Aschleigh

I am a 29 year old women, my BF is 23. It's not a huge gap. But I notice it. Mostly becuase I have dated a lot and want to be in a monogamous long term relationship. He hasn't dated a lot, he was in one 3 1/2 relationship from 19 years old on. And he has some wild oats to sow apparently. I really wish he had broken up with the ex much sooner and dated around, so that by the time he met me he would have experienced some more. But he didn't. Now we have been together for 6 months. It was total bliss for 3 months, then it got rocky as we got more intimate and closer emotionally. I personally have been very hurt in intimate relationships, so I get insecure easily. We love each other, we are having fun but aren't sure where it will go. How does anyone know where things will go? I love him very much. We can talk about anything which is so important to me. He says i am the best thing to ever come into his life. But we have rocky periods too. Sometimes he's distant, I can be very codependent. He alternates between real closeness and then needing space. Perhaps this is all "normal" for the first 6 months. We are still getting to know eachother. I know he is the one I want to wake up next to. Maybe by being 29 and more experienced I know how good it is compared to other relationships and I know how much work it takes to maintain something great. I know I have to be patient. We are very honest with each other. Which I feel bodes well for anything long term. But it certainly is a challenge. He is just out of college. I have been out of college for 5 years. We have differences. We also have a lot of love and respect between us.

I am dating a 23 year old, i am 29. We've been together for 6 months. The first 2 months were total bliss. Then I started to get a liitle scared, i was really in love and the fear of losing him and general anxiety made me pick several quarrels. I would see him about 3 times and week and then sometimes after not seeing him for 3 or 4 days ( and he never called) I would get anxious and call him and wonder what he was doing and why he didn't call. then after a month I stopped that. After another month, he got tense and i could tell something was going on but he wasn't communicating. Finally after 5 months he said he wanted to see other people. I was very distraught. He went on a couple of dates , and I went on a couple of dates. As far as I know he hasn't been dating anyone but me after those couple of dates .I know he would tell me, he told me the first time and he's an honest person in general. So now it's 6 months, we are having fun again. We still see eachother 2 or 3 times a week. He hasn't said he wants to be totally exclusive but in actuality we are for now. We are very affectionate and we say we love each other, he's very supportive. He has said he wants to experience other relationships. He says he loves being with me. Sometimes he's really into me, sometimes he's distant. I am wondering what goes on in a man's mind, when he loves me and yet isn't ready for a full committment. How do I procede? I am trying to take as much pressure off both of us as possiblle. I love being with him, but I am trying to give him some space. Which is hard becuase I want to be with him a lot. Although it is good to have my own space, which I wouldn't neccesarrily ask for on my own. He's quite introverted and needs time to himself. I respect that and also it makes seeing him all the more special, becuase i can't do it everyday. So is it normal and expected for a young man to be iffy at 6 months about a full committed relationship? I would love to be moving that way. But taking our time is also good. I tend to move so fast in my previous relationships. He has good instints for taking care of himself, which I want to encourage. I know he thinks deeply about things and needs time to process his emotions when I immediately know how I feel. I try to be as loving and patient as possible. A great, loving, commited relationship is something i have wanted all my life, so patients is hard. Any feedback, encouragement would be appricated. thanks

You are just now going to college. This will open up a lot of new things for you and her. You love this girl, that may or may not change. But you have to live your life. I really hope you get some counseling and she does too. It may naturally happen that you drift apart as you both experience new things and new people. Or you may stay together for a long while. Either way you need to deal with your own emotions , your tendency to shut down, your future, your life. Which may not include this girl. Your 18 , lots of things are about to change for you. Lots.

Take it easy on yourself. It's only been 4 weeks, that's not enough time to totally heal from anything, especially if there is some hope of reconciliation. If you believe you two can be together and happy, call her and tell her that. She may be scared, or muling things over. It may be worth it to be proactive and give it another try at communicating with her. What do you have to lose, you are already miserable?

You have been with your boyfriend since you were 14 years old? You have done a lot of growing since you were 14. You've changed, you've grown apart. Developing your own life, with your own goals, friends, etc.. has been stunted by being involved with one person for so long. It's time to explore new horizons perhaps, new people, new situations. 7 years is a long time. You met this person when you were a kid, now you are an adult and want different things. Make some changes!

Do they still take a baby away from their mother and put them in that little glass thing and then put them on display in a room separate from their mothers? That seems so arcaic, to separate a newborn from it's mother. It must be so scary for the baby. It makes me want to avoid hospitals and doctors all together when I am pregnant.

I hear you about having a stubburn boyfriend. I think men particularly feel they have to know things, have to be right about everything. It's what makes a man a man apperently. Especially if he is young, he may feel like he has to assert his rightness over you to feel like a man. It seems to be really hard for some men to acknowledge they are with an equal , with differing but valid opinions and ideas. I think/hope it gets better with age. That young cockiness wears thin around 30-35. Women in general are raised to be accomadating and to back down in a disagreement. But we're not doing that quite as much as we used to. So men are having to adjust. Maybe just be understanding that he has a need to feel right about things. Who knows, with time and patients he may see that you are often right or at least be able to discuss things in a more mature fashion. But it could be a while.

The marriage was very over . They lived in the same house until he found a place, but they were separated. I don't even know the details. But I know there is no animosity between my coworker and her soon to be ex-husband. They both called it quits. That wasn't the point of the post at all. Ofcourse I do see the point of waiting until one relationship is totally over before starting a new one. But we're only human. If I were in a loveless marriage, with children to consider. And I am wanting to, planning on getting out . Both partners are making plans for divorce and you meet someone who pays attention to you and makes you feel beautiful and alive again. For the first time in years. I don't think it's neccesary to get the divorce papers signed before you start dating.

I at 29 am going through the same thing my co-worker at 48 is going through. She was married for 21 years, the last 7 years unhappily. She started seeing someone in the last year. He was really into her. She separated from her husband. She kept seeing the guy. The husband moves out, She is free. Now the guy has reservations. Doesn't want to meet her kids, needs space. This is happening to people in their 40's? When a women becomes available, wants a loving committed relationship, Men get scared. Don't know how to deal except to build up the wall and avoid. I don't want to date forever. I want to find that rare guy that can see how loving/ committment can enhance his life not detract from it. Why are men so insane with avoiding any real emotion, real resonsibility? Do any of you all get there are benifits in this too? Like having a strong, loving women who will be there with you through think anf thin?

You dump her when everything is fine except that the sex it's 100%. You don't have a discussion like , I like lots about our relationship but I need some more in the sex department, let's work on it. Then you get mad when she moves on. And has sex , the sex you weren't happy with, with someone else. Good for her, maybe he appricates having sex with her. She gets to do whatever she wants, YOU DUMPED HER! Please see a therapist, or at least leave that poor girl alone. This is the height of selfishness.

The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, "I will love you if you will love me back." It is a kind of "businessman's" love. So we think, "I will love this person as long as he doesn't change. I will love that thing if it will be the way I want." But this isn't love at all – it is attachment. There is a big difference between love, which allows and honors and appreciates, and attachment, which grasps and demands and aims to possess. When attachment becomes confused with love, it actually separates us from another person. We feel we need this other person in order to be happy. This quality of attachment also leads us to offer love only toward certain people, excluding others. Joseph Goldstein, Seeking the Heart of Wisdom It hurts so bad to lose someone you love. But what if you gain yourself and your love gains him/herself in the process. Better to be healthy and single and to know who you are than be in an unhealthy relationship. I want my ex back but as a new whole person. And I need more of me too.

ok, so a week ago my boyfriend says he needs to see other people. It wasn't a total surprise. I knew he was already talking to this girl. I know I can't trust him. I know we love eachother but in reality that's not enough to sustain a relationship. I am trying to be realistic. My heart is braking. I care about him a lot. But I love myself more. I know I am number one and have to take care of myself right now. So he tells me this on saturday (july1st) and then we preceeed to spend 4 great but surreal days together. He's as sweet as he can be . He says he loves me, etc.. He leaves on the 5th from ym place to go to work. He leaves his cell phone charger at my place so i know he has to come pick it up sometime. I don't call him. He calls on saturday to see if he can come pick his charger up. He comes over and says he thinks he's made a mistake, he misses me . He end up going to this festival in a park by my house and have a good time. He leaves the next morning and leaves him charger again! So I am not going to call him. He is a mess, he's got things to figure out, I am be understanding about that. He's 23, I', 29 by the way. But it's not fair to play with me. He can't really be with me, he wants to be friends, he doesn't know what he wants. Now I need a break. It hurts. I love him. I will do my best to leave him alone and give him space. I don't really want to cut him off completely. I don't like the situation we're in either. Maybe he'll buy and a new charger and leave me alone. I don't want that either. I can only work on myself. that super dave guy had some good suggestions. I just have so much anxiety right now, I'm a mess.

I would ask your girlfriend to set some boundries. I would ask her to ask him to not call at all unless there was an emergency. Or at the most once a month. What do they have to talk about anymore? This is not ok, he is still very attached if he calls everyday. She may be fine with his attachement too. Talk to her, tell her your feelings, ask for what you need.

it's hard to tell. I think I wouldn't be happy going on a trip with my ex so soon after breaking up. I guess I would see how it goes, how you feel. Maybe she doesn't want to go and you could invite someone else. From my point of view, going on a vacation with someone who just broke up with me would open wounds that are just now healing. I don't know, it could also be healing in a way. Do you harbor hopes of getting back together? that may determine if you want to go too.

I think the original question was what makes a healthy sexual relationship. I would say when both partners are satisfied, open to communicating about anything, giving to each other, able to receive. Nobody feels taken advantage of, there's a sense of equality in power between the partners. Both partners are mature enough to know their bodies and what makes them feel good, I would say all those things go into a healthy saexual relationship.

One thing that bothers me a bit about Enotalone is that most of the subjects people write about could really use a professional to sus them out. Why not go to Marriage counseling? Why not go to a regular counseler to talk about your issues with motherhood? Or even have a real conversation with your husband about things being not quite right and the need to Do something about it, before it gets really out of hand like you said and you leave him and/or your kids. I'm sure you will do what you need to when you need to do it, but what's the point in being miserable and having that effect your kids and marriage when there is a possibility to change it today? I thought you were from England. That means you have socialized health care. Counseling is probably free or cheap. Even if it's not it's worth it to get some movement on this and not stay stuck any longer than necesarry.

I have this exact problem with my newish ( 5months) boyfriend and his ex. It took a lot of talking and cajoling, but since he respects me and wants me in his life, he has told his ex to stop calling ,she used to call 1-3 times a week. He also told her to e-mail him at the most 3 times a week. She used to e-mail everyday. Every new relationship has some insecurity in it. If you want this new relationship to work, set some boundries that feel pretty extreme for now. No calls, only occasional e-mails. Show your BF that he comes first. If indeed he does come first. If your friendship with your ex is your priority, let this guy go to find someone that will put him first. He deserves that consideration.

I can only imagine that jail is very stressful and that he may be taking out this stress on you by accusing you of things. If he's in jail for anything violent , he probably has an anger problem and that might be behind the stuff he is saying. Either way it has little to do with you. Find someone who eventually you feel comfortable telling anything to and who doesn't judge you for anything. Find someone who can actually LOVE you. It feels so good and you deserve it.

I really hope that survey is accurate, becuase then I have my relationship sewn up. I can be loyal/faithfull . That's easy for me.

I wouldn't be with a guy for long that wouldn't have sex with me when I have my period. I have had boyfriends that go down on me when I have my period. I am fine with his fluids on my skin and tongue. He should be cool with mine. Not having sex for a week a month is unacceptable. If I meet a guy that's affraid of a little blood, I find it pretty Juvenile. That's not a turn on.

Yes, I am focusing on me and my opportunities in this situation. I have career opportunities ahead, I can go out by myself, I don't have to worry about him all the time. I am concentrating on the posititve.

I had an argument with my boyfriend about the same stuff we always argue about and I just feet so tired of it. We decide to take a brake. At this point it's a weekend brake, it may be more. I think we both need sometime to think. And I feel ok, not great but confidence that I need to take care of myself first and foremost. I will not be in a relationship that compromises my mental, emotional health, which is what it was doing. I think I have turned a corner in a way. I know that I am more important to me than any relationship. I frist have to get things right with me then attract like souls. I care about my BF immensely, But I can't do the work of making our relationship healthy all by myself. I am going to a counselor, continuing my excercise program, getting out and about around LA. Like Einstien says " Within every difficulty there is opportunity" I don't Love him less, I just Love myself more.

I have the opposite problem. I have a boyfriend I love so much but feel like I may be hindering him finding what truly makes him happy ( plus I have some intimacy issues) and I want him to find what he needs even if it's not me. I don't want to push him away but sometimes I do becuase he doesn't seem happy and I want him to be happy however that turns out to be. I also want to hold him close. It's confusing.

This is a pretty constant problem I find with men or boyfriends. If there is something that is bugging me , whether it be lack of sex or something else, How do I bring it up without exaserbating the problem. I don't want to come off like I'm nagging or unsupportive but it's rare that the man will bring up anything negetive until it's a huge problem. I struggle with this often. I don't want to ask too much of him, but if I don't ask at all I will never know what he's capable of. I ( and it seems many women)need better skils in saying " hey I think we could improve this area of our relationship , Having sex once a week just isn't really doing it for me, I need more sex" without it being construed as a complaint. Which in a way it is. Any ideas guys?

Pros: great sex, someone to tell silly things to , growth that comes from having a sounding board, fun, inspiration, sense of power ( that I can attract a great guy) Cons: irritation, feeling powerless ( becuase I'm so in love but can't seem to make everything great all the time) anger, jealousy, pain Maybe being a couple should be appricated when it's happening and then being single can be appricated when it's happening.