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dartanian lives

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  1. So I have read a couple threads I can relate too. You loved your ex and thought everything was wonderful, then one day she or she stops taking your calls and breaks it off. How did that happen? Why did he or she treat me like I don't exist after two years of a loving relationship? All the while you are trying to put guilt on yourself, but you realize you didn't do anything wrong. Well guess what, you didn't! I just wanted to share something that happen to me to see if helps anyone here: Two months I didn't hear from my ex after her dropping me with one phone call (before that she ignored me for two weeks and had some random guy spend the night as well). Anyhow, after that she spent the last two months guy shopping and getting on every guy she could (tramp). Anyhow, she finally settled on a guy and she is "happy" or so she says. Well during this entire time I'm at home wanting to be with her and being hurt, which is understandable for two years of a relationship. Then last night I decided that I need to stop neglecting my friends and go hang out with them ... what happens last night? I meet this girl I never knew who after everyone left asked if she could come back to my place! Guys, we spent the entire night in my bed watching movies and listening to music talking about our families and stuff (getting to know each other). She calls me this morning to wish me a happy easter and see if can go out sometime next weekend. Ok, think of all the opportunities you have lost suffering? Yes, it's proper to suffer and grieve --- ending a relationship is hard especially when the other person does a 180 on you and doesn't deal with it well. But I didn't think something like this could happen! In a single night my whole love life has turned around and it has given me hope about what is out there. But let me also stress something to you ... I am overweight, I am a "nerd" you could say, and I barely ever go to parties, etc. It can happy to anyone on the spectrum of attractiveness. I cracked a few jokes and then she wanted to hang out with me alone. So for you guys and even gals out there, so much stuff is going on. You are trying to make the world stand still then you are trying to make it turn the other way. Well the earth is still going to turn even if you try to stop it so just see what happens. Hopefully that helps someone because God knows I loved my ex and would have done anything for her, whatever she wanted or needed she had. Well, I dont need her ... I need someone who will love me and to sit around waiting for someone who isn't worth the trouble only decreases your chances of meeting someone who loves you. Take care.
  2. For the last two months I wanted to get back together with my ex-girlfriend, but not I finally have had to to let go. I've started going out and I have met two incredibly awesome girls who I want to get to know better. Well I got an email from my ex just to put me down (lame), but in her email it seemed like she thinks I am the worst person in the world. She almost had an attitude like, "I'm never returning to you because you beat me", which is insane. I talked to a mutual friend and apparently if someone brings me up she has started to play me up as this bad dude. I will tell you right now, I never laid a finger on the girl in anger, EVER! I never made her cry once during out relationship, all I did was love her, that's why its difficult to watch her leave because she can't even give me a reason for leaving ... she just up and left. Well she is on her 4th or 5th boyfriend since the break up and she been with numerous guys since and she tells me how happy she is. Well I don't really care at all, but this whole making me out to be some evil guy is killing me. She is telling this to girls who don't even know me and now I have a reputation. Why is she doing this when she is the one who LEFT ME! Someone, anyone?
  3. For anyone who is into aggressive music or hardcore music, this song definitely has helped me get through the last couple of months: Everything You Love by Love is Red Know what you once were And seeing what you've become As far as I'm concerned, your days are done Stop making excuses to justify your actions Accept your mistakes Rather that hiding from it all I hate the fact you've changed I hate you gave it up I hate the face that you've turned to everyting you're not Searching for acceptance Whatever it takes Selling everyone out Your life's a face I hate everything you love. check out: link removed --- they have an e-card where you can listen to the song.
  4. Has anyone had this "Just Dumped" syndrome where you fall for any girl who shows you some interest? I have been hanging out with more girls since I was dumped, and most of them flirt with me (or so I think!), but nothing really materializes. Through the grapevine all of them think I would be an awesome boyfriend, but most of them are in relationships anyways. Can anyone explain to me why this happens and how to get out of this cycle? There is one girl who seems to flirt with me all the time and talk about me with her friends, but when I am around her I get VERY QUIET. Anyone have some ideas on what to do for that? I guess the main issue is my ex --- I still am deeply in love with her, but she went from a complete sweet, beautiful girl to a complete attention whor*e and has gotten all over about 10 guys in span of a month since she dumped me (she really didnt give me any reasons, one day she was here the next day i never heard from her again). Ive posted about all of this a billion times, but nothing really has helped me alot (no offense to those who have tried to help me). Anyone anyone?
  5. if she is going to pull that stuff behind your back you need to set your foot down. honestly, do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't respect you, doesnt respect herself, and doesnt consider anyone else? i dated a girl like that for 2 years, and at the end she showed her true ugly side and im so glad she left. i mean i love her, and i would do anything for her but sometimes you gotta just let it go. some people have growing up to do, and some have no idea what being human is all about. let her fall, let her make poor decisions. if i were you just say "f*ck it" and walk away because she is only going to cause more trouble for you and your emotions. im sure some more mature and knowledgable people will respond, but that is my two cents for you.
  6. Im sure this has been said over and over and over on this thread. We have all been there, I am there right now. My gf of 2 years left to experience new guys. What you don't realize is this "you made her happy, she wasn't unhappy. what makes you think you cant make someone else happy? and what makes you think that other person wont be happy forever with you?" some people are just immature about life and havent figured out how good things are until they are gone. dude, just go start hanging out with cool girls. you will be with a cool girl in no time, making her feel great and you will feel great. its nothing to do with you.
  7. Well I have gotten to the point of not worrying too much about my ex-girlfriend anymore. I mean, I still think about her (somtimes I have panic attacks ... which is odd for me); but I have not been worried about her coming back. I haven't really talked about her unless she is brought up, and usually its mean laughing about silly things we did. I have actually been getting feedback on 2 girls who dig me, which makes me feel good. Unfortunately, I still have hope she will be back ... I'm just making any efforts to get her back (no contact, no pleading, no talking about her, nothing). I am wondering if tough love might make her realize what she has done since her life has taken a nose dive since we broke up: Terrible grades, become known as a "s l u t", Family problems, skipping school, spending more than she is making, not being able to make payments on her car, etc. Well here is the tough love. For anyone who is into music and the music scene they will understand this (since she left me for more scene guys). Well anyhow, I myself play in a local band. Well we have been writing a lot of our music (music which she likes) around what has happened --- all of my friends are upset with her and some of her friends are as well because she screws over her friends. Well the songs are EXTREMELY personal (divulging some of our secrets) that really talk about everything she loved to do, all of the things she SHOULD be missing, etc. I am wondering if you think we should leave it at rest or just continue with what we are writing? I mean some of the songs are almost how I wanted to get violent with her, etc. Just extremely emotional, but I dont know if this tough love sort of approach will draw her in or push her away. Hit me up.
  8. Just wondering if anyone could actually tell me a step by step on how to handle the ex here on out. I am not sure if I should abandon hope or not. She has told people she misses her old life, not citing me of course. Everyone can see that her getting around and being into fashion is her trying to replace me and she is miserable. She wont realize what I was to her (this is coming from her friends and mine). So should I just give her space and just heal as much as I can. Or should I try to stay around in her life so she doesnt forget me? I dont know what to do anymore. I love her, but at the same time she is the biggest coward ever. Anyone want to throw me a bone, everyone I have talked to says to leave. I on the other hand really would like to know if I can salvage anything from this.
  9. Does it sound like I am ready to be around my ex when she is with her new boyfriends? I have cut contact for a month, we recently had a small email conversation going, which I ended because she was just being vindictive and quite frankly, rude. I don't really have any desire to contact her right now. Also, last night I had a dream about her and everything was normal. We kissed, we hung out in her room, and we took a walk around the town (in my dream). When I woke up this morning and realized it was a dream I was fine. It actually made me happy in a strange way. Yes, I still love her and I want to be with her again, but as of right now I think I've cried myself stupid. I've also talked about the situation so much, that I don't want to talk about it. I think about her still everyday about couple hours out of my day, not constant. I have also begun to try and meet new girls (very difficult), which lets me know that I want to get out of this cycle. This weekend their is a concert (show) that she and her boy toys will be attending, every single one of them. I am unsure how I feel seeing her in some other guy's arms watching the show, but on the other hand I don't want to miss this show and not hang with my friends. It will be very difficult to avoid her since all of our friends are mutual. Does anyone think I am ready to take this event on? Give me some feedback. Thanks.
  10. I do dwell often about her, but I can't help it. Two years and I don't even get a goodbye, she just left. I have had minimal contact with her since, and she has turned into a s l u t. It's hard to let go when you can't even get a little closure, just some answers. She didn't even give a reason for leaving, not even to her friends. On the other hand you are right. I need to get out there and enjoy myself, I need to start meeting new people and working on myself. I was just hoping some people had ideas on where to start? I am not friends with too many women, and most of my guy friends are on the prowl as well. In all honesty, I am not looking for a perfect 10. I am attracted to women that aren't necessarily what most guys want (although I have my standards). So I am trying to figure out what I want in a girl, has anyone figured out a good method to compile what you want in a girl? I am confused sometimes when I try to figure that out. Does anyone have some advice on where to go after a break up. I think i am beginning to heal and her actions have proved to me that she doesn't love herself, so she cant love me. Anyone? Thanks.
  11. It's true ... I look at a girl who is skinny and I am like "HOT DAMN!" but in actuality, I don't think I would want to date them or end up with them. Somewhere inside of me I like "thicker" women as well. I mean, guys will be like "gross, you have terrible taste" etc, but it doesnt phase me. Tom is also right on the personality. About 10% of a relationship involves sex or foreplay adventures. The other 90% is your compatability and the mental attraction between the people. I mean don't feel too bad, if you want to try and lose weight do it for yourself, not anyone else. And trust me, just because you are heavy doesnt mean a guy wont get turned on when he sees you in the natural, it depends on the guy and your connection. Hit Tom Up ... he has the answers.
  12. I have been posting about my ex and wanting her back etc, but now I have thought about other opportunities. I mean, just because she left and has hooked up with numerous guys doesn't mean I should be alone or wait. She is very off and on whether she might want me back. If she doest then it wont be for a long time because she is "living life up" or whatever it is they call it. Well after the break up I went from able to talk to anyone, to shy and always sitting in a chair near the corner. What happened? Was my confidence because I knew I had a girlfriend or because I didn't feel the need to impress someone? This has become a major issue for me right now since I have lost a couple opportunities of friendships with some really cool girls. Does anyone have any tips on how to be more social after a break up? Everyone knows that I hurt and they know that my ex pulled some fast stuff on me in the end, but at the same time they aren't understanding why I am not open and why I am all of a sudden very shy. I really need some help on not caring what people think and getting my charisma back because all of the guys with charisma have been doing well in the field. I on the other hand am the "nice guy" who has "money" and a great house "for watching tv and relaxing". Sometimes I feel like an object, but then again what more could I expect? I usually help pay for dinners even for friends, and I always pay for the girls even if I am not going out with them (wrong? i thought i was just being considerate ... its not like they expect me to pay, most of them try to sneak money into my pockets, almost flirtacious). Should I try to meet new girls through my friends or is that a mistake? I've met some really cool girls lately, but man all of my imperfections have been revealed to them either by my shyness or my ex's vindictive nature (even though she dumped me). So what I am asking is, how do you meet new girls to fill the void while still grieving your loss?
  13. I myself am about 5 11 and 203 lbs (for anyone who doesnt know, that means a big gut and small man boobs). I have dated a girl for two years who was skinny, and now after dumping me has become even skinnier. She dumped me because of looks, but I also have been with a girl who is double my weight. The spectrum is endless, what you need to do is worry about turning a guy on as a friend. The greater the friendship, the better opportunity at a relationship. You have been given some obstacles (which shouldnt be, but because of status quo). I guess my point is, guys who are hott usually end up fat and bald. Guys who are heavy usually dont fawn over the hot girls, we are realistic and you have to be realistic as well. Take it slow and dont give up hope. There is someone who loves you out there, period.
  14. Ash, I really am not taking possession of what I have taught her or anything. Those comments were to show you how she felt about sexual things, and how things went with us in contrast to her new self where she will find a penis around any corner and have it in her mouth the next couple of minutes. Honestly, even she admits it, i didnt do anything to drive her away or hurt her. We talked once, but thats it. I am still up to my neck in a mess of feelings and not understanding her. Now i found out recently she used my name in order to get in some guy's pants. I was trying to paint a picture for you of how she used to be and show she is now. Love or infatuation? I have been thinking about this for so long. Do i even want her back? She isnt worth it, is she? I can have the same thing with another girl, cant I? I keep coming to the conclusion. Even after a month of stories of her hooking up with almost 10 different guys (that is one month after the break up) I still want her back. I hate watching her ruin her life, I hurt every time I hear her name and the bad things she has done. I start associating our relationship with many many signs. I miss her for who she is, not what she looks like, not that she was my first long relationship ... i miss her because she was my best friend, my lover, and honestly one of the best things to happen to me. Most guys by now would be like: she has torn me apart emotionally, physically, and now she is ruining my friendships with people --- forget her! Well as much as I get mad and curse her name. As much as I talk about how she has become so ugly, I still want to be with her. I still wish she was in my bed with me just watching a movie because of her imperfections, her attitude, herself. I dont know why, otherwise I would forge this in a second. I would be on the prowl for someone else, I would be out having fun and not thinking about things. But I miss her, more than anyone could imagine.
  15. Ive post quite a bit recently in hope of getting some answers. Most of the answers are mostly bits and pieces that I already had put into effect. Right now I am in a time period where things seem to be between Healing and her realizing her mistake ... here is a brief on what is happening, if anyone can decipher what this girl is doing let me know: After two years she broke up with me. She was hesitant; I forced her too. She was keeping me in the balance and very inconsiderate. Well after she left she started getting on every guy who would accept her. She has done everything with these guys EXCEPT sex. I have been her only sexual partner. Right now all of her friends and other individuals are upset with her. Her turning into a "w h o r e" has taken a toll on how people view her. She recently tried to steal a guy from her best friend (I dont know the extent of what happened), which has helped her to realize some different things. She claims that she wants her old life back, her old friends, and her good grades. Unfortunately she didn't mention me, but I took up neraly 80% of her old life, so I am curious if she just doesnt want me anymore or if she is ashamed to say she might still want me back? I dont know many people who have been in this situation, but I was hoping someone on the board might have some advice. As far as I know she is still keeping up with her new life of getting around with different guys (she didnt let me kiss her for 2 months, I even taught her how to kiss). So I dont know what has driven her to this stage in her life. Most people tell me I am her stability, and that she got rid of me during the hardest times in her life (doesnt make sense). Also --- another situation I am in is as important as, if not more important than my above question. According to her friend her last party moment (the one with her best friends man) had alot to do with ME. How can that be true? I have talked to numerous people saying they feel bad for me because of what happened, but I dont know what happened. I have been telling people I dont want to know, but people bring up how they feel bad for me and I have no idea what happened. Should I just find out what happened even if it is going to hurt me? It has been bugging me, and I don't know how much longer I can live not knowing how this has so much to do with me (we have been over for more than a month). Also, this guy she got with can NEVER HANG OUT WITH ME because of what happened. Granted, I dont know this guy at all, not even met him ... but not we can never be in the same room. The situation is pretty messed up, so I was hoping someone could give me advice on whether I should just have someone tell me what happened or if I should try to just forget it? Thanks everyone for your help, and hopefully it will continue to come.
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