Jump to content

Hopingpraying

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    412

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Hopingpraying

  1. Hopingpraying
    This is directed toward you all, but specifically Lisaria & disenchanted.... I don't think we should try to forget about our EX's, or try to stay mad at them. Its okay to get angry at them, but you have to let it go and forgive them otherwise you will be holding on and prevent the very thing you want which is for you to let go. The only way to let go is to truly honestly reflect back on your relationship and forgive them and yourself for the wrongs that were done. By reflecting back you can figure out what went wrong and prevent it from happening. This is why I think we should never forget our EX's. They are learning experiences like everything else in our lives and if anything we should thank them for what they have given us and move on. If you are able to do this you will be a much better person, and you will have much better future relationships. Its not like when you are born you are given a relationship handbook and off you go, unfortunately it is trial and error and we all must go through it.. Sucks but we must!! Hope everyone is able to let go. It takes awhile but you will be able too. I am still trying to get to that point myself. But I think about my wife all the time. I have forgiven her. But I still love her with all my heart. I probably always will in some form or another.
  2. Hopingpraying
    Spartan, Don't be so hard on yourself. She won't be the last woman you will meet, and you probably had a good point about the distance. What is the point with starting up a relationship with someone two hours away. But with that said, why not be friends and hang out when the opportunity arises. If she saw the same spark you did there is a good chance she will go back to that club again to see if she can find you. I would try and hang out there on the odd chance you will see her agian. If all you have is a first name to go by maybe you can go back to that club and ask anyone if they know her. It is possible you could find her. Like I said don't be so hard on yourself, look where you have come from in the past eight months!! I am several months behind you but am trying to get my self esteem and confidence back. It is a day by day thing. It gives me strength to hear from someone who has come through it. You will find another!!
  3. Hopingpraying
    Marsha, Wow your in a tough situation. I don't think I can tell you whether you should trust him. I guess you really need to find out why he felt he needed to have this girl in his life. Was it just a convienient opportunity, or did he have feelings for her? Why does he feel he should go to someone else for sex? Are you witholding sex, or do you not enjoy sex? Please don't get me wrong... He is the one who screwed up not you. However, If you are ever going to trust him again you need to find out the real reason why he strayed. Otherwise he will do it again. If you can both be honest with the marriage counselor maybe you can work it out, but there are underlying reasons why he strayed. Figure that out and I am sure you will be able to trust him again.
  4. Hopingpraying
    Make sure he washes his hands before he begins. Nothing worse than getting an infection down there. But it is normal for someone who is a virgin to have this happen... Although I really think you should point him to your love button unless he is just inserting the fingers to open you up for intercourse.. By love button I mean your clitorious(sp?) you will get much better sensations from it and it shouldn't hurt.
  5. Hopingpraying
    Dleif, Wow you have many many questions in that post. I don't think I have time to answer them all, but here is what I think how you should do the no-contact. If you want this guy back, basically you should tell him I am not going to bother you anymore. I am going to leave you alone... How much detail of why you are doing it is up to you. You can tell him because you deserve better but I don't think that will help much. When I started no contact with my wife I didn't even tell her I was doing it. I just did. My no-contact is modified because I have to talk to her about our daughter, but I don't say anything to her about us. I don't ask her how she is doing, nothing.. Just about Lauren... N-E-Ways.... Just implement the no contact and start moving on with your life. He will call you if he still wants to have a relationship with you. If when he does call you have moved so far on that you don't want him back then it is his loss, you cannot wait for him forever.. I don't know if I answered any of your questions, but I hope I gave you a little to chew on. Good luck!
  6. Hopingpraying
    Rlemon, Woobie is giving you good advice there.. And I wuld add that if you want to keep her you probably let her do this little bit of experimentation. If you have treated her well over the years she will see this when she starts to date other guys. If you fight her on this I can tell you that you will loose. It is hard to let someone go that you care so much for, but use this time to make yourself a better person out of it all. If she does decide to date other guys, which it sounds like she is going to do. I suggest you do the same. Not rushing out just to do it because she is, but see what else is out there so that when you two do get back together you will know she is the one, and why she is the one. Right now you both may be thinking, well she/he could be the one, but how do I know when I haven't dated anyone else??? This sort of thing happens all the time. It is what is killing me right now. I have dated others. My wife has not. But now we are divorcing so she can figure it out... It sucks man!!
  7. Hopingpraying
    There is nothing wrong with you. This is totally normal. As you and he learn how to please each other it will get easier. You need to open up and tell him what you like. When he is manipulating your love button if he does something you like tell him oh yeah that is the spot right there. Guys like to know what gets a girl off. Soon you will be having the big O with no problem. It will probably take you much longer than him, and I doubt you will be able to do it through intercourse at all. The majority of women cannot orgasam that way. Sex is supposed to be fun, have fun and relax!
  8. Hopingpraying
    Marty, I think you are doing the right thing. If it is her prank calling you, or just calling to hear your voice say hello, I don't think it matters. You need to keep doing what you are doing. One of two things will happen. 1. She will realize she misses you and contact you. 2. You will eventually get over her and move on with your life. Either way you win!!
  9. Hopingpraying
    Atticus, You need to tell her that she is important to you. Well I feel being honest and sincere is the best way. I have not read your previous post. I am getting ready to go to bed, however, if she feels you care more for your friend than her jut explain to her that you want to spend more time with her. That you want to be there for her. That you cherish your time together. Women love to hear that.. Good luck!!
  10. Hopingpraying
    It is not a bad idea as long as you can handle the outcome, and what I mean by that is whether it goes good or badly. I am not trying to bring you down, based on what you have said he very well could want to be with you, but you have to be able to accept it if he doesn't. If the possiblity that he is not going to want to get back together with you kills you then you may want to re-think it. Whatever you do just don't have some wine and jump back in the sack with him I don't think that would be good for either of you. Take it slow, easy. Ease back into the relationship. Figure out what went wrong the first time so it doesn't happen again. There is nothing worse then getting your heart broke twice by the same person. Good luck. Be strong, and keep us posted!!
  11. Hopingpraying
    Amelia, I am glad you came to that realization and saw all that. I do believe people can change, but they have to want to change. It sounds like he has not changed and probably won't. But you saw what you needed too. Keep your chin up you are doing the right thing.
  12. Hopingpraying
    Whoooa... I'm at work will have to take a minute to read this.. Don't think I am ignoring you I will try to review and give you an ounce of my infinite wisdom.
  13. Hopingpraying
    Fantasia, You almost make it sound like your never coming back I hope this is not the case. Keep us updated on your life. We will be here for you, and I hope you are here too listen to my success and failures.. Hopefully more success' then failure!!
  14. Hopingpraying
    Destructo, You are getting good advice here from Avman and Scout, please listen too them. Too be perfectly honest it sounds like she still cares quite a bit for you, however, Scout is right when he says it sounds like she is just looking to be your friend and get emotional support from you. That would be fine if that is what you are looking for. I think you should reply to her E-mail and just state exactly how you feel. She was open and honest with you and you should be the same with her. If it was me I would respond like..... I appreciate you sending this email and giving me closure. I am glad you valued our relationship. I wish it could of been different. I am sorry this will need to be our last contact for awhile because right now I still have too strong of feelings for you to be your friend. It would just tear me up inside to be close to you without being close to you. I hope you understand this, I want nothing more than to be there for you, but it hurts me that we cannot be together. Please understand..... Or something to that effect. I do wish you luck and with a little bit of time I think you will be well on your way to healing. Good luck!!
  15. Hopingpraying
    It all sounds good, but if you just put it at 60 days and that other person doesn't call you are just setting yourself up for more disappointment. I don't know how anyone can make a wide statement like that. I just like to think of no-contact as something you do until you feel you could talk to the EX without being all emotional and breaking down into a pile of quivering humanity. Thats what no-contact means too me.... Good luck in the adventure called life!!
  16. Hopingpraying
    Pete, I am not sure that it is truly mixed signals, she may really want to just be friends and hang out. The problem is you are not ready to do that. I think you just need to explain that too her. Just tell her you still have very strong feelings for her and that you are too attached to be friends right now. Just tell her that until you heal your heart you cannot do what she asks because it is very confusing for you. I understand why you are confused, it would confuse anyone. I understand what Destructo is saying too about not giving her the satisfaction of knowing you still miss her, but if you truly would like things to work out between you then I think you need to clear the air and explain to her why you don't reply to her messages. Its not because you don't care or don't want to talk to her, on the contrary, you want nothing more than to be there for her. She needs to know that. That way it is on her, not on you.. Just be honest, it is all you can do. The rest will just fall into place. You sound like a nice guy, and I am sure she will realize that. Hopefully before it is not too late.
  17. Hopingpraying
    Not that this will make you feel better but it happens a lot. It is unfortunate, but this happened too me. My wife went from loving me to hating my guts, at least that is the way I have seen it. The only advice I can give to you is what has worked for me... Give her your unwaivering love. Through this whole divorce process I have been nothing but supportive of her. No matter what she has said or done I have been the better person through it all. I stay calm. Tell her why I disagree with her, and ultimately let her know I am not going to be this monster she is trying to show everyone else I am. The way I look at it if I give her no reason to be mad at me, how can she be mad?? I mean it is that simple is it not? I am not saying roll over and take it how ever she gives it. I am just saying when she says the things she is saying step back and think does she really mean these things?? For you it could be as simple as she is pregnant and she is saying to herself look what this SOB did too me.. blah blah.. It could be hormonal.. Something. As for my wife I chalk it up to her self esteem issues and possibly post pardom depression. I have no other explanation for it. I know it will be hard just to let the hurtful and hateful things she says go, but what other choice do you have? Saying mean hurtful things back to her is not going to get you into your daughters life any quicker. Once the baby is born you will have to go through the Friend of the court to see your daughter and that is not a fun thing. So definitely try to work it out between the two of you without getting the courts involved. Your situation is not a good one, but by showing her you are just a caring and devoted father it should win her over. It may not be in the time frame you want, but how can she continue to be mad at you if you give her no reason to be mad.. Hope this helps.
  18. Hopingpraying
    Kantore, It sounds like this may not be such a good idea for you, because if you go into this with expectations and you are unable to meet them you may be at square one all over again. Be careful not to do this to yourself. You can't control her actions, but you can control yours. If you go into this with an open mind not expecting anything but a possible friendship I think that is the best way to go. Don't set yourself up for a big disappointment. She may not even be the same woman you remember. Good Luck.
  19. Hopingpraying
    Dartarian, I think you are probably selling yourself short in the looks department, but looks only take you so far anyways. It is the personality (you) that keeps them coming back. Some people can look past skin, others get hung up on it and they usually miss out on some great people. What I wanted to say to you and everyone else is you usually meet that special someone when you are not looking. Usually the hard you try the less you are going to find that special one. After reading many of your posts I can definitely say I am happy for you. I have met a girl myself who is a wonderful person, I just had to tell her that I am not ready to be in a relationship and that it would be sometime before I would be able too. I have been meaning to post a message about it but haven't gotten around too it. Maybe I will do that today. HP
  20. Hopingpraying
    Confused, Difficult situation for sure. It sounds like you already know what you have to do. You have already said you don't really have a relationship. It sounds like she is in that "ME" stage. I think a lot of women go through that at some point or another, they get tired of doing for everyone else and figure they need some "ME" time. It sucks for the guy thats with them thats for sure. Not an easy answer to your problem, although, I don't think there is an easy answer to any of our problems.
  21. Hopingpraying
    Fantasia, Its not easy for any of us. I just take it a day at a time. Some days are really good and I feel like I am moving forward, other days it seems like I take ten steps back. I just try to keep doing the right things. When I do have contact with my wife I make sure I am polite, caring, but not overly so. I just try to keep a positive outlook and not hold anything against her. I know I was as much responsible if not more for our situation. I am now trying to recognize my mistakes and make sure I do not repeat them. I have to believe by doing this my wife will see the person in me that she fell in love with in the first place and maybe we will be able to make things work out. A day at a time is the best I think.. Wish me luck, and I do the same for you.
  22. Hopingpraying
    S4il, I think you should definitely ask her out on a date, but I don't think you should specifically ask her to bring the daughter along. I would do it something like this....... Sarah, I was wondering if you would like to go out for coffee or lunch sometime. Just something casual.. If at this point she makes it sound as if she would need a baby sitter, or find some type of care for Audra, then maybe you can throw in, ohh don't bother you can bring her along. I would love to meet her. Or something along those lines. I would let her decide that though, she may think you are being too forward if you press meeting her daugher. Good luck!
  23. Hopingpraying
    Suave, The first thing you have to realize, and this is important, is you cannot get happiness from another person. You have to be happy with yourself first and foremost... This does not mean that other people can't add to your happiness, however, you shouldn't look to them too make you happy. You will be putting to much stress on your relationship and it will kill it. I say this from experience... So to answer your question: You are wrong!! Yes you can live your life without her. What you describe is love. She may be the one for you, but I can tell you she is not the ONLY one for you. It is crazy for any of us to think that there is one person on this planet put solely here for us. You are a young man of 18, and while you didn't say the two of you broke up, it sounds like maybe your friendship is in trouble?? Or something like that?? Not sure, but while she sounds like a great girl, there will be others!! Trust in that.
  24. Hopingpraying
    Down, The reason it is not getting any easier is because you keep letting her tug on your heart strings time and time again. She is in another relationship because it just feels right? Then why isn't this guy going with her and why does she want you to go so badly? Plese don't misinterprut what I am saying I am not be callous of your situation. I understand that you love this woman with all your heart and want to do anything but hurt her feelings, but Down, she is trampling you every step of the way, and I don't think she is doing it on purpose, she is doing it because you let her. You did not say if she broke up with you or you with her, but I will assume based on your posts that she broke up with you. But it sounds like she is still hanging on to you because she can keep you waiting if this new guy does not work out. Don't keep letting her do this to you. Explain to her that you love her and right now you want more than friendship. Maybe a year or two from now you will be able to be just friends, but you need time to heal your heart otherwise you will continue in this rut. You get up when she shows you the attention you want so badly, then when she talks about this new guy you are crushed. This will just keep repeating itself until you get tired of it, or she decides she actually likes this guy. The bottom line is woman like strong indepedent men. Right now you are neither. You are just cattering too her and while you may think it is the right thing to do. I must say I disagree... Hope this helps.
  25. Hopingpraying
    I did not realize there was a specific time frame for no contact?? I though each person was different on what points they can handle what. As for your friends situation I think she shouldn't reply. There is no way for him to know whether she has checked his email or read it, unless he attached some type of notification with it, which most people don't do. So she can ignore it and no need to feel rude. However, if she feels she can just reply back Thanks, you too. And leave it at that and be okay with it then go for it. No contact basically is just a way for her to facilitate her healing which is why I think it is bad to just set a 60 day time limit and think everything will be okay after that. Based on you saying this has set her off again then I think replying would not be the correct course of action. Maybe in another month or two. Hope this helps
×
×
  • Create New...