brando
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Everything posted by brando
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I read that love is an action, and if one wants to feel loving feelings again toward theor partner then they need to start displaying and showing love towards them. Marriage isn't an easy institution to maintain. It requires more than just love or feeling in love... even if you are feeling this way now may mean nothing at all. It is up to you to figure out what is going on inside of you, why you are feeling this way and what is triggering these feelingsd / thoughts. Perhaps the focus you are placing on these thoughts is really helping you believe that you no longer love your husband. Becareful of what you think. Perhaps counseling is an option. Does your husband know the way you are feeling?? Don't be afraid to admit these feelings to yourself, the more you try to resist them the further these feelings will persist. Try to recall what attracted you to your husband, try to recall the days you felt so in love with him that you decided to spend a lifetime with him. I hope things work out for you . be well brando
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First impressions are not about bringing gifts to win one over. If you feel strongly about bringing her grandmother a gift then do it, if you are on the fence about it , don't worry if you don't. Instead focus on talking and listening with her...let her get to know you a little bit, what greater gift than that.
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Not all relationsahips are about spending the rest of your life with that person. Man you are young, why are you wasting your time thinking about getting married at such a young age? If you two still enjoy being together then stay together. When it is the right time for it to end then you will know. I have a hunch that your thoughts of marriage and children maybe the culprit in the on and off again elelments of this relationship. DOes it really matter that you don't want to marry her??? It is not the ultimate objective of a relationship, so don't try to make it be one. You say you two have fought, broken up abd got back together, try to learn why you two fought, and see if you can remove that from your realtionship. These are the real skills you will need to learn in order to sustain a marriage, and every realtionship expereince will help carry you further along and prepare for the woman you decide to marry.
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Isn't this considered conditional love?????
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Allie, I think what you are feeling is quite normal. The hesitation is the reult of what happened with the previous relationship. Maybe you need to get to know this guy some more ad then make a decision. hang in their, it gets better.
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AC, I agree with Chai. Telling her how you feel is only sending a message that you are not respectful of her wants and needs. This is very important for you to give her space. It shows you listened to what she wants, and it is in no way a gimmick, listen to what she is saying to you. It unfortunately does not matter right now how you feel, it is what she wants that is important to pay attention to. So let her be, deal with your pain, and do not attempt to contact her. The more needy and insecure you show her, the more you nail the coffin lid shut. You can handle this... repeat this to yourself. you can handle this.
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One of lifes hardest lessons sometimes is to learn to let go. Give her all the space she wants and needs, and in the mean time get on with your life, doing all te things you want to do now. Date others, travel, go to school, persue your dreams. Don't worry about her, she sees to have a lot on her plate right now with attending an Ivy Leage school. Focus on you.
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and all along i thought NC meant NO CLUE. Go figure.
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Way to go Mr. Anderson. But a little out of character. Glad your doing well. Brando
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......to yourself first.
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I can understand how you are feeling. Evenings and mornings were always difficult I think it is because this is when we are with ourselves the most, and having some idle time after a breakup is deadly. NJ, has a great suggestion, it is important to stay busy, and spending some time in the pain and reflecting on the relationship needs to be kept to a minimum.
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One thing i learned about abusive people, is that in public they appear to others to be saint like, but behind closed doors that mask comes off and the real Hyde appears. Please do not blame yourself. It isn't your fault or your brothers. Your father seems to have a problem he needs professional help with, do not minimize what he has done. I understand it is difficult, and it doesn't mean he is a terrible person, he just has some anger to be resolved, but i will not get into that here tonight. Talk to someone, maybe a counselor at school, your mom, someone you trust as a friend, but preferrably an adult. What about your sister, can you get in touch with her???
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Maybe it isnt stupid your feeling, but uncomfortable for standing up to him which you may have never done before. Flipping a coffee table, and pouring boiling water on your brother are clear signs of abuse. Talk to your mom, if she minimizes his actions (your fathers) then it is a clear sign he is abusive and your mother may not know how to handle it. It is his temper which is concerning and his past actions. Why did your olser sister run away???
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Their is nothing wrong with you. You did what you felt was best in this situation. It took a great deal of courage for you to defend your brother like that and walk away from the situation. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like a healthy envirionment to be living in. Does your family members know of your fathers temper and abuseive behavoir???
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well their were painful moments too growing up, the first realizations of what life will be about, and that was painul as a child. But we are drifting from the original topic here.
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Unless of course they are married to an unhappy person....
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It is funny. Why do we expect our exes to be so perfect in breaking up and leaving us. I see post after post on a dumpee complaining about their dumper, and questioning what they are doing... Does it ever occur to anyone they are just as confused, and in pain as the dumpees?? Just because it may be what they want (ending the relationship) it doesn't mean they are perfect and will cut things off perfectly. It isnt all about what a dumpee is experiencing.
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breaking self punishment/blame - been there?
brando replied to itsallgrand's topic in Personal Growth
I call those voices The Committee, and they once worked over time on me. The Queen above has summed it up nicely. That is silencing the voices. It is a daily struggle for me as well. If i catch those negative thoughts early enough i can stop it from progressing, if not i need to still be aware to shut it up once it starts steam rolling. I have learned they are only thoughts, and they reflect nothing about who i am today, they are a reminder of how i once use to think, and view myself. I have a choice today to no longer believe those thoughts, in order to extract the power and energy they once held over me. It is not easy, it has been 30 plus years of conditioning for me to try and put an end to, but it can be done. Their is a saying, a mantra if you will... try to remember this when going through the negative thought cycle .. CHANGE A THOUGHT MOVE A MUSCLE. We choose what we think and we ca nchange what we think as well, whin in tiurn will alter our feelings. So think of something else, or go for a walk ofr any other sort of action. The key i am learning is to try and keep my mind where my body is. In the present. -
She sounded rather immature with her competition remark to you. I would not stand for this. I know their are children involved, so make sure they are looked after as ron suggested. You will need to think on this one. What it is you want from her. It doesnt sound like she is in the relationship at all right now. Her staying out until ungodly hours. I agree also with talking to a lawyer, you have one biological child with this woman, and by law you may not be responsible for the other (by law) I would tell her either she is in or out. ANd then do what is best for you. Be well brando
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Mark, You need to learn to trust yourself. I see your thoughts taking over your actions. Just try to relax with this new woman. As you said you have no reason to believe she is going to leave you. Go slow. Be gentle with yourself, and your lady. I think it is normal to feel this way at first. But if you really find no evidence of her leaving you, then there is nothing here to worry about. Dako, and NJROn offer solid advice as well. be well, brando
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Doesn't saying hello and introducing yourself work anymore.???
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dont worry too much about the NC thing here.. it is a bit overrated in my opinion. And dont worry what others are doing. focus on you instead.
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Well lonelynyc is here and asking questions/advice. A good sign he is aware something more may be wrong. We shall see where this leads..
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Well then do it for yourself. I don' want to preach, but i was similar to you are in HS, (actually much worse). I look back and i know now i needed to do better. Too late for me. Overall i think the harder you try at school the better you will feel about yourself, and the less you will have to listen to your folks. It is about you, they are your grades, all you need to do is make a decision for yourself, good grades, or mediocore grades. (I think i spelled the mediocore word incorrectly) See i didn't study hard enough. (Just kidding) Take what you want and leave the rest. Be well, Brando