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Hopingpraying

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Everything posted by Hopingpraying

  1. Hopingpraying
    Aye... I agree with Rnoth... Basically I wanted to add if your EX is the one that was wanting the breakup, time and space, then No-contact is just what she asked for. I don't think you should look at it as a game, otherwise you may come accross as trying to manipulate her. I don't think that is really what you are trying to do. It is just a fact that begging and pleading doesn't work. Woman want someone who is strong and can protect them. A pathetic begger does not give this impression that is for sure. So when she starts to miss you, she may just be affraid that you are moving on. With that all said, you really need to take the time you have given yourself for no-contact to reflect on your relationship and figure out the reasons for the breakup. You may feel like you were not at fault, but relationships are 50/50. So both of you are at fault for the breakup. Fix the issues she had with you. It is also up to her to fix her issues, however, you cannot do that for her.. Hope some of this makes sense. Good luck!!
  2. Hopingpraying
    I have not read it all, but basically didn't need to. It basically advises you to stop fighting it. Give the other person what they want. Roll over and play dead basically. I doubt it works much. Didn't work for me. I am still getting a divorce.. Nearly final. The wife moved out the day I Joined this site. Feb. 14th... That was one heck of a Valentines day gift let me tell you... The best way to stop a divorce is to figure out the real reason your getting one in the first place.
  3. Hopingpraying
    I did find this after doing a short search:
  4. Hopingpraying
    More than likely it has nothing to do with your diet, greying is really not gray at all it is just hair that has no pigment, thereforeeee it is clear. I started going grey at 18 years old, probably sooner, but that is when I first remember noticing it. Being 31 now, I have plenty of greys... I just count it as wisdom beyond my years!!
  5. Hopingpraying
    If you want this guy back I don't think asking your relatives not talk to him is going to help. If he feels comfortable right now talking to them instead of you, I would use this as the mode of communication between the two of you at least for a short time. Have them encourage him to call you, that you love him, and want him in your life, etc... But don't just squash him right off the bat. For whatever reason he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you right now. Give him the time and space he needs, it does sound like he loves you and cares for you. I am not sure how long I would coddle him like this, you will have to play it by ear. Ultimately he is an adult and should be able to communicate openly with you.
  6. Hopingpraying
    K33, Didn't have time to go back and look at any of your previous posts, so I guess I need to know a few things and will check back later.. 1. Who broke up with who? 2. What was the reason? Is it just a case of one of you needing space? 3. Have either of you addressed the reasons for the breakup? If the two of you are able to be civil and loving to one another then I don't see a reason for NC, but that can depend on how well the two of you are able to communicate? Have you tried consueling? I guess I would not advise no contact, but at the same time you shouldn't be the one doing all the contact either. Look forward to seeing your reply. H&P
  7. Hopingpraying
    Brandell, You confused me. I am not sure if you are saying no-contact is the right way to go, or no-contact is the wrong way to go. Either way, I don't think it matters. The bottom line is if you are the dumpee no-contact is the way to go for a couple of reasons. 1. The dumper, at least temporarily, no longer wants you back. No amount of begging or pleading is going to get them to take you back, and usually that has the opposite effect that you are hoping for. It is a push pull reaction. You push, they pull back. 2. You are going to be an emotional wreck being the dumpee. Most dumpee's assume because the dumper did it that it is easy for them. Yes initially they probably have an easier time, but whether you are the dumper or the dumpee eventually you are going through all the stages of a breakup. So What I am saying is the dumper at some point will go what the dumpee is going through. Which in turn leads to no-contact. The no-contact will help you heal your heart. I know it has for me. In the beginning everytime I saw my wife I wanted to tell her how much I was changing, how I was going to do what she wanted me too. It did no good. She just hated me more. Once I implimented no contact everything got easier. I doubt she is going to come back to me, but I am moving on. And I feel good about myself. Does No-contact work in getting your ex back? Maybe, Maybe not. Does it help you heal?? Most definitely!!
  8. Hopingpraying
    Mlchildr, Its not what you must do, but what he has to do for the two of you to ge back together. You are single, he is not. You want him back in your life, obviously he is not sure. What was the reason for the original breakup? Have those issues been resolved? Did you change your behavior? Did he change his? Did you breakup with him, or did he breakup with you? Unless those issues of the original breakup are resolved the two of you may get back together but only end up hurting each other again. In the meantime, stop the friends with benefits routine. It only confuses you more and gives him exactly what he wants. He will never have to make a decision if you are giving him what he wants. If he truly loves you, and you understand him like no one else, then he will come back to you. Have faith in that!!
  9. Hopingpraying
    Tsu, The benefits may be fun at first, but if you have deep feelings for her it will only end up hurting you in the end. She may have another guy and she is deciding which one of you she wants to be with. Can't really say for sure, but I say give her the space even though it will be hard. If her feelings for you are as strong as your feelings for her she will be back.
  10. Hopingpraying
    Breaking up is hard to do as the song says. We never see it at that moment, but sometimes breaking up is a good thing. How do you know when it is???? After a few years of reflection. I wake up knowing that my marraige is over, and it is a sad thing, but I quickly try to tell myself that I am starting a new chapter in my life. Heck you could say I am starting a whole new book.... I love that song I believe it is by, Alan Jackson, "My Next Thirty Years" Well I am going to do all the things he sings about in that song, and enjoy life.. Live life like you were dying!!
  11. Hopingpraying
    Mixed signals are all part of the game. I think this happens when the EX feels your starting to drift away and to pull you back in they throw you a couple of mixed signals.. For most of the time we have been going through this whole divorce process my wife has been nothing but hateful towards me, while I have been nothing but respectful and nice to her. Then one day out of the blue she emails me and says, "It sure is nice outside isn't it?" Now what the heck are you supposed to respond to that? Confusing to say the least. I just replied back, " Yes it is!" and left it at that. A few days later she hates me again.... Go figure.
  12. Hopingpraying
    Stomach... A stiff penis the other way would hurt!
  13. Hopingpraying
    Shamrock, I feel for you man. I am going through something similiar with my wife, well the similar part is we are broke up! , Not funny I know... But anyways here is what I have done to help myself through the ups and downs of my divorce..... I have decided that she means what she is doing. Sure I second guessed it over and over, she couldn't possibly really want a divorce, but that got me nowhere, kept me in reverse really. I wasn't getting better. So I have decided to accept that it is over. It has helped me alot. I have also had to assume she has been seeing the guy she cheated on me with even though he is married. It just makes it easier for me to accept. I get a little bit angry when I really think about it, but I have just decided to let it go. For whatever reason I was not her one and only, even though I thought she was mine. I have gotten a lot better over the months. I can attribute this to many things, but one of the major ones is this forum. Keep venting your frustrations in this forum. I find it a great relief to try to help other folks going through the same things.. Misery loves company I guess. Good luck!!
  14. Hopingpraying
    Well like I said.. Never got out a measuring tape to check . I don't see the point really. I can't make it any bigger than it is so why obsess about it. It is big enough to make the woman I am with happy. So It is good enuff for me!!!
  15. Hopingpraying
    Cherrygirl, I too had a drug abuse problem which according to my wife is the reason for our divorce. I cannot say that it is not, but I think the guy she met had something to do with it too. Regardless this post is not about me, but about you. I don't know what drugs your man is into, but I do know this. He may say he is done with them, but I don't believe him, and you shouldn't either. If he has not gone through a substance abuse program he is doomed to continue to deny his problem. Trust me I have been there. I was only into one drug, Marijuana. While I know Marijuana is not psychologically addictive, at least not for me, I quit it cold turkey, I know it was a problem in my life and I continued to do it. So if he is doing something that is psychologically addictive he is probably in worse shape. You love this man. Let him know in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be with you he has to get help. Otherwise why put yourself through that pain? He may be a great guy, but if he is not willing to get help then I don't feel you should put yourself through that. My wife never set me down and had this talk with me I am asking you to have with your man. She just decided I wasn't worth the trouble and left. I don't want you to do that. I am sure what the two of you have is worth fighting for, but both of you have to fight for it equally. If your the only one fighting then you have to throw in the towel. Good luck!!
  16. Hopingpraying
    Cherrygirl, There are no guarnatees in life, and whether if you are able to go back with him and forgive him, or decide to part ways and find someone else, no one can say whether him or the next guy won't cheat on you. In my previous relationships I have cheated and been cheated on. I certainly felt bad after I cheated, and didn't do it again. I guess for that I am to be labeled a cheater for the rest of my life. The fact of the matter is I still loved my current GF at the time. It was just a heat of the moment thing. A one night stand. To me that is a lot less sinister than what may of happened in your case. You really need to get to the bottom of why he found this woman to be more appealing than you at that given time. What were the underlying reasons for his infidelity? If you don't figure out why, then he is probably going to do it again. He may not to be upfront and honest because he will feel it will hurt your feelings, but explain to him that the two of you need to figure out why it happened and fix it so it doesn't happen again. Good luck.
  17. Hopingpraying
    There really is no reason (for me at least) to obsess about the size of my member. It is what it is, and I use it to the best of my ability. So far no complaints, and many compliments. I know I have far from the biggest, and to be honest have never tried to messure it. I would guess it is approx. 5 - 6" but of decent width. I think width may be a more important factor. I would guess it is around 3" in diameter, again never messured, but I know my (EX)wife tried to be funny one day and slip a paper towel roll over it and it wouldn't fit. Whether that is average or not who knows.. Use what you got, at the end of the day you have to be happy with it, you have no choice.
  18. Hopingpraying
    In my situation, I know without a doubt the reasons for my wife divorcing me are something we could of easily worked out. I loved her with all of my heart and whether she realized it or not I treated her very well. Sure we had our moments of disconnect and probably took each other for granted, but it was a two way streak. I never cheated on her or abused her. I did disrespect her by saying I would quit smoking pot, and continued to do it occasionally ( I was never what I considered a heavy user) trying to keep it out of her sight. But she knew. So that was definitely disrespectful, but she did not communicate her disgust for this. We were together six years and I smoked pot on different occasions. There seemed to be no problems. We got married, then big problems. Well she says there was, and I was supposed to know about it without her saying it. I am rambling but I think you get the point.. Now back on topic..... I know my wife will regret leaving for the reasons she did. But I also know that my (EX)wife is very conscious of what she perceives people think of her. For that very reason alone if she were to try to come back she would be admitting her mistake, and she would feel that would make her look silly. So she will never admit it and we are just apart. I can accept that, but I really feel for my daughter that she will have to grow up in two separate homes with two separate sets of parents. I just hope that means she will be loved twice as much.
  19. Hopingpraying
    I completely agree with what EatZ is saying. And as for the revenge factor that is definitely not helpful. Thinking bad things in and of themselves is not a bad thing, but acting on them or verbally communicating that to the EX is not a good idea. It does not help an already bad situation. I'm my case wishing bad things on my EX is not a good idea because of my daughter. Whatever would negatively effect my wife would negatively affect my daughter. And I want nothing bad to happen to my daughter. I find myself wishing that my wife would met a guy that treats her badly, but if my wife gets involved with someone like that and I find them treating my daughter badly I don't think I would react well to that. Ultimately the best situation is for time to heal the wounds and both of you be able to carry on at least a civilized conversation. I also think it is more frustrating for my wife that I am as nice as I am to her. She has been trying to make me out to be this rotten person for so long and by me being nice as can be I think that frustrates her more than if she could say see, I am justified in what I am doing. I think her family and friends are looking at her like she is crazy because she is saying all this stuff about me and I just continue to be respectful and nice... Kill them with kindness is my Moto....
  20. Hopingpraying
    Luke, All I can say is the above posters are on the right track. Yes the pain you are going through at this moment hurts greatly, but would you want to go through all this again and again? I doubt it. It does not sound as if she is in a point in her life where she can settle down with a single person. So if you are then she is not the right person for you. She has hurt you badly, and I am affraid she will do it again. This pain will subside in time. I know because my "WIFE" did the same to me. We are currently going through a divorce because it is what she wanted. I still don't want to divorce her, but it is probably for the best. I gave her everything I could and it still was not enough for her. So again maybe she is not the right one for me. Life goes on, Be glad the two of you are not married. Divorce is a brutal thing. Good luck!!
  21. Hopingpraying
    DeeBee, I think you should reply, but keep it simple and non-emotional. If you truly do not want to get re-involved then definitely keep it breif. I have a feeling that the reason for her contacting you is she has seen that the grass is not as green as she once thought. The minor issues you describe are common in every relationship. Relationships are not easy no matter who the two people are. Its about communicating and making compromises. NC does have an end point. It is when you are emotionally ready to talk to that person you have been unable to talk to without becoming upset or distraught. There is no reason why the two of you could not be just friends if the both of you are ready for that... So Contact is not a bad thing if the two of you want to talk to one another.. Where it goes from here is up to you.
  22. Hopingpraying
    Caliboy, I think what both of you really should take out of it is how silly that all sounds. If you own your own business I am assuming you both are adults. It seems a pretty minor thing to be starting an argument over. Both of you have much better things to do with your time.. As for why she is irritated you called her on it, all I can say is that is the way it is. Something like that I would just let slide. Just don't make promises to call her....
  23. Hopingpraying
    Muneca, I am glad you find the forums helpful. I think these forums are what have kept me sain through this whole process. As well as my new found focus on God. That definitely has helped!! As for whether I have reconsidered going through the divorce, I never had any doubts. I have never wanted this divorce. My wife is the one who decided she was unhappy for many different reasons. None of which I feel are grounds for divorce, or at least not problems I didn't think could not be worked out. She is the one who was unfaithful too me, so I don't see anything I did as being so bad that we could not figure it out together, but I believe she is gone for good, or at least for a period of time where when she does decide to come back it will probably be to late for me. I am not sure if it is just a situation where the grass is greener for her or not. I am a realist, and I understand that I am not the greatest guy that ever walked the face of the earth, but I also know I am far from the worst. She is going to find it difficult to replace me. If nothing else I loved her with all my heart, and I believe that should count for something. I placed her above all else in my life, as I saw it, but she did not. Communication was definitely a problem. Anyway, I am rambling. But in time I know it will all work out. I continue to see this wonderful woman I have met, and each day I heal a bit more. I still don't believe I am ready for a serious relationship, but things seem so easy with her. She is so understanding and accepting of me being me. She does not hold it against me that I still love my wife. Oh what to do!!
  24. Hopingpraying
    I can't say for sure anything regarding that. Just ask her out... Be confident. All she can say is no, and that won't kill you...
  25. Hopingpraying
    Talking about this is a must. You two need to communicate openly and objectively about these types of things. Has your sex patterns changed since you have been married? Something else the two of you also need to realize is that there are progressions in a relationship and you are not always going to have those sparks flying. Relationships are work, and you both need to work at it to spice it up. surprise him. Have him come from from work and only be wearing a few pieces of lettuce, and tell him dinner is ready. Something!! Anything... Encourage him to do the same for you.
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