barnettac

I talk to my kids everynight. I call at a certain time and they pick up the phone and I talk to them. Once the divorce is final, I will get them summers No I did not try to love for both of us, I simply thought she loved me. I know that she would always think that I was mad at her for leaving me, and thats how I know it would never work. I dont think she will be able to move on.

Hello my name is chris About 7 months ago my wife left me with the kids to the states and is with another man. I did the whole begging thing and finally came to the reality that she wasn't coming back. She told me she only married me for our first son and we were together 7 years. I didn't believe it at first but soon came to terms that I had been used. I should have saw it but guess I didn't....Love is blind. Well I hadnt talked to her in 6 months and had come to terms and have learned to forgive her for what she has done. I'm a very forgiving soul I guess and it doesn't bother me that she is with another person. I still love her as much as I did 7 months ago when she left me. These feelings I have tried to get rid of, but cant. I've prayed every night that god wisp them away and lets me move on. Thing is I cant. I cant stop loving her and I dont know how I will move on if I still have that feeling. Everyone tells me its time, but thats gonna be a long time if I still feel the same 7 months later... So I called her tonight and tried to see if I could talk to her without going kooko. And what do you know I did. She discusted the kids with me, school she was starting, and her boyfriend I really never expected this. I always thought I would hate her for what she has done, and definatly never expected that out of her since she was so cold and bitter when she left. Was I wise in saying what I did? should I even call her anymore? I want to be with her but know that it will never work. I just want to forget the love and move on but dont know how. Anyones personal experiences would be greatly appreiciated. Thank you

Yea I took your advise and am going to see my lawyer tommarow. Just spent 4 hours going through everything in the house and splitting it between us over the phone. We agreed on the bills and insurance and other small things. I really hope that we can do it this way, I would rather this be done peacfully then neck and neck.

Ok update! My wife had looked for a lawyer and was unable to find one that she could afford. She called me up and we agreed to do the child custody/visitation between us. She was afraid that she would loose the kids since I had a lawyer, and I pretty much kept my mouth shut on that subject. She agreed to give me 70% Custodial Custody and her 30% Non-Custodial Custody. I really dont know much about the % of the actual custody means, but we agreed that thats what we would get and tell the judge we wanted. On the side we have an agreement that we will get the kids for school years every 2 years. So her for 2 years and then me for 2 years. The opposite parent gets them during the summers of those years. We also agreed that no child support or alimony will be paid to each other, because in the state of alaska the non custodial parent is obligated to pay 33% of there wages as child support for 3 kids no matter how much money the custodial parent makes. Basically I dont need her money to take care of the kids is how I see it. We also agreed to split the kids travel expenses down the middle. I basically put all of this in writing and got it notarized and is in the mail right now for her to sign and get notarized. My question is, is will the judge honor that agreement or change the custody around even though we have a written agreement signed by both of us? Or should we just say that I have 70% and she has 30% and keep the visitation between me and her? Oh and will the judge agree on the child support or make her pay anyway? Oh btw, I found out why she left. My son tipped me off and told me that bought mommy roses...Then when I got on the phone with her I asked her what was going on and she told me everything. She was and still is in a relationship with another guy and felt that since she had these feelings that she shouldn't be with me. Funny thing is, is he's in virginia and she's in Oregon. He's in the military so I told my First Seargent and they put a no contact order on him till we are formally divorced. She got irate because he stopped calling her and told me I just wanted revenge. I simply told her that I dont want a third person getting involved in our affairs and that when we are legally through that they could do whatever they want together. I told her that I dont want her back and dont want anything to do with her except as parents to our children. This actually helped me get over her, which really surprised me. I guess the best description is that my love for her has turned to hate. Still love her but diffrently I guess. The pain has gone down so much and I've actually had a good day where I felt like myself again.

I know I need to keep my ducks in a row. But when she started getting emotional, it kinda threw me off. I wanted to comfort her and do anything I could to be there. I'm sure you know the feeling, trying everything you can to make the one you love feel better. But I wont let that detour me.

I dont think divorce is something to be proud of in anyway. I'm going through it right now and I seriously doubt I will be jumping up and down for joy, in fact its the worst experience ever. Only relief you should be feeling now is legal. In fact you are probably still married to him emotionally. I dont think signing a piece of paper is gonna change the way you feel. I ended up filing against my wife after she left me. I feel guilty for it everyday, but at the same time I know its the right thing to do. Your brain and your heart are conflicting with each other. Your brain says you should be happy its over but your heart isn't so sure. It will take time, and some time down the road you wont feel guilty anymore. At least thats what everyone says...

Well she got served last sunday and didn't mention a thing to me. I ended up finding out through my lawyer that she got the papers. I called her last night to try to talk to her about the divorce. I told her that I wanted to do this between us as much as possible without dealing with the lawyer. She started off telling me that she saw my pic on myspace and noticed that I got some new cloths and wanted to know how I was able to pay for the lawyer. She told me that I should be sending that money down to her for the kids. I cut her off and told her I give her every penny I can, and the cloths and lawyer were payed for by my family(which is true). At that point she calmed down and asked me why I was asking for the kids to be returned to me. I told her exactly what it said on the motion, that she pulled the kids from there home with the cloths on there back without regard of what was best for the kids. I told her that everything she did within the past few months was the wrong way to do it. Told her that the kids want to come home and that here is where there home is. She did something that I havn't seen out of her through this whole thing, she cried, finally showing emotion. She started crying over the phone and told me she didn't know what to do because she cant get a lawyer because its to much money and she doesn't have a chance because I do have one. Everything in my heart wanted to comfort her and just ask her to come back and try to avoid this, but I kept my thoughts in line and told her that she was the one that wanted this and that I would have rather tried to work it out and save the marraige. I then told her that when she tried to file behind my back that I gave up on us and that all I want now is my kids. I told her I don't want any relationship with her except for being parental(which was hard for me to say because I wish we could have worked it out). I told her that I dont want to take the kids from her, but I wanted them during the school year. I said that I will use any legal means possible to get them and will fight back if she decides to fight. I'm not gonna just lie down and let her walk all over me. I said that if I do loose the kids that I would at least know that I did everything in my power to try to be with them. Then I asked her if she's gonna fight or try to do this peacefully. She was crying and told me that she wanted to think about it and would call me tommarow. I felt horrible, but at the same time kinda proud of myself that I pushed back. I never expected from the way she was previously acting, that she would just break down. I wanted to comfort her, but of course I couldn't. I still have the "what if's" and still love her and care about her. It hasn't dulled at all in the past 2 months. I have a feeling its gonna take me a long time to get over the scare she left in my heart.

Well my lawyer called today and told me that she got served this weekend. She also received the Afidavid for getting the boys returned to alaska. The weird thing is, is that she didn't even tell me she got them. She acted like nothing even happened. Then today I asked her if we could talk about this and try to work some of this stuff out by ourselves. She told me not till tommarow. Makes me think she's up to something. Then she actually called me and asked for money. I dont think she wants it for the kids, but for a lawyer, but at the same time I'm afraid if I dont send it that she can say that I'm not supporting the kids. I told her that I needed to do some of my bills first to by some time. I have a feeling she's gonna lie out her teeth in this case to keep the kids, because she knows she has nothing on me. Her on the other hand has an anger problem and had previously left our first son(infant at the time) in the car while she went shopping. I just dont know how to prove it in court. I just hope the judge believes me over her. I just want my kids and I know they want me.

Thanks for the support guys. So far I have made sure that I keep my head on strait when I talk to her. I actually think it makes her upset when I dont get mad when she says some of the things she says to me. Usually when she gets out of line I always cut the talk short and tell her I will talk to her tommarow.

Ok thanks. Still kinda scared to be ending my marraige though. I really wish we could have worked things out. I know she's made it clear what she wants, but at the same time I keep thinking the "What if's". I still love her.

Well I did it today, I filed for divorce and a motion to get my kids back up here to Alaska with me. I had to fork over 5k for my lawyer for retainer. She should be getting the papers by Sunday. I have a feeling she's gonna be mad. What should I do when she calls?

I have a counseler to talk to but he went on leave for a month so atm I'm kinda without one. I see my chaplin once a week though, he helps me sort out my emotions and my thoughts. I know I need to use my brain on this and I am, but ignoring my feelings seems like an impossible task atm. I'm not looking forward to the day when she gets the papers served to her, shes gonna be mad.

Thanks for the advise. I'm going to see 2 more lawyers before I start all this up. To be honest I'm scared to be doing this. I still love her...

Well I'm sure a few of you have read my posts. Ive been trying to save my marraige for about 2 months now. I live in alaska and my wife left with the kids to Oregon. Before she left me she told me the reason why she was going to Oregon, was for a break for a few weeks. 2 days after I sent her and the kids(should have kept the kids> Fast forward to a few days ago and I call her up to talk about us. I start talking about the things we did together and how I was always there when she needed me. She out of the blue went into defense mode and told me the only reason she is waiting 6 months is because the state is making her. Right then all my hope of saving our marraige was shattered. It was hurtful to hear her say that to me. I felt I was being drug around with a leash and felt like an idiot. I guess at that point I lost intrest in trying to save my marraige. I still love her, but I know I wouldnt be able to trust her or her feelings ever again. I guess I gave up cause she gave up. Anyway, Im not willing to wait 6 months to divorce. I want to get it over with so I can move on with my life and try to heal. I plan on filing in Alaska since I dont have to wait. I went and saw a lawyer, but she agreeded with everything I was saying and then suggested I go for more than I was asking for(ie I wanted 50% custody, she wants me to go for 100%). Made me think she wasn't really in it for trying to get what I want, but trying to drag it out as long as she could for money. Ok here are some of my questions: Me and my wife are both good parents, she wants them during the school year and I want them during the school year. Do I have a snowball chance in hell of getting them for the school year or am I gonna have to settle for summers? BTW she's got a part time job and I'm currently supporting her rent plus food for the kids. Im in the military and can support them finacially with ease. What are my chances of winning the divorce? She left me. I was a good husband and father. Was never abuses physically or verbally toward her or the kids. She left because I guess our 7 year relationship she never loved me and didn't want to live a lie no more. What should I expect out of a lawyer when I go in for a consult? Are they all gonna agree with everything I say or are there some that will level with me and tell me what I can or cannot get? She has requested that I send all her and the kids stuff down there. Im kinda dont want to cause I dont know who the kids are gonna be with after this is said and done. Also if I send it now she could back stab me and court and try to get more than I already sent her, which then I have to pay for out of my pocket. Should I trust her or just wait till the divorce is final? Will I have to pay for her to fly up here to court or will she have to do that on her own? Finally will I have to pay for her lawyer? She has no money for one and her family doens't have money for a lawyer.

I've recently posted that my wife left me because she didn't feel the same way about me as she used to. We have 3 boys together and have been married for almost 5 years. I live in Anchorage Ak and she went to move to Oregon. I recently went down to Oregon for 2 weeks to try to work things out and see my kids. I told her that I was gonna go to counceling down there and she agreed to go with me. When we went she refused to do any of the activities with me. But she agreed to spend the time I had down there with the kids together. In turn she wanted no physical touch on my part(hug, kiss, holding hands). Said she didn't want me to get false hope that she wanted me back. I agreed and as hard as it was not to try to get close we spent time together with the kids. We had a good time mostly, but every once and awhile I would slip up and bring up the relationship or hug her when I was leaving. She told me she wants to wait 6months before doing anything legal, but she doesn't want me to wait for her. Of course thats not gonna happen and she knows that I will wait regardless of what she says. We later got into a fight and I asked her if she really wants to divorce me. She told me yes, and then I asked "Then why are wanting to wait 6months before doing anything!" She just told me she doesn't know why. I left it at that and left before digging myself deeper in the hole. Right before I left to come back up here we agreed that I talk to the kids every night and leave our talks to goodnight and I love you(she still tells me that). Once a week we will talk about how the kids are doing and every 2 weeks will be about us and our relationship. I dont want to push her in anyway. When I got home I went on myspace and looked at the list of her friends and found out who the guy was that she had expressed feelings for. It was one of her friends that she said it wasn't. Before she left me she swore and promised that she wouldn't talk to the guy that she felt this way with(didn't know who it was at the time). I instantly got angry and called her and asked why she lied to me and why she would promise that she wouldn't talk to him and not mean it. She told me that she was still talking to him, but they were just friends and it is nothing more that that. I asked her if she still have feelings for him and she said yes a little. Frustrated and angry I cut the talk short and did something very stupid. I got into her account and read her messages towards him. I found out some things I didn't like, but at the same time felt bad because I just betrayed her trust by invading her privacy. So I called her and told her what I did and told her I was sorry, that I did it out of anger and frustration. I told her that we need to be honest with each other from this point on or any relationship with or without our marraige will be close to nothing. Right now I feel hurt beyond belief. Ive never kept anything from her and I dont understand why she would keep secrets from me. She says she wants to wait 6months, but why? Should I see it as a sign of hope that I will get my family back or just another dead end road with more pain. Doing the NC thing is so difficult to do when you have kids. I dont want to push her away from me any more than she is, but at the same time I want to know the truth about what has gone on in the past few months to make her change. Right now I worry about the kids and her. She has a part time job and is living in an apartment. 3 kids with day care is expensive and as much as I want to just give the kids and her everything I have, I'm obligated to the bills and house she left behind when she left me. I dont know where my kids will be in 2 months. I dont want my family living in poverty, as much as she thinks she will be happy that way.