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Aschleigh

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Everything posted by Aschleigh

  1. Aschleigh
    I would pose my underwear for $500. I've had much harder jobs for much less money.
  2. Aschleigh
    I would confront her about this, in a gentle way though. tell her that sex is a significant part of the relationship you want to be in and that you need to find a solution to this. She probably has a problem that doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe she has a history of molestation for all you know . She obvisiously has issues with sex that she isn't tell you about. Make it clear you need to know the truth so you can deal with it and not have all this mystery. Give her a chance to come clean or think about moving on.
  3. Aschleigh
    Give your guy some space to go on a date with another women? When I have cooked dinner for a man it was date. I would ask him what's up and tell him that this makes you very umcomfortable.
  4. Aschleigh
    I already asked him to remove her. it had bothered me for months, so I finally said something. He wouldn't change anything unless I ask. He isn't big on change. It was ok I think. I will see him tonight see how things go.
  5. Aschleigh
    I know you guys are trying to be helpful but he is wunderful in so many ways. I am not breaking up with him. I was wondering if I was fair in asking him to take her off his myspace account.
  6. Aschleigh
    I don't totally trust him. I have a hard time trusting and it's been 7 months and I don't know if I would completely trust anyone in 7 months. He fills a lot of my needs. Not all of them but some. I have to fill the rest of them on my own. I love him very much. There is much work to be done with our relationship but I am wanting to do the work.
  7. Aschleigh
    He didn't cheat. But he went on a date without telling me. He lied to me. He has apologized for lieing to me.
  8. Aschleigh
    It bothers me that my boyfriend has women on his friends list that he dated breifly while we were also dated. He tried to sleep with her but she wouldn't let him. This was done behind my back. He didn't tell me that he " wanted to see other people" until he had already gone out with her. That was in the first 3 months of relationship. Now we're back on track and things are monogamous. I asked him to remove her from his friends list becuase it reminds me of a bad patch with him that hopefully we are over. And it irratates him that this irratates me. He's smart so he asks: is this the real issue . I have to admit, I wonder if he still talks to her , what's going on with him, where we stand monogamy wise. He assures me we are good, he doesn't talk to her at all, etc.. So I'm glad I brought it up, it worked out, I feel better. Do you think it's appropriate to take other women you have some past with off your myspace, other web-sites, if it offends your girlfriend? Do you think I should even mention it? He has another ex on his list who is not over him . He talks to her occasionally. . But when I look at his page, there she is. It bothers me a bit. I don't want to start even a small argument over it. It's not worth it, but there's got to a way to express it well. Any suggestions?
  9. Aschleigh
    My first impression is why would I wait around for 8 years to see if my boyfriend wanted to marry me. She is 31. It may be that she expected to be married by this time. 8 years is a long time to wait for your boyfriend to propose. Why have you waited that long? Did you not want to marry her until recently?
  10. Aschleigh
    If you wait until you have a committed relationship to have sex you can wait for a long time. The original poster's age says 36. I have learned so much about myself, my limits, pleasure, who I am through having sex. Not having sex is like denying yourself pleasure. It's denying yourself the chance to learn about your body. It also denies the men who would like to have a committed relationship and sex concurrently. It also relieves stress and bonds you to a person in a way little else will. If it's not religion that keeps you have having sex, it must be the bad attitude about men. Also ,( could be a different person) no drugs ever. No advil for headaches or broken bokes. Nothing to relieve any pain at all. It seems to go with the no sex denial thing. Pain and denial is good, sex is bad. These are not just religious ideas, they are ideas of all the people who are anti-fun, anti-pleasure and also anti- women's sexuality. If a man , any man defines you sexually ( like : I'm not having sex without a committment from a man : see how that makes your sexuality dependant on a man ) he is setting the rules, you are not.
  11. Aschleigh
    Keep talking on the phone, go to visit her when you can, write her love letters, see how it goes. That's all you can do. You may move there eventually and be with her. Just keep doing what you're doing. She seems into you. Keep talking to her and see where it goes. She might change her mind about the long distance thing, the more she likes you. How often can you visit? Can she visit you?
  12. Aschleigh
    Do you think that with Love all things are possible? Does your love for your partner trump everything? Does love mean to you that you will do anything , try anything to have a good relationship? Am I a hopeless romantic ( not that that's bad ) or Is love enough to make it work?
  13. Aschleigh
    Definitely. A little seperation that wasn't even a break up ( but I was affraid of losing him ) sent me into a depression. I couldn't eat, slept very little, cried all the time. You may have to force yourself to eat something bland. Cry when you need to. Call someone who will be patient and listen to your ramble on about lost love. Go on a nice long walk or get some excercise outdoors, It kept my mind off him temporarily. Long hot baths. It's all normal. I felt like I was losing a piece of myself. I was scared. But I have a history with depression too.
  14. Aschleigh
    Is it normal to have some doubts about your relationship, even if it's good? I remember my uncle saying he wasn't totally sure about about getting married , when he got married. He has been with my Aunt for 29 years now. I am hoping that in most relationships there is an ebb and flow. Things can't always flow, just like things don't always flow for me personally or professionally. Sometimes I feel very close to my boyfriend, sometimes I feel distance. Since this is my first real relationship, I am wondering what is normal and what is not. Maybe there is no normal. What do you think? Especially if you are in a long term , pretty good relationship I want your opinion.
  15. Aschleigh
    You might as well talk to her about it. Ask her how she feels about you. Have you changed since you were together with her? Do you think the problems you had before would be any different now? If you want her back look at yourself and see if you think you have changed and if you think you can have a different better relationship this time. There was a reason you broke up right? Also , it's normal to think about an ex, examine what the relationship was and was not. And since you have a son together she will always be in your life.
  16. Aschleigh
    oh sorry, I assumed you were a guy. I was wrong. If you are having sex without feelings than fine. Although I don't think it's really that your not feeling anything. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship but just want sex. Whatever is just fine. Don't you want more though?
  17. Aschleigh
    I know college opens you up to so much of the world. Regardless of his job, college would be good for him. Especially if you went to college and want to be able to converse on that level. You could tell him that education means a lot to you. You will have more in common if you both are college educated. What job pays 6 digits without a college education? Is he a salesman?
  18. Aschleigh
    Dr. Phil Magraw has a book named Family First. He has a lot to say about step-parents and blended families. It depends on how old your kids are. If they are young they will more likely be able to accept him as a father figure. Ofcourse this all depends if he gets with it and wants to be with you and your kids. I think if you give him some space and he learns that he can go at a pase that is comfortable with him he might feel better. Men are really affraid of a lot of things. It's amazing. I am just trying to get my boyfriend to the point of really thinking of us as a couple and making it a priority in his life. Men are slow, but I think with patients they come around. They certainly take a lot longer to feel and think things through. I always know what I want and how I feel.
  19. Aschleigh
    As a women I know that when I have sex with someone I always have my feeling involved. It's chemical, oxytocin is a brain chemical that gets released in women's and men's brain ( less in men) that bonds us with the person we are having sex with. Ocytocin is the pleasure chemical in your brain. Your brain releases it when you are touched, licked, made love to , etc.. Women have lots of it released during child birth, it bonds us to out child chemically. Please try to be respectful of how women work. We DON'T HAVE SEX WITHOUT FEELINGS. If you only want sex then get a women who knows you are not wanting a relationship. A prostitute, or a married women who wants a fling. Be really honest up front. And also know that that women might still be wanting a relationship, she's just putting up with you in hopes of something developing.
  20. Aschleigh
    I don't think anything could really be worked out with the distance between the two of you. It's a whole new relationship once you are seeing each other daily or almost daily. Someone will need to take a chance and move to the other's city and then see what happens. It's a risk, but then you would know for sure if you wanted to be with her. After seeing her in person consistently for months.
  21. Aschleigh
    Seek help now. Go to a family member, a shelter, a friend whatever it takes to get out of that situation. You can support yourself and the child. Let go of him. He is his own respensibility. He might need to be forced to get help. When you and the child are gone he may get the help he needs.
  22. Aschleigh
    I'm not married. I'm not getting married. I have to change a bit. I worry so much it effects my relationship. Maybe I'm ok and I just need to chill.
  23. Aschleigh
    So I'm all in love and apperently I can't shake this guy with my nuerosis yet. We'll see about that. One thing that occurs to me if : I have no control anymore. If I want to be in a relationship with him, I will have no control of him cheating on me. I can't control how much time we spend together ( he wants a lot of alone time ) , I can't control him at all. I have to trust him. I don't like trusting people, it's scary. I have to let go daily. I have to give up and surrender and hope things work out, daily. This is the scariest relationship I have ever been in. Scary like intimacy and vulnerability . ( not bad scary) Scary like he holds a piece of my heart in his hands. He has hurt my feeling before and will probably do it again. I can tell him what bothers me, this is not gaurentee he changes. There are NO GAURENTEES. Any married people come to these conclusions ever? What do you do next? This seems real in a way that is different than my other relationships. I feel unready. I feel scared. I feel like this is something I must do.
  24. Aschleigh
    My boyfriend is on vacation now, and I think some doubts come up for me every time he is away for a while. I have been betrayed by those that said they loved me, so it's more about my past than my boyfriend . 2 things: can you openly discuss trust in your relationship with your girlfriend? if you have any experiences with not being able to trust your girlfriends tell her that ,so she can be extra sensitive to it when it comes up. Also, if you are uncomfortable with her going away with her boss tell her. Maybe next time you could go along or she would tell you that there were like 50 other people at the conference and she didn't she her boss much at all. Do you think there's an attraction there? Either way, trust is hard if you have had past experiences that messed with your ability to have trust in people. ( like chances are we all do) Express this to your girlfriend and see what her reaction is. Super helpful tip from a women : Women love it when we think our guys are opening up. We feel closer to you. We feel like we are sharing feelings. This is what women do with other women all the time and that's why we have far greater intimacy in our relationships than men have with anyone. Please get over whatever pride thing keeps you from expressing your concerns with your girlfriend. She will Love it, you will feel closer and that will make her happy.
  25. Aschleigh
    So True NJRon. I feel like I have to achieve a certain intimacy with myself first. I feel my feelings even when they are uncomfortable, I tell the truth even when their are uncomfortable comsequences. Then I can let some one in enough that they could hurt me a lot. I have been in a relationship now for 7 months. It's hard. I have been more intimate with him than any other boyfriend. It freaks me out sometimes. He can do the slightest thing ( like not call ) and it pushes my buttons. We argue but so far we always figure something out together. Sometimes I get depressed and very clingy and he just deals with it. Sometimes he gets ansty and very distant and I just deal with it. I feel like I am compromising a lot. I had been single for 6 years prior to this relationship, so I am not used to compromising at all. But bottum line I have never met someone who inspires me so much to grow and learn and be patient at the same time. The last 7 months have been some of the most dramatic in my life, the bliss, the sadness, the vulnerability, the doubts, the confidence. I had no idea it would take this much effert to be in a relationship. That's probably why I have been in so few. Regardless of how things work out with him, I know I have achieved a great understanding of intimacy just by going through it. I think the key is to treat yourself well first, believe you deserve health then finding someone with that belief to.
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