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Hopingpraying

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  1. Hopingpraying
    Oh heck yeah you have to tell her. Just be prepared if she doesn't react the way you expect her too. I had a similar siutation... My now ex-wife was cheating on me. The guy was married so I contacted his wife. He denied it said I was a drug addicted abuser which is why my wife was talking to him in the first place. His wife believed him and didn't believe me... I was shocked to say the least because I provided her pretty good proof with over 800 minues of cell phone calls between the two of them.. Well nearly a year later she called me up with tears in her voice. How she had got into his email and my ex-wife was professing her love for him. I was really sympathetic actually, even though deep down I wanted to say I told you so... But with all that said, he definitely should pay for the consequences of his action... And he should really be lucky you haven't smacked him upside his head.
  2. Hopingpraying
    I can tell you that you can do no contact, even when you have kids.. I still do no contact to this day even though I talk to my ex-wife nearly everyday. It is a modified version of no contact, and in no contact I mean there is no contact with my ex-wife about us specifically. I only discuss our daughter. Nothnig more, nothing less. Sure it has been tough on me at times, but I've made it this far. I suggest you do the same. Really you have to come to the decision if she really doesn't want to be with you, then why do you want to be with her so badly?? I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be with someone who did not have the same feelings for me. Especially someone I had been with for over ten years.. It has been nearly two years since my wife and I separated. I keep it friendly and have never said one bad word to her. I look at it like I don't want to give her ammunition to say she was justified in her decision. On the contrary I try to do everything I can to make her regret her decision. It makes it even better the day you can honestly say to yourself you don't need her anymore.. The other reason to keep it postive is for the sake of your kids. Put them first in everything, including ahead of yourself. Sometimes she may say or do things and you will really have to swallow your pride. Do it, because in the end you will be the better person and your kids will see that. Sorry to ramble. Hope this helps.
  3. Hopingpraying
    I think you need to ask yourself what you will acomplish by breaking no contact... I think you have to put your sanity first, and if you feel by congratulating her she will then flood your in-box with friendly email I can only believe that will do more harm to you then good. So think about that first and foremost. Think: 1. Will it help me heal? 2. Will it help me acomplish what I want to accomplish? 3. What is it you want to acomplish?? IMO, you should keep the NC in place. Of course if it is your wish to reconcile then this might be a good way to do it. It really is up to you, but keep in mind "your" wishes..
  4. Hopingpraying
    I understand what your saying Taco, I really do, however, it takes two, and if you are the only one that feels that way you are setting yourself up for some major disappointment. I so want my ex-wife to ask for me back, but I am moving on with my life, and if she does decide to do that I will have a huge decision to make. I am currently seeing a wonderful woman, and it would be hard to leave her. We have been dating for over six months now, but I know in my heart that I still love my wife, and not her. I still have my daughter to think about. I have no idea what to do. But for you.. I say continue to move on, if it happens it happens.
  5. Hopingpraying
    I did.. She contacted me and told me what a big mistake she had made. We started seeing each other for a bit, but I knew that I had changed and she hadn't so we just ended up going our separate ways again. We still talk on a regular basis and are actually good friends... You situation I am sure is going to be different, they all are, but this was my experience.
  6. Hopingpraying
    Michael, I guess I am sorry to hear you are still having issues with your EX, but in some ways are happy to hear that you are getting better and moving on. Its a long road, but one we have no choice but to take. As for your EX and her son, I don't feel your email was harsh at all and you must do in the short term to help you out in the long term. To some this might seem selfish, but I think it will be best for both of you in the long run. I believe if you do what you need to do now that in the future there is a very good chance that you and your EX will be able to be civil. It will just take time for both of your hearts to heal sufficently. That is my take. Take care.. and Happy b-lated birthday.
  7. Hopingpraying
    Huggy, Two things strike me funny with your post, and I am sorry if I am a bit skeptical, but you say she is your EX-girlfriend. And it sounds like you have had more than one so you should know already that while women do smell different, if it smells like you describe I would think that she has an issue or two to take care of. I guess I have been lucky because while all the woman I have been with have had one odor or another they have all been pleasent and I have enjoyed it. My concern for you is if it smells that bad, it has to taste bad also. Yuck!!! Usually the Odor is slight, but to describe it..... Well they are all different and a slight odor is all I can say. She could either have a STD, or her hygene is not good, or her PH is off, it could be a number of things. I wouldn't even know how to begin addressing this issue with her, but if she is your EX then I guess it is someone else's problem now. Good luck.
  8. Hopingpraying
    Thanks to everyone for their replies and encouraging words. I will take it all in. To answer some of the questions.... Hubman.... I agree with you and appreciate the solid advice. I know this is what I need to do but getting my heart to agree is tough. I know in my mind it is over, but my heart still holds out hope. Eventually I think I will come around. Sisterlynch... I have seen a counselor to sort out my feelings. I am so strapped for cash right now that i have had to quit going. I know what I need to do, but now that I am not going to a counselor, you all get to be my counselor!! And a lot of you are very qualified!! Dragongirl724... I am the dumpee. Meaning I was the one who was in shock when she told me she was not happy anymore. There is a lot to my story and I know no one has time to go back and look at the history but like I said I was not perfect in our relationship. Over the past few months I have had a lot of time to do some soul searching and improve myself. I still have a ways to go, but I have come along way in a short time and matured. At least the next woman I am with will get a very good man. I guess I need to look at it that way... I just wish I could'a should'a would'a Scout... I wanted her to go to counseling with me, but she refused. She ended up going by herself and was told she was co-dependent towards me. I guess to her that meant she had to get rid of me. Porblem solved!! Sister... I will change it with time, that I know. And I cannot do any illegal drugs. It was part of a reason for our divorce or so she says. I smoked pot on occasion and she used that against me in court during the custody hearings. But she has no problem letting her sister watch our daughter when she knows her sister smokes pot and her sister's boyfriend sells it. Figure that one out... N-E-Way.. I will stay strong.. Again thanks for the support!!
  9. Hopingpraying
    I didn't think it would effect me like this, but I really find myself thinking a lot about my soon to be Ex-wife. We have been separated since Feb. 14th. Yeah that was one heck of a Valentines Day. I have since been able to heal myself very well. About three months ago I started dating again. I have found it difficult to get close to her, but she is a wonderful girl. The only problem is I still hold out hopes of my wife coming back to me, but each day I know that grows less likely. Regardless I am just looking to vent here and get some feedback for other people with similar situations and how you were able to handle them. I did get my wife an anniversary card. It was nice, nothing to mushy. Just talking about love, and how understanding and caring are part of a marriage. I know I contributed to the failure of our divorce, but my wife still has not learned that she also was a part of that. Or if she has she hasn't let me in on it. I know it will get easier, I know I will be okay. I know our daughter will be okay, but how do you get a person to see that you have truley changed for the better? That you have seen the light, that you have grown up. That you now know what is most important in life??? End rant.....
  10. Hopingpraying
    Sugar, The only advice I would offer you is that a relationship takes two people to make it work, and if you feel bored it is up to the two of you to make it more exciting. Maybe your husband feels the same way, but does not want to say anything because he is affraid it will hurt your feelings. Communication is the key here. Be open and honest with him. You may not get the reaction you want initially, but expect that. If he reacts in a negative way just back off and give him time to process the information. He may be upset because he thinks you are attacking him when you really are not. I think the mistake most people make in relationships, especially young people, is that they always expect to get that little tingle when you kiss someone. They always to expect to have there heart race when that other person walks into the room. That seldomly lasts very long, and then we start looking for someone else to give us that initial rush. And then we repeat. The honeymoon does not last forever, especially when kids are involved. I believe my wife had the same experience you are going through right now. She was young when we got together. I was her first relationship. The sparks flew at first. After ten years together, three of which being married and two of those with a kid, the sparks faded. She went looking for those sparks elsewhere and now we are getting a divorce. It is a painful expensive endeavor. Please don't let that happen to you. Communicate with your husband. You say he is a great man, it is just that your spark has faded. Find a way for you to try to get some of it back, but understand it is never going to have the excitment of a new relationship. That initial excitment just doesn't last unfortunately. Good luck.
  11. Hopingpraying
    I can totally relate to what you are saying and have had a couple of those vivid get back together dreams myself. It has been since Feb. that we have been separated, and each day it does get a bit better. I don't know if I will ever be completely over someone I was so in love with. I married her for a reason you know. Because of our child she will always be in my life which I guess is the hardest part, but I am okay with it. I am okay with her being with someone else if that is what she wants. In my mind my relationship with her will always have to be one of caring and understanding because of our daughter. I want to do everything I can to make sure she grows up well and being caring and nice to my EX is the best way I see of doing that. So I continue to kill her with kindness and hope for the best. She probably will come back to me at the moment I move on, but I will cross that bridge when I get too it. Chin up everyone. We will survive.
  12. Hopingpraying
    Lisa, I find myself doing that heavy handed thing. But for me I always think well if she enjoys me doing it like this if I do it harder and faster she will like it even more... But I don't think that is always the case so I try to do it differently each time to see what that particular girl likes best... Not like I have been with hundreds or anything, but each woman is definitely different.
  13. Hopingpraying
    Me4ta, I will tell you from experience the polite honest way is the best to go. Just last Friday I went out on a blind date with this girl shes 25, I'm 30, and when I got to the restaraunt and met her I had to meet her parents, best friend, cousin, and I think an aunt. I was waiting for the preacher to jump over the bar and ask me if I do, but he didn't. Things were awkward from there. First dates are best kept short. Just tell him that up front that way they're no expectations. Good luck.
  14. Hopingpraying
    Do a google search on Jack Johnston and you should find his site. You can download the audio files for like $19.95 or something like that. It does work, but you need to be able to relax and clear your mind. It is a bit silly at first, but like I said it does work. Good luck.
  15. Hopingpraying
    I tried Jack Johnstons key sound technique and I have to tell you it works. Makes you feel tingly all over. Similar to Tantrique technique I believe. I don't think I have done it long enough to experience the full effect, but it is pretty cool. I got rid of my premature ejaclulation problem with it too. Don't ask me how, I just don't have that problem anymore. Sex has never been better. Good luck!!
  16. Hopingpraying
    I just wanted to let you know Car that I agree with Auburnslp. He gives some good advice there and you would be well advise to go along with it. You are at the worst part, and while this does nothing for you now, you will get through it. Each day will be a struggle, some better than others, but you will get through it. I have about the same timeline as you do in regards to my wife and I seperating. I still think about her daily, but not in the same way I used too. I now alternate from wanting to be with her, to being better off without her. Vent as often as you need to, we are here for you.
  17. Hopingpraying
    As others have stated as long as you are not being pressured into anything then who am I to judge, however, morally incest is not a good thing. Strange in my opinion in the fact I could never even think about doing that with a family member. I am also concerned because you never mention your age. Please tell me you are of legal age to let this happen, otherwise this could be a very serious situation and one that you need to make sure that you are not being taken advantage of. My 2 cents.
  18. Hopingpraying
    Me, I really feel your pain. I am in a similar situation, I have posted hundreds of emails on it, but mine is Marijuana. I never cheated on her, but I did push her away by saying I was going to quit and didn't. She ended up falling in love with another married man. Not a smart choice in my opinion, but it is what has happened. I basically did what many people advise. Give her her space and do NC. I did a modified form because of our daughter, but I have not spoke to her about our relationship in over six months. Nothing has changed, and soon our divorce will be final. It sucks, but I am dealing with it. Getting on with my life. Beec... I have a question for you. I understand what your saying about recognizing her fears and making sure those things are taken care of, but how do you learn what all her wants and needs are when you no longer communicate?? Just curious.
  19. Hopingpraying
    Grin, I cannot say I know exactly what you are going through, but I can say I understand it. Only because I have read so much about abuse and how it effects the human psyche. Why we must go back to the one who inflicted so much pain on us? It has to be something with human nature. All I can say is be strong, and yes you had good times with this man, but you deserve those good times, and none of the bad. At no point should he lay a hand on you. Its okay to disagree, but it is not okay to assault someone. Be strong.
  20. Hopingpraying
    I completely agree with what Raven said. It is a good idea for you to improve yourself, what you have to be careful of is even if you do all this make sure you are doing it for you and not her. You may do everything you think you can and she still doesn't want you back, don't let that deter you from making yourself the best man you can be. Do it for yourself and for your kids. If you are genuine she should see that and maybe have a second thought or two, but there are no guarantees.
  21. Hopingpraying
    Heartsick, I can totally relate to what you are saying, and I do believe at some point my wife will realize her mistake. I doubt she ever actually tells me about it, but I believe that she will come to this realization. The reason I believe this is because while somebody else may be able to treat her like I did, possibly even better the odds of her finding that person are remote. I certainly know I am not the best looking, nicest guy, with the most romantic outlook, but I also know I am not the worst. I would say I am in the upper percentile (doesn't everyone think that?) I still hold out some form of hope that she will come back. She moved out on the date I joined this forum, Feb. 14th... That was one heck of a Valentines day let me tell you. I don't know if this does much to clarify what you are asking, I don't believe it does, but I just wanted to say I feel the same as you do about this. I believe that once I have moved on she will want me back. Relationships are so much work!!!
  22. Hopingpraying
    Talking is important like Square says, and foreplay is also important. You need to relax and get a bit loosened up so to speak. Sometimes having a drink and lighting candles to set the mood can help. I have been with woman who it hurt, and you just have to be more patient and take your time.
  23. Hopingpraying
    Only?, I don't think it is wrong for you to ask for them back, but don't be surprised if he has gotten rid of them. That would suck if he has, but the longer you wait the more likely he has disposed of them. So ask quickly. Because he has a new girlfriend I wouldn't ask him out for drinks. If he is even remotely serious about this girl it will just give him an opportunity for him to shoot you down. Don't upen yourself up to that. I would just nicely ask him if you could get him to burn those pictures to a CD. I don't see anything wrong with that.
  24. Hopingpraying
    Spirit, I think you have to go with the tried and true, honesty is the best policy thing here. But the big no no is make sure you don't have sex with them, otherwise you have to take that next step. I have plenty of woman I am just friends with. Most of them married, a few that are single, but they understand that I am not looking for anyone at the moment. I have been dating someone, but recently had to let her know that I needed my space and that things were progressing too quickly. While she took that hard, she does understand. But if you are upfront and say hey I would like to hang out with you and nothing more I would think most woman would respect that. You may still get a few that take it the wrong way or decide hey I am looking for a man so I can't do the lets be friends thing, then you didn't want them anyway. Good luck!!
  25. Hopingpraying
    I hear what you are saying, but I listen to "our" songs all the time. I look at our pictures all the time. It has helped me I think. I can now see her and not be all fluttery in the stomach. Maybe that is just me healing, but hiding from our pictures or past does nothing for me. Each person has there own way I guess. Some different than others.. Good luck on healing. We all need too.
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