Movin on up

These behaviors don't happen all the time in fact we agreed a long time ago we would share our feelings with each other & for the most part I have stuck to that. Yes there are times when I shut myself out but I assure her & SHOW her shortly after that I do care & that it had nothing to do with her. I then tell her what was bothering me & we continue on. I have always made my feelings known to her. Out of the 10% of the bad times it happens very little. Otherwise I am a caring loving & yes secure man. I appreciate your views very much & I can see some of those things you described in fact she has told me some of them, but like i say it happens very seldomly.

She is pushing me away because I have been trying to tell my story & trying to explain how I feel about her for the past two weeks & all I get is I can't do it anymore. I know there isn't another man because of our religion that would never happen. We don't even spend the night together when we have our kids( from previous marriages). I think I hurt her & now she is really mad. The more I try to assure her how much I care & that I recognize my problem the madder she gets.

She says I have put her on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she knows I care & the next she doesn't know. I don't know how this can true but let me tell you how a typical workday goes. This happens EVERYDAY!! No B.S.I go to work very early in the morning so I send her a voicemail telling how the weather is & what its supposed to be. I tell her I love her & can't wait to see her later. She sends me a voicemail telling me how much she loves me. Then during the day we exchange sweet text messages telling each other how much we love each othe. Then on the way home, I let her know that I'm off work & we finally get to talk. We tell each other how our day went tel each other how much we love each other. We make plans for later & I go home. I work pretty far away from home so it takes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours to get home. I then hurry to get ready & I meet her at her house or she comes here. 90% of the time I'm in a great mood & I greet her with a warm hug & kiss. We hang around talk kiss hug make love & I get up & do it all over. The 10% I sometimes keep my troubles to myself & hide my anger. I'm never violent in fact I think we've only had 3 or 4 arguments in the 1 1/2 years we have been together. She thinks I have passive aggressive disorder & that i should be more open with her. I looked it up & I agree that I may have it to some degree but that if she would stick by me, we could get past this & all of our problems would be gone but she refused & said I should do it alone. She can't take it anymore. Sometimes I think I bring my problems ie, ex wife kids work etc.. home to her too much so I do keep things inside. I have made promises before in the past & did a good job for a while but went back to my old patterns.( keeping things inside & getting angry). What I have told her & I really believe this is that the problems I have are caused by the PA. The catch in this whole thing is I didn't even realize I had these symptoms until AFTER she broke up with me. Since then I have started counselling & I'm working on controlling this behavior. I'm doing my best..theres more I think but I will save it for another time. I'm not violent just moody sometimes. Most of the time I'm pouring out my heart to her & she does the same with me..... I'm really lost & confused.... Looking for answers to show her how much I care without looking manipulative. This story Is the honest to gods truth. Help?

Thank you. I know she is really upset at me & the more i try to convince her of how much I love her & that I want to make things right the madder she gets. i hope that after a little NC she'll realize how much I mean to her & she will remember the good times which like you said were at least 80% of the time. My whole thinking behind trying to tell her how much I cared was so she would see I mean what I say, but it is just backfiring. Although it is hard I'll try to give her some space for a while then try LC. thanks again. I'm always up for a fresh opinion on this so if anyone else has any ideas I'll be happy to take them into account

Thank you Survictor. I have tried to pour out my feelings but she is viewing it as being manipulative & the same old song & dance. Who could blame her after 2 weeks of emails & texts. I just need to know what else I can do. I appreciate the advice you are giving. I guess I need someone to talk to. this sucks

I understand NC but I guess I was looking for some tips or advice on how to go about limited contact. We were engaged . She broke it off 2 weeks ago

All I read on here is NC is the best thing to do. What about limited contact? Does anyone believe in this also? If so how do I go about that? I think NC is a good thing for awhile but it won't get her back. NC gives her a chance to think over her decision to breakup in the first place & gives her a chance to miss you. Does anyone have any limited contact advice?

Yes she came back three days ago & WE are on cloud nine!! It didn't happen through NC & I think that stuff is a boatload of dookie!! I was shown how to get my loved one back & it sure wasn't from NC!! It is helpful at first so you can get yourself in a better position to get him/her back but it isn't the thing that will bring them back all by ltself!! So those of you who have been doing this for a lengthy period of time & still want them back I suggest you try a little ccontact every now & then Smile while you talk to them, ask how they are doing, LISTEN to them , act like its ok to be apart, & be the first one to hang up!! It'll make them wonder why you aren't begging & pleaing anymore & show yourself in a more attractive light to them. It's a good first step to getting them back!! I hope this helps. It sure did for me!!

I cry all the time since the breakup. The pain is almost unbearable.I'm getting better but am in no way close to being healed. NC sucks!! I won't stop doing it though.

the best thing you can do is give it a break meaning NO CONTACT. I'm sorry but what i see is that you or you both were too needy. you kept up the pressure when she needed space . Don't feel like you're alone because I was there too & I'll bet there are alot of others on here that have done it too. I wouldn't put too much stock into what her friends say either. it could just be a game they are playing go no contact with her friends too. You need to take a few steps back get yourself together & let her be. I'm sorry but it is your only chance. If you step back far enough maybe she'll take a few steps closer. you have to maintain NC until SHe is ready to come back fully. If it happens great!! But in the meantime you have to be prepared that she won't come back. If that happens you'll already be on your way to moving on. Sorry I didn't have the answer you were looking for but I hope I helped in some way. Take Care of yourself

Thank you so much all of you for the kind way each of you have responded. I know it sounds crazy but NONE of you treated it like that Thank you again & I will not propose to her now!! WHEW!!

As some of you know I have been with my soulmate for about a year until she broke it off 2 months ago. WE loved each other very much . Too much but I think we have both realized this & I think we could try again. I know that she is the "one" for me & have run out of options. I have another thread explaining my situation in further detail if you would like to read it first before you respond. It happened two months ago. I will be looking forward to hearing from you Thanks

I agree that you should practice NC with this guy. I know we wasn't giving you what you wanted out of your relationship but I suggest you look to yourself for fulfillment first. If you realize that nobody can complete you, that you are already complete by your self these situations( the fighting ) won't come up anymore. This seems like a far fetched idea but I'm trying this myself & I'm starting to feel better about myself & my ex. There are books you can read to achieve this only if you are open-minded enough to accept what is being taught. You are putting too much emphasis on him right now. Once you realize your own personal power. that you don't NEED anyone to make you happy you'll be better equipped to have this relationship or any other one for that matter. Good LUck!! Keep your chin up!! I hope this helped in some way.

Hi miss britt, I'm sorry but I have to agree with what has been said so far. I know you want him back I think we all want our ex's back but the plain & simple truth & believe me I had to be hit over the head with this, is you have to let go. What I mean by that is you HAVE to give him his space. Its VERY hard but he's never gonna miss you if you don't. During this time many things could happen. He could stay clean, go back to drugs, etc. The point is you have to let him fall on his own. This situation is not only bad for you, his child,& his fling, but it is also a very dangerous one. So please do what you have to but I suggest you leave him alone. Good Luck!!!

hey i just wanted to offer some words of encouragement. I know things seem awful right now. I am in your same situation. The site & the people on it are here to help you get through these tough times we can get there together. I know it seems like he has the power I feel the same about my situation but the only way to gain back that power is to go out have fun & pretend if you have to. The right guy probably isn't going to knock on your door so its best to keep going the best you can. I know how hard it is right now. I wish there was some other way myself but for now no contact is the best way. Don't answer when he calls. Let him wonder let him miss you. you never know what could happen. I hope you found some comfort in my words. Keep your chin up & remember you are not alone . We are always here for you!! God Bless