LukeYLuke

hey buddy, i think the main problem that you have is that as long as there is a link to her in you heart, getting past it will be so hard. i am in a similar spot to you, the woman i love left to go traveling in february, and we spilt a few months in to it, to my utter dismay. i obeyed the no contact rule and never called her. then it all got messed up when she called me after 3 weeks and told me she had been sleeping with someone else over there. at that point, i knew i had to make a decision to either make every effort to be with her, or do the smart thing and get hold of my life and clamber back on board. the second option was the best as keeping that hope would put my life on hold, and everyone deserves to live their life. so ask yourself what you want and is it possible, because until you know what you want, you will have the limbo feeling, and that can bring you down so badly. i asume that as you said 'get kicked in the head again' she hurt you. could you take that again? i got a call last night from my ex, and she called in the middle of the night coz she new i would answer as i was tired and not concertrating. it was bad, because it made me feel like i did the day she told me she slept with someone. so i hung up, and wrote some stuff down, and went to sleep. sticking to a plan gives you a goal. my goal is to get over her, and i will get there..... but if youfeel like you are floating, waiting and hoping, then its like your life goes on hold, and that feels rubbish. i am not telling you what to do, just offering my experience. make a plan, and make rules, and stick to those rules, for then you have direction, a goal, and hopefully, you will reach your destination. i dont know if this helped, but it helps me to write, as it is easy to give advice to another, not so easy to yourself. so be strong and you will reach your goal. but remember also, YOU are the most important person to YOU right now. take care of yourself. luke

hey sli, wise words of wisdom indeed..... i know they make sense, it is having the strength to believe them at the lowest time. i know i will pull through this..... some days are ok, when there are minimal thoughts and memories, other days you end up having an argument with the person you miss to yourself, imagining all the things they might say and the things u want to scream at them. today was ok, very creative. got a lot done. and ate half a megabucket of kfc. but its is knowing that at some point, you wake up and realise you havnt thought bout that person in a while, and the pain has eased. i await that day with so much hope. luke [-o

hey guys, tonight, for the first time in ages, i went out! had a great night, danced and drank till 12. then i left to find my mountain bike had been stolen! not really related to my problem, but do you ever feel like the world is out to get you..... o well, things could be worse. luke

Thank you all for those words, they have had a profound effect. its amazing a few strangers can lift that feeling of soclusion that i have been feeling. you know, after a break up, you look at people in the street and wonder what their story is, who they are and want to meet new people. but in my current state, it doesnt seem possible. but you guys have made me feel like the world isnt such a bad place, and there are people out there who are decent. thank you. luke ps, like i said, it is easy to despence advice, but so hard to administer to yourself, so i hope all of you with stuff goin on find your way..... take it easy

hi guys, i dont know if any of you read my post about 1 1/2 months ago, but i had a really hard break up from the lady i loved.... briefly, she cheated on me throughout the course of our relationship, and finally told me in september 2003... i was heart broken, but i wasnt to make it work. we had a great few months before she left to go travelling in february, and i was very much in love. however, doughts and paranois crept in within a few months of her being away and i started to fear the worst. it got so bad that we decided that it would be best to call it a day, and live our own lives. to me, that means develop myself, work hard and establish what i want from life. after a week, i realised, that she was so much a part of my life, the minor in fidelity we experienced could be forgiven and forgotten. then the bomb, she had been sleeping with someone else in newzealand. i guess a lot of you here know the feeling that follows news like that. uncontrollable sadness, emptiness welling up and no way to fill the void. so i began the long journey to recovery, obeying all the way the no contact rule. i boxed up all memories, cards and pictures, returned all her things like TV and sofa to her brothers house and made a clean break. i was doing ok, getting better day by day, and then the call we all hope for but dread. she called me at work. i didnt know what to say, every part of me wanted to talk, to spill my heart to her, but i just hung up. that was a week ago. i have sunk in to a pit so deep, there is no light. she consumes my thoughts and dreams. i can never get back what we lost, as much as it hurts, but i dont know where to go from here. it feels like all motor skills like talking to other human beings have shut down, and helplessness and pain are all that remain. i gave her everything i could. she loves me, i know this, but why would she throw away any hope or resolution. i guess icant see it because of my side. you always have advice and help for others, but when it is yourself, it seems like you know of no way to help yourself. i dont even know if im looking for an answer, just someone to say they understand... well, thanks if you read this, and i hope if you have a situation, you will find support and love that we all deserve. take care people. luke

amen elbandido! everybody that comes tothis site should be able to read that post! and thatboy_e, believe it. i am in week 3 of the same as you. it has been hard every day, but knowing that all these amazing charecters are offering their advice when they are hurting to, shows that all of us have an inner strength that can be harnessed to pull us through. you WILL love again, and even if its not in the next week, month or year, you are the most important person now, look after yourself, develop yourself, be the person you want to be. and remember how many people are here to support you WHENEVER you need it. a very big take care to everyone here love you guys Luke

once again its so good to hear someone in a similar situation getting on top of it! i makes me really happy for you and hopeful for me and everyone that is where i am that you can push through the pain.... take care of yourself xxx Luke

I know you guys are right, it hurts so much. im having a hard day thats for sure. i have just boxed up all the stuff that reminds me of her, letters, notes, pictures, gifts and even my pot plant 'bob'. I want to forget her, because i love her. I had some crazy dreams last night, i was in a field with another ex girlfriend, one that i spoke to for the first time in 2 years a few weeks ago, and we a were getting on great. Then she turned in to helen, which turned the dream in to a nightmare. i then awoke at 5 am, and i was in tears till 10. i need closure

It is strange to realise that someone is feeling the exact way i do right now... it was like someone was reading my emotions. brought a few tears to my eyes. xx

amaranth_04, she said since we split, she had blocked me out, coz it hurt to think bout me, but then this guy comes in to the equation who i know she had met already, and she told me they have had sex over 5 times???!??! 10 days after we break up? she says it is about moving on.... i guess people deal with stuf differently. i sucks rat_freak, as hard as it is to explian to you over the net, i know she loves me, but her principles arnt the same as mine i guess. i know what you say makes sense, implementing it is so hard... cheers buddy thanks for responding guys, this is the first time ive been to this site, definetly hangon to the address Luke

I need help. I have a very strange situation..... here we go. I was qith my girlfriend helen for 2 years, it was awesome. She was so considerate, fun, gorgeous, and we got on sooooo well. there were problems like any relationship in the form of past hurt and trust issues, but we were great for a year. Then in september 2003, she told me she had cheated on me several times dating back to just after we met. OUCH! the pain was horific, the same day she told me she was goin to newzealand for 6 months, starting in feb 2004. my world crumbled, but i loved her so much, she said she would never do it again. she said it was insecurities with herself. so we stayed together through to feb and she left me, and we were very happy. however, a month in to her being away, the mistrust starts, and i start acting like a fool. she hadnt cheated, but i was scared she had. so after a very honest conversation we decide to call it a day. i tried to convince myself it was the best thing but my inside felt twisted. It was 10 days before we talked again. she had heard i haad been signed of worked sufferin with depression and anxiety and she wanted to know if i was ok. then a new bombshell, she has been sleeping with a guy she met, not a relationship, just sex. i feel like my insides mhave been ripped out. i know she still loves me, we both know love isnt a problem. i dont know what to do, to wait for her? cut her off? when i heard about the other guy, i went out and got very drunk and ended up having sex with a girl i met at a bar, but felt sooooo much worse after. i NEED avice on hw to progress, i feel unable to function. i am seeing her in july as i have lots of her stuff while she is away. i know when i see her im gonna wanna grab her and never let her go any advice woulod be awesome. cheers peeps.......

Hey Johy, this is one of the most painful situations that can arise from being with someone you love sooooo much. However, it is so important, because it has let you know that you need to make a clean brake, its as simple as that. Im saying all this to help me to, i split with my girl of 2 years, an no sooner had we split, she has been sleepin with another guy... i was destroyed when i found out, yesterday, and i to feel very alone. but i cant let it take over me, and neither should you. Plow yourself in to your job or your interests, and the hope is the pain will fade... i hope you are ok and that you become stronger because of it. take care Luke