hurtbylove

Because when you love someone.. you give them a piece of yourself. At least in part your happiness is dependent on theirs, she became my life. I lived to make her happy. It was a dangerous path to walk down, but I wanted to. I just had let go, and let myself go too deep. Once you relinquish control of your feelings, it's hard to take it back. Trying to hold back the flood , like a fistful of sand in your hand, it leaks.

Im a guy. There isn't any good reason why a condom should be there. You are wrong for snooping. I would not confront him about this. But be wary about his future behaviors. Keep note of this find in your mind. Continue to search for further clues. This is not the end of the world though

The best relationships are when both parties think their partner is the best. Then you will treat each other really well and be happier I think.

Why can't you go with him.

He wasn't a rebound person for her, she really started to like him a lot. So much so that she just had no feelings for me anymore. At all. I guess there were problems in the relationship that I didn't know about if she started to fall for someone else in the first place. But that was in my eyes the reason why we broke up.. They were together for a month and a half, but she has known him longer than that. She still really likes him though. So, in the end I'm hurt and she is hurt. But I would rather have both of us suffering than just me while she is having fun with her new boytoy. I don't know if I actually mean that, because I do love her, but it still hurts a lot.

That's kind of my story, I was a virgin before my ex came along. We ended up making out one week later (first time), and then having sex the next (first time). It wasn't her first time. After I lost my virginity, I felt tremendous guilt. Here I was, having sex with a girl I've known for a week. I liked her ( lots) but no where near the stage of being able to "make love". I eventually did fall in love with her deeply. I was just weak, but things progressed way too quickly. But at the same time, I don't know if I could turn down sex..

I think sisterlynch is onto something.. Do you get horny at all? Or any kind of sexual desire? These sexual feelings are also very emotional, if the mind is closed then maybe nothing will happen. Males are standard equipped with sex drive.

I guess I looked at your age and now I'm going to judge you based on that, which may or may not be fair. She is being immature, which is basically normal at 15. Is it right? No, would that fly with me if my girlfriend did that? No. If you just want to have fun with her then go ahead, but she doesn't sound like the faithful type. She doesn't respect you enough to consider your feelings.

Yeah, I was a bad person too and found through illicit means the email of the guy who she was going to be with. I started handwriting a letter but a friend saw me and stopped me from making a fool of myself. I didn't send it. Honestly though, in my situation, it wasn't the guy's fault at all. He probably had no idea that my ex was involved at the time. But hey, karma came back around quick this time and he ended up breaking her heart and now she is fighting to get him back. Telling people my story helped me a lot in the beginning/middle but now everyone is pretty much fed up with me and my lame stories of 7 months ago now. I think I'm still trying to play the pity card.

I'm there with you, I just made my own lame post about wanting my ex back. My ex who left me to be with someone else which ended not working out either. I mean she blatently betrayed me to be with someone else, so why do I still want her back. It's stupid. I shouldn't trust her ever again. I think about her a ton too. I'm sorry you can still see her day to day, at least mine is in another country which makes it a lot easier. I know that we both want what we can't have. I pin this on the "God's" sense of humor. Why did you quit your good job? Was it because of the issue of who she cheated on you with? I feel stupid for emailing my ex too... I don't even know what I want out of it. I'm with you on the jealousy issue. I'm really stubborn and her leaving me was a huge blow to my ego. And yep, the worst times are when I'm by myself with nothing to do. That's when the feelings start creeping in. If you're up for it, go and pursue a new relationship. I don't know if I'm in the mood too right now. I believe it will help you get better 100x faster than just waiting it out (what I'm doing). Time does heal, but it's so slow.

I have posted here for a while now, but never made my own thread. I've thought my situation out to death thousands of times. I can stand outside my perspective and see it from the outside world. Yet, I just .. can't get a grip on reality. My ex and I were together for 3 months.. not a long time, but my first relationship. It was very intense and meant a lot to me. What happened is that she ended up liking another guy. They were together for a short time and then he broke up with her. Now she is trying to get him back. I've stood back through all of this. I can see how pointless my actions are. I see how stupid all my scheming is. I know that she has no feelings for me anymore. I broke NC, telling her what I've been up to and how I've been. She didn't respond. I know what that means. So why did I send another email tonight, basically asking that if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore it's ok, but I would like to keep up contact. I see myself in some of these other posts. Posts where the girl has moved on and the broken-hearted guy still tries desperately to keep contact and possibly more. I am that guy. I don't like it, but I am having a hard time walking away. Why do I keep hope when there is none. I can give other people advice just fine, but dealing with my own feelings is so hard. Post breakup life has been hard on me. Really hard. Its really been a self induced private hell. Sometimes it's better, other times it's worse. I've always been a stubborn person. Angry sometimes, vengeful. But I held back those feelings the best I could, as she just walked out of my life as quickly as she came. I'm not really asking for help then, because I know my own solution to my problem. 1. Time 2. New girl I think the "Gods" have a nice sense of humor though. Love is so arcane. Feelings are so ethereal. I am a methodical person. I do something, I expect a result. I don't like this whole system of a relationship can fall apart at a moments notice. It's just not fun for me. Really the lesson is to live life to the fullest because you don't know when the fun will end. blah, it's time to come out of my security shell. I think I'm alone a lot, but reality is that my situation isn't unique, and hundreds of other people are dealing with the same issues I am. But still, that's no comfort when you want to reach out for someone you love when she is no longer there. Chin up, things will get better

This really probably depends on the girl, and her view on pornography in general. like.. porn is degrading to women and is stupid like.. why is he looking at porn when he has me/feelings of inferiority like.. porn is immoral and dirty would you be ok with watching porn with him?

Hey, don't worry about it too much, my ex left me for someone else and it ended up not working either I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little glad at that.

What you did is fine, everyone needs to learn that they can't always get what they want in life (me included). He shouldn't be too heartbroken for long. The worst thing you could do is just to go along with what he says when you don't feel it just to be a nice person.

It depends on how large the amount of money is and what you did with it. If it is a large sum then yes, it really should be paid back.

It's ok if you don't want to keep in touch anymore. I'm not sure what's the best way to say it though. At least it won't be hard for you to ignore him since you can't physically see each other anymore. ---- That makes me sad though since I am trying to break NC after 7 months. I was on the receiving end of the breakup (she left me). I guess there really is no reason besides wanting her back to talk to her anymore. I know I should move on, but I don't know when I'll stop trying. I just need more time.

I never understood the "playing hard to get" type. Especially after you've in a relationship for a while. Again, I guess I'm just the bitter type. I'm just a typical nice guy that does do the giving in all the time. I do this when I really fall for someone. I will cater to their every whim. Why? Because I love them.. and I want to do this. Does that make me a pushover, yes, but I try to show that I love her in all the ways I can. Maybe that makes me boring, not showing that I am alpha male and that she is just secondary in my life, that I have better things to do than think of her all the time. What is the point of the "challenge". I just dislike playing games if my feelings are real. So it's wrong to do all you can for the one you love. Instead, feign indifference and difficult because challenge is more fun. that's great.

Marriage doesn't solve problems, often it exacerbates existing ones even worse. I agree that these issues need to be settled before being married. It's unfortunate it happened 3 weeks before, but your relatoinship needs to be reevaluated seriously. Try to learn from the situations of the other people here.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's cheating.. 5 years is a long time though, enough to know his folks at least. It really depends on your relationship, how much time you guys spend together before you can assume that is cheating. How are things otherwise? If you are unhappy about this, the best way to get it resolved is to talk it over with him

Guys (and everyone) really do need their alone time sometimes. Let him be away for a while, he will appreciate the space.

I think there is more to love that can be summed up in words. There are 2 components to being human it seems, what we think and what we feel. The emotional drive can be strong, it can be unstoppable, but it can also be irrational. The thinking part is logical and realistic. --------------- Maybe what I had was not true love then. I was prepared to stay with her for possibly the rest of my life, even if she were to get injured or disabled. But I can not tolerate her being with one of my best friends. Maybe this is selfish, but that is the way I am. I would be hurt, I would cope, but it is not the way I want things to be. My heart would have a hard time accepting that. Life is not so black and white, and checking little boxes to see if you are in love. In the end, I am still human. I want happiness and fun, and dislike sorrow and grief. Is that wrong? That said, I would sacrifice a lot for her. ----------------------- And it is true that sometimes, your best just isn't good enough

It's a hard spot to be. I have not yet been to that point yet in a relationship, where I felt like I no longer loved the person and it just evolved into a friendship. I have been on the receiving end however, where my partner just didn't like me the same way anymore. I did all I could to try and get her to stay, but in the end she just wasn't happy. It's good at least that you are able to put your finger on why you think you feel the way you do. He's going to get hurt eventually. I would say go and try and find a job to start supporting yourself. You're not being fair to him right now, although he won't care because if he is like me, he may be head over heels. It's not fair to either of you if he isn't being loved, and you don't want to be with him. What about your child? Feelings are so complicated and seem to always want to go in a different direction. Hopefully you can leave something from this, and he will too.

She just probably no longer feels comfortable knowing that you "love her" when she's happy in her relationship. Yes, you just want friendship now, but she probably feels bad/uncomfortable around you now. Unfortunetly there isn't much you can do. The best thing would just be to stay away and forget about her.

Conversational skills is not something that can be developed overnight. Of course it's especially difficult when you feel the pressure to make an impression. The best way to improve? Just talk to everyone and it'll come more naturally. It takes time. Also, this might just be adding fuel to the fire but don't try too hard, it's easy to see through that

Well, no one knows your situation better than yourself. If it was an amicable breakup, you could give it a shot. But it would just be weird that your possibly new gf knows your ex as well. They'll probably get together and talk about you, she will ask about your personality and whatnot. If you have good game and can get other girls, do that first. But, anything is worth a shot right?