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Ellie2006

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Everything posted by Ellie2006

  1. Ellie2006
    Hey Chai28jm, This is great ... Just a thought but if you're writing about someone in your life, have you considered sharing this w/ her??
  2. Ellie2006
    Darkling, this is truly wonderful ...
  3. Ellie2006
    Hey Danman, I think Friscodj makes a very good point about your "inherent need to be w/ someone": I agree that maybe taking some time to think about what external factors might be driving this sense of urgency within you would be beneficial. Re: your ex: i may be off base here but i feel as though you, to a certain extent, are *allowing* her to be disrespectful towards you. I feel like you have given her too much power to hurt you time and again. PLEASE STOP!! TAKE THE POWER BACK!!! (haha, sorry for overemphasizing but thought it was crucial to get this point accross! ) Best wishes to you and happy holidays!
  4. Ellie2006
    Hey Shika, First off, hugs to you ... I know how you feel... I wish my ex had put more effort into making things work w/ me too ... But what can I do now? I can't change what's already happened. I've just accepted the fact that you really can't make your heart feel what it doesn't feel ... and the fact is that he was not feeling me, y'know? I can only take comfort in the fact that *I* did all that I possibly could do and IMO, that's all that anyone can ask for, really ... Hey, I read some of your other posts and you sound like a wonderful, intelligent, outgoing person with a lot to offer. So please don't be so down on yourself, okay? Shika, to be honest with you, I don't have any magic answers to make you feel better ... If I knew, I would be over my ex too already! How does that saying go: Fake it until you make it?? I guess it's all about tricking (?) ourselves into believing that we're okay. And reminding ourselves that who we are as a person cannot and should not be determined by one guy's inability to recognize our worth as gfs or as good people, y'know? Let's hang in there together, Shika! Best wishes to you ...
  5. Ellie2006
    And I just wanted to add: just as it take two people to be in a relationship, it usually takes two people to break it up ... Even though he may not acknowledge it, there cannot be a way that he did NOT contribute to the ending of your relationship ... But does it really matter if he acknowledges his fault or not?
  6. Ellie2006
    Hey Shika, If I may chime in here: I know exactly why me and my ex broke up. BUT that does NOT make it any easier to get over the break-up. Why? Because *I* am not letting myself get over the break-up ... I hope you don't think I am attacking you (excuse me in advance if this appears to be the case. It is not my intention at all) but I have highlighted above what, to *me* (and I acknowledge I may be off base), appears to be the issue. To *me*, it seems as though it is NOT so much that you don't know his specific reasons for the breakup. To *me* it seems as though you're more upset bc he will NOT acknowledge his part in the breakup. You speculate that he is placing the bulk of the blame on you. But if you analyze HIS reasons for breaking up w/ you, you can locate some of his contribution to the break-up. I don't think you're trying to make excuses for him above; again, in *my* opinion (and admittedly I may be wrong), you are trying to identify his contribution to the demise of your relationship (i.e. due to his lack of experience in relationships, he did not know how to successfully be in one). So maybe you can ask yourself this: could it be that what's bothering you is that you feel like he's placing all the blame of the break up on you when you feel like he contributed to the break up just as much? So as long as he acknowledges his part in the breakup, you perhaps would not care so much to delve into his reasons for breaking up w/ you? Just my two cents worth ....
  7. Ellie2006
    Ok, D, Let me get this straight: * She doesn't listen to you. * Nor does she care to listen to you. * She shows you that she could care less what you're saying by: a) interrupting you b) letting you know that she's distracted by the TV *She's immature * She's told you verbally for the first time, perhaps, but numerously via her actions that you should NOT stick around I don't mean to be harsh, but why do you want to get back together with her again?
  8. Ellie2006
    Hey there, I just wanted to chime in and say hang in there. Friscodj is giving you great advice; wouldn't it be great if we could simply do as he says?! Like someone else said on another thread, it sometimes takes a while for our hearts to catch up w/ our heads ... I do think that it's important to acknowledge and embrace these feelings of doubt and wide range of emotions that we experience post break-up; like you say, healing is definitely a *process* BUT then there does come a point when wallowing in post-break-up pain becomes too destructive ... It's okay to *feel* but please make sure it does not get out of hand, okay? Best wishes to you!
  9. Ellie2006
    Hey CaptainS, Hugs to you ... Hope you feel better soon. Re: your mom: I do think it's nice and really mature of you to recognize that your mom is not simply your *mom* but a person whose experiences -- good and bad -- shaped her into who she is. Hope she soon realizes how wonderful you are ... Sending happy thoughts and best wishes your way ...
  10. Ellie2006
    FA, I think you're in the perfect place to be having these questions and thoughts: you're in college, nearing graduation in a year or so and it's good that you're grappling with these issues now ... It's good that you have wonderful friends to talk about these issues ... One caveat: don't put off living and enjoying life *now* ... Best wishes to you! E 1:
  11. Ellie2006
    Haha, this may be waaay out there but your question reminded me of this story: There's this Chinese philosopher (Don't know the English version of his name ...) who once had a dream that he was a butterfly. Upon waking up, he questioned which was the dream and which was reality: he thought that perhaps, he was a butterfly having a dream about being a person ...
  12. Ellie2006
    Juliana, This is so beautiful ... It made me cry but good cryin' y'know?! Your poem really captures all that I am agonizing over right now. Thanks for sharing ...
  13. Ellie2006
    Hey S2S, Your amoeba example reminds me of the Matrix for some reason ... I don't find happiness boring ... maybe bc I haven't ever been happy long enough to get bored w/ it ... For the most part, I am content with my life but I don't consider myself happy or unhappy ... Guess it depends on how you define happiness, I suppose ... Haha, I feel like I am rambling here. Sorry!
  14. Ellie2006
    Good luck Kim. I really wish you the best. Yes, I don't think you should do anything drastic right now: like breaking up w/ your fiance. Maybe this is something you need more time to resolve *together* ... (I forget if you mention this in your OP but) have you considered couple's counseling? Maybe that would be helpful? Take care~
  15. Ellie2006
    Hi Kim, Sorry that you're hurting right now Now, if that was their *sole* reason, I think I can kinda see where they're coming from: although this may sound far-fetched, they may *feel* like they're imposing too much (monetarily) on friends and other relatives who will have to fly out to the wedding and buy gifts, perhaps. (from what I gather, they're not really contributing monetarily to your wedding, right?) That said, IMO, this is simply a way for them to rationalize their unfair request for you guys to postpone the wedding w/o making themselves look like they're bad or selfish ... I really can't add to the wonderful advice that's already been given but please hang in there okay and sorry that you're going through this. Weddings should only bring tears of joy and it's really unfair what they're doing. Hugs to you 1:
  16. Ellie2006
    Hey Spugly, I hear ya! I am scared of heights and i always get freaked when the plane is taking off ... i think what scares me is seeing the ground grow progressively distant! So I keep the shades down ... plus (now, I do not necessarily recommend this but) I don't sleep the night before I have to fly so that I basically conk out as soon as I board the plane!! I guess sleeping pills will do the trick as well ... Once we're in the air, though, I am fine since, like Robowarrior says, it's more boring than a bus ride Bon voyage!
  17. Ellie2006
    Hey BlueAngel, Sorry to hear you're feeling kinda blah these days ... I've caught your posts here and there and continued to be awed by the "brilliance" (!!!) that shines through your posts! Anyway, "brilliance" sometimes does not translate well into the rigid curricula of secondary schools ... but it never "fades" ... The brilliance of your mind and your kind soul *always* shines brightly for those who care to look ... be it your family, friends, teachers, even total strangers! Feel better soon BlueAngel and Happy Turkey Day!
  18. Ellie2006
    I agree with DYT ... What it ultimately boils down to is this: are you guys willing to compromise? I too hope things work out for you and your gf and that you two can come up with a solution to this issue that you *both* can be happy with ... E
  19. Ellie2006
    I wish I could've resorted to aversion therapy but never could ... Not that he was perfect, of course but there wasn't anything about him that I really disliked or found annoying I think what ultimately helped me was repeating to myself the final category of BlueAngel's list: "Why I Needed to Say Goodbye" Time and NC helped too, of course ...
  20. Ellie2006
    Hey Teddybear, Oh no, this is not what I meant at all ... I was simply saying that if she wants to be a stay-at-home mom and he wants his wife/gf to work, then they are, perhaps, not compatible ... I didn't mean to sound like I was passing judgment on stay-at-home moms!!
  21. Ellie2006
    Hey Bitterbear18, If you *want* to salvage your relationship, then don't give up yet! Hope you don't feel like I am being harsh here but could you be sending her mixed messages?? You said that you don't mind being the "breadwinner" on the condition that you have the money. BUT now, since you don't, you want her to contribute. I don't know where the miscommunication occurred but maybe she resents the fact that you told her you'd be the "breadwinner" but now is expecting her to pay for half? Well, if I may ask, why is she only expressing resentment WHEN she knows that you are doing your best?! Why do you think that your discussions about these issues keeps devolving into an argument ?? Sorry if I sound like a broken record but: a) if she does NOT want to work right now b) and she is only working right now to pay rent c) and she places the blame on YOU for having to work right now (and perhaps in the future) when she does NOT want to work d) and you two are not in a position for her to quit her job, now or in the foreseeable future e) and you guys cannot seem to reconcile this issue ... I think you have your answer right there ... Just my two cents worth, though. I *do* hope you guys can work through this issue!
  22. Ellie2006
    To be honest, I can't quite understand ... if she equates money with control, why would she want to relinquish her control by having you pay for everything? (Maybe I am missing something here ) For what it's worth, I *personally* don't agree w/ your gf. Maybe she thinks that the man should be the sole breadwinner and the woman should taken care of. I may not necessarily agree with her but it doesn't matter if I agree w/ her or not. WHat matters is do YOU agree w/ her? Do YOU think that the man should be the sole breadwinner OR Do YOU want more of an equal partnership type of deal? If she wants the former and you want the latter, then this is a compatibility issue, no? So do you think this is an issue that can be resolved or not?
  23. Ellie2006
    I don't think you're out of your mind. Not a tiny bit ... But I really don't know much about your relationship w/ your gf so I couldn't really say if her expectations are fair or not ... How long have you guys been dating and did you guys *discuss* (not argue) any of this before? Did your gf say from the get-go that she expects the man to be the breadwinner (or words to that effect)?
  24. Ellie2006
    If I am understanding this correctly (please correct me if I am getting this wrong): she would expect you to pay for EVERYTHING if your salary was higher but since you're not, she's saying that she's actually doing *you* a favor by paying half of your collective living expenses??
  25. Ellie2006
    May I ask what, then, is the argument about? If you want to live there full time and go halvsies on everything -- rent, utilities, groceries, etc etc -- then what's the problem?? Or maybe I should ask, what problem does your gf have w/ putting your name on the lease and giving you a key, if you are willing to do all that?! Maybe it's more about this whole "living together" thing that's troubling her?
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