Jump to content

Aschleigh

Gold Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    868

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Aschleigh

  1. Aschleigh
    How long have you been together? If you are having serious reservations pretty early on , I suggest listening to them. If he is possesive, sontrolling and jealous than why is he so trustworthy? As busy as you are having time alone together is very important, it's essential to having a relationship.
  2. Aschleigh
    yeah, unfortunately kids are much more fascinating that pilot's licenses. It's genetics, it's being able to see a human grow into an adult. Society is pretty invested in children, it's neccesary. Maybe get some time alone with your parents, take them to lunch, sometime away from the kids.
  3. Aschleigh
    I have been irratated, sometimes angry with my Boyfriend about his relationship with his ex girlfriend. We were talking about it the other night and he said he felt attacked, that I was telling him he was doing something wrong. I felt so sad. I need to be able to tell him about what bothers me, but I can't attack him. I can't hurt him. I wasn't taught how to express anger healthily growing up. I was yelled at. When I was angry my Mom ignored me or told me to get over it. I don't want to repeat this pattern with my boyfriend who I love very much. He isn't doing anything wrong. He's just making a decision I don't like much. We keep talking things out so that's good. But what are some strategies for expressing anger, even arguing if neccesary without the meaness, or balming or anyone feeling hurt?
  4. Aschleigh
    Don't be affraid to show or communicate your love. It's fine to call mid-week. It's fine to say I love you. There's not enough love in the world. Add to it. If she is freaked out by your love, she isn't really into you. I know as a women, I am always yearning for more communication. More expressions of feelings. She's probably worried you will be uncomfortable if she moves forward: Communicates more directly, calls more often, says certain things. Don't be affraid. Be in LOVE , if that's what you are.
  5. Aschleigh
    You have a right to feel whatever you are feeling. Unfortunately this will take a lot of patients to resolve. If you are committed to working things out with her, she will need time to think about and decide what she wants. You could give her an ultimatum. But it seems it would only be in jest since you want to be with her so much. You could tell her everything you have told us here and see what her reaction is. I wouldn't be comfortable going back into a relationship with her while she is still talking to and seeing the other guy daily. Tell her this really bothers you. She probably would like to have both of you. Which isn't fair to you. She may be confused. I guess my point is to get it all out on the table, be really honest with her how you feel. That you want to make things work , but it won't work if she is in contact with the other guy. And then wait and see what she does. She may not want to be in a relationship with you anymore but is recieving pressure from her family to work it out. Is she very young? very independent? She may find being single and not in either relationship suits her. Be clear with what you want and what you are willing to accept. Be honest with yourself .
  6. Aschleigh
    But not a single one called Intimacy , which is one of the biggest issues in a relationship. And yet very misunderstood. I'll bet some the forum have been here since the beginning of Enotalone and they all could be taken a new look at. Nothing wrong with evolving and changing as the needs of the people or the site evolve and change. I wrote an earlier post about how negetive Enotalone was. How mired in problems everyone seemed to be. And how refreshing it would be to concentrate on solutions. It would take some strong leadership to move in that direction.
  7. Aschleigh
    Intimacy is a separate topic from all those other issues I mentioned. There's a lot of things people could talk about under Intimacy. Like the fear of, how to, why we want it so badly, when do you know you have it, what is it. That;s a big one, Most people still think Intimacy is sex. Which is why more discussion about should be facilitated. You would be helping people gain knowledge about Intimacy if you set up an Intimacy forum.
  8. Aschleigh
    ok everyone. Let's say you had a SO and they weren't comfortable giving you oral sex. They thought it was gross. This person is an adult by the way, not a teenager or anything. Would you say that's just fine , I'll live without oral sex for the duration of this relationship? Some may do just that, keep their wants to themselves so as to not offend or pressure anyone into doing anything they don't want. I'm a 29 year old women and I won't even date a guy that wasn't really into giving oral sex. It's that important . It depends how important being able to have sex ( it seems at all) is with her boyfriend. He says it's the blood but even when there's no blood he's not into it. Whatever it is, It needs to be addressed. Whether she is pressuring him to have sex or trying to talk about their sex life and get some resolution about the frequentcy of sex in their sex life, she has a right to say what she needs and wants from this relationship. It's not her problem to deal with, it's their problem to deal with. He may be feelinf depressed and isn't sexually interested right now, maybe he just started having sex with someone else and doesn't like the back and forth. The point is to talk about it with your boyfriend and possibily resolve it.
  9. Aschleigh
    Becuase intimacy is a big deal. I think it should get it's own space. Anyway, I am reading a great book. Conscious Loving by Gay and Kathryn Hendricks. Not meaning to do publicity for them but their concepts are awesome. That basically when we get close to another human being all sorts of issues will naturally come up : Trust issues, authoriy issues, self-esteem, long repressed feelings coming to the surface, sexual issues. That as these things come up we have a choice, either to deal with them openly, honestly , with respect and taking full responsibilty for our lives or we reject them, not dealing with them while withholding our love, withdrawing from the relationship and projecting the problems onto your partner. It's about being totally honest and transparent, so that little things never become big things. And we are fully alive and ackowledging of our own feelings and thereforeeee much more able to be there for our partners than when we withdraw, go numb, lie , etc.. It's really interesting work on Intimacy. Why we are all in search of it but why we recoil from it in fear often when we find it. I am in a new relationship , so this stuff is really interesting to me. What do you all think of the above concepts? And can we get a whole forum for intimacy, please!
  10. Aschleigh
    I think the first thing to do is be really honest with yourself and both men. The 3 year guy should be informed of al that is going on with you. Tell him everything you told us. Also tell the new guy about your conflcit and feelings for your boyfriend. Unless and until everything is all out on the table, nobody can make an informed decison about what they need to do. So, no more secrets. Do you want this dishonesty to continue with the boyfriend or overshadow your new relationship? Come clean with everyone involved.
  11. Aschleigh
    Alcoholics often don't recognize they need help until they lose something dear to them becuase of their drinking. If you said to her: I am uncomfortable getting married unless we deal with your drinking . She may respond. If you do mothing and allow this behavior to progress, you are enabling her. Also , this is hurting you. Acknowledging your own feelings of fear, sadness, anger might be helpful. Getting some counseling for yourself might be good. You are seeing someone you love self-destruct, that's scary. Do you want to be in a relationship where either one of you self-destructs or one where you support each other to live the best lives you possibly can?
  12. Aschleigh
    One thing that helped me relax and have an orgasm was knowing my boyfriend was really into it and wanted to go down on me. How about you say to her: I really like going down on you. I am happy to take the time it takes to learn how to and make you cum. It's ok if it takes experimenting. I'm into it." Also , what works for me is if I tell my boyfriend when to stop and start and how hard to use his tongue. Ask her a lot questions. Tell her you really want to know what makes her feel good. Be patient. I now know that my boyfriend needs to gradually increase the pressure on my clit. But only to a point and then lay off for a few seconds or a minute and then start again. The first orgasm is very slight but still feels good. Then be backs off for a bit and then starts again, a little bit harder this time. Then the 2nd orgasm is a little bit stronger, and so on. I was to shy to speak up at first about what I want. It took a lot of encouragement. Mostly it's about communication. It's her body, she has to tell you the microscopic : yes right there, no a little to the left, harder, faster, slow down, details. This will take some time. But what a good time it is!
  13. Aschleigh
    Sex is messy. Or it can be, especially if it's wild and fun and lots of bodily fluids are getting together in the process. I really think you can say clearly and without apology: I need to have sex 4 weeks a months not 3 or 2 and a half. Menstral blood is clean and healthy and reminds us we are not pregnant and that our bodies are working as they should. Really, get a boyfriend that can deal with messiness. Emotions get messy, babies are messy, tell him to grow up.
  14. Aschleigh
    1: I am proud of myself for the work I have done, coming out to california, getting into the TV production business, finding a good apartment, paying my bills, being independent 2: I am so lucky and happy to have found a very loving boyfriend. I am proud that I have felt my feelings about us and him even when it was hard. I am proud I have told the truth and have grown a lot in the 6 months that we have been together. 3: I am proud of myself for walking almost every day and eating healthy food. 4: I am proud of myself for going to counseling and dealing with my feelings about my mom and my boyfriend and myself.
  15. Aschleigh
    You may be an empath. A person who is very empathetic and can feel other people's feelings. Sometimes people want to feel a connection or kinship and they find it's easy to talk to you. I would suggest going to www tribe net , and looking up empath, Or The Laws of attraction. Which is a movie about how we attract like energy into our life. The best way to attract positivity into our life is to be a positive person ourselves. Right out a list of your best quailities, your goals, etc.. Keep thinking positive thoughts, they will come back to you.
  16. Aschleigh
    I am a women and it's taken me anywhere from a couple of hours to 3 years to feel ok with having sex with someone. Although I wasn't always comfortable with the people I had sex with soon after meeting them, I still wanted to have sex. My current boyfriend and I had sex after knowing each other for a couple of days. I felt very comfortable with him very fast. And I was lonely too, so that was a factor. And I was bored. I think as you get older you know your own mind and body better and can make quicker decisions about who is cool to have sex with and who is not. I have made a couple of bad decisions. Not terrible, but decisions that could have been better.
  17. Aschleigh
    You certainly have a right to be mad. Did you tell him how you feel? You seem to be feeling sexually neglected. His loss of interest in sex is a real problem if you want to have a sexual relationship with him. I feel like sex is important in a relationship. I can deal with my boyfriend's cum on me and in me. He can deal with a little blood. Talk to your boyfriend or do a little strip tease in front of him or write him a sexy love letter. If he doesn't respond , getting a new boyfriend may be in order. Let's unite as women and say : not having sex during our periods is unacceptable. Especially if they ever want a blow job again.
  18. Aschleigh
    I don't know if there's a direct connection. But sometimes When I orgasm I can feel a quiver in my upper lip. It's possible.
  19. Aschleigh
    I think I have learned from my Mom's relationships and other people that realtionship are hard work. That anything worth doing will take lots of hard work to do. I am in a relationship now where I feel the work is worth it. I am also working with a therapist on my own issues that my boyfriend and our relationship bring up in me. I get overwhelmed by the feeling I have to fix things or monitor them or do something to maintain them or they will fall apart. I was single for 6 years before this boyfriend came into my life. I get affraid that he will leave me or our relationship won't be great unless I change some things about me. It makes it hard to just relax and know he's there for me. It's only been 6 months, with some bumps in the road already. Maybe it takes longer to really settle in and trust all will take care of itself. I don't need to constantly be working on it. But I much prefer this to being single.
  20. Aschleigh
    I would be more concerned with the PO box thing that he didn't tell you about. Watching porn isn't particularly healthy in my opinion but maybe just a phase with him. Either way you need to talk to him openly about your concerns. You have a child and your own health to take care of. You may need some couples counseling. Or if you have a trusted mutual friend or family member to talk to together. Don't just ignore it ,if it bothers you , speak up.
  21. Aschleigh
    I've realised lately that I like him to the point at which I'd say I love him, but I didn't bank on him being so into me. He's not possessive or jealous particularly, but someone loving you so much places a stupid amount of responsibilty on you. I have much power to hurt him, it freaks me. I'm almost mad at him... "What right do you have to love me and want me so much? What a freak you are, you didn't warn me 10 months ago..." is how my mind is working. above is from another post. I am wonderinng if loving someone so much places presure on them . I love my boyfriend a lot. I think he gets stressed out when I get emotional. When I talk about how much I love him. I think he would like to be more casual but that's not who I am. Am I putting too much pressure on him by being so loving? He's 23 .
  22. Aschleigh
    Do follow your heart. Be the person you want to be regardless of the reaction you get from this girl or any other. You love her, that's not wrong. It's very hard to give someone space when you love them. Be honest with her. What if everyone just dropped all these NC , LC, leaving cards, etc.. games and talked to each other. And told her how you feel. She may not feel the same way but at least you would be being honest and authentic. Which is far more important than that relationship or any other one. BE you, trust that that is enough.
  23. Aschleigh
    what country do you live in? Is your roomate ok with all this attention? Does he return your feelings?
  24. Aschleigh
    the chances are that you meet him and all that chemistry goes out the window because he says charming things and looks good in a picture doesn't mean he attractive in real life. He's probably much older looking than you think in real life . And not aatractive. That's how it usually goes for me, meeting people offline. Reality is so different than the internet.
  25. Aschleigh
    I think you have already told your wife " we need to get help" right? She won't go to counseling. She won't do what it takes to make your marriage work. Perhaps one more ultimatum, we have to go get help or i am leaving is appropiate. I would also come clean about the infidelity. If you are to have an honest intimate relationship with either of these women, honesty, everything being on the table is neccesary. It seems like you have tried. Your wife is unwilling to do the neccesary steps to maintaining a helathy relationship. In fact she is in total denial you have any marital problems at all. Even though she's not having sex with you and you constantly argue. She needs a wake up call. your own mental health is the priority. You are no good to your children if you are suffering in a terrible marriage. That's not a good example for them. Get it all out in the open. No more secrets. She what her ( your wife's) reaction is to reality and go from there.
×
×
  • Create New...