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Aschleigh

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  1. Aschleigh
    That's really hard. It seems seeing her and talking to her just hurts you. You may have to lose the friendship to gain some peace of mind. Give yourself some space. Find some friends it doesn't hurt to be around. Talk to lots of other girls, one of them will be interested. It takes time to heal after a break up. Lots of time. Seeing her and talking to her is just opening the wound. I understand not wanting to lose the friendship. That;s the risk when you take a friendship and turn it into a relationship. You gave it your best shot? Be good to yourself, Do the stuff you want to do without her. Give it time.
  2. Aschleigh
    Just gently tell you you want to be there for her and ask her what , if anything you can do. I understnad having anxiety and being affraid to show my boyfriend that side of me. But I also want him to be able to love all sides of me. In an intiimate moment tell her you are ready to see all sides of her and love them all. Don't go away, use this and any difficulties you have to get closer. If she is lonely she probably wants company but doesn't want to ask for it. Aside from being affraid you will see the anxiety and get scared away.
  3. Aschleigh
    If this is serious I would suggest moving to be near him soon. Long distnace relationships I find are fraught with this kind of longing, non-monogamy, frustration. Can you move to be with him and then continue school there? There is no way to tell what will happen if you open the can of "taking a brake from momagamy". All sorts of feelings appear when you have sex with someone. It's a huge risk to the relationship that you want to be permanent. If you must , I would have sex with someone you definitely don't care about and never tell your boyfriend. If you open things up into an open relationship, he will have sex with other women. Women who will become attached. Women who will be physically there when you are not. Women who will become his physically available girlfriend.
  4. Aschleigh
    No it's not easy. I have known communication is the key to any relationship for a long time and I am still working on it. Perhaps there are some things to not communicate. I don't know when to say something and when not to. I tend to err on the side of too much communication. It bothers my boyfriend becuase we are always talking about us. But if I need to say something I will say it. I grew up in a house where things were left unsaid, lots of things. I don't want to live like that. I am in the process of dealing with childhood neglect issues. I am learning how my past is influencing my present. Please read Conscious Loving by Gay and Kathryn Hendricks. It's all about telling the truth in your relationships and 100% being present in your life. Which ofcourse is a huge ,daunting, life long process. I think it's worth it though.
  5. Aschleigh
    Ok everyone back to what WORKS in your marriage. Not what doesn't work. Not communicating DOESN'T work, got it. Commincation is key. I can't imagine a relationship without communication. Although I am the one that brings things up, we communicate. A big things to consider is , if you believe you deserve the best relationship you can have, you will pursue it.
  6. Aschleigh
    What do you consider Intimacy? How do you pursue it in your relationship? How do you maintain it over the long term? How do you deal with someone who isn't ready or doesn't know how to communicate their feelings? Is Intimacy important to you? Is it important to your partner? What have you done to stay connected to your partner over the long term?
  7. Aschleigh
    thanks shadow 25. I tried to e-mail you but your settings don't allow it. Thanks for being so positive. I will try to chill and let him love me and deal with my own issues of anxiety. I have a great guy and I will do what it takes not to screw things up.
  8. Aschleigh
    Also have you been able to talk about your issues with her or a therapist and figured out how to deal with them?
  9. Aschleigh
    Ask yourself if you want her with all that comes with her, her past, being with other men while you were broken up Or not have her at all?
  10. Aschleigh
    He's 23, I'm 29. It's not a huge gap. He's pretty mature for 23. But I am pretty mature for 29. I worry that he's not ready for a full on committed relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am the only adult in our relationship, and it's not fair to ask more of him than he can give. I love him very much. I love his youthfulness. I love his heart. I wonder if that's enough. We've been together 6 months. I have some separate issues with trust and being able to rely on people. I am working on them. I can try to respect his need to move very slow. Sometimes I think he's in my life to teach me to move a bit slower. This is the best relationship I have ever been in so I get excited and want to be together all the time. I get anxious when I haven't seen him a couple of days. I also get upset when he sees his ex-girlfriend.( which happens every couple of months) He isn't cheating on me. It makes me feels uncomfoortable though. I guess taking it day by day is what I need to do. Does anyone have experience with dating a young, yet very wonderful man?
  11. Aschleigh
    Definitely start with lots of foreplay and then go down on her for the longest time. When she is really aroused then have vaginal sex. Make sure she knows you want to make her feel good, you have all the time in the world to do so and work on your oral skills.
  12. Aschleigh
    If you two are so different in that she associates sex solely with marriage and cocieving and you want a sexual relationship right now, I don't see how a relationship with her would work. Unless you get married right now. Perhaps you could expand your horizons, meet some other girls, date, see what feels right to you. And then see what her reaction is. Stay in touch but date other people, start a relationship with someone who is on the same page as you sex wise.
  13. Aschleigh
    As a women I feel being married kicks up the committment level a notch. I would be happy to live with someone with the possibility of marriage in both of our minds. The legal BS is actually very benificial to children if the relationship doesn't work out. I learned that the hard way , my parents weren't married. Although together for 10 years, I was born after 5. My Dad split and getting child support from him was impossible , since he moved states. Finally , like 11 years later, he got a job with a federal agency and they garnished his wages. Marriage protects kids. marriage says to friends and family, this is a formal contract to love and honor each other, not just fun shacking up together anymore. Marriage strengthens some relationships, weakens others.
  14. Aschleigh
    Don't spare me the details. What works? What doesn't work? How do you resolve conflict? How do you stay connected? How do you manage your time? How do deal with anger ? What is the essense of of a working marriage?
  15. Aschleigh
    You could ask her to make sure not to tell you anything her exes have said about her sexually. I find it better to not talk about or relay what exes have said into a new relationship. Maybe wait a bit until your not so angry and then calmly tell her it bothered you and would you please not do it again.
  16. Aschleigh
    It's a bit suspicious. I would either ask her why she is calling or ignore it. What ever feels best to you. You're dating , moving on, what's the use of talking jewelry cleaner with an ex you know you don't want to be with. She's testing the waters.
  17. Aschleigh
    This is why guys remain single. You don't get women, that's ok. I will let you in on a big secret: We love it when someone nice likes us. We like hearing how special we are to you. We want to talk about cute loving things and be in love. It seems you are affraid of rejection. You are already rejecting any chance you have by not talking to her. Think of it this way: If you risk telling her you like her, your chances are 50/50. Even better since your friend said she likes you. If you say nothing, you have no chance of ever knowing what could be. Rejection isn't that bad. It hurts the ego a bit. Not knowing what could have been: that should scare the * * * * out of you!
  18. Aschleigh
    Let's be positive and list some of the great things about our relationships or about our Signifigant others. Me first: 1. I can tell him anything and he will listen. 2. He makes me laugh 3. He pays for stuff ( I appriciate this lately a bunch , since I'm unemployed. 4. He is the best at giving oral sex I have ever felt in a man 5. He's thoughtful, he thinks things through, he's smart and open to new experiences and information. bonus 6: having this relationship gives my life balence, focus, hope for things I had stopped hoping for.
  19. Aschleigh
    Being incaple of getting pregnant is the point. It's 99.9% effective. I am on it and I get a bit of spooting sometimes but not a full on period. The Depo-provera stops ovulation, so there's no egg to fertilize. I find that it causes some moodiness. There's a site webMD that has a lot about Depo-provera shots. I like it becuase I have to deal with it once every three months.
  20. Aschleigh
    The main thing now is to take care of yourself. Get yourself into counseling so you have an outlet for all this drama. You can be an example of how to deal with conflict by getting help and learning tools use with your family. Encourage your little sister to also get counseling too. Can the eldest sister be of any help? Can she go to your mother and ask her as an outside observer to get help for all of you. Maybe she could explain that by letting the depressioned sister get away with everything in the name of her depression, she isn't doing her any favors. I have been very depressed. I also had to learn to get heklp and treat people with respect if I wanted respect back. It's a real possibility your one sister is so depressed she has lost some control of her actions and is lashing out at all of you , even if she feels bad about it afterward. uncontrollable anger is definitely a sign of depression. Either way, this is more than you can handle on your own. Get help from low cost or no cost counseling services. She may ne an anti-depressant to help curb her anger. You're Mom is so overwhlemed it seems she has checked out and isn't dealing with reality. Use your oldest sister, proeffessional counselors, whatever it takes to give her a wake up call .
  21. Aschleigh
    yes, I think just beng a great girlfriend and chilling out is a good idea. I am so excited to finally be in a great relationship with someone I love so much. I dated a lot and this is the first time I have felt like this. I also have some abandonment issues from childhood to deal with. I have been pretty hurt by the people who said them loved me. Those issues come up when I get into an intimate relationship. I am learning to trust again, I am learning to let things go. I am trying to be 100% present and loving , becuase he really deserves it. It's so hard for me to believe that I also deserve a great relationship too. I have self-esteem isssues too aparently. So we'll see. One day at a time.
  22. Aschleigh
    So I have fallen in love with a 23 year old. The age gap is only 6 years. Which is a bit now but as time goes on I hope it gets less important. I worry though. I think I scared him a bit talking about marriage. I have dated a lot, since I was 16, that's 13 years. I have never found someone I love more than him. He has only dated 3 people in 4 years of dating. He's very mature for his age, but a mature 23 year old guy is still not near a mature 29 year old women. One thing about our relationship I have to consider is that I will have to wait much longer than I want to to get married or have kids. He won't be ready for a long time. I want to be with him for years before we have kids, so I can feel like I really know him and have deveolped a great foundation before adding kids to the mix. But he won't be ready for that stuff for 10 years possibly. Ofcourse we could break up much before that. Also my own insecurites come up, What if I wait for him to be ready and then we break up and I am in my thirties and starting all over. We have been together for 6 months. We are still in the getting to know each other, figuring out if this is real stage. I want to respect his pace, but I being older am ready to move much faster. I know he's the one. I could committ today and do my best to honor that committment . How do I slow down, be patient , when I know this is soo right? Is the age gap even an issue or is just our diifernces of experience? How do I trust things are really good and moving along at a good pace? This is my first great relationship, I am so happy, but a little uneasy too. I will do whatever I can to make it work. Any tips are appriciated.
  23. Aschleigh
    But you may be looking for a deeper emotionality too. Like she likes to keep things not heavy, perhaps even shallow. It's like the difference being seeing someone and being in a full on relationship. Perhaps you want the relationship emotions and connection that full disclosure of your feelings bring. And she wants to take things slow, or she is uncomfortable with deep emotions. It also depends how long you have been together. Maybe you are ready to move to another level in the relationship and she is not. Either way, why not talk to her about these things. See if even talking about feelings and emotionally connecting makes her feel a bit uncomfortable.
  24. Aschleigh
    My boyfriend is always telling me how beautiful I am. How to say this delicately: I model, I keep in shape. I am used to men saying I am beautiful but mostly it means nothing if they just see the outside and never see any inner beauty. Usually they says it becuase they want something from me and I have learned to ignore it. My boyfriend knows me inside and out and still says I am beautiful, that means something to me. I think he is handsome and adorable. I also think there are more important things than that about him. I think looks are not as important to women. I think women in general , me for sure, want someone to love us and who can be relied on in difficult times. I see many beautiful women with homely men. But if he makes her happy, why wouldn't she be with him. I definitely suggest approaching beautiful women, they are people. We get lonely, we want company, we want to be loved. If you offer those things , chances are she will appriciate it.
  25. Aschleigh
    I wouldn't recomend a Friend with sex thing to anyone but particularly not with an ex who is having a very emotional time with her daughter. She's very vulnerable right now. If you don't see anything working in the long term than why pursue anything more with her. You are moving away soon. I think it will just hurt her and you more to remain in a relationship of any kind if you are planning on leaving and not being with her in a serious way in a few months. It's probably time to move on.
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