lonelynyc

Healing Hands Warm Heart, I was never abused as a child except for a spanking here and there, and I vaguely remember when I was really young my mother hitting my father with a broomstick,I can't remember if it was self defense or not but that is the only instance of violence I know of. My parents fought a lot and are now divorsed. I know there is a history of physical abuse in her family as her father used to abuse her mother, she has a complex family history as she was brought up by two father figures.

There isn't a period after "even though I was hit first" it continues on to say "i know i didn't have restraint and that is why I am so ashamed." I'm not trying to excuse myself and please don't put my words out of context.

I want to thank everyone for their honest thoughts and opinions. I agree that the verbal abuse was there, and that tends to go both ways. And she is very provocative with some of the things she says. I love her very much and I genuinely don't want to hurt her. Yet she also says things to me that hurt, and when I respond I'm just as low and also aim to hurt. I don't know why I do this. Many of the replies mention that I had the choice of not striking back, and I agree with this, even though I was hit first I know that I didn't have restraint and that is why I'm so ashamed. As far as couples counceling, that sounds like something I would consider pursuing, and I will propose that to my GF. The problem is that money is tight, and counceling seems to be expensive. Are there any organizations that offer free or inexpensive counceling?

I really don't know where to begin. I moved to NY mostly because of my GF. There were factors that resulted in my relocating there but my GF was the main reason. We have been living together for a couple of months, and it has been a very difficult situation as it is a new experience for both of us. We have been arguing more often then what we used to, we tell eachother nasty things, yet we always make up. I know that I love this woman, we have shared intense moments and have beautiful memories of the year and half we have dated. We are both in our early 20's and have so many dreams and plans. We have these plans about our lives also. However lately we've become very irratable with eachother, it seems we no longer talk as friends, like we used to so often. The physical romance is still there, but the emotional support of one another is lacking. We've broken up a couple of times but immediately get back together, we Love eachother very much. Last night we were arguing about an incident which had occurred the previous night, i had been watching Monday night football at the bar and she had been out with her friend. When I looked at her cellphone I saw that she had received calls from to of her male CoWorkers. She lied to me. Clearly this was upsetting, not because of the threat of infidelity, because i trust her but because of the fact that she felt she couldn't be honest with me. She tried to apologize but in that moment I was very upset and was verbally abusive, cursing, calling her nasty things. So she left the room. I followed her, and tried to hug her as she was lying on the bed. She was saying "get off of me!" and swung her arm to push me away or something but ended up hitting one of my testicles, the next thing i knew I swung and hit her arm. We both immediately broke down, I was crying like a baby. I felt and feel so ashamed, I have never ever hit a woman. I've always prided myslef on that matter. I come from a family of mostly women and have always felt the utmost respect for them. I hit her hard and she has a nasty bruise. I don't know what to do. I hate woman beaters and have always felt disgusted by them, that is how I feel about myself. I know that thisi can never be taken back, I feel that even if we stay together this will always hang in the back of our minds. I love this woman. But the relationship is no longer healthy. I'm disgusted wiht myself, she told me " you have to forgive yourself". But I don't know if I can. I want to stay in this relationship, I moved 3,000 miles for this girl, and have sacrifised so much so that we could be together, but I feel that this is something that will never be forgotten. Any advise, thoughts, insights, that anyone has would be greatly appretiated.....