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xmrth

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Everything posted by xmrth

  1. xmrth
    Well... surprises as in him doing things to me for once, haha. We don't do that when he first steps in, though. But it's at the end of the night of seeing him. Maybe he is tired? He is usually getting ready to leave a bit after. But I don't like to do that right when he comes in, or even in the middle we're not always at my house and are out. I suppose having more time and when he's got more energy since he's coming over after a day of work and work the next day (except Saturdays) we could try that, maybe doing things sooner than the end of the night. But I really like to wait... maybe 'training' him could be that change so later on might be more beneficial.
  2. xmrth
    I don't know what it is; he just doesn't do stuff anymore. I didn't really catch it or do anything about it until it turned into a habit for the both of us. I just wish I could avoid having to repeatedly do the work to get things back to going BOTH ways, and have it just kind of happen by telling him... because it's so uncomfortable to accept anything from him when I have to actually tell him. It's uncomfortable to the point that I stop him, not that he doesn't come off as sincere but because I feel like I may as well be doing it myself, and just knowing I had to -tell- him. I've told him he should start wearing condoms again or that I'd go off the pill, but I'm not serious about doing that... and so I don't follow through. I hate it so much, and I miss it. He surprises me every few MONTHS, and I just wish that could be all the time again, or at least once a week. Like I said we have sex each time we see eachother, so it's not like that is stopping. I don't think that could or would ever stop but who knows... everything is so slowly changing in that department. I feel like the next logical step is to step backwards again and get into everything. I feel uncomfortable about myself because of it. I don't feel comfortable anymore.
  3. xmrth
    I remember your post from last year! From what everyone had said in it, there seemed to be nothing to worry about... even by the looks of a website someone posted (you, or someone else). If you went, would you think you could see for yourself it's nothing to worry about or feel left out of? Do you believe he'd be doing this for the rest of his life anyway? After all, it's only once a year... and it must feel like a milestone to overcome until it's over and you can relax. There's girls who are going to do what they're going to do no matter where they're at... if anything, a place like that will make it be more of " just what goes on," rather than an "opportunity" for him.
  4. xmrth
    Yes... it worked for a while but that is the only idea I have which now goes nowhere.
  5. xmrth
    I feel that over the course of my relationship with my boyfriend, it has verrrryyyy slllooooowwwwlllyy declined on the "receiving end" for me. For the first 4 years it was full on everything except sex. We had sex like once in a year's time because I was too afraid of getting pregnant, so we just didn't do it anymore, or at all until it had been 5 years. We only started to I think 2 years ago, and when we did, I was over the fear and we did several times each time we saw eachother and it's been that way ever since. So then all those "other things" that a guy can do to a girl were switched with sex, and I can't even begin to explain how that happens or is possible, because it just kind of happened and I didn't notice it (or maybe I just didn't care) until now. So in the past year I've been on birth control pills, and so now something else has stopped, unless I specifically ask for it which makes me feel like he doesn't want to, which makes it weird. But the reason why he wont is because he does not wear a condom now that I'm on the pill and he finishes inside of me, so he doesn't want to have anything to do with that because it grosses him out. I truly believe everything has a legitimate reason, but it sucks. It sucks a lot; I don't like it like this. It's not consuming me, but it's annoying at least more than half of the time. I feel like it's more about him than me now and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I have talked to him about it but he doesn't like to go down on me because of that fact, but also feels like penetration counts for touching me. I don't know if that's a joke. Spending time together isn't all about sex, but when we have that intimate time together, I feel like I've let it become a sort of "joke" that ooh it's all you, never me... and like now that's okay or something, and it's not okay. I've expressed my frustration but most times I let it go. I don't know if maybe I'm not doing any work myself? Maybe I can't expect him to do more without me helping him or something... It's weird though because once every few/several MONTHS I am pleasantly surprised out of absolutely nowhere. I've not talked about that with him yet however. I guess I just feel like this shouldn't happen at all but I honestly do not know where to begin. I haven't really tried yet, to be honest. But my only idea is to do what has not helped the situation. Martha
  6. xmrth
    I think he's definitely interested. Calling when you haven't called, and being the one to suggest you coming to see him after he says he wants to come and see you, too. He's interested, but it might be moving too fast; I don't know. You can definitely see eachother all you want, but having sex so soon changes the pace of how you discover things about eachother. The thing with that though is if you stop (and stop if you want to of course) is it might disrupt the course of your relationship. Sex typically becomes frequent especially after you've discovered all these different kinds of things about eachother. I don't think it's necessarily bad... because so many people do that so early on, but you just have to be careful it's not moving too fast is all. Remember that you still have things to discover with eachother and try to get hung up on having fun with that for a while too.
  7. xmrth
    I would definitely talk to your friend-- the friend of your ex. Express how you feel and how much it hurts you; I bet it wouldn't kill him to hang out somewhere else because I'm sure your ex isn't his ONE and ONLY friend who equals EVERYONE. It's not like you're asking him to keep all his friends out-- just that one. That really is your best bet since you can't get another studio as this one is so good for you.
  8. xmrth
    I honestly do not have trouble standing up for myself-- I do not hold back in the least. So WHY do I have trouble with people who are 100% a bully? I feel like I freeze and don't know what to say, and I can NOT stand up for myself. If someone is saying something about me or something like that, it's not a problem-- it's so hard to describe the difference. There's only one person in particular, and it's my boss. And I'm not afraid because she's my boss-- I don't even take that into consideration because I'm in college and it's just for income; I don't even care what it looks like if I were to get fired. I probably wouldn't, but she's an example. Like drilling me on the spot out of nowhere about things, and I'm just like "um, um, um." And she STARES at me. She's "34" (yeah, 40) and nobody can stand her, not even the other managers. And she's just out of her mind.... just, a bully. Overbearing, controlling... nothing to do with the fact she's a boss, just who she is. What gets me is when somebody STARES at me, and asks me questions. Like my aunt, which I like a lot and no problems, who just came over is asking me about my tan... which she already knows about. I've had a tan since MAY. Things like that-- like personal questions... I mean, what do you do? I can't even act like myself or stick up for myself. Do I look like a target or something? I just don't get it. I mean what do you do? Why do I freeze? I don't care about them or people like them; why are they so... weird? My aunt is my aunt, but anyone else... thankfully it's just my boss but obviously I'd like to know how to deal with other people who are "bullies" and just .... overbearing. I feel like I know what to say to stand up for myself, like if someone says something stupid-- I've got like a list of things to say. When I was in middle school, like your average little kid, people say things to you and in my case I never knew what to say so I started to do this. And now nobody can touch me; I know exactly what to say to anything, EXCEPT with my boss and people like that. People who stare and just... I can't describe it. Somebody has got to know what I mean! Staring, asking questions you're not prepared for (forget that she's my boss) like they just challenge you or something. There's definitely people who I know that have a hint of this in them, too. And I've always been so uncomfortable and it's like nothing I say does anything, just makes it longer and worse. I'm actually reading this right now-- link removed Martha
  9. xmrth
    aaawwwwwwww!! Yeah just enjoy it. Be nervous because it's new and love every minute of it; it's part of it.
  10. xmrth
    I'd get it all out in the open now and not years from now in the middle of your marriage. You're going to want to know. Ask now while you have more of a reason to and not later when she might refuse to tell you. SHE might even feel better telling you as soon as possible just in case. What happened when you two split up I think shouldn't be taken too seriously, but it depends. In any case, it did the best thing for you two and made her realize what she had enough to ask you to marry her. I would forgive and forget, but actually find out. It really depends.
  11. xmrth
    Yeah I'm hiding something, alright! I think a ring would be sweet and a whole lot different from anything else. If it's not your cup of tea it doesn't mean it's something else. It's weeks after Christmas and the hubub has died down; I'm not really concerned anymore. It's months away until anything else big comes up; he knows how I feel.
  12. xmrth
    Definitely join a gym together! Even though you see him just on the weekends, it would be something. And he could go during the week by himself. People go to the gym just to stay fit and be active-- you could maybe use the fact that it's winter there to replace the fact you can't do anything outside.
  13. xmrth
    What are you waiting for? Seriously, ask yourself that question: WHAT in the world are you waiting for? Because there's not a chance in the world that this is going to get better. This is who he is-- that cannot change. There are people like that-- they are like that, they do not change. And the longer you let this drag on, the harder it's going to be because you're going to keep having all those second thoughts with all the new memories. You're making it harder on yourself, and you don't even know what it's like to have really broken up. The first night obviously is going to be tough, so any time this happens you're going to be convinced you'll feel that terrible forever! You don't know what its like to be broken up. What about a month broken up? What about seeing what life is like to not be controlled? How will life be like when you meet a man who has a car and treats you with love and respect and doesn't make you promise him to never ever talk to another guy again, ever. That is sick that your boyfriend said you broke your promise and talked to a guy. And respecting him? The words respecting coming from your boyfriend means "Let me control you. My ex let me control her! She behaved! She listened to my demands!" It's like a train wreck... I don't mean to be harsh, but this is a train wreck. Obviously there's going to be good times because you're dating! WHY wait around for nothing? WHY not go and get a new boyfriend all together? A new, better boyfriend. A man! I mean, come on, he walked how many miles to your house to give you flowers after he treats you this way? That's creepy, he is unstable. He treats you like that and then he truly believes in himself that walking all the way to your house in the rain with flowers means everything's all better. He's insulting you with that but he knows that's all it takes to make you come around again. I really do agree with a poster who said to tell your parents... or tell your friends. Tell anyone and everyone because maybe you just need some help getting away from him. You just need to understand... Do you have a job? Does he allow you to have a job? There's guys there-- what's that going to be like? Are you going to college, or will he allow you to? You have to think about things like that... and know that it only gets worse and never better.
  14. xmrth
    I was thinking about it, but I will probably be able to handle it... just that it will be on my mind so much. I only have a hour workday that day, but I just found something out-- the hospital she's going to isn't the one accross from my work after all, but in the same town. I think... because there's supposedly two hospitals. Anyway I'm going to pretend it's at another one so I can concentrate... I can visit right when I get out of work though which is good. I talked to my mom and my dad about it tonight and it helped, but I'm still so nervous... I can't stop thinking of how much I've taken for granted and things like that... I'm still going to be worrying even when she's home. She'll have to stay downstairs (1 floor house, but finished basement-- their bedroom, too) and it will feel sad... she'll have to avoid stairs for weeks because of where it is..
  15. xmrth
    Why do I need to? I really think that's the biggest misconception out there, that people in long term relationships must know nothing. I've been around; we've broken up before, I know what's out there and I don't want it. I want him. There's lots of people who never even date anyone before they're 30 or older. It's not like being with him holds me back from living life. Being with him doesn't mean I'm in this dark room and know nothing outside of it. There's tons of people who don't like to go out and party and have fun, but I do. And it doesn't mean they're missing out on life, unless they sit around and do nothing. I seem to get a lot from this relationship in comparison to legitimately-- legitimately everyone I know in person who is in one. I guess I just don't see the connection between being a little selfish and wanting to better understand it, to oops I've been with my boyfriend for too long.
  16. xmrth
    She's in her early 40's. I was talking to her about it and she said that it's just that type of surgery, but she has said that she doesn't handle it well. She might have meant something else in that case but I'm not sure. It's weird now because the morning she has surgery, I'm going to be working nearly accross the street from the hospital she's in-- I just found out it was that one right near my job. And I'll be there right when she's getting it done... it's going to be really uncomfortable. I just hope it will all be okay..
  17. xmrth
    MySpace is tacky; I'm surprised people don't think twice about the things they waste their time putting up on there for even their group of friends to see. I just don't get it. I've got SO many better things to do than to take pics of myself and write a page about myself and my interests. But people will probably always keep on doing it, regardless of their employers being able to find them. It absolutely IS a directory, and you can find people so easily. People like to show off, be cool... show the world they have a lot of time on their hands, too.
  18. xmrth
    Short hair, definitely. I used to like long hair when I was younger, but only to the bottom of the chin maybe, but shorter hair is so much more grown up and masculine. Short or buzzed depends entirely on the person's face but most people can pull off both.
  19. xmrth
    I can tell you my boyfriend works more than 12 hours most days and it does not bother me. It's his job and it's what he wants to do and he's going to be spending the rest of his life doing it. Not even 5 hours, but 8-12+ hours is a STANDARD work day. You want to have money, trust me. You want to do something you'll want to do, trust me. This is your life-- do you want to get stuck at some crummy job you'll hate not making barely enough money to survive on your own? I really don't think it's because you'll be taking pictures of people... it's because you'll be having fun and exciting experiences and she's not part of it. I would say maybe a little more than 6 years ago, I started to feel jealous that my boyfriend was starting to get jobs and starting to do different things. Things people our age were just beginning to experience and I had a hard time at first realizing that he was just going to have to go through the experience of having his first job and opportunities without me, and being freshman in high school at the time, even a little jealousy of him making more friends than me. Just all those new things. It took me a while to get over it, because I realized its something everyone does and that for him to be successful and go anywhere at all, he's going to have to do it just like eeeeeverybody else. Me, too. I think what's really critical is that you're both in your 20's... and I'm talking about when I was like 14 and 15. I'm not saying you have to have that "my way or the highway" attitude, but you've got to stand up and do what you're going to do. Photography is exciting and you'll go to so many places and meet all kinds of people. Now is THE time to get into what you're going to do for a living. For a living. And this job is giving you a golden opportunity to open new doors for you which is what you need in order to get out there and make that into a career. What would she rather your job be?
  20. xmrth
    SAY YES. Absolutely say yes-- do not pass up that opportunity. She's blinded with jealousy-- She doesn't like you to do things that are outside of your relationship, plain and simple. Taking pictures for the year book is fun! She doesn't want you to have fun because you're not having fun with her! Don't give up your dreams to make someone else happy-- you'll never be happy that way. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm surprised you are even questioning this... really. You'd really pass that up because she's jealous you're doing great and fun things that don't involve her? That's absurd. She'll get over it, but she's not going to until she sees where you're standing. I just can't believe she said that to you about you taking pictures for your year book... that's ludicrous.
  21. xmrth
    I do keep in touch with one of my girlfriends all the time. But with her, she can't get away from her boyfriend-- he'd have to come out every time! But she's great to talk to at any time and I see her more on campus. My other close friend is the one which sparked this thread because I haven't called her. We could have gone to the gym together or gotten drinks... but what I'd rather do is to do that during the semester-- I am always up for anything after class even if it's late. It's funny because I used to get so choked up and upset because I was bad at making friends. Now I seem to have no problem at all but I don't want to do anything! Another thing too though is I hate calling people up while I'm at home... I'm not an only child, to answer that question. But I don't have that relationship with my family where I can tell them anything-- all my life. I like my privacy but I feel weird being out somewhere talking in public on the phone, haha. I might call that one girl just to see what's up, see what she got for a grade in one of the classes we had together.. maybe do something, but honestly, I want to stay home and clean up and do nothing... =\ This all started when I was 11. I stopped accepting invitations to do things and just wanted to be home and be by myself and since then I only did things with boyfriends (not because of boyfriends, but before boyfriends I started being a loner) and occasionally throughout the year with other friends.
  22. xmrth
    And this is nothing new with me-- my whole life I've preferred doing things by myself. I prefer it until for whatever reason I want to get out of the house. But it's weird-- During my semesters I like to be doing things with my girlfriends. But during my breaks I like to focus on getting an internship and relaxing because I get so stressed during my semesters I just want to do nothing. NOTHING. I feel bad because I should have called this one particular friend, but she hasn't called me either so it shouldn't be awkward when I get back this coming semester. It's only going to have been 5 weeks off anyway. Mostly all of my girlfriends live out of state or on the other side of the state, which is the case with one of my closer girlfriends-- my friends are all at my college. I just feel so stupid because I have no desire to do anything with anyone... I like to go out shopping, clean up, read magazines... I like to work on myself, really. I have fun at work and I talk to a lot of people there, and customers-- I seem to make the best of things I've got to do, like work and school. And then go back to the semester actually wanting to be there, and then go out and do things after class. I just feel like this is wrong. I feel like I should be forcing myself to go out during my breaks, especially summer break. I know I could never be someone who goes out every single night and can't LIVE without doing something with friends, and I'm fine with that. I like to do things occasionally. But I feel like I should be doing more, but the breaks are really the only time I don't do things. I think what's so hard is during breaks, people have closer friends to be hanging out with. I never get asked to do things except during the semesters, and I hate setting things up. If I were asked, I'd definitely do something! I just feel like I'm not living right. I mean, I only have next week left to have off and I'm trying to get all kinds of things done. Then on the weekends I spend them with my boyfriend and that's just what I like to do. I feel guilty but I feel comfortable. Martha
  23. xmrth
    With not handling it well, could it kill someone? Or are they just weaker afterwards, or it just needs that-- to be watched? btw, is your icon from Vegas?? I forget what hotel I was walking through; I think Cesar's Palace, and the ceiling had that on it!
  24. xmrth
    Oops, I meant her uterus, not ovaries. When I typed that I remember thinking that didn't sound right. Her health I think is okay... but she doesn't sleep much at all because of her job. She used to get 3-4 hours of sleep every day of the week plus a couple hours of a nap in the day but now she is getting 5-6 hours and a nap before work which is good. And I think she has high blood pressure. It's sad because it's something she's been putting off for a loooong time... so they are tumors the size of a grapefruit and an orange I think she said. She doesn't look like something's coming out of her, but they're too big to wait now. I think the hospital she's going to should be good, but to be honest I'm not sure which one. I don't think there's bad hospitals around here, though. The surgeons though I'm completely not sure. She was telling us a couple of months ago she'll probably have to stay overnight for a bit because she "doesn't handle surgery well." I don't know what that means, but I remember when she's needed things done, she's stayed there for a bit, even with the birth of my little brother 13 yrs ago. So that kind of worries me... Thanks so much you guys!
  25. xmrth
    My mother is having two large tumors (non cancerous) in her ovaries removed next weekend. She says it's going to be fine, but that is a 'major surgery,' and it's scary when it's put like that. Could she die? That's all I want to know. Because it's scary to know it's a major surgery even though it's not on a major organ. Martha
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