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Hopingpraying

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Everything posted by Hopingpraying

  1. Hopingpraying
    He sounds like a nice guy.. He is just trying not to pressure you into anything, but I have never met a guy who didn't like a good BJ..... Give it a try. I am sure he will like it.
  2. Hopingpraying
    It really depends on the reasons for the breakup. I would not be so concerned that he slept with someone else while you were broke up, I would be concerned are we going to get back together only to go through the same crap again in a few months? So why did you break up? Is the reasons for the breakup fixed? The reason I would not be concerned about him sleeping with someone else is because you were not together at the time. And to be honest anyone you date will have slept with someone else at some point. There are not many virgins in this world anymore...
  3. Hopingpraying
    Sincerly, I nearly shed a tear reading her response. It must hurt, but I think you know how you need to proceed. Right now she is not with you, she is with another, and because of that you need to move on. If you play your cards right, keep your distance and be the good guy you are, she will see that eventually. She has not been involved with this new guy very long so she is still on the honeymoon of their relationship. It might not stay so rosey in the future. They are still just getting to know one another, so once he moves she may see all the things she doesn't like instead of just the things she does. So move on, just keep improving yourself. Take a hard look at yourself and figure out your weakness' and turn them into strengths. You will be alright. I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders.
  4. Hopingpraying
    I understand what you are saying Sisterlynch, but I don't know too many relationships that people don't start taking the other for granted at some point during the relationship. I agree that it is not a good way to go, however, the other person should be able to stand up for themselves and say hey I don't like the way you are treating me. I did take my wife for granted, I did do things I regret, but she never stood up for herself. She just let me do it and I thought everything was okay. Until one day she just couldn't take it anymore. I had used up all the punches on my punch card and she was through. Well I was brought up that you say what you mean and mean what you say. She obviously had issues standing up to me and voicing her opinion. Well I can honestly say that since the divorce she has not had this problem so maybe she is getting better.
  5. Hopingpraying
    It really depends a lot on you MC. If you meet with her are you going to be able to keep your composure and not put your feelings out there so you can be hurt again. Has she said what the reason she wants to meet with you is? Is it just to start a friendship or would she like to try to work things out? If she wants to work things out, what were the orginial reasons for the breakup? Has that problem or problems been solved? There are a lot of things to consider because you don't want to end up starting over again, remember how painful that was? It sucks man... I can say no contact has started working for me too. My wife's attitude has definitely changed towards me. I can see her opening up. She is calling me a lot more. I am hoping it leads to better things but who knows. The issues she has said she had with me I have definitely fixed, I don't know if she has fixed her issues yet. We will see in time. Good luck. Let me know some more specifics so myself and others can help you out with what to do next.
  6. Hopingpraying
    Wow man.. This is why I won't date people I work with!! Ouchy... But Libra is giving good advice. Just kill her with kindness... And don't date any more people you work with!!
  7. Hopingpraying
    I had not read that part about interdependence, however, the line between interdependence and co-dependency is a fine one I would say. The reason I have such strong feelings about co-dependency is because my wife started seeing a therapist and thats what she diagnosed her with. My wife took that to mean I was the cause of her problems as far as I can tell and she decided to divorce me. I was like what???? She hasn't said that was the reason, but the two happened about the same time... It sucks but I am making it.
  8. Hopingpraying
    I have visited that site, and while some of it makes sense, I also don't agree with a lot of what they say. We all are dependent on someone else, whether it be god, or our spouse, or parents. We are co-dependent. While I agree we shouldn't try to get happiness from others, it still just makes sense that we do get some happiness from them. I mean why else would you be involved with that person. Sure it becomes unhealthy if one of the people in the relationship get their self esteem from the other. I think it just sucks the way they present the information like if your co-dependent on someone else it is this bad thing... Don't like it at all.
  9. Hopingpraying
    I think there is a chance and that you should give up... Does that make sense?? Probably not, but let me explain.... I believe there is always a chance, but the wildcard is her. You can't control her, so don't try. Don't try to manipulate her. Which any action by you right now is probably perceived as a manipulation by her. So do what the rest of us are doing "NO CONTACT" Sure its hard, it sucks. You want nothing more than to talk to her, beg her back in your life, but it doesn't work!!! So while really you are not technically giving up it is still the same thing. Don't call her, don't write her, don't do anything as it relates to her. You will just push her further and further away which you know you don't want. Hopefully she will start missing you. It is starting to work for me. I have seen a big change in my wife's attitutde towards me. I've let her go, and I am hoping she will come back. Good luck. Keep us posted.
  10. Hopingpraying
    JJnner, I think you should explain to your ex that you want to be friends and that if he still wants more then that then you need to stop talking with him. Otherwise you are just stringing him along. As for the new guy, it could be you just want what you can't have. I am guessing on that. I think if you choose to go back with your EX right now you will only wonder what could of been with the guy that is playing hard to get and eventually you would just end up breaking your EX's heart all over again. Just tell you EX you need time away, and eventually you might be able to work things out. You make your ex sound like he is a good guy, so why is it you don't want to be with him anymore? Just a question.... Hope things work out for you.
  11. Hopingpraying
    I wouldn't say fainting is a normal thing during sex. Are you using any type of lubrication? How much fore play are you doing before sex? It sounds to me like you could be a bit dry down there. You may want him to, how do I say this gently? Rub down there and penetrate with one finger at first, and then slowly work in two to loosen it up a bit. If it hurts something is not right. Sex is not supposed to hurt.
  12. Hopingpraying
    Funny, Nenez is giving good advice, and you are giving yourself excellent advice too. I just wanted to reconfirm it. I've read so many posts on this message board believe me I know good advice when I see it. Heck I may just take Nenez's advice for my situation.. As for steering things in the right direction, all you can do is be your new self confident you. Remember that you have limited influence on what she wants and for her to date a few guys may just be the thing that makes her come back to you. Remember that many, many guys in this world are imature a$$holes and sometimes it takes being with one for a woman to realize how good they have had it. Don't get me wrong ladies.. Guys do this too. Good luck Funny I hope things work out for you, and when you do contact her in a couple of weeks please post back and let us know how your doing!
  13. Hopingpraying
    Lsubaby, Like spider says, what do you want out of it? If you would like to rekindle the relationship then I would say you need to make sure whatever the reason for the breakup you two have fixed it. Whether that be communication, someone messed around on the other, whatever it may be. Otherwise you are going to be doomed to repeat the same thing over. Problems just don't go away. You may be on a honeymoon for the short term but the old ways and problems will resurface if you have not corrected them. If you want to see if you two can continue your relationship good for you. Make sure you address the issues of the original breakup and go for it. If not, you could try the friend with benefits, but most people advise against that because one of you will end up getting hurt. So take it easy, and make sure you talk out with him what the two of you are looking for. Good luck!
  14. Hopingpraying
    Detox5, She probably did it just to see if you would keep bugging her. So I would say don't contact her. She may be finally starting to miss you and actually want you to contact her, but I would bet as soon as you do she would run for the hills again. I don't know the background for your breakup, but don't contact her under any circumstances. It won't help you. I would bet if you give it enough time she will contact you. All you have to do is be cool and play it safe. When she does contact you, be strong and confident. Act like you are over her even if you are not. Women like self confidence, not crying wimpering take me back guys. Stay strong man.. You will be okay.
  15. Hopingpraying
    Agreed, it is not breaking no contact with your ex if you are just talking to their family. It would be if you are trying to talk to him through them. If you can avoid talking about the EX while talking to their family then you are A-Okay!!
  16. Hopingpraying
    Trouble, What an appropriate name .. Sorry, not to make light of your situation, but the best thing you can do is stay away from this man. Obviously you two are attracted to one another. I hope it is not a situation where you work with each other. That can be very difficult to overcome. It is good you feel guilty about it, but you need to let him know this cannot happen again. Hopefully your attraction to one another is not greater then his love for his family. Don't know if the above helps, but it is really what you need to do.
  17. Hopingpraying
    Here are a few things that have helped me..... 1. Time ( a big factor) 2. Accepting that I can't make her want me. 3. Running, exercising. Figuring if I can't make her want me I might be able to make her wish she still had me. Look as good as I can. 4. Started going to church 5. Started hanging out with old friends. 6. Started looking at myself from the outside. Meaning taking inventory of all my flaws and am trying to address them. Sometimes this is very hard for people to do, but if you can get gut level honest it can be a very enlightening experience. 7. Concentrate on the postives in my life instead of the negative. I am healthy, my daughter is healthy. I have a good job, I am successful. etc... The above are many of the things I have done. I am not healed by any stretch. I still think about her daily, but each day its a little less. I am certainly not obsessing over her anymore. I don't worry about what she is doing, who she might be seeing. I know she is a good mom so I don't worry about how my daughter is going to be raised. I still wish she would see I am a good guy. Strange how some people change.
  18. Hopingpraying
    What you two are describing is very normal. I have been where you are, and everyone who has will tell you it will get easier. It takes time, lots of it, but it will get easier. There are no set timetables. Each person is different, but you will stop obsessing about them.
  19. Hopingpraying
    I agree with you. Eventually you will be over him. And I definitely agree that being mad at him for the bad things he has done to you is healthy. I am just saying you cannot stay stuck like that forever. You can never love another if you harbor all these bad feelings. Feel your anger, sadness, fear, and regret, and then move on. I would reccomend reading a book called Mars and Venus: Starting Over, by John Gray. It was a pretty good read and helped me out a bit. I hope things start getting better for you.
  20. Hopingpraying
    Sugarplum, Sorry you are going through so much pain, but you need to be careful not to drop into a bunch of resentment. That will just keep you stuck holding on to him for all the wrong reasons. It is okay for you to be upset with him for a period of time, but eventually you must let go and forgive him. I don't think you should ever stop caring for him either. If we all were to do that this world would be even more bitter then it already is. I do understand why you are upset with him. I went through this stage as well, but now I am at peace. I have forgiven my wife and myself for our failed marriage. I am taking this and turning it into a learning experience so I will have a better more secure relationship in the future. If you don't learn from your past you are doomed to repeat it, so definitely take something from this relationship. Figure out where he let you down, and where you let him down and don't let it happen again. Good luck Sugarplum.. Feel free to vent anytime!!
  21. Hopingpraying
    Troubled, I understand you don't want to break up with him, but like Ziggy says, it is a two way street. Thats what I meant when I said that it may not seem like it now but this could be a good thing. It sounds like you keep repeating the same thing over and over again, and if there is one thing I know it is breakups are painful, and to keep repeating it over and over is silly in my opinion. I guess if you could elaborate a little more as to what the reasons for your breakups are maybe we could give some better advice, but if you don't fix those reasons they don't go away by themselves.. Have you two considered counseling? I know it can sometimes be expensive, but sometimes the cost is worth it if you love someone enough. The problem with that is both of you have to want to make it work, and right now it doesn't sound like that is what he wants. I don't want to minimize your pain, I really know what your going through. I so want my wife to come back to me, but I realize I cannot make her do that. So I am making myself better. Going to church, working out, talking to anyone and anybody who will listen.. This is why this forum is so awesome. It has helped me a lot if just to vent, and by reading what other people are going through, their success' and failures help me by learning so much about the opposite sex. Good luck!!
  22. Hopingpraying
    Troubled, I really feel for you in your situation. It is difficult to go through a breakup even if you think you want it. When it happens it is a tramatic experience. If you have been off and on like you said, it may not seem like it right now, but this could be for the best. Sure you will go through all the emotions and it will be tough, but you have to know you can make this a positive instead of dwelling on all the negatives. Use this time to better yourself. It will get easier, I know this does nothing for you now, but no one can make your pain any easier, or make the healing go any faster. The only thing you can do right now is to accept that it is over, forgive him, and move on.
  23. Hopingpraying
    I think Tpysl said everything there is to say.. You know what you need to tell him. If he wants to be your friend stop trying to control you!!
  24. Hopingpraying
    Hmmm I am a guy so I should know what to say, but there really is no right or wrong way..... Don't suck, don't blow. Just move your mouth and hand up and down on his penis. He will like it I promise you that. When your doing the up and down motion with your mouth and hand, maybe squeeze his scrotum gently, and then do a little sucking with your mouth. Rub your tongue around the bottom of the head of his penis. I guarantee he will like it.
  25. Hopingpraying
    B.G., Counseling has helped me, but maybe because I wanted it too. Basically they listened, would ask specific questions about the relationship and got me thinking about things I had not thought of. That is basically the role of the counselor. To give you different perspective. It helps you figure out why the relationship failed and how to keep it from happening again. Or at least thats what I got out of it. I am not sure it was worth the money and to be honest this message board has helped me out a bunch more. Hope they don't start charging for it.. Anyways... What your family is saying is true. You will get through this, it is very hard and takes time. No one else can ease your pain. The fact your already dating is a good sign. You will find that special someone who wants to be with you. It will get easier, you just have to take it each day at a time. Get through one day... X it off the calendar and then start on the next one. Its all you can do... Good luck!!!
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