britgirl

Hi Guys, You know when you just keep thinking "I am not ready for a relationship just yet." Well how do you know when you *are* ready? Do you suddenly wake up one day feeling excited about it all? That there is life out there after all.........that that person could be out there?? Or is it a slow realisation? You know baby steps..............Can anybody please explain this to me? I have a friend that says "The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody." How do you know when the time is right for you? Should you just kind of do the dating thing even if you don't really feel up to it? I have kind of half-heartedly joined a dating site and yes there are lots of seemingly decent guys out there looking for the same as me..........but how do I know I am not just on the rebound? Britgirl

Thanks Hoping and Praying, I know she welcomes all views on what to do next. So just for today....you know one day at a time.......she has decided not to answer him. I got the 60 day no contact rule from another site.....and I suppose I thought you guys on here were all talking about the same thing........ It was from this website link removed The 60-Day Rule: If you are the one being neglected or left, your partner will contact you within 60-days if they really do love and want you. According to Dr. Pat Allen, men generally need this much time to realize how they really feel about you. During this time, if children or your job are not an issue, DO NOT contact your former partner in any way. Do not write, call, e-mail, ask about, drive by their home, workplace, and hangouts or arrange to bump into them. Each time you do, you will prolong the denial phase several weeks or even months. Prolong the phase and you'll prolong the agony. Make a note of each time you make an excuse for your partner's negative behavior toward you Ask your friends to remind you each time you 'romanticize' the ended relationship Make a list in writing of all of the times your partner's behavior hurt you. Pull it out and read it three times a day. Take yourself out of the picture. What type of advice would you give your brother, sister, close friend or child if they were experiencing the relationship instead of you? Britgirl

Hi Guys My friend needs some good advise here...........she is on Day 49 of the 60 Day No Contact rule (we met up on a breakup group) and she has just received an email from her ex yesterday. Just says......Happy Easter.....and that's it......should she reply with a Happy Easter right back? Or just ignore it? She was doing pretty good with the No Contact thing but this has set her right off again....she doesn't know what to do. She feels it is impolite not to reply. Is he just putting out feelers do you think to see how she will react? Britgirl on Day 51 and nobody has contacted me.....

You know what you did "wrong" ?? Nothing......you were just guilty of being too nice. I am a woman who has been just as guilty in my past of the same thing (more than once). But NEVER again. I bought a book which is really doing the rounds now called, "WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES......From Doormat to Dreamgirl.....a Woman's guide to holding her own in a relationship." You flip the book over and it says.... Do you feel like you are too nice............. I knew when I read this sentence that this was the book for me....it's written by Sherry Argov. I suggest you either get a copy from the library or keep one with you to study over and over again, that's what I intend to do. I will never again let a man treat me in a bad way. Take care of yourself, be gentle and kind with you.....you know all that stuff you gave to him? Give it to YOURSELF instead from now on. Britgirl

I am on day 29 and this is pure hell..........why doesn't he contact me...........he knows my phone number and all my email addresses, why I am the one here feeling like s**t................... Britgirl

Thanks for your advice guys and you know IF (big IF) he does get in touch, well I will say something like.........nope I haven't blocked you off my MSN or Yahoo Messenger, just haven't been online too much lately - even if he does know I am ALWAYS online with my Broadband setup and he does know my dayum daily routine far toooo much!! I *did* try the blocking/unblocking, the pathetic emails and phone calls...cards on the table - I Love You stuff and all that ...........sad huh? Can even happen at my age That is why I am on the 60 day no contact thing..........and I AM getting stronger.......and it *is* a two way street right? Nothing to stop him phoning or emailing me............but he doesn't/hasn't so that should tell me something. Those rose-coloured glasses are right off!! Anyway guys I am hanging in there.........thanks for your support Britgirl on Day 16

Well here's what I do............I read that you can only have ONE thought in your head at any one time, so when my thoughts drift to "him" - I replace them with little mantra's or affirmations about ME....you know - like I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF or like I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON AND I DESERVE TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS....now I do this over and over, maybe 50 times , seems a little crazy right? But better than the "what if's" and going over and over in our heads with thoughts of the other person. Actually that reminds me - my friend told me a great saying just yesterday, "Dont concern yourself with the what if's - just concern yourself with the what IS". Or something like that!! She heard it an old movie, Von Ryan's Express spoken by Frank Sinatra! I also find exercise a great help though I admit to some days I just can't be bothered, but when I do, I have a CD Walkman playing "mindless" techno dance music, this keeps my speed up on my power walks and doesn't allow to my mind drifting back too many times to "him." Hope this helps Britgirl

You know I bought this book at JFK airport on December 26th, I was just browsing around the airport shop there - when I go overseas I can't bear to come back with ANY spare change LOL!! Anyway this is an EXCELLENT book - not available where I live (Australia) it has done the rounds of my girlfriends and they all see it as a kind of "wake up call".......go read it and devour every page............. I was coming back from my disastrous holiday with my guy, and this book kinda jumped off the shelf at me --------------"How to go from being a doormat to a dreamgirl" and I turned the book over and it says "Are you guilty of being too nice" - and I thought...........oh yeah - this book is for ME!!! Britgirl

Hi guys, Well I am on Day 15 of the "60 day no contact rule" and I NEVER EVER thought I could make it this far but I have and I did!! And I am soooo proud of myself............... Now I have read where *if* the other person contacts you - you are supposed to keep the conversation light and brief and end it at about the 8 minute mark.........now just say *if* (big if) my ex was to contact me..............I know, I know, I shouldn't just be hanging on in there hoping, but a part of me still is ...........what would/should I say?? Somebody asked this same question in a group I am on today, and it got me to thinking............ What if he says - why have you blocked me off your MSN and Yahoo Messengers, I still love you, blah blah blah...........because the only way he has left to contact me now is by phone (we were in a long distance relationship - different countries too just to make it even worse) just my thoughts.............I am 99% sure he won't - sorry but I can't quite douse that flame that still flickers........what are your thoughts on this? You guys are a LOT younger than me - but you are a lot smarter than me when it comes to this whole dating/relationship scene, mine ended in the 1970's when I married my first boyfriend (now my ex-husband)!!! Don't laugh - there is still life in us oldies, but hey we can be as silly as some teenagers and definitely not as wise as some of you young guys on here!! But you know age is just an attitude and a number - I downloaded the Beyonce Knowles CD yesterday....oops probably not supposed to admit to that, anyway it was on the recommendation of somebody from a Yahoo group I am on who told us to listen out for a track called Me, Myself and I.....such a beautiful song.......be your OWN best friend. Looking for advice from all ...............Britgirl OK OK I know I am not a girl but I couldn't have Britmiddleagedwoman as my nickname could I!!

Thanks Guys It has all become clearer now................LOTS of reading but so very interesting.............I know it's hard to make comparisons and averages but how long would the general "rule" be on the one you are wanting to contact you in fact contacting you? Though I know I shouldn't be living in hope and yes I am becoming stronger and kind of more in control of my emotions, I am still curious. And I do understand that if they don't contact you - you have to come to terms with "it was never meant to be" anyway.....and I can see how this emotional distancing helps. Britgirl almost at the end of day 10 and I can hardly believe it myself I have gone this long..............

Hi guys Need a bit of help here with the "rules" of this thing. I can see all your posts to each other about the no contact thing. But I can't seem to find out what the actual rules are......I see you talking about keeping the contact light and brief IF the ex calls, etc. Can somebody please point me in the right direction? Thanks Britgirl on day 10