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xmrth

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Everything posted by xmrth

  1. xmrth
    I got an anonymous card sent to my work this weekend from a customer, and they were asking me out. The whole thing was weird because it was anonymous, and it only gave their first name and phone number. Someone said my boyfriend might be a part of it (he could NOT be-- that's not like him. He's not the jealous type like that and I haven't given him a reason to do it) and said I should tell him just so he knows I'm not hiding anything. But I don't really have a solid reason to tell him. I personally would have told him, but it's already the next day and I'm not really thinking about it anymore but knowing me, I'll just get nervous about it at any time. Considering what it is though, it's more than just someone asking me out. This person went through the trouble of packing this card up with a note and things like that. I feel like it could get bigger, but I can't really think of any scenarios except this person within my boyfriends social group but not knowing it, kind of thing. And that's all. Should I tell my boyfriend? Since he's not a jealous type, should I not worry? I want to tell him tonight but I can't make up my mind. Martha
  2. xmrth
    It's a week later and i gave it some time. I'm still bothered. I am feeling under-appreciated. Even in other departments. I want to talk to him about it but this is something I feel like letting him see on his own, and it's weird. I'm usually all over him about things if they bother me... this bothers me a lot. I feel afraid of this turning around on me and being called selfish, even though I'm starting to see it's about appreciation. Because if he just expressed, it would be enough, and he's not.
  3. xmrth
    I think actually celebrating each and every month is too much like "yeah, we made it another month!" and not so much like a year (anniversary definition: YEARLY. Not MONTHLY) where you can reflect back with eachother and celebrate being together for that year. Plus I'd think every month buying gifts and going out for it would get old fast. I've always just acknowledged it; it seems more like you want to mention it within the first couple of years but then after that it really turns into the years you give the most thought to of course.
  4. xmrth
    Yeah that could definitely happen; I've had my pictures stolen several times and used on Yahoo! profiles and that WhatTheDilly website. If it's not the right astrological sign... are you sure he knows what his is? Is the Taurus right before Gemini? And not wanting kids, maybe he just doesn't want MORE kids... And maybe that's an old profile, and he's got a new one, too. But if you try to see if it's for real or not, I'd do it anonymously because it's your ex. But really, are you going to be tempted to talk to him again and would that be a bad idea?
  5. xmrth
    I know what you mean but I am lost as to what to do. I flat out told him how it made me feel and then he just told me about the trip, and then how I don't tell him what I'd like, which are two separate excuses. I don't know how I'm doing to act today when he comes over and I want to at least think things through because I have no idea.
  6. xmrth
    You couldn't have PMed me this, like I don't want help on what I've posted or anything?
  7. xmrth
    My boyfriend and I just had our official 7yr anniversary. 7 years, is that too long to continue buying gifts for eachother? I know for anniversaries, they should be romantic and just thoughtful, and not always like something you'd get for a birthday, or for christmas. Last year I made him a scrapbook, which he doesn't like because apparently his pictures didn't come out good, but that's his own fault because he never lets me take pictures of us. And so this year I got him just some cute little anniversary things, nothing spectacular. But last year AND this year he didn't get me anything for our anniversary, not even flowers. His sister's birthday is coming up and I was just asking him when. And he told me he and his mother are buying her some high end necklace, which I know the prices and they can be a lot, but it does depend. For my birthday this past summer I just got flowers... which I don't like flowers. So I mean, obviously I'm a little upset. He didn't get me anything even for Valentine's Day. So it's been about a year of nothing for V-Day, B-Day, Anniversary, and nothing. He's gotten me fine jewelry one year, and once several years ago, so it's not like he never ever has. And I'm just upset... and for our anniversary, we didn't go anyplace too spectacular for dinner. I asked him, well why don't we go to town and go to a nice restaurant? And he said no, you have to make reservations. So... why didn't you make reservations? And he just asked me, well why didn't *I*? He's not cheap and he's not this terrible person, if you can believe that from this or not. He pays for so many other things, like every time we go out for dinner he pays the majority, but that's because I'm making like nothing for money while in school and we don't like to stay in, so we get dinner on the weekends and drinks. So it's not like he never spends money. But he said for my birthday, since we went away, why would he buy me some big thing? But we went away, and we both paid our own way! He didn't get me my plane ticket for my birthday or anything! And he's saying the same thing for our anniversary, because we may go away-- nothing big. But that was supposed to be for X-MAS, not for our anniversary... like now he's trying to make it seem like oh that's why I didn't get you anything again. But still, I'd be paying for my half of it, that was the plan! He also said he doesn't know what to get me because I never tell him-- but I do, and he knows what I like and am into, especially after 7 years! So I asked him, which is it? Nothing because you didn't know what to get me, or nothing because we went away (in which I still paid my own way) I'm just really upset... and I feel selfish. Just curious what other people think. Martha
  8. xmrth
    The Jasmine Blossom Green Tea from Stash is my absolute all-time favorite tea. I don't drink it as much as I used to though because it gives me palpitations almost indefinitely while coffee doesn't... not sure how that all works.
  9. xmrth
    Thanks so much for replies! I think what makes me feel the most guilty is if these people believe I don't have a boyfriend, and then talk about it. I don't think most guys talk all about a girl they're interested in, but that is what scares me the most, is giving the wrong impression somehow by being friendly with male customers for months, but they still haven't heard "my boyfriend" yet. I don't know why I get so scared. I can't even tell my boyfriend about it if it's funny because I feel scared-- of just nothing and everything. No real reason but feeling like it's a bad idea. So I feel even worse if he were to get wind of a guy liking me. I know how stupid that sounds! I feel like I'm at fault because it involves me. I do feel better about it today, though. Just letting it out and realizing some things may be out of my control
  10. xmrth
    ...why would I get a different job over that?
  11. xmrth
    At my job there's a lot of customers who show a lot of interest in me. And I absolutely have -no- interest in them like that. But I feel like it's really wrong and I've been dwelling on it all day long. Whenever I get the chance with repeat customers who are a little too enthusiastic to see me or ask about me, I try to squeeze in "oh yeah, my boyfriend and I..." which makes me feel more comfortable in situations with people like that. Everyone I work with knows I have a longterm boyfriend but I don't know if they mention it to these customers or not. I only work a couple of days so people/guys ask and they make comments and things like that. But I try to make a point of it. I feel most guilty because today I had a chance to do that but the line was forming at work and I didn't want to prolong the conversation. I just didn't say anything, just ohh yeah, that kind of thing. And this particular guy always asks about me and has shown obvious interest by this point and even gave me his business card I almost feel like I screwed up, and I hope this doesn't sound too absolutely stupid but I feel bad... like I did something really wrong because I know he's interested and I've not brought up my boyfriend. I am not enthusiastic with this guy and I greet him like I greet all the customers... I feel really stupid for posting this Martha
  12. xmrth
    It's true... I really have to just take the chance because what's going on now isn't helping matters. We had a talk Tuesday night where he brought it up saying I'm "just getting worse," and how things need to stop going how they are and how he wants to be able to go out without me getting mad or upset and how it shouldn't be a problem. He told me I'm pushing him away... which I didn't know he would outright realize himself... and how he thinks I'd lock our kids up (don't have kids now) and never let them go out which is waaaay not true. I feel like he thinks all these things of me that are just way off the mark... I kind of wonder if I come off worse than I am, or maybe I'm worse than I think? I just know something has to change but I'm too scared to try, and feel like every choice I make has to be well thought out and almost proven the right step to take. Like what comes first-- probably going out on my own over him. I'm afraid to make plans and then back out... Everything seems like a good idea at the time when it comes to me doing something other than seeing him on the weekends. I almost feel like every time is the worst time; I can't handle it. It's too hard. It's way way too hard... This whole past year to two years feels like limbo-- I'm just stuck and I have a lesson to learn and I have all these chances to grow but I'm too scared to try.
  13. xmrth
    That's exactly what I'm wondering! Is it any jealousy or wanting to be with me more that he'd be "bothered" (his description) by me going out and him being in that he'd have to find something to do... not that it would be hard for him, but also.. I think it's interesting how if I am out he'd be bothered to stay in on the weekend. And this voice inside is saying "wonder how I have felt?" I think a big fear is of it backfiring... even though me going out and having my own life and developing more of a real life outside of him, will leave him enjoying his time apart from me. I know that would be like an answer, such as then maybe it's not meant, but still... I wish I could just dive into it and not have to worry. I'm afraid to... I'm too scared to really start, and even if I eased on in I'm still scared. I'm still only doing things when he's busy at work and whatnot, and not over the weekend OVER him. My problem is that I really want to KNOW it will help... I believe it could but I'm too scared... I feel like I can tolerate and get over more in parts of life where he's not in them, but to choose over him is hard. I really have to... and it's sad because I've known it for so long I just can't get myself to though..
  14. xmrth
    No, we're not spending Thanksgiving together. If we were I may have been a little less over the edge but I'm not sure. I just cannot handle being cut off like that, phone is off, no idea what's going on... And he did it again this morning, too. I asked him just a general question about what we may do tomorrow or what time and he just said "I don't know, I don't know" and I'm like, "you're coming, right?" "I don't know, I'm going to shut off my phone if you don't stop." Then a moment later he says "Okay, bye." and hangs up. No idea what's going on, his phone's off again, it's Thanksgiving morning and I'm clearly staying here today and not too happy about it. Thankfully he picked up when I called and that was resolved... But it is so much to be put through. I drove him crazy for a while which is why he acts like that... and the problem is, I don't really ask him a zillion questions and bug the hell out of him like I used to but he's so much into this behavior that he's rarely letting up on the "I'll just hang up." We clash with me wanting to know what time, and him not seeing it as a big deal to have set times. Anyways... I tried to do that, with doing things for myself and not worrying and it did help for an hour. But then afterwards I just went right back to blaming myself and feeling miserable. He did eventually come over and what I feel like is looking back on that day, thinking about the time and energy spent being so uncontrollably upset... but I just don't know. Is it going to far to say it's like torture to be put through that? I wish I could act against him in reaction but I just punish myself by getting so upset and down...
  15. xmrth
    What I really don't understand is what happened last night... there were a few things going on, and one he genuinely didn't want to go to and the other he just replied with he wanted to stay in tonight. I do believe he was serious, but this just makes no sense. Or not 100% sense: If I accepted an invitation last night with his friend's girlfriend, it's not that he would care I was with them, but then he'd have to go out someplace ELSE because it would "bother" him that I'm in the same town he lives in and out with like one of his friends and their girlfriend, in which he would end up going to the OTHER party if I did that. So why not us both go to one of them -together-? I know he didn't want to in the first place, but to get him to go out is for me to go out... and we'd not even be going out -together- in that case because it would bother him to stay in, which makes sense but then why don't we finally do things together if he can only get it in him if I go out? And that's hard for me... I'd probably be okay as I'd be doing whatever but still.
  16. xmrth
    His phone is still off.. and I'm paranoid he said he's not coming; I could barely hear him the last time I talked to him. And it's all I can think about. I should have just had him come over when he had wanted to. Now he's out and maybe won't even see me today... I can't get over how miserable I feel. I can't even get in touch with him.
  17. xmrth
    I just see him on weekends because of me going to college and him working full time. I talk to him in the days but only on the phone. And right now he's mad at me for calling him so much because I have NO idea what's going on, and his phone is still off as he's out doing whatever. And could have been with me and it's all my fault. He was all set to.
  18. xmrth
    I don't know what my problem is, I'm literally dying in pain over everything. I know it sounds so stupid but I feel terrible and don't know what I'm supposed to do. My boyfriend got a new job and in the process he's off this whole week. I'm off today, he's off today... could have seen him this afternoon until maybe 8pm, but I didn't want him to leave so early so I wanted to see him later. But there's more to DO during the DAY as I've realized. So now he's probably out with one of his friends instead of me.. and now I'm here, crying and feeling miserable and his phone is off. Can't even get in touch with him and have NO idea what's even going on and he's mad at me for calling him so much. But why do I have to be in the dark? Because he'll get hung up doing whatever he's doing and can't guarantee a time... I still have no idea what time he's even coming over, but I have this feeling it will be late, he will be tired, and it will have been all my fault because I could have just seen him during the day and we could have done something different from usual as I always see him at night, except Sundays... Why is this tearing me apart? ??? This probably could have been such a nice day and now he's sharing it with someone else. Martha
  19. xmrth

    He cheated

    xmrth replied to thegirl_00's topic in Infidelity

    I don't think it should matter if he changes or not... you break up over it, which I agree with, so then why not move on... and if you do move on but then that doesn't work out and you two meet up again... it's kind of like why bother? Who really knows how he'll be? Why go down that same road again?
  20. xmrth
    Get away, definitely. What a complete LOSER, in every sense of the word. Breaking all of your things, abusing you, breaking your PHONE, then crying? Giving you money, needing it back, digging in your pants to get it? How old is he? Just out of curiosity. Especially that you say everything you argue about is money-- first off, it's a big issue in married couples in particular, and he needs less than $200 which would make or break his rent? He's that bad off? He doesn't have to be made of money, but still. You know you have to get away... he could kill you with this abuse, even accidentally, if he gets you just right. He shouldn't lay a hand on you. He has, it's obviously not going to stop-- he says you started it? That makes a difference in his mind? It's just insane... get away.
  21. xmrth
    I think as long as you follow up with wanting a relationship with her rather than hanging around in the limbo of kissing and not quite in a relationship, then definitely go for it! But only if she shows interest and feel it out a little bit beforehand... like if she keeps leaning away with every inch you get closer than it's probably not a good idea. But with what you said really it sounds fine, and I think you know enough it's probably a good opportunity.
  22. xmrth
    As long as you're not doing anything to harm yourself or others, then it's a healthy distraction. Harming yourself or others ranges from many things, to binge eating and drinking, to you name it. Reading and watching movies is a regular activity... even if you start to excessively, you'll just be focusing on the breakup if you don't and that will lead to unhealthy things. If this works, stick to it for now, worry if it's a year later and you're a hermit.
  23. xmrth
    It's so hard for me to choose over him but I know it would make a world of difference if I began doing that. I feel like I'd be stupid to turn him down, just because I'd be closing my eyes to what's going on. I'd feel like he'd think I have no idea of anything, not that he'd do something terrible, but I feel like I have to constantly protect myself. It's that kind of feeling. Like in basically all cases it's not just all guys from what I've learned. Girlfriends are almost always with the guys, or at least some. So I feel like with him telling me that's not true, that why should I let him, it would be like letting him lie. A problem going on right now is I swear he doesn't tell me everything. When I'm out with him and his friends I hear stories and I hear about where he's REALLY gone and who was really there, and what they all really did... And I confront him and he has no idea. So I feel like why should he do anything without me if he's going to think I have no idea. That kind of thing.
  24. xmrth
    It wasn't that at all, it was our anniversary last year and we were supposed to go out for dinner that night and he ate at home with his mother and whoever else in his family instead. I don't know if he did because it was a Friday and those are usually early nights, but since he's never said that, it probably wasn't unfortunately. Annie I tried to think of what I would do, but without him all together makes me want to grip on. I thought about it a lot and ended up having a nightmare and then for an entire day I felt clingy and vulnerable because it was so real. But instead I think about what would be so bad if I cancelled plans on him, and things like that. And that helps, but I don't know... I really still do not have anything else too exciting to do without him. He constantly tells me to "get a life!" But I'm not this person who does nothing! I don't know what he wants; me to never ever be around? On the weekends after a week full of school and a full Friday and Saturday morning to afternoon of work, I look forward to relaxing with him and hoping to go out with him and do things together... I want to cancel on him or have better things to do, but there's just nothing. Everyone's got a boyfriend... I wanted to join things but now I am having an issue with money but on top of it, I really have no free time for a commitment I'm paying for other than school. I wish I could be disinterested in him easily. Oh and sleeping after sex, BeStrongBeHappy, I don't know... this past Saturday he seemed to only because it was getting late, but I've definitely stopped feeling like I want to because of everything. I feel like I should let him know nothing's going on "tonight" ahead of time and see how that goes, and maybe say it again the next night. Lately I feel like he shouldn't have that part of me. And I wonder if that's just what he wants but I don't know... things in that area have been a way for years and years now so it's hard to analyze.
  25. xmrth
    Actually... that's something I'm torn about because it was HE who wanted to do it with me, and I'm just so disappointed we couldn't because he had to do that with the house, and is still working on it with his dad. As simple of plans those were, I would have never thought of them. I guess I just wish he'd say sorry, or maybe plan something BECAUSE he hasn't been much 'fun' lately. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to be upset, but I am upset.
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