benzonar

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love Oscar Wilde

Well its been 8 weeks now, and I really thought I was making progress, but today I realise I haven't moved on at all. My ex had her 12 week scan on Tuesday and is still refusing to speak to me about anything, including the baby. The no contact thing isn't really relevant I think, she is carrying my child and I want to be involved. She is being evil and I am starting to really resent her. I just don't understand why someone who is carrying my child can hate me for no discernible reason. It is so irrational and I'm at a real low point today. I've tried to justify her actions, but all I keep coming back to now is that she must be a head case. My mother thinks she will never see her grandchild and it is tearing me up. How can someone who was so sweet and whom I would have devoted my life to do a sudden 180 and turn into the bitch from hell. I give up I really do.

Well I'm in a situation where my ex is carrying my child, and for no discernible reason refuses to speak to me. She had her 12 week scan on Tuesday and I have heard nothing, as far as I dee things now she is being selfish. I genuinely think that my being involved would be in the childs best interests. Any bloke can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. I only hope I get the chance.

Some of you may be aware of my predicament. My ex broke up with me a week after she told me she was pregnant, no fathomable reason that I can think of and it obviously devastates me. I did the usual mistakes for the first three weeks and acted like a pathetic dog, which caused her to kick me harder when I was down. I have been threatened with never seeing my child etc, simply for telling her I loved her. I then decided not to contact her for three weeks. Last week her father phoned and said she didn't want to speak to me as she got too upset when she did. He asked me how I was doing and also asked if I had anything to say to her. I replied that we would talk when she was ready. He also told me that she is due to go for a scan next week and that she didn't want me there. I was gutted. So anyway in my mind I feel that as far as the two of us are concerned I have made some real progress getting my head around things. but it has been hard. To cut a long story short I want involvement in my childs life, which means I want to be at the scans. Hence I sent her a text, not sure if it was the right thing to do or not. I would appreciate your views on this. SMS was as follows. "Sorry for contacting you, its probably the last thing you need at the moment. I just wanted to say that I have moved on from being that pathetic twat I was 4 weeks ago. The last thing I want to do is argue and upset you in any way, what is done is done. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through, how could I. If you feel you can discuss things with me in the future without becoming too upset then I would appreciate that. Good luck with the scan next week. I will not be initiating contact with you again, but don't take that as me not caring. I thought you should know that the promotion you didn't want me to go for (we work in the same company) has come up and I am applying for it, not out of spite as you claim but because it is the right thing for me. Take care and I wish you all the best in the future." Thinking that maybe I shouldn't have hit the send button now on my cellphone.

I would say that if your ex has done this once it will be easier for her to break your heart again. Look on your last relationship as something that was good, but this does not mean you have to go back. Ex's have a habit of doing a complete 180 once you seem to have got your life together and moved on. But nostalgia is a feeling that is often viewed through rose tinted glasses. It sounds like you really like this new girl and I see every reason why you should give it a go, you haven't mentioned a valid reason why you shouldn't. Life is too short to live on "What if?" If you and your ex were genuinely meant to be together then you would be, and she wouldn't have hurt you. But at the end of the day it matters little what we say, as you have to go with what is in your heart and only you know that truly. Good luck.

Well with my situation I have found myself listening a lot to Coldplay and The Smiths. I prefer to listen to stuff I can identify with. Although I still think by far the best song regarding how we are feeling was written by The Beatles. For No One Your day breaks, your mind aches You find that all the words of kindness linger on When she no longer needs you She wakes up, she makes up She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry She no longer needs you And in her eyes you see nothing No sign of love behind the tears Cried for no one A love that should have lasted years! You want her, you need her And yet you don't believe her when she said her love is dead You think she needs you And in her eyes you see nothing No sign of love behind the tears Cried for no one A love that should have lasted years! You stay home, she goes out She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone She doesn't need him Your day breaks, your mind aches There will be time when all the things she said will fill your head You won't forget her And in her eyes you see nothing No sign of love behind the tears Cried for no one A love that should have lasted years!

Hoping&Praying NOt sure where you live but with regards to access and stuff I have found link removed excellent for advise and support[/url]

Well I still have no change in my situation, my ex is still pregnant and still wants nothing to do with me. I haven't contacted her for nearly three weeks now. Its so hard because of the baby, and it appears I'm damned if I do or damned if I don't. I went through the usual stuff of telling her that I loved her but like most on here this seemed to push her further away. I still hold on to the glimmer of hope that it is the shock of being pregnant and the hormones that are making her act like this towards me. I will give her space so that she can sort her head out and then she may be ready to discuss us at some point. I'm still worried that by me not contacting her she will view it as if I am not concerned about the baby. I want to move on and recover but feel that this is impossible because of the baby. Me and my ex will now be connected for the rest of our childs life, and she holds all the cards. I have written a song, which is more for me than for her. As I think if she heard it she would view it as manipulation. Thats the way her mind is working at the moment. Its link removed if you want to listen (broadband recommended.

Don't worry you haven't offended in any way. Your certainly not the first person to have said that. I am 100% certain the child is mine. I think some of her reaction could be down to the fact that this has been such a massive shock for her and she is very scared, this is coupled with the fact that she didn't necessarily see it as guarnteed that I would be staying near her. Hence she has pushed me away and put her barriers up to save any perceived future hurt. People can do strange things when under high levels of stress. Her hormones probably aren't helping matters either. Initially I did a lot of pushing which just caused her to pull away further. I truly think patience is the key thing here now, but I'm undecided whether I cut all contact. I think my strategy at the moment is if I do talk to her then I won't mention anything about the relationship and just discuss how she is doing and if the baby is OK. Its just I've never come accross a similar experience like this anywhere and I just have no idea how this will pan out. I will do anything for her, but I will not move away from where my child will be. At the moment she see's my refusal to move as being spiteful towards her.

Well I thought I'd introduce myself. I'm destined to be a single dad it seems and believe that knowing my rights early on can stand me in good stead for the future. My Story Four weeks ago I received a text message from my then g/f out of the blue. "Hi Daddy, we need a serious talk". Thats how I was informed she was pregnant. She came round the next night to "discuss" it all, but instead she didn't mention it and fell asleep on the sofa. The next morning she was somewhat distant with me and gave the distinct impression that she needed some space. I told her I loved her and that I would be there to support her in whatever she chose to do, but that I would like her to keep the baby. On the Monday I asked to meet her the next day for lunch, she said she couldn't as she was going to the docs, didn't want me to go but said she would tell me how she got on. Next day I didn't hear a word from her. Asked her to come round on Weds night she said "No ta, I'm out with my friends" Thursday I called her, she said she couldn't talk. Friday she agreed to meet me after work. She then basically split up with me accusing me of letting her down and not being there for her. In the last three weeks I have had nothing but vitriolic abuse from her, threats of violence and asking me to move from the town. She has stated several times that she doesn't want me to have any involvement with the baby at all. She has decided to keep it. She has accused me of being manipulative, immature, pathetic etc. Before all this we seemed to be the perfect couple and never once argued. Two weeks before she found out she was pregnant she had asked me about moving in together, now she claims that she was going to split with me before she found out. This gorgeous woman who I love more than anything in the world has now turned into a screaming banshee. The thought that I will have no involvement with my child fills me with complete dread, and I am helpless over the whole thing. She has asked me not to contact her for two weeks which I have complied with, but I'm not sure whether to take control of the situation and extend this period. With the fact that a child is involved seems to blur the usual lines. Help!!