brit

i'm just really hurting right now. he is amazing and we confide in each other about all our projects and encourage and support one another. he says i now make him uncomfortable because how i react that he has a girlfriend. i can't blame him. i'm upset she is moving in so soon and i still don't understand why he didn't like me like that. dumb i know. i just wanted to see if he'd miss me. i expect to get some emails tomorrow from him because i sent a few tonight, trying to get him to reconsider. how should i respond if he says to back off and give him space? do i never contact him again?

i was great friends with this guy for a year, and then he started dating someone out of town. this led me to tell him how i felt about him and that i wanted to date him. he said he respects me (ha, there's that word) and was attracted to me, but couldn't date someone in the same city because he's immersed in work. three months ago, he started dating someone else in the city! she is gorgeous, a model and singer. one night, i got upset and said i didn't understand why we couldn't date. he got pissed off and cut me out of his life all summer. we just started talking again and he told me how proud he is of me for everything i've accomplished. then the other night, this girl out of the blue told me that his girlfriend was moving in with him (he's never introduced us) so at this house party i asked his friend. his friend told him and now, he says he can't talk to me coz i'm obssessed with his personal life. i told him it's not a big deal to ask that question but now he wants to cut me out of his life. i am devastated. just last week, he said how proud he is of me. how do i proceed? should i back off for weeks? a month? months? and see if he misses me. we really are two peas in a pod - same goals, interests, drive. i think i'm in love with him. i can't believe this girl is moving in after three months.

i am good friends with this guy i really like. i am fed up. i want him to realize how much (i may) mean to him. i guess because we speak every day, he doesn't look at me as a girl or potential romantic partner. how can i turn his head? i am too available for sure. i will be seeing him tonight at a party. any suggestions, guy? be flirty? act aloof? show up with another guy? don't talk to him. do talk to him? help!!!!!

i'll try and explain this well. over the past six months, i have become VERY close with this guy through work. i liked him off the bat. he told me he is building a business and can't get 'involved' with anyone. he is amazing. he never talked about girls with me. i found this odd, thinking he MUST be seeing someone. so recently, i asked him if he ever dates. he said, 'sometimes, for one night.' then TWO days later, a friend let something slip and i said, 'are you seeing someone?' he said 'sort of.' why didn't he tell me before? he told me she doesn't live in the city and it's just fun. i said, 'i can be fun.' he said, he's never dated anyone in the same city as him. i said, 'that's ridiculous. i'll change your mind.' so he said, 'change it.' i said 'i will.' i didn't bring it up again and we continued to talk and get together for work stuff. the girl he is seeing is VERY young, and giggles, and whines and clings (she is gorgeous though and plays the 'cute' routine). she does this more when he's not around, with her friends, and his. he probably hasn't seen it yet. he is one of the most intelligent guys i know and i am the TOTAL opposite of her. my question is, how do i get him to look at me differently? should i give him space for a week or so? we usually talk every day since the summer? he now knows i like him. i don't want to make catty jealous comments about this girl, but i am SHOCKED he would like someone like this. i also don't want to act mad and sullen. but i do want him to suddenly think i might not be around and that we should give it a try. any suggestions?

i just don't have a clue what he's thinking. he called yesterday and started leaving a message, and then half-way through said, oh that's my other line. when i called back later, i got his voicemail. we tend to leave little updates on our lives, which i guess is key to getting closer. i know he likes me as a friend but i want him to start thinking of me in a romantic way while he's away for so long. he'll be home for a day next week. do i wait for him to call or offer to visit? i guess if he comes home and doesn't call, he's not interested.

my friend died a year ago. one can't even fathom the pain. i didn't eat, sleep or work. nothing seemed important. while your response was normal because you didn't know what was going on, she is hurting and feeling number and pursuing a new relationship is the furthest thing from her mind. just check in with her every now and then to see how she is doing. most people are afraid of death and don't even mention it. i was surprised by some people.

thanks. if you have any other suggestions, even on things to say, let me know. people say i should disappear for a bit, but i think that will backfire.

we are becoming closer and closer each month - as friends. i'm pretty sure he can tell i like him. he was away for a month and we emailed all the time and spoke a few times on the phone. he had two days at home - called the night he got home, wed, at 1a.m. after a 58 hour drive, asked what i was doing the next day, even though he knew he'd see me friday day for something his friend and him were doing. so he called thurs. night, said he was exhausted. i said we don't have to go out and he said he wanted to. we went and had a beer and caught up for two hours. then i spent the whole day and evening with him yesterday - granted with others. he's gone now for another six weeks. should i keep emailing and calling or wait a week to see if he contacts me. i want to try and get closer to him while he's gone which i know is hard. i did send him an email telling him i think he's amazing and thanks for such a great day and evening and i'll see him in november. he will be home for a day, however, at the end of october. what should i do? i really like this guy.

goddess4ever, i LOVE people such as those you describe, whether it's those who read and challenge the media, or those who excel at being great parents or travel or paint or whatever. i'm not joking when i say 'dumb' people or people with no ambition. thanks for your input though. i'm sure i could work on some of those traits!

thank you but i am an adult in my 30s

i don't know what's wrong. i have no patience for people anymore. dumb people who don't read the newspaper and flit along in their lives with no concern for what's going on in the world; for people who have no ambition; for people who don't understand wit or sarcasm. people are boring me and i'm turning snippy and flippant. anyone know why this is happening, what it means, and what i should do? thanks

funny, i said 10 years but it's actually bee 20 years. that was a typo. i have to go cold turkey i think and explain why.

i have been good friends with this girl for 10 years but she is so draining and self-absorbed i can't stand it anymore. i don't want to be friends with her anymore, but i am an adult and feel like that may be immature or like i am a failure for ending a friendship of that long. when it is ok to end a friendship? it's just not healthy. i have gone through this every few years with her where we don't speak for months on end, but i really have had enough.

i have been hanging out with this guy since june. we are getting closer every day. i told him when we first met that i was attracted to him but he told me he was too busy to get involved, so we just kept talking everyday. we have everything in common and i am falling for him bad. should i tell him again how i feel or just keep building this friendship. he did tell someone he thought i was cute but couldn't get involved. don't know why except he is very busy. he will be going away for a few weeks and i just bought him a couple of books and a great card. should i leave a message telling him if he misses me while he's gone to phone and then see if he does, or just let him go without a word?

hi, well, there's two issues here. it is absolutely not cool or right for you not to have been invited to that party if two other significant others are going to be there. you really need to talk about that. but more importantly, you need to accept your boyfriend's passion - the band, and not make him choose. i work in the music business and have seen this time and time again. being in a band takes a lot of practice, sacrifice and dedication. he is not choosing the band over you. you should be proud of what he's doing. if not, break up with him. this is a core part of who he is.