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hurtbylove

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Everything posted by hurtbylove

  1. hurtbylove
    Why. Take the leap. Show her your cards and see what happens. I'm a shy guy, this summer I did that. I told a girl I had a crush on her. I got rejected. It was .. liberating? The doubt was gone, I had done all I could. I just liked her, I wasn't destroyed by her rejection. I still would like to talk to her, she's cool to hang out with or else I wouldn't have liked her. It's not as bad as people make it out to be. Honestly, it's not her fault you feel the way you do. You are responsible for your own feelings. It's a damn harsh world out there. Not everyone is looking out for you. You get rejected, pick up the pieces and move on.
  2. hurtbylove
    I know.. that I still want her back and yes, I am planning stupid stuff to get in contact with her again. I know it's dumb and I will 99.9999% not get the response I expect. But I also know.. I'm probably going to do it anyway. Hope is stupid like that. That and I have such trouble letting go. I have some elaborate scheme that will fail and probably leave me crushed. I know she has forgotten about me. That she is happy with her life and I am left here alone. I have waited and waited. She isn't coming back and I can feel it
  3. hurtbylove
    It's good that you do have these concerns, it's better than a guy mooching off his parents to go on dates. I have the same problem.. my ex broke up with me 6 months ago and it was a 3 month relationship. Still hurts like hell. I wouldn't worry about it too much, get out there and try to find a job. Anyway, she should be more interested in you than your money. I imagine most girls don't care.. depends on the type. Most college folk do rely on their parents still.
  4. hurtbylove
    Just like most girls don't tell you they have a boyfriend unless you ask directly. They like the attention that they get. That said, it's really hard to ask someone to just say to a "friend" that they have no chance in hell and should just stop trying. It makes them look really mean and heartless. It's all a state of mind. Don't let yourself be led on so easily by women. Flirt, but don't think too much of it. It's not like there is a commitment there. It's just play. I know it hurts S4il, but take a step back. People will do what is in their best interest. They're not looking out for you, or your feelings. They probably don't care about you. Don't put them on a pedestal and let them use you. Some girls are like sirens, drawing nice guys to their doom. Try to recognize them and know what you are getting into. Until you have mututal decision to have a relationship, it's all fun and games
  5. hurtbylove
    Prepare for what though. For this situation when she likes another guy more than her current boyfriend? I guess you never know when you "fall out of love", which is something I don't understand. I do understand though that if you aren't happy you should seek ends to amend that. Which.. may include breaking up your relationship to be with other people
  6. hurtbylove
    Apparently some day, all these feelings will subside. Not be forgotten, but be less painful. I have yet to see that day but I believe it will come on its own time. Am I angry at my ex, sort of.. but I still also love her as bad as it sounds. She left me. She is saying I'm not good enough to be with her. People are selfish and will do what is in their best interests. I forgot about this part. It is really difficult to fully trust someone, because with that trust you give, you are also putting yourself on the edge of a high ledge. Yes, it's fun and exhilerating while you're up there, but know that you can fall and really get hurt. I had the same questions as you, same anger at "where is the commitment". It feels like, I wasn't abusing her, I was treating her the best I could. Yes I did bend over backwards for her and pretty much obeyed every word. I did it out of love. Maybe it's the wrong mentality. Commitment feels like.. if there isn't anything outwardly wrong with the relationship, two people should stay together. This is how it was with older generation I think. Now, relationships break up at a drop of a hat. You find someone new and exciting, you break up and run off. I used to think she would come back, it was just a phase, she would realize what she lost. But heh, she hasn't talked to me since. How she is doing I don't know. She doesn't know that I still think of her every day. alittleoverlife, some days are better than others, you can be angry and pissed off at her actions, but in the end .. we are still left hurting and mourning. Your ex is like a book on a shelf, you read a couple chapters and now the book is closed. It might be open later it might not be. But there are plenty of other books on the shelf in the meantime. 99% of them might not be interesting, but it's just a matter of time. I really think I start to rehash the same arguments over and over. There are a couple different scenarios I have. Sometimes I'll just be sitting in class and get worked up about why my relationship ended. Then I slap myself and say "man, just shut up".
  7. hurtbylove
    It's not a mistake to send stuff, but surely you were expecting something back from him I think. I know how it feels to have someone change on you and just grow distant. Ignorance is bliss and try to avoid finding out new stuff on your ex, I know it's hard (people are just curious). Until I am the one to break up with someone and jump into another relationship, I will never understand the mentality of their position. There is no perfect way to "get back your ex". Most I think are really a process for you to move on yourself. I know how hard it is to move on. I have no answers myself.
  8. hurtbylove
    You might want to just talk to him about paying this bill. Maybe he honestly forgot (small chance) This is a separate issue than your relationship together. If he is using the phone he should be paying the bill, not you. Find out what is going on first before calling it revenge. Although people who are broken up with are often bitter and think about revenge. (I know I did)
  9. hurtbylove
    It's really a case of knowing what is wrong, knowing what you have to do, but just being unable to do it. I know I should be over her, and not thinking about her, and moving on with my life. Think about this. They didn't put you into the situation that you are in. It is a personal battle with yourself. It's no longer her responsibility, she is not commited to you anymore. You have to fix yourself. I have to fix myself. Some of it for me is just learning to be happy with who I am, which I am not really. It is depressing for me day in and day out. Life is still full of ups and downs, occasionally I really do feel ok. I know exactly what I need to be doing, but I'm just being.. blocked somehow, by my heart or whatever force. Hey alittleoverlife, I'm in the same place you are, I was with her for about 3 months, and it did feel like a long time. I haven't spoken to her for many months now. I still think about her all the time. And I know that she doesn't think about me anymore. She feels like she made the right decision and is probably happy now, because she didn't come back to me. I want to walk away from this because she has hurt me a lot, but I just seem to love to stick my neck out there just to be hurt again. I don't think it's her fault anymore. I have get through this personal hell myself.
  10. hurtbylove
    It's ok, I still feel the same way about my ex. The same feelings of being lost and lonely. And it's been like 6 months since we have broken up. I really feel like im just being obsessive now, and I can sense it. But I can't seem to do anything about it either.. Man, the last thing she needs is me still pining over her when she has long since moved on. She probably thinks I'm doing fine, but when in reality it still hurts each and every day. So in short I know how you feel. There was a time in my life when I did feel like I was over her, but now It's gotten a little worse. Seriously, I could have written the same post you did. I am still left wondering what happened, why things didn't work out. Why she doesn't want to try anymore.. But think about it, this has passed for a long time in the real world. Maybe not in our minds, but it really has been over for a long time. Sitting her down and forcing her to tell you why things didn't work out between you two is not going to make things better. I wish I could pry the truth out of her brain too. I don't know what to say, because I'm really no better than you and have these similar thoughts everyday. But she left because she thinks she can find better than you. My ex left because she thinks there is better than me out there. People are selfish. Saying someone is too good for you is a lie. They are really the ones hurting us, yet we are so willing to forgive and forget
  11. hurtbylove
    I think it happens a lot to many people. I miss my girl so much and it hurts me everyday still, but they're gone for whatever reason. I know the feeling of longing all too well. I'm not sure if it will ever go away
  12. hurtbylove
    You can try and go for it, it's always worth a try. But just be aware that the age issue might never go away. I think it just might be instinctive for a woman to want an older, more mature man to look up to. Similar to a father figure, someone with authority. Honestly, it doesn't have to do as much with age as the maturity that comes with age. If you are mature at 20, then it may just work out. I sort of speak with experience. I am 20 years old and my first girlfriend was 23. She had some reservations about it, I didn't. It was her 3rd relationship and my first. I do think that my relationship ended because of the issue of maturity. I simply was not there yet at that point in my life. I didn't have enough life experience to make things really work.
  13. hurtbylove
    If you aren't being appreciated do you still want to stay in that relationship? I was in a similar situation where I wasn't cared about anymore, even though she meant all the world to me. Even if you are willing to continue that relationship, does it have meaning anymore? You can't just keep giving without getting something back. What she did was unfair to you. If she was unhappy, she should have said that much earlier. Relationships often don't work out... I'm going to generalize here about women... they don't know what they want. They go by feeling rather than rational judgement. Once that "feeling of love" is gone, they sometimes go looking elsewhere. Don't be friends with her, it would only keep your hopes up and you would get hurt hearing about her new escapades with other guys. She doesn't deserve to have you and you are better than that. I know in your heart you have strong feelings for her.. I still "love" my ex very much, but she betrayed and lied to you. Give it some time and hopefully someone who appreciates you will come into your life.
  14. hurtbylove
    No, hate is not the answer. When my ex broke up with me, I had to make the same decision. To hate her or let it go. Forgive, but not forget. Letting go is the harder path, but in the end it is the better choice. Hate for that person will consume you, and in the end damages you. It's an unhealthy emotion. You will feel better in the short term, but in the end you have to let go of hate before you can move on. You might want to make it clear to him what you are doing, and tell him not to call. If he respects you, he should also respect your decisions. Break away from him, it really is what is best for everyone I think. He should know that you should be left alone. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but you have the power to tear apart his marriage... If you had told his wife, everything would go to pieces. That is the consequences of his actions. He should know this already. Take this relationship as a good lesson learned. There were both good and bad things that you learned. Try not to regret anything you have done.. because it makes you who you are today. I highly recommend taking the higher ground and just walking away, not matter how difficult. Tell him to leave you alone.
  15. hurtbylove
    Unless he is willing end his marriage over this.. which I don't agree with if kids are involved, you really need to put an end to this. It's not healthy for anyone, especially as it's dragging on like this. Everyone is being hurt. His wife and kids are being lied to, and you are in a bad situation. He's having his cake and eating it to. It's not fair to you either. At all. Don't you feel like you deserve full commitment from someone? Aren't you worth that? He doesn't think you are worth giving up anything for. I know this will hurt, but you are young, you will find someone else who's situation is less complicated. You will need to be the one that puts your foot down, even if it hurts. In the long run you will see this is best. Put your foot down and don't see him anymore. This will be a very painful process. This affair needs to end now.
  16. hurtbylove
    We do these things because we still want to feel like we are a part of their life. When reality is that we have been cut out and left behind. We read and find these things out to feel close to them. Most of us should be doing no contact. For those relationships that ended amicably, it may be different. But for the rest of us who want our ex's back, this behavior becomes torture. Trust me when I say that the mind and the heart are two very distinct and often opposing entities. The heart will do what it wants, even when the mind knows it to be wrong. I knew I should stop this behavior, "Get over her", all these things in my mind. I could tell others to do the same. But the most difficult is to take your own advice. It takes time. You will make mistakes, but now that I'm at the ending leg of the journey of breakup, im still here. The pain has dulled, but I have for the most part, forgiven. I do not believe the pain fully ever leaves, but it becomes quite bearable. There are still the times of sadness, but keep moving forward It's all we ever can do. Don't feel ashamed. We have all done the stupid behavior trying to get our ex's back, the begging, checking up on what they're up to.. give yourself a break too. Your ex has been a huge part of your life and now they're gone. There is a huge void. Someday that void will be filled with love again ....
  17. hurtbylove
    No one can stop this behavior but you. It will take time to learn self-control. I was the same way, I wanted to know all sorts of tid-bits about my ex even after we weren't together anymore. Trust me, whatever you find out will just end up hurting you. It is human nature to be curious about them... How they are faring without you.. do they care about you anymore .. It's all about self control. If you do not stop this obsessive behavior, you will never heal properly and prolong your pain. It takes a lot of time to start to "forget" about your ex. Months even. Resist every attempt to find out more about your ex, cut him out of your life.
  18. hurtbylove
    mmm, I love hugging. It's warm and fuzzy
  19. hurtbylove
    People like that often fall into a pattern... Once the relationship is stable, it seems boring to them and they look for something new. Just remember, grass is not always greener, and karma will come around. Stay your high ground and take time to heal. Don't hate her, anger will only prolong your pain. Eventually try to forgive, though forgiveness is not forgetting. I think this is the only way to recover.
  20. hurtbylove
    The same way you get over your new boyfriend having past relationships before you. I don't hold it over my next gf that she may have slept with/kissed other guys because that happened even before she knew of my existence I am a fairly jealous person by nature, but some things you have to let go.. No point in ruining a relationship over something that happened in the past. Your partners past experiences make them the person they are today.
  21. hurtbylove
    Sorry then, I misjudged you. I tend to have my own misguided theories on women and their friendships with men. Yes, then it is unusual why he would not come out with his feelings for you. If he wants to start something then maybe give it a chance. But if he said he doesn't want to risk losing the friendship.. Well what's life without a little risk
  22. hurtbylove
    It would probably weird for a girl to be approached but random guys. But if a girl approached me that was interested... man that is HOT I wouldn't mind at all. Come up and talk to me anytime
  23. hurtbylove
    Yes, you need to make it clear to her that now that the relationship is over, the boundaries are changing. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants you to be there for her.. but what about when you want her? Tell her that you are trying to get over her and to not contact you. Yes, it sucks that her sister died, but it's not fair for you to still be the shoulder she cries on when she has a new guy. I think she should understand how you feel. If it hurts you to talk to her, make it stop. Think about yourself.
  24. hurtbylove
    Man.. I feel for him. I agree with everyone else that he's probably liked you for a long time now.. He never told you and was put in the "friend zone" like so many guys. I don't know how it'll change the nature of your relationship with him now that you realize this.
  25. hurtbylove
    I take back my previous post about her on this subject. She seems articulate and actually *gasp* serious about her religion. Just the way she put together the e-mail tells a lot about her. It is unfortunate that this is happening, you both obviously like each other, but she wants to not have a "sinful" relationship. I don't know if this is just a phase she is going through or she is really going to follow through with this. But it is something that should be applauded if her heart is true.
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