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Hopingpraying

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  1. Hopingpraying
    Razer, Sorry that I don't remember you either, I was not a member back then and only recently. Jan.-Feb. or so had a need to find EnotAlone. It is a great site and has helped me heal trememdously. I still have a ways to go, but each day gets easier. Ad for your situation, I am glad you and the EX are back together, and can only hope that I end up in your situation, but as someone else asked. Are the reasons for your original breakup solved? You really need to make sure of that. I would hate for you to have to go through that pain a second time. It is no fun!!
  2. Hopingpraying
    JB, Sorry to hear about your situation, but at least the door is still open for you. As for how you should proceed, I think you left the ball in her court, so I would initiate no-contact. She is busy with finals, so in all likely hood she will get in touch with you after that. If you bug her right now you probably will push her away. Its hard I know, boy do I know, but it is probably best for you right now. Its only three more weeks and she will be back, not a huge amount of time to wait. Hopefully by then she knows a little more about what she wants, but are you ready to give her more of a commitment? You are correct that she already knows she pretty much has you where she wants you, don't give her any more power then she already has. It is a death sentence to come accross as needy. I do wish you luck. Hopefully some other folks with chime in with differing opinions.
  3. Hopingpraying
    Patient, I do feel your pain, however, I think you fell harder for this girl then she wanted you too. I think you came off being needy to her, and theres nothing that pushes a girl away faster then a man that is needy. It doesn't make them feel secure. And woman want a protector. I know you felt like you were doing everything you could to give her the perfect relationship, but I think the truth is woman get bored with perfect, thats why so many woman are attracted to men that are "Bad boys" I don't think your ready to be friends with her, you would just keep pushing her away because you would be hanging on her every action seeing any type of friendly contact as a possibility of continuing the relationship. That wouldn't be healthy for you or her. You need to take this time to heal yourself. Getting your heart broken hurts if it is a one month relationship or a nine year relationship. It might take a bit longer to get over the nine year one, but initially the hurt is still the same. Being rejected sucks, there are no two ways about it. I am not sure why you fell so hard for this girl, but learn from this. If you put your feelings out there that quickly you are bound to get hurt. Take things slow next time. A month is hardly enough time to know whether you truly are in love with someone so refrain from telling anyone that so quickly. You will meet another, grow from this!! My two cents.
  4. Hopingpraying
    This is a little poem. I forget where it came from, I think it was in a movie. I posted it here a couple of months ago, but here it is again. In Limbo forever lost... Sin of love has wreathed me in Lucid Pain. Who would think something inspiring awe, could have such an unberable cost... I stand in Solitude, my soul in darkness, my mind in the rain. Pondering a world devoid of me. Hoping beyond all known human hope for the relase of it all ending... No one to mourn the loss, no one to cry for what was too be, just me lost to time, in darkness, forever sending... My message to all is this, " What is love worth with no one to share it with?" Its dark I know, but if you really look into the meaning it is pretty deep.
  5. Hopingpraying
    Oh I definitely agree with you here Ziggy. I know in my opinion my wife gave up on our relationship way to easy. I counter that by saying I am the only relationship she has ever been in, so to her she is probably thinking if it was meant to be it wouldn't be so much work. She will learn in time that every relationship has its problems, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I am going to wait for her as long as I can, but I am not putting my life on hold. If I am still single when she reaches that conclusion then I will be ready to try it again I am sure. Shock&dismayed, I am sorry I didn't mean to say you shouldn't have hope, or faith in love, I definitely agree with you there, I guess I missed the part that the two of you had opened communication back up. That is good news. I just don't want you to get stuck waiting for her to come back in case that day never comes. Its hard enough to go through this rollercoaster ride once, let alone twice with the same person.. I do wish the two of you the best of luck!!
  6. Hopingpraying
    SD, I hope things work out for you, but you cannot put your life on hold hoping she will come to that same conclusion. I read something somewhere that said: It is crazy to think there is one person put here on this earth for us. If that were true we would all be single. Now I do know things happen for a reason, and I am hoping that the reason my wife and I broke up was so that I would see my wrongs and write them. I am trying to do that, it is up to her to do the rest. As for your situation, I am sure those things happened for a reason. The reasons might not be clear to us right now, but we have to believe it is all part of (hope I don't offend anybody) God's plan. Ziggy: Thanks for the kind words. I do mean everything I said. I wish I could somehow get my wife to read that.
  7. Hopingpraying
    For me it is simply my Wife is a great woman. Yes she has issues she needs to address, but so do I. And when you get right down too it nobody is perfect. I am sure any other woman I meet will have issues as well. Then when you throw my daughter into the mix it becomes clear to me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. My wife is everything I have ever wanted in a woman. Beautiful, intelligent, driven, and an excellent mother. I doubt I ever meet anyone that will rise up to her level ever again. I say that knowing I may never get her back, and don't hold out much hope that she will come back, but I am working on the issues she had with me, and think I am making the strides to be the better man, husband, and father I should of been all along. And I know one thing for certain. Even if my wife doesn't take me back, the next woman I get seriously involved with is going to have one hell of a man on their hands. Thats not cockyness talking either. I have learned great things from books, and mostly these forums. I will definitely handle my next relationship with much more knowledge and responsibility. I will step off my soapbox now.
  8. Hopingpraying
    Well I hope some of the crap I spew is taken well, but it sounds like you are already on your way to doing the things you need to do. Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants, or some kind words. Not sure what to make out of him texting you. I think it is to early to read into anything. You will start to see if what you are doing is getting the desired results pretty quickly. Guys usually want what they can't have and as soon as he is realizing your moving on it may be the kick to the head that he needs to wake him up out of his me... me.. me... mode. Good luck Pepsi!
  9. Hopingpraying
    Pepsi, The longer the better. The more info you can give the better opportunity for you to get help. I don't want to sound uncaring, but you need to stop taking care of his responsibilities for him. Its not helping him by you doing this, and I fear that he will go on like this until he is in a real mess and then all of a sudden want to make up with you, then you will feel you have to help him out of his current money situation. Don't fall for this. I know you think he is not calculating or doing things to a plan, but please believe me when I say people can change for the better or worse, and I don't think he is heading in the right direction. Whether he is doing this as a calculated thing or not doesn't really matter, you run the risk of him pulling you down with him, and then you will end up resenting him for it and breaking it off anyway. You better off right now if you do the modified version of no contact. You may feel he will start to resent you, but it could give him the reality check he needs. Something has to snap him back to reality. I just want you to be careful because he is going down a road that is difficult to come back from, and it is a slippery slope you could get yanked down too. I know you love him, but you have to ask yourself is the love you have for him worth ruining your life over? Please don't take what I am saying as it is already too late. I don't think that at all. I just think he needs a reality check. Give him one by at least pretending to move on with your life!!
  10. Hopingpraying
    JJ, Sorry to hear about your recent developments. Don't beat yourself up over the begging and pleading thing. We have all done it, and I am not sure why, because it is the least effetive. Anyhow. Feel free to vent anytime, most of us here understand what you are going through and feel your pain. Good luck!
  11. Hopingpraying
    SF, The way you can tell if you a ready is think of the worst possible outcome if you call her and ask yourself how you will feel if that happens. If you call her and she is a total B**ch to you and you can honestly say to yourself you can deal with that and it will just give you closure then I say go for it. If you run that scenario through your head and it gives you a tight feeling in your chest then wait. Wait until you can accept the good or bad that comes out of that contact. Too me that tells me when you are ready. I do hope you get a good result. I know how bad that can hurt.
  12. Hopingpraying
    Johnny G, I can say with near 100% certainty that she does not hate you, she did that as a way to hurt you and push you away. Granted I don't know the exact reasons for your breakup, but I do know people can not just turn their feelings off for someone. In my Situation it sure seems like my wife has, but I am pretty sure that this has been nearly as hard on her as it has on me. The really crappy part is she is a great woman and I hope she realizes what a big mistake she is making before it is too late. Be strong, and don't contact her. Its the best way.
  13. Hopingpraying
    Tiff, I am sorry for what you are going through, but you nor anyone else can make him do anything he doesn't want too. You need to concentrate more on you and less on him. I know how hard this is to do because I am going through the same things myself. I am getting my act together and making myself a better person, through working out, going to school, and have even been in counseling. The counseling is expensive, and I really cannot afford it, but I don't think I cannot afford it either. It has definitely helped me be stronger. Use this forum as a free source of counseling. There are a lot of knowledgeable people in here and they have helped me a lot. Although anymore I find myself strong enough to offer advice to those that need help. I have read so many relationship books I consider myself somewhat of an expert.. Probably most wouldn't, including my EX, so take my offerings with a grain of salt, but I would say you need to definitely take care of yourself and not obsess about him. Living in the past does you no good.
  14. Hopingpraying
    Rub, I guess my tip for you would be to concentrate less on the actual fingering part and rub more on the outside just above the opening. Most guys think the act of fingering involves solely putting the finger inside, but you get a better result if you rub her clitorous. Some women find that too sensitive, but most women love it. You will feel a slight bump just above the opening this is where you want to concentrate your efforts. good luck!
  15. Hopingpraying
    Pepsi, I as well as many others feel your heartache. I read your post and see similar things that I have gone through. There is nothing I can say that will make it any easier, and there is nothing that I can magically tell you to say to him to make him come back. It is a lonely road and one only time can heal unfortunately. I know you cannot do no-contact exactly. But you can do a modified form of it. You need to be strong around him, find things to do on your own. could you get a membership to a fitness center? Are you in college? Could you take a class just for the heck of it to get you out of the house? You need to keep yourself busy, because as long as he thinks you are waiting there for him the longer he is going to be in this phase of his, and if you push him he will more than likely move out. I am not sure why he would quit his job? How is he going to continue to pay rent and go out all the time with no money coming in? I know you love him, but he is not being rationale right now, and he is certainly not being responsible. I know you love him, but you are going to have some tough decisions coming up. You really didn't elaborate too much on why the two of you broke up. You did give some reasons, but too me it doesn't sound like enough to end a five year relationship. Are you sure there is no one else?? Not to put that train wreck of thoughts in your head, but something is not adding up.. Good luck Pepsi.
  16. Hopingpraying
    I do understand where you are coming from, Strong1 & Kipster, however, I think we do ourselves a dis-service if we draw this double standard.. Here is why..... If a guy has a "One Night Stand" he has to have that one night stand with someone else, so isn't the woman also having a one night stand? So is that woman emotinally attached to that guy when she has the one night stand with him? I don't think so. Possibly but I doubt she is anymore attached to him than he is to her. So I question that part. I also think the disservice is also done if men and women hold each other to a double standard for the reasons you give. In general women do have an emotinal attachment to a man when she has sex with him, but why does that matter when getting back together with an EX? Wouldn't it be better to forgive and forget? I am not judging, I am actually asking.
  17. Hopingpraying
    Aye... Like B4rsk22B says.. You need to ask him, but usually right after I do the deed so to speak it is very sensitive and you need to give it a few minutes before you play with it, but each guy has his own preference. But the way you describe it does make it sound cool.
  18. Hopingpraying
    HR4L, I like the letter idea, that way there is no real contact. You can say what you want in clear terms. Make sure you are nice and respectful. I don't think not giving a response will give either one of you closure. She may just assume you haven't checked your email. I think you can hold your head up high. You will be fine, she will be fine. I wouldn't try being friends with her anytime soon, and maybe you can state in your letter that you would like to be friends but you will need some time. Good luck!!
  19. Hopingpraying
    Larz, I am not sure the fact she slept with someone else should come into play. I guess the reason I say that is because what women are you going to find that has not slept with someone else? I don't think that should be the reason you don't want her back I guess. If it is the only reason it is silly in my opinion. Please don't take offense, it is just my opinion. But there should be more too it then that. So many people breakup because they need to find out what else is out there. If we never give our EX's the ability to see how good they had it, and won't let them come back if they figure it out then I think we are doing them and ourselves a dis-service. Again just my opinion.
  20. Hopingpraying
    Chandler, Because you state the fact you did not have a problem being without her until you found out she was dating another I would say that you have a case of the want what you can't have. The other thing you have to remember is that you can't make her take you back, so you should just continue on with your life. You need to be honest with yourself, why did you not even care until you found out she was with someone else? Do you really love this girl, or do you just want her because she is with someone else.. Only you know that for sure. I don't think you are a jerk, this sort of thing is common. But don't call her, don't bug her, just let her go....
  21. Hopingpraying
    Lost, I have not personally experienced this with my ex. But it sounds like she is trying to keep you from moving on. If you keep letting her do this too you you will never be able to move on. I am not sure if she just doesn't really know what she wants, or if she is just trying to keep you waiting for her in case her current relationship doesn't work out. The fact she bounced right from one relationship to another just tells me she will be back. Rebounds rarely work, of course it gets complicated because he is her EX. Do we consider you the rebound from him or him the rebound from you?? Who knows.. Woman are strange creatures. I can't figure them out. Keep the no-contact. Its the only way you will be able to move on. Good luck!!
  22. Hopingpraying
    Detox5, There is always hope isn't there? She wants space, give her what she wants, how can somone who loves you ( I am sure she still has feelings for you, you cannot just shut that off) be pissed at you if you are doing what they want. She may never come back, but at least you did the right thing.
  23. Hopingpraying
    SH, Thanks for the advice, but my conscience is playing tricks on me.. I do appreciate it though. As for your situation I think it is best that you date several women. This way you can keep your heart open and not get too attached to one. Several books I have read say to do just that, however, they also say to make sure the women know the situation so no one gets hurt. Just be careful not to fall into the trap GeeCee is talking about... Good luck man. I hope eventually I will be dating again!
  24. Hopingpraying
    Detox5, I reccomend you just leave it. If you reply again she will see you as bugging her again. Let her contact you. It will make you feel a lot better. And if she does contact you via say an email or phone, I say the first time you don't respond. It is hard yes, but trust me. She will be wondering what is going on. Play it cool and you have a chance. Pressure her and no chance.
  25. Hopingpraying
    Colls, Johnny G. has it right.. Make sure you take it slow at first. It sucks to get shin splints right off the bat it will make it so you don't run for a few days and you probably will just quit trying so definitely take it slow. Make sure you cool down and stretch prior. Same things Johnny said... Good luck, and don't worry about what others think.
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