Ellie2006

I agree w/ CB; maybe this is a silly analogy, but if that were the case, wouldn't Hollywood be full of happy marriages?? Just my two cents ...

Glad to see you back Musicguy! See you around ENA!

Hey SW, I am a woman and what your ex did confused me too Unless she a) gives you a logical explanation for why she acted the way she did when you visited her last time and b) expresses her full committment to making things work w/ you, then I agree w/ Layword: you should cut your losses and move on ... On a separate note, what do YOU want? Do you want to try again w/ your ex? If so, ask her to explain her past behavior. If NOT, then NC? My two cents worth. Take care!

Hi Tommyt, How are you holding up? Hope you are feeling better today ... Tommyt, I hope you don't mind but I read through some of your other threads ... and it looks like this relationship has taken a toll on your emotional well-being for a long while now ... Tommyt, I wish I had something positive to say about the prospects of your relationship ... My two cents worth: I think you made the right decision: it's probably best for *you* if you let her go (as hard as it may be ... sorry This is neither here nor there but I speak from personal experience that it's very painful and ultimately impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who expresses uncertainty about wanting to be w/ you; as a matter of fact, it is very self-destructive to be w/ someone who is so indecisive. You really deserve better, wouldn't you agree? You DESERVE to be w/ someone who wants to be w/ you 100%! Now, are you still working w/ her? If you are, please try to avoid her, if you can, at the workplace and delete/block her from your messenger. It seems like NC would be best for now; some distance and time will help you gain clarity about the relationship (and how it was really not the best situation for you) The X-mas present exchange sounds very nice, but instead of meeting in person, maybe you can send it to her instead?? I fear that meeting her again at this point might be a step back in your road to recovery... Tommy, hang in there okay?? Take care and please let us know how we can help... Best wishes, Ellie

Hey Tommyt, Sorry you're hurting right now ... I am on my way out and will check back w/ you later but just a quick thought on the lyrics: my two cents but the lyrics, to me, doesn't seem like a "good-bye" but rather expresses a lot of doubt (and emotional turmoil) about the decision to say goodbye (if that makes sense??) If you really intend to say goodbye to your ex, maybe you should reconsider including these lyrics (although they are great lyrics!) bc IMO, they could be misconstrued ... Hang in there TommyT!

I agree w/ BeStrongBeHappy. *If* you are still in friendly contact w/ your ex, IMO, you could send an apology letter (w/o including too much detail about your current situation). I too think it would be nice to get a belated apology *IF* I was still in friendly contact w/ that person. Now, if I have NOT been in contact w/ this person for a very long time, I think I might be confused to receive such an apology, and even though the sentiments might be appreciated, I might question the person's motive for sending such an email/letter ... (That could just be me, though ...) If you do decide to reach out to your ex w/ this apology, I think you have to be prepared to receive no acknowledgement of your email/letter, if you have not been in contact w/ this person for a while ... Good luck and best wishes to you ...

Hey Wheelie, Sorry to hear about your situation w. your bf right now Re: the ex: may I ask who initiated the email contact 2 years ago and was it just a friendly "hello-how-are-you-doing" type of exchange? Also, was there a reason why you guys lost touch since then?

Hey HF, It sounds like a frustrating situation for sure! I do think you guys have a good case since she cancelled the check BEFORE they saw your work (which, IMO, implies that she perhaps intended to do this all along??) If she's doing this to someone else, maybe it will make your (and the other injured party's) case stronger if you filed your cases together?? Just my two cents worth ... In the meantime, I hope your gf is not too upset after seeing her friend's horrible behavior ... Yeah, i cannot fathom why this "friend" would jeopardize a 10 year friendship w/ someone ... and after such a happy event as a wedding ... Take care

JYAG, Another great one ... I love what you said about building walls in hopes that "you" care enough to climb over it ... I've done this too in the past ... only to have him climb back out, leaving me alone inside these walls of pain that I myself cannot seem to climb out of ... Keep writing!

ES, A very powerful poem indeed. I especially like these lines time/ you bled me dry/with my own emotion ...

Hey MG, I hear ya. I give up on guys. I give up on my job. But ... please let's not give up on life? Not just yet, anyway ... I'd like to see if life has anything better to offer ... What do you think?

JYAG, a very powerful poem ... although I must admit that I am quite saddened by it But I suppose that what good poetry is all about: allowing both the reader and the writer to experience a range of emotions.

Hey TTGB, I know I haven't posted on your thread but I've been following it ... That's great news about your date! Good luck and hope you have fun!

Hey HF, Did they, by any chance, write out what the check was in payment for? Even if they didn't, I think the check alone would be perceived as there being a contract in place (haha, I may be wrong of course. My legal info is solely derived from hours of watching People's Court and Judge Judy ) By the bye, maybe you could just email them and asking them what happened? (And don't forget to 'cc it to yourself and keep a record of it, if you do decide to go to court) I don't think one email would be construed as harassment. Maybe I am being naive, but perhaps there was a misunderstanding w/ the cancelling of the check? I don't think it wil be reflected as something negative on your part to settle this matter out of court first ... Plus, even if they were, for some reason, displeased w/ the photos and whatnot, if they were informed ahead of time that you guys were not "professionals," per se, I do think they are obligated to pay you for services rendered. Good luck!

Sending lots of "luck" your way!

Hey D, Don't know what else to tell you other than to hang in there ... You really gotta make yourself push through this: don't forget to be extra kind to yourself for a while: eat, exercise, sleep, get out and hang out w/ off-line friends, vent here, etc etc ... Sending best wishes your way ...

Hey there Mark, For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision; hanging out w/ an ex as friends is one thing but having to hang out w/ her parents as well ... frankly, that would have been too uncomfortable, IMO. One good thing now that you've RSVP'ed is that you don't have to think about this any more! You can focus on making better plans for the holidays! Best wishes to you and happy holidays!

Dil, just wondering ... how long have you been writing poetry?! This is great, by the way!

I totally agree w/ Annie. That said, I don't want to make this totally about you and your gf's behavior in class. Again, i think she is behaving in a questionable way and you should really think about it before taking all the blame for the way SHE acted ... It almost seems as though she is trying to guilt you into believing that you are at fault, which, to *me*, at least, doesn't seem to be the case ...

M, It seems like you're more upset that you angered your gf w/ your actions when you should perhaps be thinking about the way that she (over)reacted? I am NOT trying to cause trouble b/t you and your gf and I think it's nice that you're very attuned to her needs and wishes. Still, I think there are OTHER issues at hand here than you leaving the class ... (and this is neither here nor there, I suppose, but shouldn't she be concentrating in class, rather than worrying about you -- who aren't even enrolled in the class -- leaving class??) My two cents worth ...

Hey there Dan, Hope I didn't offend you or anything ... Truth be told, I have read some (but not all) of your threads so I am a bit vague on your history w/ your ex. BUT based on what I read from this thread alone (so please excuse me if I am a bit off base): you miss her so you contact her but contact w/ her is not decreasing your frustration w/ this situation. Contact w/ her is not helping to improve your situation w/ your ex. As a matter of fact, contact w/ her seems to be exacerbating your frustration w/ the situation bc she is disrespectful to you when you do contact her. Hence, I do believe, as hard as it is, you really should put distance between yourself and your ex. If this situation w/ your ex is really not about her at all but about your "inherent need to be w/ someone," then contact w/ her will not help you resolve this issue ... Distance w/ her will, though, bc it will allow you time and space to figure out things for yourself w/o her negative input ... Just my two cents worth. Good luck, okay? And sorry again if I overstepped my bounds.

Hey Massari, Okay, so she said it was a joke. Crisis averted. Maybe not. It is a bit confusing why she got SO upset (upset enough to write that email to you, although admittedly she deleted it so that you would not have to read it) just because you left her class to have a phone convo w. a friend. And plus, which ever way you cut it, the things that she says in that email are very troubling, to say the least. It seems as though you are making excuses for her ... you are her bf so this is understandable. Still, I think some of her actions are very questionable ... Just my two cents worth ...

Hey Drum, Hope you have a fun night w/ your friend. The movie/talk w/ Ed Norton sounds great! I am jealous! Hey, I hear ya about "Oneitis"! I caught it too but w/ my ex ... while we were together, it was great but now, it's just pathetic ... Drum, don't be like me Catch it w/ the "right" person for you ... Have fun~

Hi there Drum, Sorry you're hurting right now ... Like you, I "fight" to save relationships as well ... But there does come a time when we have to recognize, as painful as it may be, that what we're fighting for is no longer there any more ... It doesn't sound like you're ready to break up ... So please break up ONLY when you are ready. If you aren't ready but break up w/ her now, you're going to panic and feel guilty (about the b-day thing and X-mas) and second guess yourself and basically drive yourself crazy ... So take a couple days and really think this through ... On a side note, there is NEVER a good time for a break-up ... Like someone said above, if you are ready to break up, don't wait bc it's her b-day/X-mas/ or whatever ... Because there's always going to be a reason to postpone ... Will you postpone the inevitable until after New Year bc you don't want her to start the new year on the wrong foot? Will you postpone the inevitable until after February bc you don't want her to be alone during Valentine's Day? You get the picture. So take some time to think about this, if necessary. But once your mind is made up, then you got to push through ... Hugs to you and best wishes ...

Hey Kim, IMO, the husband/wife has to be a good mediator b/t his/her family and the spouse ... I do see that your fiance is making the effort to smooth things over w/ his parents ... but I don't think he's necessarily doing anything (from my limited perspective) to address your concerns ... and quite frankly, I do find this a bit disconcerting. Yes, maybe he CANNOT control his parents and what they do and what they say, but has HE himself apologized to you and your parents for how his parents hurt your family? What has he done to prove to you and your parents that his parents' opinions are theirs alone and he does NOT condone or want to make excuses for their atrocious behavior? And one more thing: re: couples counseling: I am not quite sure why he is kinda against it? I've seen a lot of couples go to couples counseling before they get married, whether it is through their church or just a regular counselor ... Just bc you go to a counselor, it does not necessarily mean you have a problem, per se. In most cases, IMO, couples go to address obvious or latent issues prior to getting married: in your situation, I may be off base here, but I feel as though you may be kinda resentful of the way he's handling the situation w/ his parents ... doesn't this merit the help of a counselor??