perfectlyperfectless

hi...so my life has been really stressed lately and it seems like im screwing up at everything...my grades SUCK, my family is reallyyyy stressed due to the fact that my grandfather has brain cancer and is going to die..which dosnt help, my best friend and i keep getting into reallly stupid fights, i cant seem to feel like a normal person, whatever i do dosnt seem to be good enough...so all that combined i just want to cut, which i havnt done in a while....grrr sorry theres no point to this...just venting

thanks and i guess i know that i shouldnt feel bad, but deep down inside i cant help but to feel like that, and i dont know how to get over that. also i should probly clear somthing up....shes not a * * * * and went out and got preg she was at a party and had a lil toooooo much to drink and someone took advantage of that, well in some peoples minds i guess they would consider that a * * * * but yea....

my best friend became preg last school year and didnt tell anyone, she did however tell me about 2 months into it. but heres the thing, the entire time she used drugs and alcohol HEAVILY and eventually ended up losing the baby around 4 months. and now looking back on it, i should have done so much more than i did, i should have stopped her. and i know that its not my fault for what happened but i cant help feeling guilty because i didnt do anything. now she's really upset (2 months later ...after she got clean) that she killed her baby, and i want to help her, i really do...but her actions most likely were the cause, and I feel bad myself because i know that i could have done more to help. so i dont know, should i feel guilty? ~?~

thank you for your responses as an answer no, i dont know of anythng that happened to trigger it, shes never had a very good home life however. and we already are talking and similar to what we were before all this happened...just not when the whole subject of drugs comes up plus i know that if she is still on anything, it isnt nearly as bad as it was. so i guess my next question is how do i begin to forgive her?

My best friend and i have been friends since we were in the 6th grade, and we are now in highschool. However this past year she became very active in drug use and spent probly 6 months of the school year in a drug and alcohol induced daze. During this she did horrible things to those who loved her. She said horrible unforgivable things to me, her "best friend". And at one point told me that she hated me and told me exactly what kind of a person i was, which consisted of horrible things. She showed up to winter finals stoned off her @$$. The worst day that i can remember, she was at lunch and just nobody was home. she would laugh at the air and everyone at our table just kinda looked at each other. To make a very long story shorter this continued for those 6 months and the only reason she "quit" was b/c she got caught by an old teacher that she respected. she would often claim that she was off but then it was obvious that she wasnt and she'd admit to it. Now about 3 months later she's had a few "slips" back into oxi and pot....well that i know of. and now she wants to put it all behind us. and i want to, i really truly do, and i want to trust her like i did before, but she's lied to my face soooooo many times and her last "slip" was only a couple weeks ago so its not really in the past. Plus i cant get over the fact that shes supposed to be my best friend and she said all that to me and she lied to me that much and she has never really truly appoligized however she has sat and listened to some of what i wanted to say about it. She lost alot of good friends for those few that only liked her high, and she now realizes that. i really want to forgive her, and i really want to put it in the past b/c she is my best friend and i love her, but i cant. and i know thats really crappy of me but im not even sure if she is off off or what the future holds. ](*,) so if u have any suggestions or similar stories, they would greatly be appriciated ~confussed~