Something funny

Alright, thanks.. But still.. I thought that looks and charm was everything one needed to pick up girls.. and now they won't let go of me - as friends! Does no one else have any tips on how to walk the thin line of romance?

Hi all, I really need some advice concerning something. You see, about three months ago, me and my ex-girlfriend since quite a few years back broke up. Having reentered the single life during the last few months, I've been out partying a lot, meeting tons of new, wonderful girls. I'll be honest. I know most women find me attractive. Heck, I've even worked a brief period as a model a few years time ago. I often get approached by girls at clubs, on the street and so on. And I know most women find me funny, charming and nice. I'm simply that kind of guy that most people find charming, interesting and nice. I also have no problem picking girls up or getting their phone numbers. My friends envy me for that ability. And you know, the girls I meet that I'm interested in, they all like me. They really, really like me. They call me, they want to see me again, they want to spend a lot of time with me. Sometimes I feel like a damn girls magnet. Most girls love spending time with me... ...as a friend. That's the problem. Even though I intitially manage to picque their romantic interest, the second time I meet them it always ends with them loving me - as a friend. And I can't take it. It breaks my bloody heart. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, although I suspect it can have something to do with me failing to strike at the right time. I completely suck at approaching women physically - you know, holding, touching, kissing at the "right" time. It feels like I always miss my window of opportunity and am later doomed to simple friendship. I simply don't know how to take a step in the romantic direction. I'd appreciate any advice. This problem is really killing me.

So right now I'm taking care of my ex' cate while she's away. Something tells me I should've said no, but I just couldn't. Not because of her, simply because I love the damn cats. When I heard them meowing in the background as she called me asking me to take care of them, I couldn't resist saying yes. Now, as some of you know, I've been trying to distance myself from her. She sent me an email saying "if you want to retain contact, please reply to the email". I didn't reply. Yet she called me asking me to take the cats, even though she never liked having them at my house when we were together! I know there are lots of people who could've taken care of the cats, but for some reason she wanted me to have them. When our mutual friend asked her why, she said that she "agreed to let me have them since I wanted it so much", which really isn't true, since it was her who called me and asked. I even said "I shouldn't do this, but you know I can't resist those cats". So here I am with the cats. We met yesterday so she could hand them over, and I really wasn't very nervous meeting with her. Sure, it was kind of a tense situation, but I really didn't pay much mind. I took the cats and went home. Later in the night, she called me and told me that she was really nervous meeting with me, and excused herself if she'd been acting "weird". That really surprised me. Now.. what does she want? My stance is this: I don't feel like being friends, but if she wants another serious shot at the relationship, I'm for it. But I don't understand what she wants. If she's just trying to patch together some kind of friendship, I'm not interested.

Yeah, I'll try to get into a position where I can tell her that. And about the cats; at first I thought she might just be using me, cause she was going away and didn't have anyone to take care of them. But then she phoned and said that she'd forgotten that she'd already promised someone else to take care of them, but she still asked me if I could take them for a few days earlier, for no reason at all! So she really IS looking for a reason to speak to me. But the question is, is she trying to initiate some kind of friendship, or is she coming back? I dare not hope for the latter.. she probably is looking for friendship, something I don't think I can give her at this point..

Maybe the best thing was if I just told her; "I can't handle being friends with you". I once said to her that true love never dies, it just falls asleep. And I don't think it would be very wise for us to hang around eachother if that love suddenly awakens again, without response. But still, I don't know. I don't want to be her "friend", and yet, I don't want to drive her away completely. It's just like CeeGee told me here on the boards earlier, if I'm going to let her back into my life, she'd better have something worthwile to offer. My heart is really unstable right now and I can't handle empty glimmers of hope and games.

Thanks! But the thing is.. I do still love her.. I think. At least I would give her another shot. She dumped me after all. The point is that I think a friendship would be too much of a hassle at this point since there are way too many things that have been left unsorted. I was crushed after she left me, and now she's trying hard to initiate contact. At this point however, I'm not sure what I want to expect. If she wants to give our relationship another serious shot, I'd really like that. But what I don't want is beating around the bush, being some kind of awkward friends. I just want to know what she's after, and I don't think I could ask her now.

Ok, so I've been doing No Contact for quite a while now (more than 2 months), and the last week, my ex has been emailing and phoning several times. She's said before that she wants us to be friends, but there's still something fishy about her calls. I've told her several times "don't call me, I'll call you", and yet she keeps contacting me. I mean there's nothing romantic about our conversations, but I still find it odd that she won't give me more time to breathe when I'm obviously asking for it. Now she wants me to take care of her cats for a few days (which is strange, when we were together she never liked leaving them at my house! I just have to ask her about that..) and basically it seems like she's trying to reestablish contact. However, I'm not in the mood for a simple friendship, at least not at this point. How will I know if she just wants to be friends? If she's simply contacting me out of pity or guilt, I'd like to tell her in a polite way to f*ck off, at least for now. Please, some advice.. I'm just so confused and tired right now. I just don't know what to do. I lack direction.

Good point. I should keep being sneaky and careful.

That might just be true. But I don't dare to hope too much. Maybe if I keep playing my cards right..

OK, major update.. I didn't reply to her email, and yet she called me today. Asked if I could watch her cats while she was going to New York. I really love those cats, so I just couldn't say no. I also suggested that we'd go have a beer sometime, she said "yeah, I'd really like that, when?" and I said, "I don't know, I'll call you". And jeeeez, she sounded soo nervous. I've never heard her so nervous. Her voice was litterally trembling. But I'm not going to read too much into this. She probably just needed someone to watch her cats (even though there are lots of people who'd want to do that..) and remembered that I really liked them. Or could there be underlying plans? Arhg..

So, as I wrote earlier I arrived from Paris a few days ago to find an email from my ex. I hadn't heard from her in a month, and the email didn't actually contain anything special, basically she just wanted to see what was up. Now I have this weird feeling. I don't really want to reply to her mail. I don't know what to write, I don't know what to tell her. It just feels really awkward. Sure, I guess I still really miss her, but.. I don't know, I just don't feel like giving in to her expectations and replying to that damn email. Maybe I should give her a call, but I dunno.. I don't feel like doing that right now. How about if I wait a few days, maybe a week, and call her then, maybe arrange a meeting or something? I want to get back with her, but I'm afraid of trying and getting hurt if she just wants to be friends. Earlier, I was convinced that it was worth it, but now I'm not so sure anymore. But still, I want her back.. I guess I just don't need her anymore. Which also puts me in a better position to negotiate.. Ah, I'm rambling. Does anyone have any ideas, opinions or tips? Please feel free to share. I'm just really confused right now.

I don't know. I feel so confused. Right now I don't even know if I want to contact her at all.

Ahh, you're thinking along my lines. That was actually another reason for me wanting to call - she'd never expect it. So actually, 1 is what she would expect me to do. 2 and 3 are the surprises. It's eerie how I still know exactly what she expects. She didn't know I was gone, basically she doesn't know much at all about "the new me". Yeah, it's strange that other people go through the same stuff. You tend to think that your misery is unique, but luckily it isn't.

Well, that's a possibility. Not quite along that lines I was thinking, though.

I just came home from Paris and found an email from my ex. It's a semi-long email with her telling me about what she's doing now, along with some confusingly pointless anecdotes. It's pretty clear that she hasn't got much to tell me, she just wants to write to me (for reasons that probably can be found in the "why does the ex call?"-thread). Normally, I'd just reply to the email, but I hate talking about things over email. I'm the kind of guy who wants to call up and talk instead of writing letters. It's like playing chess over snail mail, slow and cumbersome. So should I... 1 ) Reply with an email (that's what I don't feel comfortable with) 2 ) Call her, maybe arrange to meet later 3 ) Not reply, leaving her hanging ?