relationship w. her. If making HER happy makes you happy, then you guys wouldn't have broken up, right? BUT trying constantly to make HER happy was NOT making YOU happy. And that's the bottom line. You too have to be happy in this relationship. And you weren't, not all the time, anyway. On a side note, if her calling you constantly to talk for TWO hours (my goodness! Are you guys actually *talking* for two hours OR are you listening to HER talk for two hours?!) is impeding your healing process, you NEED to tell her to back off. You have to look out for number one now. Good luck and hang in there! Ellie 1:
  16. Ellie2006
    Hi ASAS, Hope you don't mind but I pared down your post to what, IMO, was important. You said that you're meeting as friends: Based on what you write above, clearly this is NOT the case. To me (and admittedly I may be wrong), it sounds like you guys are meeting to see if you're *sexually* compatible since you feel as though you two are already *emotionally* compatible enough ... You say you love your current gf; then please reconsider meeting the ex bc you will only end up hurting someone who you claim to love ... If you MUST meet up w/ the ex (even if it is to clear the air of all doubts -- which to me, and I apologize if this is harsh, is how you're choosing to justify your actions), then I agree w/ the advice CB gives above: do your gf a favor and break up with her first *before* you explore the potential of a relationship w. your ex. Just my two cents worth. Good luck to you.
  17. Ellie2006
    That's great! Have a happy December, JYAG!
  18. Ellie2006
    Hey Pisces_Princess, I saw on your other thread that your convo w/ your bf went well. I am so happy for you! Take care and best wishes to you!
  19. Ellie2006
    Hi again JYAG, I will have to admit that I am rather ignorant about certain issues that're weighing down your heart and I don't want to say something stupid I am sure there are others wiser than I who can offer you better advice ... I know this isn't much but I just wanted to let you know that I am here to lend a helping ear whenever you feel like you need to vent or whatever ... Take care of yourself, JYAG ... Sending best wishes your way, Ellie
  20. Ellie2006
    Hey there, Well, venting is a very effective way to release stress so vent away! Also please know we're here for you if you need us ... Take care and I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather ... My grandfather passed away too this past spring (from cancer) and although the whole family KNEW what was inevitably approaching, it got overwhelming at times ... Hang in there ...
  21. Ellie2006
    JYAG, I love how your poems are so expressive ... The language is deliciously chilling ... Nice contrast b/t the ethereal feel of memories floating away and the "cold embrace" of the actual deed ... I know you said these poems are inspired by a friend but I feel as though this friend's actions pain you as well ... How are you coping? I am sure writing helps but have you considered talking to someone about this?? I don't want to overstep my bounds but would you perhaps give it a thought??
  22. Ellie2006
    Hey Shika! I think you will be fine as it is clear from your post that you have little intent to get back together with the ex. Have fun and be safe on the slopes!
  23. Ellie2006
    Hey cc2006, I totally agree w/ everything Caro has said, especially the part about making sure not to lose sight of yourself in relationships. (This is something that I need to work on as well!! Any tips, Caro?? I am all for claiming ownership when things go awry but please re-read your most recent post: admittedly I am not privy to *all* that went on b/t you and your ex but just based on what you wrote, you MUST see that it was always going to be something else w/ her ... anything and everything from you not paying attention to her or not complimenting her or not spending enough time w/ her, ad nauseam ... You really can't please someone who refuses to be content w/ what they already have ... For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision in breaking up w/ her ... Now this doesn't make the break-up any less difficult to deal with ... so please be extra kind to yourself during this healing process, okay? And please let us know how we can help! We're here for you! Take care and best wishes cc2006!
  24. Ellie2006
    Hi Bdub02, Sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation right now ... May I ask one question: how much longer till you graduate? If you are graduating in the next year or so, maybe you should stick it out, like some of the others have said? I only say this bc you seem rather hesitant to burn bridges bt yourself and your parents (and rightly so! Even if you don't see eye to eye w/ them on certain matters, they are a big part of your life, regardless ...) After weighing the good against the bad, if you truly believe they can only affect you (and your life) in a negative and destructive way, you really should consider getting a dorm and taking out a student loan (even if your parents might disapprove) ... If you choose to go the roommate route, keep in mind that you do NOT have to be friends w/ your roommates BUT make sure that this person is someone you can live with -- ie. has the same view about personal space, being timely in payment, sharing household duties, etc etc ... If you *do* decide to move out, please do not leave your parents home in anger ... Try to avoid finger-pointing and also try to explain to them your need to move: emphasizing "independence" might be a good starting point? Hope this helps ... Take care ...
  25. Ellie2006
    Hey ITG, Just my two cents worth: but do you think this might be "learned" behavior from seeing how his parents interact? Now I am not saying that your bf would go to this lengths but your thread reminded me of this guest that appeared on the Dr. Phil show (haha I don't know how you feel about Dr. Phil but regardless, I do believe he approached this particular matter aptly): Anyway this couple had come on the show bc the guy was extremely controlling and belittling of his wife. He would even tell her that she was showering wrong (his point: she "wastes" water) or brushing her teeth wrong (his point: she is damaging her gums by brushing her teeth her/wrong way) ... Granted: he was perhaps offering "constructive" advice. But he was totally misguided in his approach since he consistently disregarded the fact that his "advice" only made her feel degraded -- in other words, he defeated his purpose of trying to be "constructive" and ended up being "destructive" of his wife's self-esteem ... What proved to be the turning point for this guy, if I remember correctly, is reading the viewers' angry responses to his actions on the Dr. Phil website and more importantly, really *seeing* how much pain his wife was in due to his words and actions when he re-watched the show ... He did not want to make excuses for his bad behavior but he did remark, that was the only way he knew how to act bc that was how his parents had interacted ... Now I am not saying J is like this at all! Nonetheless, his behavior *could* escalate and as Syrix pointed out, his need to advise may not end w/ you ... Of course, these are all big "what ifs" but things that you may want to consider?? I know you care about this guy, ITG, so I hope you guys are able to resolve this issue together ... Best wishes to you!
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