just jeff

Thank you both for your responses…I am not sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, nor am I going to push my agenda…I am a free sprit and so is she. The house of cards is a good analogy…the foundation is the simplest part; yet upon it rests the full weight of the house. I am in no rush…I can't be; I've been sitting at the train station waiting for my train to come in for yrs…I think a little longer won't really matter. All things are relative. Would I love to hear her say once more how she wants to come here…to where she left her heart? Absolutely, it would be music to my ears. But her life, her children, friends…her career are there and she starts thinking of not only missing them…but starting over here. Time will tell…and as Mick Jagger sang "time is on my side…yes it is" May your journeys be rewarding….later down life's path….

We each have to make our decisions on our own; and I couldn't agree more…only the two people involved truly understand what was right and wrong about the relationship. Try as we can to use words to describe our problems…they remain only words. Your and my own problems with our relationships aren't so different that a thousand other sad stories posted here. Each is exceptional will details missing or things left unsaid. It is a healing process…some are gluttons for punishment (maybe I fall into that category) and continue to seek what they cannot obtain. Others are so distraught over their relationship ending they commit bodily harm against themselves as well as others. I sense you're a very intelligent, self confident, have ethics and integrity. Whoever you allow into your personal life will be fortunate, and they will fully accept and return your feelings in kind. People question (I am guilty) why this happened or why they were rejected…there are no answers; life isn't that clear cut. Sometimes that "missing" piece is the most important part for the fulfillment of the other person. When we ask them to define what is "missing" that is beyond explanation; it's invisible…like the wind, yet we know its there. A book that I've read that I found helpful is "Bonds That Set Us Free"…you might look into it. I even bought and had sent a copy to my ex. I feel as long as there is contact…there can always be hope. Rome wasn't built in a day…relationships that are worthy aren't either. I am not saying to hold out in hopes of her and you rekindling a relationship that is rewarding to you both…go out and live, seek fulfillment and be happy that you have survived so much and are no doubt a stronger individual for the effort. I wish you well on your journey…walk in the sunshine…I bid you peace.

Some of you know my story…so I will not go back over it again. Just suffice to say I sent flowers to the ex and she responded by not talking to me…in fact it was "goodbye, please do not call my home, cell or office…do not bother responding to this email as I will not get it…I will not be going back to the chat room". Then a text saying "reality set in, my feelings for you are gone". And that was that…she did however visit the chat room we both belong too. And after a few days she would say hello…that's all. A close friend of hers in the chat room told me she needed time to think and decide her future; do not pressure her… So I didn't….and went 10 days…then yesterday morning in the chat room we exchanged pleasantries…we did send a few private messages. Childish I know…game playing? I know…but that is a part of life; some call it negotiation…the give and take until both parties feel comfortable with the deal; which can be modified later. I asked her if she wanted to know when a certain event occurred in my life…she said "yes". I told her it would have to be delivered in the chat room; she said "why?". I told her that I had deleted all of her phone numbers…again with the "why?" I said I was respecting her request…her wishes. She said "oh…ok, here will be fine". She left the chat room to prepare for her Easter Sunday…I stayed and continued to chat…then my phone rang at 9:30ish…I have caller ID but honestly thought it was one of my children calling to confirm a time for dinner…it was the ex. She said "Happy Easter Jeff….I wanted to wish you and your children a very happy day". So we talked for about 45 minutes…nothing about the past or future…nothing about who we were seeing or who we weren't seeing…just friendly conversation about our kids and life in general. Did she call to give me her number again? I do not know why she called…she just did. So people…here I go again…into the lion's den. Can I be hurt again? Certainly…but I will survive as I have in previous times. Will she and I have a future together someday? I like to think so…there will be the day I fly there and met her…whether she approves or not. We will look into each others eyes and have our answer…the final answer. That is all I am looking for…if the look is gone…then so am I. Later down life's path people….good luck in your journeys.

Cloe, Thank you for the encouragement….it's day 9 now...not easier…not tougher. Maybe I am beginning to accept that I will never see or hear from her again. For the first time…about 3 days ago I really sense she meant it this time…always before it was said out of hurt or anger…or me pushing to hard. I can't get past the thought she left me with though…."my feelings for you are gone". Just like that….good luck in your endeavors, I wish you nothing but the best, be strong and may your journey be filled with sunshine…

Unluckyinlove, I think cloe and shes2smart are correct….you need time to heal and fully recover from the past few years. It sounds as though you're doing a great job, keep it up. My ex told me the same thing…maybe they say it as to not shatter our male ego…*s* or maybe they are 100% truthful…but they need more than the physical connection to be complete. I am on day 9….and it hasn't gotten much easier; although I did delete her numbers from my phones to lessen the chances of me making a mistake in a moment of weakness. I do not think the woman you speak of is entirely out of your life…she may have been over whelmed by her feelings and thought she was losing control…especially if she values her independence… Keep your chin up…walk proudly through life…you have much to be thankful and proud of. Nothing is truly over till the fat lady sings they say…I still haven't heard her sad tune…or maybe I am just too deaf to listen… May your journey become easier with each passing day….

Thank you both for the encouragement....harder than I thought...each day is getting harder...I want to call or text message her....just for that contact...but then again I doubt she would respond..lol what a life

Indeed you are a strong woman…be very proud of yourself and your accomplishments. His loss will be another's gain…Listen to your inner voice…follow a new path; he has gone down a different path, the fork in the road… Live large and free….enjoy the best life has to offer, I do not think by his actions that he falls into that category…*s* Later down life's path…stay safe in your journey's….

Mentor, I think you read too much into the Easter Card….but I would have too. I would analyze why it was sent and what were the motives behind it. And just like you I would have had to respond…unless my feelings for her were totally dead. You got your answer with what sounds like a cold shoulder…If my ex ever calls, texts or emails me…I pray it is to rekindle the relationship and not just checking up to see how I am. I am not sure if it's a guilty conscience or just a kind gesture…either way, I do not long for it unless there is more behind the sudden communication… I hope I'm never in your shoe's…now I know I will not respond to a card…it will need to be an email with some substance in it…other wise I am not going to rub salt in the wound… Good luck in your journey…stay strong, later down life's path….

Unluckyinlove, Welcome to the board; I am older than you…and I have learned that love and relationships do not know age boundaries. I'm not in your shoes…I have been dating since Sept/Oct of last year…. My heart resides in Texas (ex)....my ex begged me to date…see what's out there. She said in order for us to have a chance I needed to do that…and what a wonderful man I am and how the women will go wild. Great esteem booster. So I started dating…and going to dances and parties; met some intriguing women. One such woman was a Dr…age 44 and widowed. We seemed to have a lot in common; our lifestyles…our love of fine wines. Long story short; I met her family, they thought I was perfect for her…we had nights filled with passion and days filled with fun. After three weeks Michelle said "I love you Jeff"…out of the blue. I was taken aback…but said "love you too Mic" and we continued to date. She knows I had baggage…that there was another woman who wasn't out of my mind and heart. Within a few more weeks she suggested I sell my home and she sell hers and we buy one together…hum….I wasn't keen on the idea and told her so… We continued to date…finally as she continued to push for a commitment I told her nicely that she knew dating me was temporary…she said she did, but thought she could change all of that. She couldn't….was she wonderful, sexy, intelligent and just an all round great person? Absolutely…but was I in love with her? No…we stopped dating and calling…said we could still be friends…share special wines we found…but we haven't, nor do I expect us too… How long would the relationship have gone on if she hadn't pushed? Most likely it still would be…she was a wonderful date and we had great times…traveling on the weekends...maybe that is all your ex (for want of a better word) is/was looking for…someone to fill the lonely void…comfort in the dark of night… I have come to the opinion that people come in and out of our lives…some stay longer than others…some seek instant gratification and move on…so seek nothing more than a companion…I bought a dog recently just to walk the park and trails with…he keeps my mind occupied. I suggest you let it rest…she may have become frightened to have too deep of feelings for anyone…if she wants to be with you…she will let you know… Good luck in your journey…..

The beginning of day 8. NC day 8: deleted her numbers from my phones. I still have them locked away in my computer at the office; I made them a pain to retrieve though. I admit this isn't getting any easier…the first few days seemed easy. I think because I had convinced myself she would call…after she collected her thoughts. Odd that I can go out and date…keep my mind occupied; then totally out of no where she pops into my mind. Being with others really hasn't helped…I bought a new puppy….chocolate Labrador…and he is a great companion…and needs lots of attention. We go for long walks…but of course she is on my mind…what's she doing, who she's with…I know it's none of my business…. I hope all the people here that have offered advice are correct…that it does get easier; and life does go on…to someone maybe even more rewarding. I can tell you this; if you are in love with someone…never take them for granted…never put off being with them because of your career. While it may seem nice to climb the ladder and make the big money…you might just end up like me…looking around and wondering why your alone. Time waits for no one…live life too the fullest. Later down life's path….may your journey be blessed and rewarding….

chai714, That's just it…I thought she might be doubting my love and sincerity. She may very well have viewed them as an attempt to win or buy her back…but they weren't, and if she knows me half as well as she claims she does she would know that… I also thought it would make her feel better…not me. Yes they represented my love and thoughts…but I wanted her to feel good… I value your advice…all who can give honest views without sugar coating or slinging arrows is appreciated…. Sometimes the ones who are so deeply involved in the breakup/relationship are the blindest….can't see the forest for the tree's…So I do seek advise and it does make me stop and think…which is a plus when you're on the verge of doing something that damages someone who you value and love more than yourself… Thank you….safe journeys…

Thank you both for the response and support. I have deleted her number in my cell and my landline…but…after a week or so…I would run into her in a chat room we both frequent or she would send a text that I felt obligated to answer, example: "I know you do not want to hear from me, but it's a girl" this was in reference to her new granddaughter…so I sent back "Congratulations" and so it began again and truthfully I was happy it did. "let me know you got home safely…I will be waiting for a call" that came at 10:30 pm…I sent back "excuse me?" …she said "oh I am sorry that was for Vic" her daughter. And so there we went again… I was happy we had opened the communication lines again. So it's been on and off for a year…but this time I feel so uncertain, like this time she means it and is truly trying to sort out her thoughts…and her future. Maybe you're right lady00 I should delete her numbers to lessen the temptation…but I almost have them memorized by heart… GettingOverIt – I understand…I have tried NC before, but I did it way too late. I will continue to count the days…and hope they get easier…and I will not go back to the chat room to which we both belong as members… It was so much easier to give my children advise when they were going to love pains…and here I sit mopping and having a pity party at my age…what goes around comes around…*s* Later down the path….

It's been 7 days since I sent my ex flowers…they were not sent with the intent to control her…nor an attempt to win her back. They were actually sent just to remind her of my feelings. Her reaction to them was less than positive…she said they made reality sit in. I guess that meant all the talking we had been doing on the phone wasn't reality…just talking about our lives and children and how much we missed each other. So today is 7 days since her last text message…I tell myself to be strong and not call or contact her…to respect her request. But she said it was over…her feelings for me are gone. It's driving me crazy thinking a simple gift could set her off on this course of action; I expected anything but this. I wish I had a magic button (easy button) that I could turn off and on my feeling at will… I want to text her and say…."Am I that easy to forget?" Oh the joys and woe's of cell phones and the internet…*s* be safe in your journeys…I feel like I am dying a slow death…she has moved on…and so must I …but I am clueless what direction to take… the last 5-6 were pretty much mapped out…*sighs* Later down this twisted path called life…I've made it a rule to never drink alone...I think tonight that rule shall be badly bent...*s*

Emma, Drugs and alcohol can make people swing back and forth like Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. You have only one concern now…yourself and your safety. He has chosen a path entirely different form the one you may have once shared. Remain strong and protect yourself physically and emotionally…may your journey through life be blessed and the pain and anguish you're currently experiencing lessen. Do what you have too do….

dustinthewind, I think it depends on what he is saying in his emails; and how much faith you have in him. If you don't think he is playing games…then reply when you feel comfortable. I know the feeling of them missing me…but that doesn't mean they've changed their mind. Sometimes they do it out of guilt…and sometimes out of honest concern you aren't doing anything rash. I have decided to take the high path for once (maybe this is a sign that I am healing or just throwing in the towel because I can't take anymore pain), if there is ever going to be an "us" again then she will have to approach me and it will have to be more than a "Hey, how are you? I haven't seen or heard from you…please let me know how you are doing." I have slid back so many times because I felt obligated to respond…when there shouldn't be any obligation at all. Every time I felt I was making progress in moving on with my life…she managed to knock me off course…I thought her attempts in communication were an indication there was hope…only to learn nothing had really changed. It's a tough call on your part…I suggest you really think long and hard about it before doing anything; you know this person better than anyone here…plus all the ins and outs of the relationship. Be strong and decide what is best for you…and act accordingly…after all he is the one who left you holding the bag, turn about is fair play. I wish you the best in your journey…